Mum Boss Vicki Psarias

So FOMO means the ‘fear of missing out’ (FYI those who have no idea ‘Hi Dad’) with the online dictionary informing me it’s, ‘Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere, often aroused by posts seen on a social media website’ (please tell me you also laughed out loud at ‘aroused’ and the use of ‘website’ after social media-yes I might need to grow up #natch).

But you’ve got the gist right? It’s wanting to be somewhere or do something you see those you follow online or IRL, doing.

Now back to my post peeps because recently I’ve felt that that FOMO feeling creep up on me as I’ve had to say ‘no’ to various amazeballs shindigs I wish I could have attended but couldn’t (Hello LFF & LFW *cries).

And it’s normal to feel that way. To wish you were somewhere you weren’t. To be dressed up to the nines reconnecting with your pre-child self or part of your wilder side. A bit more carefree and alive in the name of networking.

The thing is though as mother (and father) hustlers, the juggle is real and endless and thanks to kids, deadlines, supermarket deliveries, Netflix marathons AKA life, we often just can’t roll that way (not every night anyway).

I’m basically writing this so you know you’re not alone. That it’s totes (yes I wrote totes because I’m not ready to let it go) utterly normal to want to do EVERYTHING even when it’s impossible and you need to embrace saying ‘no’.

You need to check yourself before you wreck yourself and say N-O to some of things (I’m not saying ALL) you really can’t squeeze in or which might not make sense to your blog/business or personal life at that moment in time.

You see, I’ve had to turn down a ton of stuff over this last year and in particular, the past few months which prompted this post in the first place.
Some of those things include a trip to the Caribbean (which I’m rescheduling-phew), Paris Haute Couture Fashion Week (twice), London Fashion Week, parties for global brands, networking events, movie premieres, film festivals, European press trips and more ( I know right, cry me a flipping river and I literally want to punch myself in the face for even writing this list down but it’s the truth, Ruth-I get invited to a lot of good stuff with masses I can’t make for a million different reasons (thank you everyone though and keep those invites coming *hides).
Of course I’m grateful for the requests (blows kisses emoji) but I simply want to be honest here (Honest Mum innits) and say I can’t fit everything in I’m asked to attend if it’s not work-related because #bills which granted a lot are paid- oh and the fact that I’m based in Yorkshire meaning London-centric events require time, effort, shaven legs 😉 so need to add more than just ‘a fun night’ to my life.
Although those junctures are very welcome just not of all the time.
Whilst I’m in London once a week, sometimes twice for work-related meetings and shoots, if I said yes to all the soirees, I’d never get back to Leeds and be with my bambinos (red carpet nights are fun but bedtime routine and honey-scented boys are my everything). Soz big movie stars, still love ya just not as much as my husband and kids!
I’m lucky too that being a filmmaker pre-blogging means my fair share of amazing events from seeing my film at festivals all over the world from France to LA to attending some of the most ah-mazing parties of my life were pretty common place.
Plus I get an annual trip with my friends to Cannes for the film festival which sees me through the year! (It takes me that long to get over the trip so good job they’re only annual ;))
Seriously though, I recently wrote about streamlining my life-and a huge part of being able to do just that has been down to saying ‘no’ a lot more, prioritising family life and taking on truly meaningful work/longer term projects and being selective about what I commit to so I don’t feel overwhelmed and overtired.  No one likes a moody mama.
Trust me when I write that I wish I could have said ‘yes’ to all of the above and in some cases I will reschedule trips abroad or attend another fashion week the following year if I can, but I’ve had to recognise I’m just one single #mumboss trying my best with only 24 hours in a day and need to do and meet the needs of others to feel my happiest self.
I don’t want to miss my son’s assembly or Harvest play if I don’t have to.
There are of course times I need to be somewhere far for work and I’ll be there with bells on, bursting with passion and professionalism- and other instances I’ll just say ‘no but thank you very much’ and simply bake buns with my boys.
That’s balance right- in its unbalanced, ‘I’m a mum and a boss’ kind of way.
It’s about owning the guilt but not letting it stop you. About having quality time out (even if that means switching off your phone for few hours a day when your kids are around) so when you work and play, you can work and play fully focused and not guilty.
There are some dream life big projects I’m working on at the mo (yay) which require my love and attention and will do over the next year or so. My new babies if you like.
So they have to take priority when I get my head down and graft.
That doesn’t mean RSVPing ‘no’ hasn’t hurt but whilst FOMO can often make me feel left out because of social media, it’s equally made me feel better too (ironically the opposite of FOMO) as I get to live vicariously through mates on insta as they enjoy some of the things I can’t.
You see my FOMO feels don’t come from a jealous place but more ‘ I wish I was with ya’ vibe (although if you’re hanging out with Leonardo DiCaprio I hate you-you know who you are ;))
So what’s the moral to all this rambling I hear you cry?
I just want you to feel it’s OK to put yourself and your family first and say ‘no’ when invites come along that might well stretch and stress you out-be it mums’ meet ups or a red carpet do (we bloggers get around, right *high fives*).
We’re all juggling a hell of lot of plates (some which will inevitably smash to smithereens, even if you’re not a Greek mama like me) because well, that’s just life, right?
You can’t do and please everyone all of the time but you can certainly prioritise and not worry that missing a few events will affect your life and work.
People are reasonable, quality wins every single time, I promise so get your head down, keep writing or doing what makes you happy and stop fretting that you have to be at everything to be taken seriously, keep your friends and contacts or get more invites down the line.
Be confident in you and go do your thing safe in the knowledge that events crop up all the time and when you do actually say ‘yes’ to them, you’ll appreciate them more.
By saying ‘no’ more often, I’ve freed up time and for the first time, have felt much more in control of my life- so if the down side to that is dealing with a little FOMO, then I’m fine with that.

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42 Responses

  1. MeYouBabyToo

    I used to get FOMO all the time before I had little dude. Constant fear of missing out on the cool stuff that was going on, so I’d try and fit everything in and be exhausted! Post-little dude I still get FOMO when my mates go out and I’m stuck at home trying to put him to sleep, or if there a work event on I can’t attend. What’s new though is I also get FOMO when I’m not with little dude sometimes… will I miss his first step while he’s at nursery?
    It’s all a balancing act!

    Reply
  2. Emma Peach

    It does seem that as a blogger, if you don’t live in or near London you have to say no to lots of events. I live in the North West so it has to be something I’m desperate to attend if I’m going to spend two hours travelling each way and have to arrange childcare. Sadly I don’t get invited to film premieres or fashion weeks…now those would definitely tempt me!

    Emma xxx
    http://www.style-splash.com
    Emma Peach recently posted…Shein Tribal Print JacketMy Profile

    Reply
  3. Fee

    Isn’t it interesting that I thought this post was going to be about missing out on things your kids do when away from you. I get that FOMO feeling any time someone tries to help and take them for an hour or so. Even though it wasn’t what I was expecting it was an interesting read. You certainly live a busy busy life. And I love the honey-scented boys bit ?? Fee x

    Reply
  4. beth

    Sometimes I really miss going out dancing – then I remember that I like wearing my pjs and getting into bed by 10pm!
    I try to remind myself that there are so many people who are desperate to be able to wipe a babies face 20 times a day!! 😉

    #brillblogposts

    Reply
  5. Yvadney @ Style After Nine

    I have the same problem, which often comes down to childcare especially with the baby, was so gutted to miss out on LFW this season, but really time is just time and events/ opportunities come and go. I love this post, because it’s real and true, you don’t have to do it all, and priorities (as in family) have to come first, otherwise you’ll burn yourself out. #BrilliantBlogPosts Yvadney xx

    Reply
  6. Devon Mama

    It’s such a relief to hear someone else talk about FOMO. In this social media age, it’s hard not to feel you’re missing out on things (although I’m definitely a green-eyed monster at some of yours!). Good luck with the streamlining and keep fighting the FOMO fight!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha thanks lovely, really wanted to be honest that it’s natural to feel like this but no one can do everything nor should they x

      Reply
  7. Mummy TamTam

    I am reading your post, reading the comments and thinking I must have a problem! 🙂 I don’t have this FOMO feeling, I guess I am so used to my daily routine and things I do with my baby that I don’t think about any other things I used to do before I had a baby 🙂 #brillblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      That’s wonderful you feel that way. For many it’s normal to feel like they are missing out, I know I feel that way but I’m happy to say ‘no’ to things so I don’t feel overwhelmed x

      Reply
  8. Kate Orson

    Another post full of wisdom! I think there’s no point in being busy rushing around the place, if we are too exhausted and stressed to enjoy it. I’ve really had to learn to pace myself, and often that means simply relaxing and reading a book, instead of getting pumped on caffeine to write another blog post. I’ve found that sometimes just ‘being’ is the best way of living. #brilliantblogposts
    Kate Orson recently posted…When you want a break from parenting, this is what you might really need.My Profile

    Reply
  9. Susan Mann

    This is true. It is hard to say no at times and feel over stretched. I struggle to find a good balance I really do x
    Susan Mann recently posted…When do you start your Christmas shopping?My Profile

    Reply
  10. Lex Jackson

    You know what, even though I’ve experienced some FOMO recently with experiencing a bad bought of pregnancy nausea so needing to decline some social events for my own peace of mind. I really think this has opened my eyes to make me say YES to more. I’m really quite an introvert person, and although this post discussed FOMO it made me realise I need to be living life more, however I choose to do so. If that makes sense and isn’t totally off subject! #brillblogposts
    Lex Jackson recently posted…Baby #2: Week 14 UpdateMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      That is such a great point, thanks, you are right in some cases it absolutely encourages us to do more, too! Thanks for that!

      Reply
  11. Alison (MadHouseMum)

    A few years ago, when I had just trained as a PT, I simply COULD NOT say no! I felt I had to take on everything, including running the family! It was way too much. In the end, I stepped off the treadmill and took all the kids travelling around the world for 7 months. The best thing I ever did. When you are starting out, it is nearly impossible to say ‘no’. When you feel able to, I think it is a sign that you are established and exactly where you want to be. Alison x #brilliantblogposts
    Alison (MadHouseMum) recently posted…A Metaphor for LifeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much Alison and that is just amazing, I remember you mentioning this before or I read it on your blog, what an incredible gift for you all and I think you’re right although I think it can come at any stage, it’s down to simply feeling comfortable in yourself enough to say ‘no’ regardless of work/life status x

      Reply
  12. DaisLikeThese

    Firstly, thank you for clearing up what FOMO means! They keep dropping it on Keeping up with the Kardashians (my massive guilty pleasure – please don’t judge me!) and I had no idea what they were talking about.
    Secondly, I totally get you. My husband was on a work trip to New York last week and would tell me everyday about the amazing rooftop bars, floating bars, and various other bars that he was out in each evening – god I had the FOMO big time!!
    But to be honest, I think after a couple of days he was probably feeling the same way and wanting to be at home with the kids and back into routine.
    #brillblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh my gosh I would have had serious FOMO too but you can have too much of a good thing right (I think) and I’m sure he missed you all. I love the Kardashians btw, no judgement here xx

      Reply
  13. Jacqui Paterson (@Jax2000)

    Eurgh. Don’t. In the past fortnight I’ve had to turn down a trip to Paris, a trip to Jamaica, and a trip to the Turks and Caicos. *sobs into handkerchief* Major FOMO going on at my end, but then I have to remind myself of what’s really important, and that’s Jamaica. Oops, I meant – spending time with family!! 😉
    Jacqui Paterson (@Jax2000) recently posted…WIN // pair of hasbro muck boots, worth £55My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha! So flipping hard isn’t it but we just can’t do it all-can you not reschedule the hols for another time? There will always be other opportunities and offers x

      Reply
  14. Happy Mummy

    I get that missing out feeling sometimes when I see people enjoying nights out but I am up so early with Miss H it’s not worth it for me to go! #BrilliantBlogPosts x
    Happy Mummy recently posted…Capturing Moments Linky #3My Profile

    Reply
  15. Nico @ yumsome

    I’d never even heard of FOMO until I saw this post! I am so not with the programme, am I?

    I’m actually the opposite of FOMO though – I have FOGI… Fear of Getting Invited! >_<

    It's not that I don't want to spend time with other people…. well, OK, that's part of it, but there's so much I prefer to do by myself. Ha ha!

    I did the social butterfly thing when I was much, much younger, and spent years working as a photographic model, and then running a PR agency – both of which required me to attend shedloads of events. I don't know if I just burned out, or I realised how precious my time is. Maybe both.

    These days I lead a nomadic existence; I move countries three times a year, and visit more in between moves. I rarely get invited to anything now (which, TBH, is a bit of a relief), and I don't feel I am missing out on anything. Except perhaps sleep. And Marmite!
    Nico @ yumsome recently posted…Vegan Mushroom and Buckwheat Shepherd’s PieMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Love this comment so much, it’s knowing yourself and what you feel deserves your time and attention, your life sounds amazing and incredibly exciting, loved reading this, thanks 🙂

      Reply
  16. My Petit Caanrd

    Another great post. I do think sometimes we kind of feel like we need to feel its ok to say no and miss out on things if they arent in the right interests and will over stretch you. Its never great to miss out on things, but im all about family and work life balance and saying yes to the right things, not everything. Emily #BrilliantBlogPosts
    My Petit Caanrd recently posted…Must Have Teething Essentials!My Profile

    Reply
  17. Sunita

    I think as we get older (well me anyway), we don’t suffer from FOMO as much. I know I’d rather spend my time doing things I love and being with certain people. It’s impossible to go to everything and be everywhere! #brillblogposts
    Sunita recently posted…Seven things I wish for my two girls to celebrate International Day of the GirlMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Yes, age definitely helps although when I receive lots of wonderful invites, it can be hard to know what to say yes and no to. Fab problem I suppose 🙂

      Reply
  18. Lucy At Home

    Good on you for taking back some control, although I totally get why you’d feel miffed about not attending some of THOSE events! It’s not quite the same but I’ve made the decision not to join linkies on a weekend and dedicate that to family time. When I see people twittering away about it, I worry that I’m missing out and not giving my blog enough exposure but, as you say, I’m just 1 person and I’m doing the best I can with the time I have. #BrillBlogPosts

    P.S. Being a fellow yorkshire blogger, I reckon I could totally pull off being ‘Honest Mum’ for the day and go in your place! Hehe 😉 #justsaying
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Bloggers Bluff #05: SuzieW AuthorMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Bahah ooh Lucy I was just saying the other day, I need two of me. Good for you for prioritising your time. Brilliant Blog Posts is the hottest linky in time anyway 😉

      Reply
  19. Laurie

    True, you do have to say no at times. But I wouldn’t mind some of those types of invites either! I can be a little like I’m fomo but like you say, things have to be put into perspective.
    http://www.vanityandmestyle.com
    Laurie recently posted…Bonmarche – Casual To GlamMy Profile

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  20. your DIY family

    Very true – you have to say no sometimes and always believe that there is more where that came from. Not easy I admit and I am not so good at it but realising that we live in an abundant universe. This post brought a big smile to my face as A has FOMO big time! She wants to be everywhere doing everything, all the time. She isn’t able to say no to a single thing! I’ve been telling her about FOMO – might get her to read your post! xxx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw my darling A, your comment has made me laugh, she is so like Oliver. I can’t wait to see the kids together again soon! I would be so honoured if she read my post, my little cutie, love to you all xx

      Reply
  21. Wave to Mummy

    You are so right with this post. I have a massive FOMO and I do end up doing far too much… I did giggle at the cry me a river comment, those are some fabulous choices to make 😉
    Wave to Mummy recently posted…A sunny family day out at Dover CastleMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha thanks lovely, so hard huh at times but important we stand strong and don’t feel pressured to do everything just because we’re asked x

      Reply
  22. themotherhub.ie

    FOMO is real. so many times lately Ive been on twitter and seen things i desperately wanted to go to, but my husband is on college two nights a week so I have to stay at home like Cinderalla. You cant do everything – but you can do somethings. finding the right balance for you, like you say, is the key !
    themotherhub.ie recently posted…How To Be A Woman: Caitlin Moran in retrospect.My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Absolutely lovely, wanted others to realise it’s OK if you feel FOMO, we all do but it’s important to accept no one can do it all x

      Reply
  23. Lizzie Roles

    Love this post, you are so spot on with this Vicki, I’ve had to say no to some events that would have progressed me work wise and I felt some frustration with that (just being real) but attending would have been logistically nightmarish and decreased my time with my favourites and as you say it’s all about the unbalanced balance, childcare and keeping the house from falling down around our ears is just as much a priority and those harvest festivals won’t be in our lives for long. You’re a wise woman xo
    Lizzie Roles recently posted…ACTION OVER PERFECTION #2My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So true, it’s not about saying ‘no’ to everything but picking and choosing what makes sense so you feel happy and in control. I don’t want us all trying to do everything and feeling tired and overwhelmed x

      Reply

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