Honest Mum

I’m endlessly asked how I’ve reached a place where I feel consistently confident and the answer is, if I’m honest, (Honest Mum here, right?) I don’t ALWAYS feel confident, no one can constantly feel confident in themselves or their abilities and have faith in their potential, but yes, for the most part, I do feel confident in who I am and what I do.

I must note though that I lost all confidence after a traumatic birth in 2010 and had to rebuild my identity and self esteem slowly to get to this point.

Now, 6 years on, I can confidently say (did you see what I did there?) that mostly, I’m clear on my vision and confident in my abilities. I know my strengths but vitally I know my weaknesses too (never ask me to sing for example)!

Unravelling how I got to feeling confident pre-traumatic birth and then back to the present-I realised I’ve been practising the act of confidence since I was a kid.

I loved being on stage from an early age and adored drama lessons-the art of pushing myself out of my comfort zone each week, learning lines and performing in front of examiners and often an audience was thrilling.

I relished the entire process-working hard at something I enjoyed, learning and ultimately, seeing results. The applause felt good too!

I loved the buzz above everything, the rush of adrenaline from putting myself out there and the collaborative nature of putting on a show.

I also, unsurprisingly, enjoyed being in front of the camera (I would beg my Dad to hire VHS cameras from the local video shop as a tween so I could pretend to be Kylie and have my brother interview me as Wogan.

Because of those early experiences-and endlessly following that pattern of reaching out to try new things creating an ever-growing list of passions, I subsequently grew in confidence.

You must dip your toes in different waters to see where the best spot is to swim right?!

Throughout life, I’d overcome the feeling of fear-consistently-and got into the pattern of cracking on. Of not letting rejection or mistakes stop my pursuit of stimulation and happiness.

That doesn’t mean I’ve not felt rock bottom broken either-I did after the birth of my eldest child. Building that confidence back up, slowly through counselling, trial and error and small steps literally led to huge change.

Change in life is the only constant right?

It’s also important to note that often we don’t realise we’re often excited as well as nervous because it can be hard to different between the two. But when you allow nerves to work for you in life and business, those clever vibes push you forwards, spurring you into action just don’t let them paralyse and stop you.

Know that those butterflies in your tummy will lead to growth. Yes of course you might fall or make mistakes-we all do but that’s where the greatest lessons lie.

Tell yourself-or the universe what it is you want to achieve,  write a list or shout about your goals as you drive (it’s what I do)-boldly and with confidence- because YOU are no different to ME nor anyone else for that matter -doing what they love.

We all started on p1.

So, just be yourself, and I mean unapologetically YOU (because you’ll never please everyone) and know that ANYTHING in life is possible and achievable. The limits we place on ourselves are usually from within which is great news because you can control that and turn things around.

Yes, goals take time and a lot of hard graft too but when you feel passionate about something, you will always make time for it and the work you put in won’t ever feel hard.

So with this in mind, check out my top 6 tips to boost your self-esteem so you can get on with getting on.

Silence your inner critic

Speak to yourself as you would your best mate and stop self-sabotaging with, ‘You can’t do that, not you’ shizz.

If you tell yourself you’re not good enough, you’ll start believing it’s true. The brain is plastic and as with any muscle, the more you practise self-belief, positive affirmations and start putting those thoughts into action, you’ll feel more confident than ever.

 

Silence outer critics

That’s not to say fill your circle with ‘yes people’, we all need honest, genuine people who can be truthful with us but it does mean ridding yourself of consistent negativity-those who endlessly drain your energy and make you feel unhappy/ lacking in self-esteem.

Do a social media and IRL cleanse. Unfollow (you don’t have to unfriend) those who make you feel unhappy and direct your energy to those who don’t. So simple when you see it in black and white, hey?!

Go do it though, write a list of those who impact you negatively and work out ways to limit your time with them.

Are there people making you feel you’re not worthy or able? Then, stay away. It’s important not to let others derail your plans/life. This doesn’t mean not being a supportive friend when the chips are down. This simply means assessing people in your life who might be destructive.

 

Try lots of things to find your passions

As Darren Rowse said in a video I discovered recently online, you have to try lots of things to discover what you feel passionate about. Don’t be scared to do just that, take short courses, work experience in the holidays, a part time job or read up in detail on things you’ve always been interested in but haven’t yet embraced. Be open, work hard, hone your talents and network and opportunity will come.

 

Do the right thing

In short, be a decent person, don’t just think being kind is some elusive concept, put kindness into action.

In short, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Don’t talk about others behind their backs-be honest but considerate to others’ feelings, treat people with respect and those who disrespect you, well, just walk away with your head held high.

It really is that easy.

Be the friend you need and value in your life.

When we behave in a positive, uplifting way to others we makes them feel valued and loved and in turn, feel better about ourselves.

Noticed why b***** people always look so miserable. Now you know!

 

Be honest!

I always feel my own self esteem and feelings of self-worth is boosted when I communicate my feelings in a clear and candid way to others. That doesn’t mean being rude or disregarding others’ feelings, it just means being a genuine person, people know where they stand with.

My motto is never to feel proud.

When I mess up, I apologise and I expect the same from others.

Be the kind of person you respect yourself!

 

Just go for it. NOW.

Stop procrastinating or waiting for the right time because it won’t ever come. Crack on today. Make the first start to changing your life, doing things that matter and make you happy and importantly, know and believe with all your heart that you deserve success and happiness.

I hope this has inspired you x

 

Photo by Kirsty Mattsson Photography.

 

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My Top 6 Tips To Boost Your Self-Esteem - Honest Mum

 

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37 Responses

  1. Lindsay

    Love this, and very sound advice.

    The best thing I’ve been trying to remember recently is something I read in Red magazine along the lines of silencing your inner critic – that voice will always be there, but you might as well reframe the story you’re telling yourself, and “assume in your favour”. Your inner monolgue never goes away, so you might as well use it to tell yourself all the good things about your plans, dreams and ambitions, then they’re much more likely to come true! #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Absolutely, love that-such wise words- and I adore RED. I’m speaking about my career in a workshop for them on the 26th in Leeds. I’m in the December issue out tomorrow.

      Reply
  2. Sunita - Lucky Things blog

    Really amazing post. It’s funny as when you become a parent everyone assumes you’re OK and feel confident about what you’re doing! As you say Vicki it’s so important to be honest about how you’re feeling. It opens up a whole world of support. I love the finding your passionate things advice. I guess that why we all blog! I did a talk on confidence to lots of bloggers last Sunday and we all agreed we can’t feel confident all of the time. #brillblogposts
    Sunita – Lucky Things blog recently posted…Why it’s important to celebrate small milestones My Profile

    Reply
  3. Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    Very inspiring indeed. It’s strange how external things out of our own control can really shake our personal self esteem. I am having a major dip right now, and it’s taken all this time for me to realise that it’s too much stress stemming from that awful window company who has wrecked our house. #BrillBlogPosts
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#HappyLittleButtons October roundupMy Profile

    Reply
  4. ablondeandababy

    I love this. My self esteem has never been that high but after having my daughter it has sunk to an all time low. Reading this post has helped me realise I need to be kinder to myself and like you say, silence those inner critics! I’m going to try and build myself up again and will be using your tips to help. Thank you #brilliantblogposts
    ablondeandababy recently posted…Two Weekly Purchase: The Rabbit who wants to fall asleepMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh darling, I’ve been there and I promise if you start being kinder to yourself and reminding yourself of all the reasons you rock, you will start to believe it. I really felt I lost my identity after my first child and my blog and twitter were an emotional lifeline to me. Here if you want to chat OK xx

      Reply
  5. Peachy and her Mommy

    Very inspirational and so true. I have been actively removing people who are a negative influence on my confidence and self worth. My only trouble now is with family members. When you’re related to people who like to tell you that you will probably fail, it makes it hard to silence the inner pessimist. But I’m getting a lot of practice so I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually. It also helps to keep most of my thoughts and ideas private to prevent nay-saying. #brillblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Please don’t give them a lot of time and energy, when they say things like that say you disagree and change the subject. It makes me so sad and angry that people who should treat you kindly and with respect make you feel bad. Try your best not to spend time with them where possible and know that when you surround yourself with great people who want the best for you, those who try and pull you down won’t affect you as much xx

      Reply
  6. Lianne harris

    I love this post, and your link to your first birth story.
    Having gone through a traumatic birth also I completely get what you mean about the loss of “you” blogging has helped me find my voice and a passion that I had lost becoming a mother.
    You need to upload one of your old VHS tapes though! If you do that I’ll bring out one of mine hahaha!
    #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So sorry you went through a traumatic birth too-such a tough thing to overcome-hope you are better now and I agree, blogging and social media were real emotional life lines to me. I really need to find those lost tapes too xx

      Reply
  7. Amie

    This is a really lovely and inspirational post 🙂 #brilliantblogposts
    Amie recently posted…Paw Patrol Pumpkin CarvingMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Mess and Merlot

    I’d say I’ve become more confident the older I’ve become – time somehow seems much too precious to be wasted worrying about what other people might think of me.
    Becoming a mother also completely changed my perspective on and priorities in life. Suddenly the size of your thighs seem like a trivial issue compared with growing and caring for little humans!!
    I’m also a big fan of an inspirational quote! I know some people amy find them a bit corny but I have a framed postcard on my desk which says “Actually, I can” and it’s just the little reminder I need sometimes to have faith in myself and my capabilities.
    Great points here to consider Vicki, very inspiring thank you! Have a great day x
    #BrillBlogPosts
    Mess and Merlot recently posted…She Loves Herself – This Mum’s LifeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh I love quotes too and that one is a cracker-you are spot on, I’ve definitely gotten more confident with age and little people sure put everything into perspective, love this comment, thank you xx

      Reply
  9. themotherhub.ie

    Just go for it – love that. Reminds me of what Amy Poehler says, great people do things before they are ready.
    themotherhub.ie recently posted…Teaching Consent: Is It Enough?My Profile

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  10. Nancy Baten

    I havn t got any children, but if I did I would do my very best to give them that! Self convidance! It is so important. I now, at the age of 50, feel convidant with myself. I wished I felt this way 30 years ago!
    Nancy Baten recently posted…CO-HOST IN HALLOWEEN STYLE!My Profile

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  11. Jen|Practical by default

    It is so true that self-confidence is hard to find, I love your tips. Especially be a nice person 🙂
    Jen|Practical by default recently posted…Backyard Science for All Ages- Made Easy!My Profile

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  12. Susan Mann

    What a lovely and inspirational post. I think we needed reminded of this and I know I often need an self esteem boost. Thank you lovely xx #brilliantblogposts
    Susan Mann recently posted…Half Term, Double Rainbows & Baking – Our Weekly Photos Week 43My Profile

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  13. Catherine Radley

    This is amazing and I definitely need to follow your tips. Since becoming a parent, my self-esteem has completely gone and sometimes I struggle to leave the house. You are lucky though because you are so beautiful, whereas I don’t have that haha! Still, I will give them a go! #brillblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      You are beautiful Catherine, please stop putting yourself down. So glad this post has helped you. The more we remind ourselves of our strengths, the more confident we become xx

      Reply
  14. Catherine, Not Dressed As Lamb

    So many good (and wise!) points here, Vicki… My favourite being “just walk away with your head held high” – my mother always taught me never to lower myself to other people’s level, no matter how rude / condescending / offensive, etc. they’ve been to you. It’s stood me in good stead over the years, and I don’t know if it’s necessarily boosted my self esteem but it certainly makes it easier to walk away and feel proud of yourself for never rising to provocation…!

    Catherine x
    Catherine, Not Dressed As Lamb recently posted…11 More Over 40 Fashion Bloggers With Amazing StyleMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw your grandma sounds ace darling-I think surrounding yourself with positive people and eliminating negative ones helps in so many aspects of your life. Thanks for your comment xx

      Reply
  15. Alison (MadHouseMum)

    This is a very inspirational post. It’s always good to remind ourselves how we can boost our self esteem. I totally agree with you when you say: you can’t please everyone, so be YOU! This is great advice to pass on to my teenage daughters too. Thank you for a real reminder of a post. Alison x #brilliantblogposts
    Alison (MadHouseMum) recently posted…I love it when…My Profile

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  16. My Petit Canard

    As always really great advice and tips. Self confidence is definitely something that I am always working on. Lots of these things definitely help, but the trick as you’ve said is consistently working on building your self confidence. I also think theres something for many people about almost giving yourself permission to feel unashamedly confident. Emily
    My Petit Canard recently posted…Being More Intentional: Gratitude List #4My Profile

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  17. Twin Pickle

    Totally agree. I honestly think the best way to boost self-esteem is ‘Do the Right Thing’. Help someone, do something kind, and not only has that person benefited but you will feel awesome about it! And don’t forget, being kind to yourself counts too! #brilliantblogposts
    Twin Pickle recently posted…Organizational Skills: A Tale of Two NinjasMy Profile

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