sad view

This view reminds me of the one from my Grandma’s house in  Paphos, Cyprus although it was taken in Portugal last year. Real ‘pathetic fallacy’, it’s sad with hope on the horizon and reflects how I feel right now.

…I’m an optimistic, always paint a smile on, fun loving kind of lady as those who follow this blog might know…but I really don’t feel like that girl right now.

I’ve had a quick succession of very sad news which has totally thown me.

sea

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

My beloved Grandma (my Dad’s Mum) aged 96 is seriously ill with cancer. I realise that 96 is a grand old age to be alive but it doesn’t make this any easier. Yiayia is the loving matriach of this family and despite her living in Cyprus, I, along with all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren feel so close to her.

We’ve always been connected, whenever we meet again, it’s as if we were never apart, we have a shorthand, an understanding. She totally gets me and I her. Despite her years, she’s so modern, open and understanding.

I was named after her (my name inspired by hers, Vikentia) and resemble her too as does my baby Alexander and distance, along with time has never affected our precious bond.

yiayia

My Yiayia (with my parents), who met Oliver aged 6 months (now 3).

Yiayia, as you can see, looks much younger than her 96 years, she is bright as a button, so smart (she recites poetry even now) and is deeply loved by us all.

She hasn’t been told of her illness and is in the best hands at hospital, feeling comfortable.

We are speaking every day and will be Skyping (Yiayia has had a mobile for years) and my Dad will visit her soon.

We all want to try and go but a small baby in and out of hospital in another country is not ideal, especially as my husband has no work holiday left and the only flights are from London…

… I also just found out a lovely friend of mine, Mandy, who has a young family, is battling cancer which is heartbreaking. I am praying she beats this evil disease and gets well quickly.

Lastly (they say things come in three’s don’t they)…my beloved cat Billy is dying.

Life seems a little unfair right now… I know I must try and find the positive however hard the circumstances, some way, somehow…

My Grandma has lived a rich, long life filled with great food, sunshine and most importantly so much love: generation after generation of love…

Poor Billy was an abandoned cat we saved and brought all the way back from London to Leeds (he actually sat on my Dad’s knee as he tried to steer for most of it), he has lived a charmed life with plenty of room to run around in overlooking the Yorkshire countryside and the end of his life has been far, far, better than the start.

None of this makes it any easier of course but if gives me some way of rationalising, dealing with the sadness. I need to be strong for my little boys.

So I am pushing on, being me, keeping busy, running this blog and my other style blog, throwing myself into my blogging and screenwriting work but my family and I are so, so very sad.

…And despite not feeling like it, I have run my style linky #fashionfriday which I host on a Friday today over on my style blog Mummy’s Got Style and have published a post that was written 2 weeks ago, before this happened.

I do need distraction so will keep blogging and like many personal things in my life, I won’t dwell on the sadness. I like my blogs to feel upbeat and bright, a happy haven for you and most importantly for me.

It has felt therapeutic to write this down though.

Thanks for reading x

 

 

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24 Responses

  1. sarahhillwheeler

    Vicki, very sorry to hear your news. As you say, however good “an innings” a loved one has, it never makes the possibility of losing them less (if anything greater as you will be only too aware of the loss). At the time, very little consolation, but these special people enrich our lives and make us who we are. And I also believe that they are always with us in one sense (and not necessarily a religious one) because we always carry a part of them with us. Thinking of you at this horrible time.

    Reply
  2. Mama and more

    Oh V, am so very sorry to hear this sad news for you. Sometimes it can really feel like bad news is hitting you from all sides. I don’t really believe in the “good innings” shtick, as it never lessens the pain, however what a good innings does provide is years and years of beautiful, happy memories. Wishing you heaps of strength, and if for a while you want to write this stuff down, don’t feel obliged to put a happy face on unless you want to. Big big hugs and positive vibes your way xxxxx

    Reply
  3. Notmyyearoff

    Oh no, I’m so sorry about your Grandma and cousin. Cancer is such an evil thing. Your grandma sounds like such a wonderful person. I hope you are ok at this difficult time. Rip Billy x

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Notmyyearodd thanks so much, it really is and Yiayia is such an incredible, much loved lady. Billy is battling on, bless him x

      Reply
  4. Luci - Mother.Wife.Me

    Oh lovely, so sad to read all this. My gran-in-law is 93 and going strong, so I totally get where you are at with this. Yes, living into your 90s is ‘a good innnings’ as they saying goes, but it doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking to know when someone you’ve loved for so many years is fighting a dreadful disease and that you might lose them. And of course I’m sending positive vibes for both your Yiayia and your friend.

    Totally empathise on losing your boy Billy too. Strange coincidence here… we’ve recently taken in a street cat to join our other two rescue cats (yes, I am a mad cat woman) and we’ve named him Billy! It sounds like your Billy was a total character and he had a fabulous life with his family. RIP Billy xx

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Luci-Mother.Wife.Me thanks so much and amazing your Gran in-law is doing well, these women are such an inspiration aren’t they. Your own Billy really brought a smile to my face, thanks so much for your lovely comment x

      Reply
  5. Karen

    Am sorry! Sounds like a lot going on for you and lots of sadness. Your Grandmother sounds like an amazing lady, and it’s hard being so far away. Sending hugs!

    Reply
  6. 3yearsandhome

    Oh Vicki, what a heartbreaking post. That’s so much to go through and have on your mind. Big hugs and as for the blogging, you do whatever you want to help you through the tough times. Xxx

    Reply
  7. Katie

    Oh Vicki I’m so sorry you are having to deal with all of that worry and grief, you poor thing. Thinking of you all x

    Reply
  8. Lisa

    Oh Vicki 🙁 so sorry to hear life is so crappy at the moment. Wishing you and your loved ones strength and many brighter times to come. X

    Reply
  9. Debbie Girgin

    Sorry to hear your sad news Vicki 🙁
    Enjoyed reading about your time you spent together in Cyprus 🙂 I hope this terrible disease can be beaten xx

    Reply
  10. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    Oh Vicki, I am so sorry to be reading this, and tears are falling down my cheeks. I wish I could hug you right now, as you have been here for me in the worst times when my dad passed away, because of the horrible cancer too. I am praying for you. Stay strong, and sending my love xxx

    Reply

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