The Reality of Having A Third Baby With An 11 and 9 Year Age Gap

I’ve written before about the reality of having a third baby at the age of 40– with an 11 and 9 year age gap between her and my other kids- so I wanted to share an update now that my youngest child, a daughter recently turned three and my sons are almost 15, and 12 respectively.

It’s certainly the greatest challenge I’ve ever taken on, beating the trials of moving cities, big operations and excruatiating work demands.

Three kids is not for the faint of heart but equally it’s a dream come true for me as I always wanted at least three children, and that was before even having my first. I also always hoped I would experience both boys and girls so again, my three kids are a dream realised.

Firstly, disclaimer: the bond between my daughter and myself, my husband and two other children is worth all of the sleeplessness, inescapable adulting and triple the workload juggling the demands of a trio of children experiencing different stages of development and maturity. That goes without saying.

Logistically, running three children’s schedules, supporting, educating and entertaining them, be it weekdays or weekends, is more than a full time job and I admittedly, often feel burnt out. Research by Welch’s shows it’s infact the equivalent of 2 and a half full time jobs with the average mother spending 98 hours a week parenting! That’s a 14 hour shift, seven days a week. Not dissimilar to when I was a busy TV Director!

The US survey of 2,000 mothers of children aged five to 12 found that the average mother will ‘start work’ at approximately 6.23am, ‘working’ until 8.31pm on a normal day. Factor in those with younger children and we’re up in the night most nights, too.

I’ve decided that this is the year I continue to prioritise myself more, carving out regular time to exercise and mediate because if I’m not feeling well, everyone in my family suffers.

I started intermittent fasting in mid November and visiting the gym more often, reaping the benefits almost immediately so I want to continue in this vein.

Now that Florence attends a nursery, I finally have time to focus on my weary, neglected self. I lost the weight I gained during both pregnancies with my sons healthily but also relatively quickly compared to when I had Florence at 40. Whilst I didn’t put on much weight during my pregnancy thanks to walking an average of twenty thousand steps a day in Windsor where we lived, I still have weight to lose from gaining weight postnatally as I struggled to come to terms with another traumatic birth (my first birth experience was traumatic).

I do however, feel determined and confident that this is the year I will achieve my health and fitness goals. If I could stick to a healthy regime over Christmas, I’m ready for anything!

On reflection: 

The first year was the hardest physically with a new baby and two kids. Dealing with a traumatic pregnancy and birth, the disrupted sleep, hormonal rollercoaster and trying to keep my business going was painful. Year two felt less extreme with a move to Yorkshire, close to my folks: a support village and now we have found our stride since Florence turned 3.

We moved into our forever home in Harrogate, my middle son started high school near our home, and we generally feel more settled with our routine be it dinner time, bedtime and when it comes to my workload. I tend to work best at night, especially when writing my children’s book which requires silence ideally. When the kids sleep, I can start my ‘deep work’ and I’m lucky that I’m a night owl-always have been!

There are many things that have surprised me about having three children of big age gaps..

My children’s age differences are not really challenging on the whole, if anything they’re a plus for all.

On the one hand, Florence is more mature for her age, she spoke early, has an expansive vocabularly and seems at least 2 years older than her age thanks to her older brothers, whilst my boys are able to extend their own childhood thanks to their youngest sibling, accessing spaces like playgrounds they would have grown out of by now, watching children’s programmes with their sister, playing board games and watching films for younger kids.

My middle son, Alexander, 12, is brilliant at playing with her, whether that’s kicking a football around or shooting a basketball, drawing and painting. He’s great at imaginative, inventive play and teaches her endlessly.  She even knows how to play Pokemon thanks to him!

Oliver, who is almost 15, is warm and caring with his little sister. She definitely brings out his affectionate side and both of my sons are more empathetic and patient thanks to looking out for her.

Oliver helps out more practically, a mini parent if you like whilst Alexander is her side kick. Two best friends.

Both boys also like to read to Florence, inventing stories or working through her early reader books, which in turn encourages them to read their own books more!

When it comes to weekends, holidays and day trips, we all seem to enjoy the same thing: the great outdoors, the cinema or theatre and good food so rarely argue over family activities. I’ve raised all of my children the Montessori way so they get stuck into chores and cooking and genuinely enjoy them (on the whole)!

Overall, whilst life felt fairly shocking at first when we returned to nappies and broken sleep, whilst being stretched more thinly than ever between children, and times can still feel heavy for me as the default parent (I have the flexible career), as my children all mature, life feels easier and lighter now. Having more sleep sure helps too!