Sad Times

This view reminds me of the one from my Grandma’s house in  Paphos, Cyprus although it was taken in Portugal last year. Real ‘pathetic fallacy’, it’s sad with hope on the horizon and reflects how I feel right now.

…I’m an optimistic, always paint a smile on, fun loving kind of lady as those who follow this blog might know…but I really don’t feel like that girl right now.

I’ve had a quick succession of very sad news which has totally thown me.

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

My beloved Grandma (my Dad’s Mum) aged 96 is seriously ill with cancer. I realise that 96 is a grand old age to be alive but it doesn’t make this any easier. Yiayia is the loving matriach of this family and despite her living in Cyprus, I, along with all of her grandchildren and great grandchildren feel so close to her.

We’ve always been connected, whenever we meet again, it’s as if we were never apart, we have a shorthand, an understanding. She totally gets me and I her. Despite her years, she’s so modern, open and understanding.

I was named after her (my name inspired by hers, Vikentia) and resemble her too as does my baby Alexander and distance, along with time has never affected our precious bond.

My Yiayia (with my parents), who met Oliver aged 6 months (now 3).

Yiayia, as you can see, looks much younger than her 96 years, she is bright as a button, so smart (she recites poetry even now) and is deeply loved by us all.

She hasn’t been told of her illness and is in the best hands at hospital, feeling comfortable.

We are speaking every day and will be Skyping (Yiayia has had a mobile for years) and my Dad will visit her soon.

We all want to try and go but a small baby in and out of hospital in another country is not ideal, especially as my husband has no work holiday left and the only flights are from London…

… I also just found out a lovely friend of mine, Mandy, who has a young family, is battling cancer which is heartbreaking. I am praying she beats this evil disease and gets well quickly.

Lastly (they say things come in three’s don’t they)…my beloved cat Billy is dying.

Life seems a little unfair right now… I know I must try and find the positive however hard the circumstances, some way, somehow…

My Grandma has lived a rich, long life filled with great food, sunshine and most importantly so much love: generation after generation of love…

Poor Billy was an abandoned cat we saved and brought all the way back from London to Leeds (he actually sat on my Dad’s knee as he tried to steer for most of it), he has lived a charmed life with plenty of room to run around in overlooking the Yorkshire countryside and the end of his life has been far, far, better than the start.

None of this makes it any easier of course but if gives me some way of rationalising, dealing with the sadness. I need to be strong for my little boys.

So I am pushing on, being me, keeping busy, running this blog and my other style blog, throwing myself into my blogging and screenwriting work but my family and I are so, so very sad.

…And despite not feeling like it, I have run my style linky #fashionfriday which I host on a Friday today over on my style blog Mummy’s Got Style and have published a post that was written 2 weeks ago, before this happened.

I do need distraction so will keep blogging and like many personal things in my life, I won’t dwell on the sadness. I like my blogs to feel upbeat and bright, a happy haven for you and most importantly for me.

It has felt therapeutic to write this down though.

Thanks for reading x