brothers

I always thought it my job to be strong for my kids-and it is-but I’ve come to realise over the past year and when adversity hit, that my own children are a source of resounding strength to me, that their clarity of thought and innate kindness has been integral and that THEY nourishes me, as much as I support, them.

I’ve heard and seen this too from friends whose children have taken on and adapted to more caring roles within the family unit due to illness and who have provided great solace to their folks. Yes, childhood is to be enjoyed but it’s equally preparation for real life: the ups and the downs adolescence and adulthood brings.

I wondered if I should hide my grief from the kids when my second mum/auntie Zak died last year but they too were grieving in their own way and needed to make sense of their pain as much as mine. I needed them to know it’s healthy to cry and most of all vital to talk and reach out for help. To seek comfort. That’s there’s no shame in struggling. They often slept in our bed during those early months and their love and comfort got me through the worst of times.

I distinctly remember asking Oliver in a moment of sheer despair what I should do, such was my heartbreak. Born wise, he looked into my eyes and simply told me to, ‘Breathe’. I followed his advice and embraced yoga once more, practising daily. My son was the one guiding me when I needed it most.

This morning, I was trolled on Instagram and derided in every way possible: for the way I look (short, fat and ugly apparently), my job was targeted (worthless according to the offender) and even my kids were taken down in this cowardly attack. I didn’t mention the latter to my son of course but I told him how I’d been called names by a faceless troll online and while I knew a stranger’s opinion of me did not matter, words can still hurt. No more so when we feel low already. It was Zak’s birthday yesterday and had sleep alluded me last night so waking up to the venom wasn’t the nicest of feelings.

Turning to me, Oliver told me that I’m beautiful and more so, I’m three quarters of Daddy’s height so am not actually short. I was slumping in the photo that was targeted and Oliver’s observation honestly made me laugh out loud.

Kids say the sweetest things. Xander never fails  If you need support on trolling, don’t miss psychologist Hilary McBride’s advice.

His words also made me realise that my kids’ opinions are what matter to me. That being a positive role model to them is what counts the most. When Oliver asked me if I was going to reply to the troll and inform her, she was a bully, I declined, explaining we don’t retaliate. That we win by taking the high ground. As Michelle Obama taught us, when they go low, we go high.

Yes to that and kids knowing just what we parents, need.

 

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14 Responses

  1. Olivia Ava

    “I always thought it my job to be strong for my kids-and it is-but I’ve come to realise over the past year and when adversity hit, that my own children are a source of resounding strength to me, that their clarity of thought and innate kindness has been integral and that THEY nourishes me, as much as I support, them.”

    This little this really shake me up

    Reply
  2. Katie

    It makes me so sad that someone as supportive and as empowering to other women as you are is trolled!! But out of that came a moment with your little ones that shows what a wonderful job as a mumma you are doing!
    Children are often such wise little souls aren’t they!
    xx

    Reply
  3. Eb Gargano | Easy Peasy Foodie

    Aw, what a touching piece. Your kids sound wonderful sweeties! You are so right they really step up to the mark when times get tough – it’s happened on several occasions with my kids too. You poor thing getting horribly trolled like that…and at such a difficult time too. I hope you know, lovely lady, that none of the rest of us think those things about you – you are beautiful and kind and such an amazing, successful lady. And I bet that troll whoever he/she is doesn’t have a super successful book out right now do they, hey? Teehee! Eb x
    Eb Gargano | Easy Peasy Foodie recently posted…Easy Homemade Naan BreadMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Emma Peach

    Sorry to hear about being trolled, it’s pure cowardice and a sign of their insecurities. Kids are very intuitive and seem to say the sweetest things when we’re feeling low. If my daughter senses I’m upset she gives me lots of kisses and says “you’re the best mama in the world” 🙂

    Emma xxx
    http://www.style-splash.com

    Reply
  5. Jo Allison / Jo's Kitchen Larder

    Sorry to hear about the troll Vicki! This woman’s self-esteem is obviously very low and the only way she can think of making herself feel better is to try and make somebody feel like she does but no such luck! You’re one of the most beautiful, stylish and women empowering mommas I know! x
    Your boys sound so sweet and very very wise too! I do love Oliver’s advice -“Breathe”. It is such a clever remark and obvious you would think but in time of despair, not so much! Kids are fantastic at helping you up when you’re down! I love that extra hug I wasn’t expecting from my boys when I’m a bit low, or a kind word completely unsolicited. These little words and gestures give you wings and make everything else much less important! xx
    Jo Allison / Jo’s Kitchen Larder recently posted…Easy Rhubarb CakeMy Profile

    Reply
  6. Julie Downes

    Shame people have to make comments like this. You always look fab and your boys sound very wise indeed! #brilliantblogposts
    Julie Downes recently posted…A Weekend Stay at Woodfarm Park, DorsetMy Profile

    Reply
  7. Emma : Ettieandme

    So So sorry to hear you were trolled, its the unnecessary venom that comes from nowhere and takes us off guard that hits home the hardest. You are completely right when you say its the opinions of your children that matter the most, but i think its completely natural to feel a little dented by it too. Definitely dont give it any extra thought though, there are more people out there who think you are wonderful than one nasty troll! xx

    Reply
  8. Michelle Frank | Flipped-Out Food

    Well, as someone else mentioned here, being trolled is a sign that you’ve “arrived”. That being said, it saddens me that some people—who are evil to their core—find it easy to hide behind computer screens and try to knock down people of whom they’re jealous. They are little, irrelevant people, but I’ll never, EVER be used to that kind of vitriol. I’m so glad you have your beautiful family for support. I have to admit to welling up when I read about Oliver’s “just breathe” advice…

    Reply
  9. Sophie Le Brozec

    Oh lovely, so sorry to hear this, but so much love for your amazing kids. In a biz group I’m in trolls are celebrated as that means you’ve made it, so 🙌 you! There’s also a great podcast / video with Brené Brown and Oprah where Brené talks about the criticism she got after her Ted talk, and which led her to write Daring Greatly, which is an incredible book on shame and vulnerability which I massively recommend. You’re amazing, stunning and a role model to so many of us, don’t ever let a person with their own issues that need dealing with get you down. Also, you can’t be short as you’re taller than me 😂😂😂 So much love to you gorgeous xxx
    Sophie Le Brozec recently posted…Stop the thigh gap shame!My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw this made me chuckle my gorgeous, empowering friend. Thank you for your kindness. We must not let those who are clearly suffering destroy our confidence. I will look into that show and Oprah and Brene are the most amazing women, thank you darling xxxx

      Reply
  10. Fiona Hogan

    I’m so sorry to hear what happened this
    Morning . It’s awful and cowardly .
    They obviously haven’t anything else in their
    Lives.
    You alsways are immaculate with you hair, makeup, clothes and you have a body
    Amy woman would be proud of
    Stay strong which I know you will. Look at the two little faces smiling at you and forget whoever
    It was
    Xx

    Reply

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