mother and son
My son and I-I’m a mother- not perfect, just me.

If there wasn’t enough anxiety-filled pressure when you’re pregnant (big bump, little bump, too much weight, not enough) once you pop that baby out or have him airlifted as I did twice, first an emergency, second an elective (the latter a whole other set of pressures, of which I ignored wholeheartedly) you are quickly, at least with first baby anointed with parenting pressures.

Literally from the minute you’re out the hospital door, barely able to walk, dazed and confused, babe in arms…to breastfeed, not to breastfeed, where baby sleeps, does it even sleep enough, working mum, stay at home mum….. Argh! Enough already.

I read an interesting post yesterday by brilliant blogger and friend Metropolitan Mum Balcony Moments. Or: Please Keep that Guilt to Yourself who appealed for Mums to get honest with each other. I’ve said this since my first child-why are we putting so much pressure on ourselves and each other? Why aren’t we a little kinder?

Metropolitan Mum questions why in the midst of ‘balcony moments’ (essentially wanting to throw yourself off one when it all gets too much usually in the middle of the night when we’ve tried everything) other women remark how lucky we are to have kids, even at desperate, heart-wrenchingly hard times.

Yes we are lucky to have reproduced, yes having kids is the most rewarding (but challenging) life event and I’ve never felt love like it (I’m besotted with those boys) and there are many, many moments of pure bliss (like my baby singing himself to sleep) and my 4 year old telling me he loves me more than Buzz Lightyear (high five) but a lot of the time is draining, tiring, relentless and often filled with guilt inadequacy and overwhelming responsibility.

Yes it’s worth it (because when it’s great, it’s amazing) but sometimes, sometimes it doesn’t feel it. Like when your baby has colic and has cried for 6 hours straight or you’ve not slept for 4 months or 4 years in some cases.

In the depths of this sleep deprived mess that is often motherhood perhaps we simply can’t admit how hard it is because we’re trying to survive day by day and pretending all is fine somehow makes it a little bit more bearable. “It IS wonderful this baby lark isn’t it-who needs to sleep or rest or feel normal, right?”…

Maybe if we got real more, opened our minds, stopped competing and started supporting more (me included) maybe those in despair (all of us) would feel better…I was sick of hearing about babies sleeping through from day 1 from competitive new mum friends when I had my first child Oliver, what’s happened to feminism and the sisterhood?

I’ve found support from my folks (who are my childcare lifeline) and husband and being online has helped a lot too, thank goodness for twitter and other bloggers.

Additionally more of my oldest friends have had kids so there is far less pretending/showing off and what a relief that is too!

Having a second child was a real game changer for me too. I had a great birth then (traumatic first birth didn’t help) and was confident and content.

It’s not the same for everyone though.

And is the media simply perpetuating these pressures?…

zoe buckman

Zoe Buckman (©The Glow)

The Times featured new site/blog The Glow brainchild (excuse the pun) of fashion experts Violet Gaynor and Kelly Stuart who met at Elle.com…for mothers, fashionistas, admirers of stunning soft focus mother and baby in Manhattan apartment style shots, affluent mothers of pristine babies in every post..and it’s a beauty to behold. Really. But it’s not a reality.

If only life were like this. Every. Single. Day. With the budget of the mothers featured to boot. Personal chefs, round the clock nannies, assistants…oh yes, I’m sure this would make a huge difference.

I say all this as a woman who enjoys looking glamorous, who uses red lipstick and faux fur leopard print coats as an armour (to feel good and fight the signs of little sleep) and who enjoys style and beauty.

It doesn’t mean mothers shouldn’t look after themselves or stop looking stylish if they want (on the days they feel good about themselves any least). It shouldn’t be compulsory though nor competitive at the school gates yet it often feels that way.

Back to The Glow, I get it, it’s an escape, an aspirational place to visit, how motherhood is in your mind before you actually have kids (and if you’ve married David Schwimmer like Zoe Buckman featured)-the fairytale and we all need escapism in our lives.

All I’m asking is however many aspirational mother-loving ideals we subscribe to, that we’re honest with one another and maybe then perhaps we’ll start feeling better about ourselves and what it means to be a mother today, juggling everything we do and trying our best. Simply trying our very best. Despite it all.

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65 Responses

  1. Morgan Prince

    What a great post. I totally agree that there should be a lot less pressure on us all but I wonder if we’re part of it. We put some of the pressure on ourselves after seeing these blogs, websites, fashion magazines. We wonder why we can’t achieve perfection and imagine that we’re doing something wrong. We all need to realise that none of it is ‘real’, especially in those magazines, everyone struggles at some point and no one can get everything right. Yes we should all be honest with each other, talking about those awful days when we feel like pulling our hair out make it real. They allow us all to see that we’re all the same, and different. #AllAboutYou
    Morgan Prince recently posted…A Long Day AheadMy Profile

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  2. Babes about Town

    Spot on, babe and those of us who do keep it real in the field are definitely standing up for the motherhood. Great post x (sorry I had a much longer comment but just lost it and can’t remember what I was saying… keeping it real haha)!
    Babes about Town recently posted…A Birthday Wish #EndFGMMy Profile

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  3. Angie

    What a great post! It is so true, we need to stop feeling inadequate and seriously we need to support each other more and judge less. I think one of the faults in women is that often to justify our own choices we put down the choices of others, but it doesn’t need to be like this. We need to be more understanding, but above all we need to be understanding of our own situation.

    The media is trying to sell us an image of perfect mother hood just like they are trying to sell us everything, but I would rather have my sticky floors, stained tops and fingerprint smudged doors than a fake and “perfect” life.
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  4. Katy Acquaye-Tonge

    What a brilliant and poignant post! Thank you so much for sharing this, I think the feedback you’ve had already testifies to the significance of sharing honest experiences without the fear of being judged. It is wonderful to spread the good news of parenting truths on #AllAboutYou!
    Katy Acquaye-Tonge recently posted…That feeling …My Profile

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    • honestmum

      @Katy thanks so much, I agree we really need to get more honest, I know it’s not always easy but knowing we are not alone is so reassuring! Thanks for your lovely comment.

      Reply
  5. Jenny

    Fantastic post!!! I couldn’t agree with you more. It is so hard to satisfy everyone, do what society thinks we should be doing, and doing what we think we should be doing for our children. I can’t tell you how many of these things you listed I have had people judging me for and commenting. We are all different, our children are all different and that’s what makes the world so unique and wonderful. IF we were all cookie cutters and copycats how boring would that be. I hate the judge-y eyes and the your JUST a stay at home comments, or what do you do all day, I read a fantastic post from WryMummy about this yesterday. it seems I am not the only one. I love your post, just love it. WELL SAID!
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  6. Alison Perry

    YES VICKI! You are SO spot on. And actually, spookily, I wrote a post today about how so many more mums are now being honest – and I interviewed the fab Clemmie Hooper about her blog post that went viral. Take a look: http://www.themotherhooduk.com/2014/02/being-honest-about-motherhood-its-so-on.html
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    • honestmum

      @Alison Perry thanks for your comment and that is spooky, your interview with Clemmie is fab, the more we all get honest with one another, the better we will all feel!

      Reply
  7. Katie / Pouting In Heels

    Through migraine eyes, all I can say is ‘bravo, bravo, BRAVO’ my darling!

    One of the best posts you’ve ever written in my humble opinion. Like you – and everyone – that has commented on here, i cannot stand the pressure women put on each other and themselves, nor the competitive streak that so many seem to have.

    The truth is that parenthood/ motherhood is amazing but also bloody hard too!

    None of us are perfect but yet therein lies the beauty and wonder of it all. Imperfection IS perfection in my eyes. Here’s to more women being honest with each other and themselves.

    xxx

    P.S Just wanted to add, that as one of my treasured Twitter / blogger friends, you and so many other amazing women have been such a support to me whenever i’ve needed a friendly ear in regards to pregnancy and motherhood. It makes me feel so proud to be part of a sisterhood that is loving, supportive and non judgemental. Thank you darling x

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Katie/ Pouting in Heels thanks sweetpea, I feel the same way about you. All about the sisterhood and being honest with one another, that’s where I feel the most support. You are always so transparent, kind and giving Katie, a real inspiration xx

      Reply
  8. Michelle @ Bod for tea

    Having struggled with Motherhood first time around and reliving it recently with a view to documenting what really happened I can totally relate to this post. Of course I’m SO grateful for having both my children, especially after everything we went through to have them, but that doesn’t mean that the pressure to fulfil some fairytale image of parenthood doesn’t exist. I agree with you that being honest about how difficult parenting can be is vital in a time when many women don’t have the support networks that can bolster their confidence and let them know that perfection and Motherhood are the oil and water that many of us know them to be. Great post, thank you for starting this debate.
    Michelle @ Bod for tea recently posted…Our first birth story – part twoMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      @Michelle thank you for the post, I too foundn first time motherhood tough, I was trying to heal after a traumatic birth and felt lonely and alone. Yes like you I feel grateful but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard. You are one amazing lady, thanks for your comment x

      Reply
  9. Susan Mann

    Being a mum is great, but there are so many pressures on us. I have been having a real hard time trying to cope.
    Susan Mann recently posted…The Gallery 175 – FoodMy Profile

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  10. Mel

    Great, honest post Vicki. It is true we tend to put too much pressure on ourselves and it is definitely true that having children, no matter how amazing they are, is hard. A lot of the blogs I have been reading have dealt in some way with the difficulties of parenthood, but sometimes, only the highlights and great moments spent with children are featured out there and it can make you feel like you are not a good enough mum as you are not doing half of what other mothers seem to be achieving in a day with their wonderful offspring. Needless to say, the little prodigies slept through the night from day three, breastfed until they were three, started reading at four and can already play the violin at just under five whilst eating everything that is offered to them… Thanks for being a real mum addressing other real mums! x Mel

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mel thanks so much for your comment, really appreciate it and made chuckle. Seriously though I think the more honest we are (and that includes celebrating our kids too so the good with the BAD), the better we will all feel. No one wants to feel alone in the craziness that can often be motherhood! I must say though I like to keep positive on my blog too and I enjoy sites for escapism and pretty pictures as much as the next person, my blog is my happy place but I like to get real too x

      Reply
  11. MostlyYummy

    Great post and I’ve loved reading the comments both here and over on Twitter. I can’t help but think that these pressures only exist if you let them though. We all know that there’s no such thing as a perfect parent, we’re all just muddling along doing the very best that we can. I don’t think it’s a case of being kinder to each other (although that’s never a bad thing of course!) but it’s actually about being kind to yourself and not allowing these pressures in! I honestly couldn’t give a fig about what people think of me or my parenting 🙂

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @MostlyYummy thanks for your fab comment, you’re right that we shouldn’t care but for me especially with my first, I felt lost and vulnerable especially at the start and I needed that honesty, that sisterly advice. I found it online mostly as my friend’s hadn’t had kids (I was the first from my group of girlfriends) and it helped hugely.

      Totally different with my second, felt more confident from the word go!
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  12. Ebabee

    Agree with every word. There is no such thing as perfect parenting (Gwynnie may disagree but that’s my opinion!! 🙂
    Having kids is not a competition. It’s ironic that on the one hand motherhood teaches you to be more giving and selfless yet on the other hand we don’t naturally extend this behaviour to other mothers who may need it.
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    • honestmum

      Thanks @Ebabee wise words, I do hope mother’s are easier on themselves and kinder to one another!
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  13. Notmyyearoff

    The pressures for me came from real life people constantly giving advice or asking if I was worried that z looked “too small, skinny, tired blah blah” etc. being a first time mum is perplexing as it is and the steepest learning curve ever ever. I think I’d be a million times more confident with a second and possibly tell the parenting police to sod off 🙂
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    • honestmum

      @Notmyyearoff it really is a steep learning curve isn’t it. I was definitely more confident and more content when Alexander came along. A non traumatic birth helped and just knowing so much more and importantly not depending so much on health professionals or family to advise me.
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  14. Luci - Mother.Wife.Me

    Interesting – as always Mrs.

    I have to say, there’s not one blogger I could think of who has ever made me feel bad about my parenting or who has made me feel less of a mother. In fact it’s bloggers like you, who’ve I’ve connected with, who’ve helped give me a really rounded view of what parenting and motherhood is all about, that’s the brilliance of our community.

    I’ve been pretty lucky in the real world as well, there’s the odd curve ball, but as far as real friends go, there’s not been any competitive parenting, we are all pretty open about our successes and failures.

    As for blogs that portray an unrealistic view of parenthood, I guess the way I consume them is the same way I consume glossy fashion and lifestyle magazines – not that I do much of that these days, too busy reading blogs; I take inspiration from them on a two-dimensional front – i.e. style ideas, design concepts, but the rest of it I take with a pinch of salt. No-one’s life – not even if you marry Ross from Friends – is perfect.

    That’s not to say that women who run or feature in these blogs must actually be miserable and it’s all a lie, but just that we all have our ups and our downs, and simply looking at a snapshot of a moment of perfection, often in the case of these blogs, a moment of perfection that has been carefully orchestrated for the purposes of the blog, isn’t really a window into their whole world, it is what it is, just a snapshot, a fleeting moment.

    Live and let live to all bloggers, however they want to blog, the rules are there ain’t no rules (to steal a line from Grease)
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    • honestmum

      Hi Luci you are totally right and I love to consume these kinds of sites like Vogue or the like, too-pure escapism.

      Like you say, it’s all bloggers have the right to post about what they want and how…I suppose it’s the honesty I was getting at, that truthfulness I craved when I had my first baby, that parenting can be so very tough at times.

      I often feel like we are denouncing motherhood if we admit this. Some people expect us having chosen to have babies to never complain. Thanks for being a supportive blogger and friend too and thanks for your brilliant comment.
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  15. RJ Lavallee

    As a stay-at-home dad the pressures are parallel: different, yet oddly parallel. Now that my youngest is 11 I can look back at how ridiculous many of my worries and concerns were, particularly around my own self-worth of why I wasn’t the bread-winner of the house. Bottom line, if you worry about how badly you may potentially screw up your kids, and how others are going to perceive your efforts, parenting is at best a nightmare. If you relax, stop judging yourself, and look upon the magic that is your kids, doing your best to understand who THEY are, and doing your best to smooth the path that THEY want to follow, not the one you want them to follow, then parenting becomes easier. Not easy, just easier.

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Great advice @RJ Lavallee and in retrospect with my first I wish I’d had more confidence. A traumatic birth did not help and I felt lost and lonely. My second baby was a different story and it was having family close by which made the biggest difference and having been there before.

      My husband often says (truthfully) that his dream would be to be a stay-at home Dad. Who knows, maybe one day. Thanks again for your comment.
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      • RJ Lavallee

        I fear the lost and lonely part is pretty common after the first child, even without having a traumatic birth. And as all of these mums can attest, the stay-at-home part isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be (like to your comments on The Glow).

        While it’s easy to say and harder to do, parents (and unfortunately mostly mums), need to be a lot less hard on themselves. Most are doing the best they know how when in the moment.

      • honestmum

        @RJ Lavallee very true, thanks for your comment, I wholeheartedly agree we need to harder on ourselves (and each other).

  16. Thelifeofwife

    Great post! Being a mum is wonderful, but it is hard work, with long hours and no pay! With a job like that we’ve no time to listen to people who have no clue telling us how it should be done!
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    • honestmum

      @Thelifeofwife haha very true, go with your gut and listen to yourself!
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  17. Suddenly Mummy (@suddenly_mummy)

    As a single mum and foster carer who became a parent by adoption at 39, I must just say that you are incredibly lucky to have kids, however hard it feels (and I know how hard it is!). It’s not a trite comment – having kids isn’t a right, and it’s actually an impossibility for so many who must live with that grief of childlessness.

    Having said that, you are so right that all our lives would be made easier without the competitiveness, not to mention the reams of advice from so-called professionals suggesting that there is a perfect way to achieve everything and if it’s not happening for you then you must be doing it wrong!

    Talk about pressure – I deliberately chose to become a single mum with no family living in the same country as me. I chose to adopt a child with a troubled background. I choose to foster babies for goodness sake! And there’s always the feeling that if I say anything that sounds like a complaint, people will be thinking ‘well you chose this – you got what you asked for’.

    Oh, and for me, it’s Pinterest that builds up the guilt the most. All those blogs of yummy mummies who not only have time to create and actually do fabulous craft activities with their offspring, but then actually have the energy to blog about it at the end of the day when the rest of us are collapsed on the sofa with a massive bar of chocolate reviewing everything that went wrong that day!!

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Suddenly Mummy thanks so much for your comment and you are right that I am lucky to have kids but like you said it doesn’t mean it’s easy. So called experts are not always helpful and the myriad opinions on how to raise kids is exhausting. We have to do what’s right for us. I personally love Pinterest (inspires me and I’m a sucker for all the food and passion) and as my blog is also my job, I find time to write to put bread on the table. Thanks again for commenting.
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  18. Colette

    Totally agree. We are all guilty of it. Shaking your head in empathy with the Mum who’s child never sleeps whilst telling them “oh I am so lucky with my two” and forgetting to add the other battles that would perhaps make that person feel 100% better about their role as a parent. Lets all start being a lot more honest!

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Colette so true and a lot of it is just being honest that our kids actually sleep but @zaz is right, we need to think carefully about our audience and empathise more. Here’s to greater honesty and support x
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  19. MrsShilts

    Great post! I have found being back at work following my maternity leave incredibly hard. I hate Monday-Thursday as that’s the days I’m up from 6am and fall into bed at 11pm after putting my Son to bed, doing the household chores, remembering the life admin and managing a quick bath to make sure my hair looks half decent even if my face doesn’t! I don’t want a medal, I don’t want sympathy I just want other people to recognise the fact that being a mum is hard work and juggling the life / work / being with your baby balance is tough and that the offer of a friendly cuppa and an honest chat would make the world of difference.
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    • honestmum

      @Mrs Shilts thanks for this and yes it is so tough balancing everything, it’s hard work every single day. I agree, an honest chat and a cuppa (can we have Corrie in the background too?) makes a huge difference.
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  20. Metropolitan Mum

    They’ve called the website The Glow?! Hahahahahaha. Yes, because we are all glowing so much. Love it. This really cheered me up.
    Thanks for the mention 🙂 xx
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    • honestmum

      @Metropolitan Mum Pleasure, loved your post. What you’re not glowing 24/7? Bahaha!
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  21. Mandi112

    Needless to say, I agree with all you say. Meanwhile, I feel that part of the problem is the sanctification of motherhood that we are all made we have to live up to. You may be familiar with the Greek phrase “Mama einai mono mia” (there’s only one mother) which, while literally accurate, seems to put massive pressure on mothers and completely disregard the important role that fathers can and often want to play.
    Yes, I’m a mother. I love my son (now a gangling 17 year old) so much it hurts. I would walk through fire for him, and I have always tried my best for him.
    BUT
    I’m human, I have made mistakes and will make many more. And whilst we’re at it, Kiddo’s father also loves him, would wlak through fire for him, etc. etc. etc.

    And as if for the pressure to be a perfect mum wasn’t enough, we’re expected to be “yummy” and flat-bellied within a month or two of our little darlings popping out.

    I could rant on and on and on, but I’m probably preaching to the converted anyway!

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mandi thank you, you are so, SO right. Sometimes I feel like I have to hand in my womanhood if I’m admitting how tough parenting can be. As for all the other pressures, expectations on women regarding their weight is ridiculous. I felt sick reading the response to Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge’s presentation of Baby George to the press and public. She looked amazing. I hope these pressures stop or we all become stronger in dealing with them. Thanks again for your fab comment.
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  22. Mama and More aka Zaz

    Competitiveness between women, especially mothers is so cruel and heart-rending – you don’t see men doing this to each other do you? They compete with each other in different ways, but when women do they get right in and needle just where it hurts most. It can be hard to talk about your kids without sounding boastful, but I think you have to choose your words and consider your audience and what they’re going through. When we women are supportive, we build incredible energy, and we need all of this we can get! As a friend told me – we are trying to do alone what an entire village should be doing. Great great post Vicki, let’s celebrate and support each other and be honest about how hard it can be as well as revelling in the joys. And yes, use whatever armour, lippie, leopard print you need to make you feel better about how tough it can be! Xx
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    • honestmum

      @Zaz totally agree Zaz and we must feel free to celebrate our kids you are right but like you say, to assess the mood, audience and what they are going through too. It’s hard though and we’re not perfect but your friend is utterly right-we are trying to do what a village is! Back in the day, neighbours, family, extended family helped a lot more making life easier. I feel very lucky to have so much support now we live in Leeds. Thanks again for your wonderful comment x
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  23. Katie

    Lol it sounds intriguingly horrendous but i guess that’s the point!

    Totally agree with you on all accounts (as i think you knew i would) – fab post! xxx
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    • honestmum

      @Katie thanks lady, let’s hope others start getting more honest with one another!
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  24. mascara and mud

    it’s just all too much at times! you’ve got to have the perfect baby, perfect house, perfect fashion sense, be on top of everything…and then be a sex goddess at the end of the day! it’s taken me a while but i think i’m finally at the ‘not giving a damn’ phase! great post, love!
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    • honestmum

      @Mascara and Mud you know I feel the same, but I didn’t with my first and I hope this post might encourage other first time mothers to strike up the courage to be honest.
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  25. MummyTries

    Fabulous post! Perfect parenting is a fallacy – unless of course you have full time nannies, personal chefs and round the clock stylists… as you’ve rightly said it is not reality for 99% of us.

    More honesty is definitely needed, especially between the mums and non-mums. As rewarding as family life can be, when you (& your child) haven’t slept in four years it is also a daily battlefield. We’re all just muddling through as best we can.

    Believe me when I’m wearing big dark sunglasses, I’m not doing so to try and look glam. I’m wearing them to hide the tired eyes underneath 😉
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    • honestmum

      @Mummy Tries ooh I love big dark glasses (even pre-kids) and you are so right, sleep deprivation is the pits and my kids don’t seem to like sleep. Parenting can be so bloody hard and admitting that will make life easier for all of us. Knowing we are not alone is so crucial!
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  26. Rebecca Taylor

    Great post, I am constantly beating myself up being a ‘geriatric mother’ apparently and a full time working mum I feel that I am constantly being judged and I am constantly getting it wrong. If I put my hand up and say I need help and it isn’t a walk in the park, I get all the stay at home mums tutting and shaking their heads and I have even been asked why did I have a baby in the first place if I needed to return to work (?!) The pictures of the multi tasking mums who can work and look glamorous and have perfect children don’t feel like escapism to me it makes me feel that I am failing, I work, I have one child far from perfect in other peoples eyes and I rarely look glamorous!!

    Perhaps I will look at these pictures with different eyes now and realise maybe it isn’t just me who feels I am not getting it right.

    Great post… thanks

    Reply
    • Mama and More aka Zaz

      “I have even asked why I even had a baby in the first place if I needed to return to work” am shocked and horrified that people would actually dare say such things to you! Should being a mother mean you stop everything else that is about you? I hope that you demonstrated to them what morons they are for suggesting such things. We all do a bloody hard and bloody good job, no need for back-stabbing.
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      • Rebecca Taylor

        It was very sad and also when you are already feeling down about having to work it makes you question yourself, I get pretty fed up of seeing all my ‘baby group’ friends all having play dates and posting pictures of them all together when I am always at work, however I keep telling myself I am working for my son’s future, I will have something to give him to start him on the property ladder when he is older, he is well balanced and good at sharing as he learns this at nursery and he has a fantastic relationship with his nanny, but sometimes it is hard, very very hard, I will admit that a week never goes by without me shedding a tear about the whole situation and it isn’t helped as you say by back-stabbing.

      • honestmum

        @Rebecca so sorry to hear that. You are doing the best you can for your son. Seeing you working, providing and loving him is amazing. You are doing the best for your little boy.
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    • deborabora

      I had a recent discussion with an older lady who had decided not to have children. She asked “I don’t understand it when people moan about these things when they have children. Do people not look at what it was like for their parents and therefore know what to expect? Why do they think it will be different for them”. Truth is No I didn’t! I saw perfect mothers managing to do it all and thought I could too.

      Woman on Jeremy Vine recently made me mad by basically saying, if you aren’t prepared to stay home with your children (whether through choice or financial reasons) you shouldn’t have any children! So black and white!
      deborabora recently posted…There’s Only One Callum BunMy Profile

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      • honestmum

        @deborabora such a ridiculous remark, clearly from those who don’t have kids!
        honestmum recently posted…The Pressure of Perfect ParentingMy Profile

    • honestmum

      @Rebecca I agree with Zaz, no one has a right to question your personal life and please never feel you are failing. I know it’s easier said than done but those mums in the magazine are no doubt suffering like we are (although round the clock help must do just that, help). I think my main point is I want an honest dialogue, not to eliminate these publications as escapism is fine, just for parents to be more truthful about the bad times as well as celebrating the good!
      honestmum recently posted…The Pressure of Perfect ParentingMy Profile

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  27. 3yearsandhome

    Such a great post and I hope that everyone who reads it takes on your advice. I adore looking at perfect pictures, homes and parents but do I feel envious or pressure? No, not really. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’m a slightly older mum (37) or because I have little to no self-esteem issues, but I enjoy those pictures for what they are. A moment (probably a few seconds) of perfection. That is all. I really hope that mums start to cut themselves some slack and not believe that a fairytale is something to aspire to.
    3yearsandhome recently posted…The latest trend in interiors: magnolia, fuschia and lime-ish greenMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      @3yearsandhome Thanks for this, you sound like my kind of lady, definitely don’t feel the same kinds of pressures with second baby but first time round sure felt tough going and that I had to subscribe to a perfect notion of motherhood.
      honestmum recently posted…The Pressure of Perfect ParentingMy Profile

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  28. Franki | Little Luca & Me

    Love this and totally agree. As a very laid back, uncompetitive, honest mother I’m always telling my new mum friends that it isn’t a walk in the park, no mum is perfect and your child will test you in a number of ways. As soon as you accept this it becomes a whole lot easier. I wrote a really similar post of competitive mums (here if you wanna peek http://littlelucaandme.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/motherhood-it-not-competition.html?m=1) as it drives me crazy! Xx
    Franki | Little Luca & Me recently posted…Living Arrows – CerealMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      @Franki oh yes remember that, thanks for commenting, it can be hard and you’re right, once you accept that it is, get honest with one another, life becomes a lot easier!
      honestmum recently posted…The Pressure of Perfect ParentingMy Profile

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  29. deborabora

    Points well made! I have found Twitter great for support here though. If I feel things are going crap, I shout out on Twitter and thankfully get “me too” support. Makes all the difference. Shame people can’t do that more in real life.

    When I’d just had baby 2, Millie, I was really struggling. I couldn’t have coped without my mum and sister but their comments of “the health visitor was so surprised how well I was coping with a son under 2 and twins and that I had time to offer her a cup of tea, she did a surprise visit” from my mother and “all my children slept through by 7 weeks” from my sister.

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    • honestmum

      @Deborabora yes I agree, twitter and bloggers made a huge difference (mentioned that too in my post 😉 really makes you feel normal. Sometimes well meaning comments from friends and family can be hard! Thanks for commenting.

      Reply

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