(Above with one of my oldest and closest mates, my best friend Rachael).
The Complexity of Female Friendships.
I’ve written about friendship before here, and a lot but I wanted to reflect on the evolution of my own friendships here, an update if you like.
I’m a crazy-warm person, a mother before I became one, a safe space, big smile, kind eyes, tight embrace, so most people feel they know me when they meet me, even if they don’t. It’s always been that way my adult life, pre-online, and always will be, no doubt. I love that for them and me, because I really LOVE people (most people) but I’m no longer that girl with a 1000 mates, thanks in part to platonic heartbreak and friendship divorce which taught me the hard way, to keep my circle tight.
My wise owl husband always said to only call a friend a friend, after three whole years of knowing them but it took me turning 40, over 3 years ago, to truly take heed of his advice. I suppose this is adulting: mature, considered responsive not reactive, non-spontaneous 40+ friendship where chemistry is fire and 100% required but now people have to prove they’re your friend, to stay your friend.
Boundaries, big laughs, none of that high school Mean Girls cr**, friends who love you at your worst AND your best; who never talk behind your back but are respectfully honest to your face, family you choose and would again and again; who share your values despite your differences, real mates not bound by heavy obligations of history and time because you both know that as you grow, you might also outgrow one another.
I suppose I want to apologise to both my gut and heart for often ignoring both during my many decades-long people-pleasing and overcompensating past. I was dealt fair cards when it came to romance and lucked out with my husband, but sadly not always when it came to female friends. I know why. I’ve had the therapy. Taken responsibility for my part. I’m cautious now yet but grateful for close mates who span my two hands (and a few toes) and in some cases have stuck for 20 years, others just three but who are the best of friends, even at their worst (and mine).
How about you, what is your experience of female friendship?
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