Alexander-Honest Mum

We’ve all been there right, told those little white lies or chucked those flipping loud toys, to well simply SURVIVE this crazy thing called parenthood!

I love my kids, I really do but loom bands. loom bands I hate, especially littered in technicolour pieces all over our lounge, swirling in the bath (really) and spinning round my washing machine.

So I binned them.

I took a deep breath and bid them goodbye. Each and every rubbery loop.

No one’s even noticed they’ve gone. After the craze that meant I was forced to create a bracelet, ring and mini sword for my eldest son, he’s not actually bothered anymore. Disclaimer: the mini sword might have just looked like a bracelet I swayed.

It got me thinking..I really need to get some more parental confessions off my chest…

The ice cream van that turns up around 7.30 every evening, chiming it’s merry little song like the Piped Piper of the night, right outside my house, I ignore it, close the windows and when that fails I I tell my kids come Saturday, we’ll buy an ice cream (because he doesn’t come on weekends).

Don’t feel too bad for the blighters though, they enjoy ice lollies all through the week, I just hate getting them sugared up right before bed. My kids don’t sleep at the best of times without a 99 flake hyping them pre-sleep thank you very much.

…The ‘surround sound’ style helicopter toy without removable batteries (why?) that one night made me dart out of bed thinking a police helicopter had surrounded the house, well, that might just have made it’s loud ass way to the charity shop along with noisy books, beeping cars and a teddy bear that cried. Give. Me. Strength.

The snails my youngest child above, Alexander, was rehoming in the playroom, at night, were set free by moi…(soz Alexander, it was for the best…they’d never have survived indoors with all those loud toys and loom bands lying around the place (wait a minute)…

…And finally, telling my kids if they stop fighting and start sharing, we’ll get a dog (we won’t).

Maybe the snails can live with us after all…

So ‘fess you, what do you do and say to your kids to stay sane?

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76 Responses

  1. Tony Pitt

    First off, that photo is amazing. It has really captured the picture of a child about to question every bit of logic of what you have told them because they don’t know if you’re telling the truth or not, brilliant.

    For me I try to keep the white lies at a low level because my daughter, at the age of 6, is already smarter than me, so she could outwit me in a debate no problem, plus I try to keep my lies as close to the truth as possible so that I don’t trip myself up. Much like her mother, she remembers everything and catches me out at every opportunity, “but 3 months ago you said…”

    Usually for me it’s things along the lines of, oh your sweets went off so we had to put them in the bin, or sorry baby I left the crappy little mcdonalds toy in the play area before coming to the car.
    Tony Pitt recently posted…My 2014 Goals UpdateMy Profile

    • honestmum

      Hahah love that Tony and thanks for your kind words-your comment made me laugh out loud-yes my 4 year old seems smarter than me so manipulation is hard, really got away with the binning of the loom bands there! #lucky

  2. life as our little family

    Love this post Vicki, all those silly little things drive me crazy too, I have definitely done something similar, I only wish he didn’t notice. Typically he does just after we make something disappear. We actually pop things in the boot of the car now for a few days and then deliver them to our local council who distribute to the childrens homes across the City.
    life as our little family recently posted…My SuperheroMy Profile

    • honestmum

      That is a wonderful idea, we are often in the charity shop and my Mum has been known to buy back some of the toys I left there!

  3. Hurrah For Gin

    Ha ha love these Vicki! I am guilty of doing a version of all of them 😉
    I can’t believe you have an ice-cream van turn up at 7.30 though thats WAY too late! x

  4. Debbie

    This post did make me chuckle, don’t children bring out the worst in us Mums? I think my main confession would be that when my children were young I was known to ignore party invitations that they bought home from nursery school – they were too young to read properly. I didn’t mind taking them to parties if they knew and played with the child, but otherwise I didn’t.

    I am lucky that there is no interest in loom bands in this house and my daughter had an ant farm years ago, but didn’t give them the run of the house!

    My niece made me a loom band bracelet back in April and I picked it up yesterday for it to totally disintegrate in my hand. So even if your son did cherish the things you painstakingly made him, the chances are they would break down and disintegrate in a matter of months!..Crazy!
    Debbie recently posted…Welcome To The Virtual Blog TourMy Profile

  5. Bess

    Haha, I remember My husband binned a set plus the board. Not really good because I had to buy another to stop the whining.

    The story of the helicopter tickled me. Why do they make toys like that

  6. Franglaise Mummy

    Oh a million and one things! L is not so good at tidying, so when things get taken to the charity shop and she can’t find them I tell her she should tidy her things away better #badmummy. I too am not a great fan of loom bands – with cats and a 20 month who eat small colourful things, no thank you!
    Franglaise Mummy recently posted…Insider tips for kids’ outings in the London areaMy Profile

  7. ERFmama

    I have actually never ever tried loom bands! haha
    My oldest (10) never really had an interest and my daughter (3,5) is too young. :p
    Sounds like the best thing to do though, binning them when they are just in the way!
    I desperately try to keep up with my daughters hair bands! hahaa
    ERFmama recently posted…News! iSize from BeSafe themselvesMy Profile

  8. amy

    my kids are too young for loom bands thank god. i have been know to charity shop bags full of soft toys we seem to have millions i sneak in when they aren’t looking and take a couple at a time if they notice 9/10 times they don’t i’ll tell them it was ripped mummys just fixing it. I’m not, its long gone. we are still over run with them though.
    amy recently posted…Me timeMy Profile

  9. Laura Evelyn Bee

    He,He! This made me chuckle!!!
    My friend tells her children that when the ice cream van plays the song, it means they have actually ran out of ice cream!
    I may be borrowing that one! Luckily my daughter is only two so I am hoping loom bands are ancient history when she is a bit older!!!!

    • honestmum

      Love that Laura but they can see him through the lounge window and the queues eating ice cream! Yes loom bands will be replaced with no doubt something equally annoying ha xx

  10. fashion-mommy

    Too funny. I hate loon bands with a passion too, but every time I seem to throw them away, they reappear and seem to have multiplied overnight.

    fashion-mommy recently posted…Book Review – The World’s Most Influential Fashion DesignersMy Profile

  11. Chloe (Sorry About The Mess)

    The ice cream van arrives right outside our house punctually at 5pm every day. Which is 20 mins before dinner time and therefore the worst. possible. time. ever.
    Chloe (Sorry About The Mess) recently posted…Stopping breastfeeding at almost four years oldMy Profile

  12. Tim

    We definitely tell a few white lies around ice creams and other less than healthy food treats. The other big thing was lying about the time to get the kids into bed on days when they desperately needed an early night (or on mornings where we didn’t want them out of bed too early). Sadly that one went by the boards as soon as they started being able to tell the time! Rats.

  13. Ting at My Travel Monkey

    I’m so behind the times! I didn’t even know what a loom band was until the other week when I found a pile of them near a slide in the park. Another parent educated me then, but perhaps one mummy chucked them there hoping they’d be lost for ever! I’ve tried fibbing to my son, but he’s got a memory like an elephant! And he’s not even 3 yet. Although I always tell him we’ve run out of particular goodies like ice cream in the house, when we haven’t!

    • honestmum

      Haha yes they were probably abandoned loom bands. My 4 year old is so hard to manipulate too, trying my best though 😉

  14. Heledd

    So you haven’t gone down the “if the van plays a tune, it’s out of ice cream” route? That makes me giggle every time! I know it’s a bit mean but like your two, my girls get enough lollies so I don’t feel too bad about the little white lie. Plus I know we’ll all laugh about it together one day. It’ll be one of our silly little in-jokes. Great post! All so true xx

  15. Beautwins

    Absolutely hilarious! I have all this to come no doubt. Luckily the twins are too young for anything annoying at the moment. But I’m sure there’s no escape.

  16. Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk)

    Awesome this is just awesome and you are just living up to your name me thinks. My confession would be I throw magazines that my mother in law buys my son. They are nice. They have toys and they are just all over the house. Few minutes after looking at them my son lose interest and I lose space so I throw them and just tell my MIL that my son wrote on them and they are no longer readable. Hopefully my inlaws doesnt read you =P
    Merlinda Little (@pixiedusk) recently posted…TuronMy Profile

    • honestmum

      Haha, those magazines can be a total nightmare-love that you’re sparing her feelings, yes let’s hope she doesn’t read this x

  17. ghostwritermummy

    You binned the loom bands???! What the actual??! There is no way I’d get away with that! but yes I get the ice cream man thing. He comes at 5.30 round our way but the kids think he doesn’t come to our street. And he doesn’t, not really…
    x xx
    ghostwritermummy recently posted…Happy Birthday Prince George: celebrating with Frugi!My Profile

    • honestmum

      Aw I know, bad huh but they’ve not noticed! The love affair can’t have been in full swing. Those ice cream vans know what they’re doing and 5.30 is more respectable than 7.30 x

  18. Michelle at Bod for tea

    Ha ha! Just brilliant and so true – your honesty had me blushing about the number of crap plastic magazine freebies I’ve ‘lost’ in the past! Fab post again Mrs x
    Michelle at Bod for tea recently posted…7 tips for running your first 10k raceMy Profile

  19. Elaine

    My son got given a pirate ship for his first birthday and he really loved it but it was so noisy! If you pressed the button on the side it would do this “canyons firing/pirate tune” which was fine….but not when you’re tidying up in the evenings and accidentally set it off!! I’m not sorry to say I sold it at a carboot sale the other day 🙂

  20. Ebabee

    Ha, ha… too funny! Love the honesty! That’s what parenthood means though – lots of little white lies. You gotta do what you gotta do to keep sane – I did a similar post on my confessions and they weren’t pretty 🙂
    Ebabee recently posted…Family holidays made beautifully easyMy Profile

    • honestmum

      Oh I missed that one Nomita, thanks for tweeting me the link-LOVED it and the fact we can be naughty Mamas together (totally hiding and eating kids chocs now too) x

  21. Sam

    Ha! Brilliant Vicki. My kids don’t even know about loom bands (I fear the start of school will mean no ‘craze’ will fly under the radar ever again!). Unfortunately I never did get away with telling them that the sound of tinkly music meant the ice cream van had run out of the stuff – they’re more on the ball when it comes to sugar!! X
    Sam recently posted…EJ is two!!!My Profile

    • honestmum

      Bahah! That tinkly music scares me-oh I tell them on the weekend we’ll have one-can’t outsmart them that he’s run out x

  22. PottyMouthedMummy

    Ha ha ha brilliant. I am a big advocate of rehoming annoying toys or having them meet an untimely end.

    I also pop balloons that have been bopping around too long. EVIL xx
    PottyMouthedMummy recently posted…The ExcludersMy Profile

  23. Vicki Montague

    Oh I love this!! It made me laugh out loud…especially the snails! We often have worms collected in buckets (luckily they remain outdoors!) but I always go and set them free at night! I am not with you on the loom bands…mainly because they keep my daughter occupied and quite for half and hour or so!! Totally with you on the ice cream though! Once we had a dreadful drum that made awful noises AND had hideous lights in it. It ‘vanished’ to the grandparents! Ha ha ha!!!!
    Vicki Montague recently posted…My Free-From Camping Survival Guide!My Profile

  24. Jane Duckworth

    Bless me Honest Mum for I have sinned; I confess –
    – to sucking up any piece of toy small enough not to block my hoover.
    – stealthily taking unloved toys to the charity shop.
    – taking the batteries out of noisy/irritating toys and then pretending they’re broken.
    & I’m not sorry. One bit.

  25. Donna

    Hilarious post!!! Baby London isn’t at that stage yet, but I feel I won’t be any different.
    Donna recently posted…Why Do I Still Sleep Late Now That My Baby Goes To Sleep Early?My Profile

  26. The DADventurer (Dave)

    Haha, great idea for a post. I’m guessing you might get more than you bargained for with some of the comments! I’ve not got any confessions yet as the baby is still a month away, but I’m sure I’ll have plenty if you repeat this post in a years time!
    The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…All Star Mr & Mrs Pregnancy Q&AMy Profile

  27. The L's Mum

    What a great post, very funny. I haven’t had to do anything like this yet as Baby L is 13 months and Little L is only with us every other weekend so thankfully we don’t have too much drama with him 🙂 However I have picked up a few pointers for the future so thank you very much #brilliantblogposts
    The L’s Mum recently posted…The One When The Baby Bites and Pinches, and Scratches and …My Profile

  28. brummymummyof2

    Oh the doom of loom bands! I am a teacher and we had to ban them at our school as the sods kept on flicking them at our faces whilst we taught! I do things ALL THE TIME that are probably not nice but help to keep me sane. For example? Just took a bin bag in the playroom and chucked so much stuff. I am hoping no-one will notice! xxx
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    • honestmum

      Glad they’re being banned in schools, that flicking is not on-ooh love a good bin bag full of rubbish-no one will even notice (they never do here) x

  29. You Baby Me Mummy

    Ha ha! I hate loom bands too, luckily Baby is too young at the moment. Think I dodged the bullet on that one! She is still so young that the toys that make REALLY annoying noises are just turned off and she doesn’t know how to turn them back on. God help me when she is older x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…Gratitude List #7My Profile

    • honestmum

      See some of my toys don’t even have off buttons or removable batteries, what’s all that about-loom dodging is so lucky x

  30. Caroline (Becoming a SAHM)

    Lol, love this post Vicki! Loom bands a really odd craze to me, lets give kids some rubber bands to play with! Great idea! I don’t blame you for throwing them away! And as for the other confessions, we’ve all been there! I swear blind to Monkey that we don’t have any chocolate, then sneak in the kitchen to eat it myself when I need a pick me up! And toys? Oh yes, Monkey has a truck that he loves, but always gets frustrates with, so that is hidden for now as he drives me bonkers when playing with it! Fab post! #brilliantblogposts xx
    Caroline (Becoming a SAHM) recently posted…25 weeks Bump update & Monkey comes to meet the Midwife!My Profile

    • honestmum

      Haha love that you sneak off to eat chocolate, yay I don’t feel alone in my white lying now! Thanks for your fab comment x

  31. Franki | Little Luca & Me

    Hahaha love this list! I’ve hidden an awful DVD my mum bought for Luca as I cannot stand it but Luca obviously loves it, the only reason I didn’t chuck it is it allows me a decent shower in peace.
    I HATE the ice cream van with a passion and always ‘forget’ to take pennies with us on the walk home from our childminders as the ice cream van is always around at that time and try to avoid where I think he will be.
    Another is ALL the rides in supermarkets etc are broken. I could probably come up with so many more though. It’s part of the parenting journey right? Xx
    Franki | Little Luca & Me recently posted…Crossing Off No4!My Profile

    • honestmum

      Haha love your comment Franki, all the flipping rides in our local supermarkets are actually broken, haha! xx

  32. Katie / Pouting In Heels

    Hahaha! Damn, this post is good Vicki! SOOO funny. I love your refreshing honesty and humour. What can I say, you always brighten up my day!

    I’m trying to think what I’ve ditched and so far, all I can come up with is sweets (too many people buy them for her) oh and the occasional balloon(before it pops and she has a meltdown).

    However, that being said, I hide LOTS of her toys. Especially the bloody noisy ones which don’t come with an on/off switch. What the hell is that all about?!

    Great post darling! Mwah! x

    • honestmum

      I agree Katie, who makes these mental toys without an off button-we have so many! Yes to throwing the sweets away too-aw thanks for your lovely comment, you brighten up my day too, mwah x

  33. Notmyyearoff

    Hehe I was tempted to get loom bands but don’t think I will now. I would get so annoyed with it all. I love the dog one. I may have told z that the snowman took all the noisy toys I hid for quite a while 🙂

  34. mummytries

    Nooooooo, you can’t promise a dog and not follow through!! Tee hee I’m with you here on all counts pretty much – substituting helicopter with monstrosity of a pink toy. Binned the loombands along with the delightful installations 5yo came home from school with on a daily basis when she first started reception xxx
    mummytries recently posted…Explosive nappies, over tired babies and a little big girl meltdown…My Profile

  35. Izzie Anderton

    I once donated brand new recorders to a charity shop that someone had kindly given my daughters for their birthday. And I think as a mum you have to do this to stay sane sometimes! Since they’ve both gone to uni, lots of tat has disappeared from the house and none it has been missed!
    I love that you’ve binned the loom bands!
    Izzie Anderton recently posted…Nom Nom Nom…My Profile

    • honestmum

      Haha love that, those recorders are annoying aren’t they! Remember doing my Mum’s head in with mine as a child! x

  36. Julie Roo

    I have been known to bin or charity shop toys that annoy me too.

    I also lie to end random questions that become almost an interrogation from my son. He *needs* an answer, so if he starts asking questions and hes being obsessive that day I’ll give a plausible lie as fast as humanly possible and change the subject!
    Julie Roo recently posted…Carex fun editionsMy Profile

    • honestmum

      I hear that Julie, the questions are never-ending and some even Stephen Fry would struggle to answer (!) I have to do the same x

  37. Jai @ Kiddy Reviews

    haha i love a good confessional! Thankfully I don’t need to lie to my LO just yet or go crazy about loom bands (saw them in the shops today – they are my idea of hell). Any annoying, musical toys simply get put away where he can’t find them and will therefore forget about them. Please tell me he will stay 9mo forever…. x
    Jai @ Kiddy Reviews recently posted…Clevamama Splash & Wrap Apron Bath TowelMy Profile

  38. honestmum

    Ha love that you have your own little set of monkeys, feel the same about mine! There should be a law against noisy toys!

  39. Mel

    Aaaargh, the loom bands, the looooom bands… My little man was getting into a panic on the last day of school trying to make bracelets for all his friends at 7.30 a.m. (seriously!). He even made me help and I didn’t manage to get breakfast before we left for school on that day. I bet they all make their own anyway! Yep, noisy toys regularly find their way to the charity shop, pets are really cute but we already have our four little monkeys at home. Great post, I nodded at every single point you made!
    Mel recently posted…‘Free From’ One Ingredient Ice CreamMy Profile


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