Funny Things My Kid Aged 4 and 2 Months, Says


Kids can say the funniest things, and let me tell you, my own son, Xander who is now 4 and 2 months, basically needs his own show.  ‘Get that kid an agent, darling’ as my good friend, the great actress Harriet Thorpe always says.

He’s a born performer, no doubt.

Think mini Ricky Gervais meets mini David Walliams with the looks of baby Orlando Bloom who many tell me he resembles  (despite the weirdness of that very exact thought). The world is his stage though. He literally cries when the camera’s not on him. Want proof, see below.

kid crying

I often wonder if I’ve created a monster being a blogger and vlogger but I was exactly the same as a child, from early as toddlerhood, up. I even put on a play for my neighbours, posting invites through their doors, much to the surprise of my mother when the whole street turned up!

My very own party trick was Maggie Thatcher impressions at 4. Really.

Xander really is my own little comedy hero, he cracks me up daily with his funny observations, quirky questions and cheeky expressions. He seems to be able to read sarcasm which startles me and can suss even the most perplexing adults out in minutes. His brother Oliver is the same, it’s quite the gift. They can both, frustratingly, read me. There’s no tricking those two!

Xander honestly lights up every room he’s in and I’m never happier than when he and his older brother, 6 make me laugh in their comedy duo Ant & Dec kind of way.

This post is dedicated to Xander though.

Oliver is the more serious of the two (the Ronnie Barker to his Ronnie Corbett) and turning 7 in January means he’s becoming more self-aware and guarded. In fact, he told just the other day, I was embarrassing him when during a low key booty shake by the fruit aisle to Justin Bieber. Recollecting that memory in print is actually making me cringe so I can’t blame the kid.

I’m quite possibly and worryingly, turning into my Dad who used to embarrass my brother and I incessantly as kids.

I promised myself it would never happen but fear it might be too late.

Anyway, that’s for another post. For now, here are some lols (hate that term but onwards) that Xander has imparted recently.


When I asked Alexander what we needed from the supermarket, without hesitation he announced, ‘Champagne, Mummy, champagne’. Can’t argue with that, kid!

Watching Arsenal v West Ham with my Dad the other day, Grandad was explaining to Xander that he supports the reds: Arsenal. Confused as both teams were in red he declared, ‘Yes, look how beautiful he is with the ponytail’, pointing at Andy Caroll on screen.

On pouring lashings of milk onto his cereal, he looked up in disbelief at the memory, ‘Are you sure milk comes from cows’ boobies, Mummy?’

‘Writing’ Christmas cards for his nursery pals earlier today, I encouraged him to include a kiss on each card, to which he promptly and literally kissed them all. This might be the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.

Before I tuck him into bed at night we talk about the day that’s passed and pick out a few positives to remember pre-slumber. ‘What did you like doing with Mummy today, Xander?’. ‘Baking the chocolate biscuits but the best bit was eating them all’. Always, is my boy!

Moments later, ‘Who is your best friend, Xander?’, ‘Oliver is, because we build Lego and play on the swings. He’s my best friend even when he’s mean to me and hits me on the head’.

Looking at photos of himself taken with me he beams with pride. ‘I look great Mummy’. I love his confidence. He absolutely does look great my darling boy. His words suddenly sadden me that with age we tend to become so self-critical and even self-loathing, focusing on all we dislike about ourselves.

My children endlessly remind me to always seek out the good.

Argh. My sweet child, please be a little Peter Pan forever and never grow up. As with every age, this is my most favourite x


Thanks to fab blogger Susan K Mann for the inspiration behind starting my own Funny Things My Kid Says series years ago.

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Funny Things My Kid Aged 4 and 2 Months, Says

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