5 Surprising Things About Having Children With Big Age Gaps

There appears to be a slight obsession with the notion of an ideal age gap between children and it frankly baffles me, especially because fertility is so often out of people’s control. Similarly to the pressure many find in their 20s and 30s when it comes to optimally timing their first child, I’ve found subsequent children are often encouraged 2-3 years from one another. With a 16, 13 and 4 year old, I have personally witnessed audible gasps when I share their ages, most often to strangers who assume my 4 year old is my first child and I mention other children (usually in response to well meaning advice). That’s not surprising of course and much as I’d like to take credit I must look younger than my years, National Statistics show the birth rate for women over 40 has more than doubled since 1990. Many women are opting to have children later in life and I don’t blame them! 

That’s fodder for another post however but here I wanted to share 5 surprising things I’ve experienced in having children with large age gaps. My sons were 11 and 9 when my daughter was born and it’s truly wonderful in my opinion and experience so if you’re considering a third, fourth or even fifth child but are concerned, please don’t be! Read on for proof! 

1. Childhood is extended for your older children. From the spaces they can still access thanks to their younger sibling such as playgrounds to theatre productions, fairs, festive events etc, it is joyful seeing your older children live vicariously and equally actively participating in childlike fun thanks to their baby sibling!
2. Older children become more caring, attentive and empathetic when they have a younger sibling in the family. Learning to be responsible and supporting parents (in a child appropriate way) helps older siblings become more mature. That growth comes from being pushed a little out of their comfort zone and has helped my older children become more dependable. I’ve never forced them to care for their sister and it’s only recently in fact, at age 16 that my eldest looked after her for an hour solo, whilst I took a Pilates class (and my husband was working from home), but helping her over the years be it cutting up her food or encouraging her to practise ballet more recently, has been wonderful to witness. 
3. The bond between the children is as strong as those with smaller age gaps (I know because my sons are 2 years and 7 months apart) and yes they still all find reasons to squabble and annoy one another but they love and care for another deeply. My eldest likes to teach his little sister skills such as LEGO building or painting in different styles for example, and my youngest son has made his sister into a little football star in the making thanks to his love of the game! They find common ground but importantly, encourage one another to try new things and the latter, works both ways. My sons do more baking and cooking now thanks to her interest, and they are both going to try painting pottery at their sister’s insistenc-which I’m certain they’ll both enjoy! They’ve also loved watching more kids’ films at the cinema such as Toy Story 5-which was filled with fellow teens by the way (and not just those with younger siblings)! Yay to extending the joy of animation!
4. A plus, this time for the parents is that a big age gap between children, means you fully appreciate how fleeting the early years are, encouraging you to savour the firsts and the precious milestones and moments with the younger child/ren. With age and experience comes more patience too and also far less pressure is felt. You’ve raised other children, who are older and thriving so you trust yourself more. 
5. You assumed you’d be more tired but your youngest gives you energy. You’re forced to walk more, eat more healthily, sleep earlier, and have fun which is the perfect antidote to aging. Fertility is a marker of longevity anyway, and having kids at an older age (not that in your 40s is old) means remaining active and therefore healthier-whoop! 

Do you have big age gaps too? I’d love to hear what you’ve found!