Hear me out. I’ve been a good girl this year. I’ve tried to be the best Mum (and wife) I could be and let’s not forget I’ve produced another Greek for the world. So as well as world peace and an extension to maternity pay, please can you arrange the following. Thanks.
1. A night’s sleep. Make that 10 months worth please. He may look sweet (above) but he doesn’t sleep! I just want a full night, no interruptions, no baby in the middle of the bed. You know, just going to sleep when it’s dark and waking up when it’s light. Simples(!) Thanks.
2. If the above can’t be arranged can you have the Baby Whisperer or Gina Ford move in to help my baby sleep through the night (ok Gina would hate me) but someone, anyone who doesn’t need to sleep. Will cook Greek food on demand as payment, well my Mum will.
3. Creme de la Mer and don’t be shy. We’re talking the big box yeah, I’m not one for botox (that’s just too many shades of wrong) and after all these late nights, the face is going to need a helping hand soon.
4. A hairdresser- to move in. I hit 30 and my roots seem to want to be redyed every month. How is this fair? I have dark brown/almost black hair. Grey shows up. Big time. Not. A. Good. Look. Comprende?
5. Personal trainer please. By the time O is 1 I’d like to be pre baby weight. Am nearly there but need a final push. Promise not to count strawberry cupcakes as my 5 a day anymore if you arrange this.
6. Some super film and tv commissions for the coming year. Preferably short shoots which are terribly well paid. Ta.
7.Would like to settle in 1 city-so far I move between 3. Feel like a gypsy which is no bad thing but I’m starting to like it and am concerned my child will grow up with a London/Bristolian/Yorkshire accent. Help, I want him to have friends.
8.An Oscar please. You know an Academy award. Ok that’s asking a lot. Just get me a cat I can call Oscar. Until I hit the big time of course!
9. A Big Fat Greek Wedding. I’ve had mine so any Greeks’ wedding will do-preferably people I know although this hasn’t seemed to matter in the past. I loves me a wedding I do.
10. To grant me the wish that one day, not just my extended Big Fat Greek family read my blog-it’s an impressive view count at around 1000 but non relatives would be good too. Thanks.
Will leave the mince pies, carrots and whisky by the door-don’t go letting me down ok, my Dad knows people-you know what I’m saying.