four in the bed

If you’ve found my blog through some explicit adult only Google search (!) let me start by pointing out that, sorry, it’s not that kind of post.

Today is about my kids sleeping in my bed-both kids, a fair few times a week.

We call it ‘Musical Beds’ here, are you familiar with this ‘game’?

I don’t know, maybe it’s down to the relaxed summer days or too laxe parenting on our part, or perhaps my kids are simply built like I was as child (*whispers-I shared my folks’ bed until I was 7 with poor Dad being booted into the spare room)…Whatever it is, thank goodness for our queen size bed, is all I can say.

Both boys have a double bed in each of their rooms at their request yet they still seem to prefer us all huddled together rather than one parent in each if they wake up having nightmares or just you know decide 3 am is the normal time to rise.

The youngest won’t let the eldest sleep with him either, something I know has worked for friends. So there we are, in the middle of the night, little sardines (apart from Peter who is 6’3 and a rather tall sardine) squashed together with no room to stretch.

…I breastfed both boys which meant falling asleep most/make that every night with each cuddled and close and you know what, it must undoubtedly be the sweetest way to nod off (breastfed or not), to feel that nurturing warmth of your Mama, all womb-like and cozy.

I’m not getting into a debate about co-sleeping, just do what feels right for you and keeps your kids physically safe, I personally believe in the power of a mother’s instinct and culturally many sleep with their kids as the norm, and that was what we did.

And yes most nights, both boys sleep solo for the majority of the night, but there are at least 2 nights a week where there’s 4 in the bed as my little sleepwalkers find their way in to Hotel Mum and Dad.

And this morning after another disrupted night, I realised something. That although sharing your bed with little ones be uncomfortable and annoying, legs and arms everywhere, pillows stolen and usually on the floor, I do rather love it- because it won’t last forever.

My kids are growing up at a crazy speed and while it’s exciting to seem them flourish (and scary too as they turn into teenagers before my eyes with door slamming and meltdowns from my 5 going on 15 year old) it is also rather bitter sweet.

Alexander turns 3 on Sunday, Oliver will be 6 in January and if these nights of sleep raiding and midnight cuddles cease, I know I’d mourn them.

Sometimes, even the most frustrating times of parenthood can be the most tender.

And then other times, you’re just tired. Really tired.

What say you?

You’re still laughing about me sleeping with my Mum aged 7 aren’t you?!

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25 Responses

  1. Callie Murphy

    I co-slept with my parents, my children co-slept with me . Our 2 years old sleeps primarily in his own crib in our bedroom. He always starts the night in his bed and generally finishes there. But we love it always. I think it makes a bond that is like no other.

  2. Sarah

    I loved you before this post but even more so now! I also have 2 boys and they sleep with us every night. I’m already mourning the day when they stop.

  3. Arthurwears

    Love this. At 8 months Arthur ends up in our bed most (every) night. It’s great to read about others who do the same and make it work without bowing to the pressure from the opinion of others. It won’t last forever. My only worry is when I’m pregnant again – was this a problem for you?

    • Honest Mum

      Yes don’t let it stress you, my 5 year old is often in our bed and it really is Musical Beds here. I did sleep in the spare room a fair bit when I was pregnant and funnily enough as a single child Oliver did sleep better, these two tend to wake one another up x

  4. Suz

    As always a great read! Its ggetting harder and harder for us to take Elliott back to bed and just let him cuddle in with us for a bit but i know that if we dont we will have years and years of feet in the face! Such lovely photographs too! Suz x

    • honestmum

      Thanks Suz, it can be hard especially when we are all so tired, we are just grateful for teh sleep when we can get it and they won’t be sleeping with us at 21 will they (will they?)! Hahah x

  5. Rachel In Real Life

    I remember recently realising that my 5 year old had spent the entire night in his own bed for three or four nights in a row and I felt rather bereft! When he comes in it’s always me that he wants to snuggle up to and actually I find it quite comforting myself. As you say, it won’t last forever. x

  6. Mummy Fever

    1 of our 4 is always in our bed. Everyone always says “poor you” but it won’t last forever and so i am making the most of the cuddles #brilliantblogposts

  7. Baby daycare

    We never realize how fast time flies and suddenly our kids have grown and turned into to adult. For that reason I let my children sharing bedroom every weekend with us.

  8. Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely

    Awww, it’s a rare night when we don’t have one or both boys in with us at some point. For sure, I’m short on sleep but I wouldn’t change it. My favourite nights are the ones where they’ve sneaked in to our bed before we get in it and I get to see their chubby faces and little feet all snuggled up.

    • honestmum

      Now that is seriously cute, I love our attitude, I see so many parents so stressed out and I wanted to free them from worry, that this is normal, common and pretty wonderful x

  9. Mary Louise

    not laughing at all….
    I slept in my Mums bed until I was about 12!!! I had 3 big sisters and finally got around to having my own room when the eldest got married.
    My Daughter always comes into our bed and although she is so uncomfortable to sleep with (we have a super king) I love feeling her little breath squashed up against my face!
    It’s the best feeling having her close to me – your lucky to have two , one either side!!! Xx

  10. Alexandra @imeverymum

    aww Vicki, I so identify with this post. I’ve just been chatting with the hubby the last couple of weeks about getting a King Size or SuperKing (our room has the space and we have four children). Judah is terrified in the night and always comes in our bed, and kicks us both in the back throughout the night haha. I’ve decided to give in because he won’t be scared forever and I’d rather know he’s comfortable and happy whether that makes others think I’m a wuss or what, I don’t care. We’ll just buy that bigger bed, and try and make his room more his style with funky night lights so when he’s ready he can go back in there. This post makes me feel better. We put him in his own room but without fail he appears sometime between 3 and 5am. Thanks for sharing this lovely x

    • honestmum

      Oh hun definitely agree with you there, it’s our job to comfort them and make them feel safe, get the Queen size for sure, and we often bed hop into their rooms too. I was exactly the same as a child so can’t expect them to be any different. This is such a precious time isn’t it xx

  11. Jess Paterson

    I think it’s cute you slept with your mum till you were 7 – it’s obviously given you a strong sense of security and confidence which is a great gift for any child. We are often 5 in the bed at the moment, due to the holidays where we all had to cram in the only air-conditioned bedroom. I used to always put them back to bed but now I’m clinging on to those cuddles. Helps with our new bigger bed, obvs. Lovely post hon. xx

    • honestmum

      Thanks darling, what sweet words, I do think it helped me feel safe somehow. This will make you laugh, on my wedding night aged 23 I said to my new husband, ‘Now we’re married, does this mean I can’t still sleep with my Mum’! Bahaha! x

  12. Mama and More aka Zaz

    I couldn’t agree more Vicki! Louis occasionally comes into our bed at silly o clock (that’s 6am in my world!) and sometimes H grumbles at being kicked constantly, but these precious cuddles and shared space moments won’t last, and personally I am lapping it up while I can!

  13. Potty Mouthed Mummy

    On the whole, H sleeps ok in his own room but at least one night a week he will end up with us. Some have criticised us and told us to nip it in the bud (starting from when he was a bub) but you know – you’re spot on, it doesn’t last forever. I love the little cosy hugs and actually quite adore the sound of his little feet padding down the hall to our room xx

    • honestmum

      So sweet really isn’t it-I hate how everyone becomes a back-seat parent with unsolicited advice, most people are doing what we are whether they admit it or not x


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