juggling

Me, literally juggling. OK not literally.

Motherhood+work=juggle. It’s not brain surgery…unless you’re actually a brain surgeon with children that is.

I digress. I’m a freelancer, I don’t get paid maternity leave being self employed and more than that, I love what I do so I went back to working (at my own pace, only just bits and pieces to begin with, when Alexander was a few months old). I love writing, be it for this blog, screenwriting (I’m currently developing a TV project) and directing (although not ready to get back on set yet).

I like the fact I can write around the kids and it makes me happy, when I’m not failing to write around the kids, am tired and crying at trying to write around the kids. It’s all a juggle, physically, emotionally, wrestling with guilt the second you shut the door and get your head down to actually write (and I realise how lucky I am to even be able to shut that door when I’m working)-thank you nursery for my 3 year old, Mum, Dad, husband after work.

You see with the work that I do, I can mostly work around the kids in the sense that I can write at any time of the day or night and often do…and other days I do nothing (and by nothing I mean looking after two kids and EVERYTHING that is more work than actual work).

On the non work designated days, when I’ve played, cooked, washed, had fun with the kids all day and the husband takes over so I can quickly meet a deadline or my co writer and I have an email brainstorm then I hear the words, “Mummy will you play with me”-my heart breaks a little bit because I’d like to do everything, all of the time and life doesn’t work like that.

It doesn’t matter how much you juggle and try to have balance, the guilt grinds away at you…it’s ingrained isn’t it. It will always be there I’m sure in some form or another but I know working makes me happy, it helps to provide for my kids and ultimately makes me a better mum because I’m a happy mum (when I’m not tired and crying).

How do you juggle then, fellow magician mummies?

Photograph©Vicki Psarias-Broadbent.

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20 Responses

  1. I Am Into This

    Brilliant post! Completely understand all your feelings on this.

    As a fellow freelancer, I think that the guilt never leaves you. However, you are giving your boys an amazing start in life by having such a strong, incredible woman as a mummy. When they are older, they will be so proud of you and glad that you worked so blooming hard to support them and care for them.

    Also, ask any mum, and I bet nearly all of them have felt guilty at some point or other during their children’s lives. I think it goes with the job!

    Anyway, you are doing an amazing job. I always say to you that you are an inspiration to me, and I mean it! I can only hope to be half as successful and half as brilliant a mummy as you are.

    Lady, whatever you are doing, keep doing it! xxx

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Iamintothis thank you, I have so much help. Couldn’t do it without my team of helpers (family) and their support x

      Reply
  2. Babes about Town

    It’s hard not to feel guilty when there’s so much pressure and judgement coming at you from different angles. But women like you are an inspiration because you are fully immersed in motherhood and at the same time, showing you can still forge a career on your own terms.

    Sure it’s not always perfect, but I absolutely value the time i’ve spent at home with my kids and now that they’re in school, I try and make those (surprisingly brief) few hours before the school run count. As for the juggling, we’ve all gotta learn to let the balls drop now and then and laugh as we do so. Motherhood is a learning journey isn’t, not a professional stage act! Fab post x

    Reply
  3. Sharmin

    I really take my hat off to all the mum’s who juggle motherhood with kids. I’m sure it’s not easy. But i think ultimately you are setting your kids the best example possible. X

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Sharmin it really can be a challenge, couldn’t do it without my folks. Hats off to Stay at Home Mums though, there’s is truly the hardest job of all x

      Reply
  4. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    It is very hard for me too. I really struggled when Olivia was born as when I was pregnant with her, Isabelle was at school and I had time to work on my blog, twitter, etc during the day. Once Olivia arrived I didn’t have much time until she was in kind of routine. The only time I manage to do some work is after lunch when she naps, and in the evenings, I am exhausted, and could really do with my mum’s help which is now impossible. You are very lucky to have people around that help you xxx

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mirka sorry to hear that sweetie, must be tough and of course with your Dad being so ill. Sending you lots of hugsxxx

      Reply
  5. (Mostly) Yummy Mummy

    It really is so hard to juggle everything but it sounds to me that you are doing an amazing job. I think having an incredible support network is the only way you can even attempt to do it. You are lucky to have such an amazing extended family around you x

    Reply
  6. farfromhomemama

    It’s so hard, isn’t it? Difficult to feel like your committing 100 percent to anything. Because we’re away from family, we don’t get any help at all. Some days, I crave just a couple of hours to recharge my batteries but have to accept that it’s not going to happen. I tell myself that it won’t be forever, though, and to enjoy the moment.

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @farfromhomemama so true, wise words. We moved from London back to Leeds when Oliver was 1 for family help so know what you are going through x

      Reply
  7. Anya from Older Single Mum and The Healer

    I know that guilt so well – when they’re still watching the telly because I havent’ finished yet and, as a single mum, the chores are constant. I counteract by employing a cleaner once a week though, if that helps? Not only does it give me (a little) more time with my children, it also keeps me a much nicer woman and sane – well, relatively speaking!

    Reply
  8. Franki

    You know my feelings on the juggling act. But clearly we are all feeling the same way and therefore we can’t all be doing it wrong can we? Xx

    Reply
  9. colette

    The guilt never leaves you. From the moment you find out about your little bean in your tummy when you worry about the heavy drink session you had the week before, to the look on their faces when you tell them you haven’t got time for something that to them, at that moment the most important thing in their lives. They don’t get it now, but in years to come when they decide what path they want to take they will draw from their childhood from decent, hardworking parents who provided a good lifestyle for them, and understand that lifestyle came from working hard for it. Your guilt should then be replaced with job satisfaction. Keep going, you are teaching your boys to be good humans! X

    Reply
  10. pieandbear

    It is such a juggling act – and one that I’ve struggled with since going back to work. I blogged about it if you’d like to read my feelings x

    Reply

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