Motherhood+work=juggle. It’s not brain surgery…unless you’re actually a brain surgeon with children that is.
I digress. I’m a freelancer, I don’t get paid maternity leave being self employed and more than that, I love what I do so I went back to working (at my own pace, only just bits and pieces to begin with, when Alexander was a few months old). I love writing, be it for this blog, screenwriting (I’m currently developing a TV project) and directing (although not ready to get back on set yet).
I like the fact I can write around the kids and it makes me happy, when I’m not failing to write around the kids, am tired and crying at trying to write around the kids. It’s all a juggle, physically, emotionally, wrestling with guilt the second you shut the door and get your head down to actually write (and I realise how lucky I am to even be able to shut that door when I’m working)-thank you nursery for my 3 year old, Mum, Dad, husband after work.
You see with the work that I do, I can mostly work around the kids in the sense that I can write at any time of the day or night and often do…and other days I do nothing (and by nothing I mean looking after two kids and EVERYTHING that is more work than actual work).
On the non work designated days, when I’ve played, cooked, washed, had fun with the kids all day and the husband takes over so I can quickly meet a deadline or my co writer and I have an email brainstorm then I hear the words, “Mummy will you play with me”-my heart breaks a little bit because I’d like to do everything, all of the time and life doesn’t work like that.
It doesn’t matter how much you juggle and try to have balance, the guilt grinds away at you…it’s ingrained isn’t it. It will always be there I’m sure in some form or another but I know working makes me happy, it helps to provide for my kids and ultimately makes me a better mum because I’m a happy mum (when I’m not tired and crying).