I’m endlessly asked how I’ve reached a place where I feel consistently confident and the answer is, if I’m honest, (Honest Mum here, right?) I don’t ALWAYS feel confident, no one can constantly feel confident in themselves or their abilities and have faith in their potential, but yes, for the most part, I do feel confident in who I am and what I do.
I must note though that I lost all confidence after a traumatic birth in 2010 and had to rebuild my identity and self esteem slowly to get to this point.
Now, 6 years on, I can confidently say (did you see what I did there?) that mostly, I’m clear on my vision and confident in my abilities. I know my strengths but vitally I know my weaknesses too (never ask me to sing for example)!
Unravelling how I got to feeling confident pre-traumatic birth and then back to the present-I realised I’ve been practising the act of confidence since I was a kid.
I loved being on stage from an early age and adored drama lessons-the art of pushing myself out of my comfort zone each week, learning lines and performing in front of examiners and often an audience was thrilling.
I relished the entire process-working hard at something I enjoyed, learning and ultimately, seeing results. The applause felt good too!
I loved the buzz above everything, the rush of adrenaline from putting myself out there and the collaborative nature of putting on a show.
I also, unsurprisingly, enjoyed being in front of the camera (I would beg my Dad to hire VHS cameras from the local video shop as a tween so I could pretend to be Kylie and have my brother interview me as Wogan.
Because of those early experiences-and endlessly following that pattern of reaching out to try new things creating an ever-growing list of passions, I subsequently grew in confidence.
You must dip your toes in different waters to see where the best spot is to swim right?!
Throughout life, I’d overcome the feeling of fear-consistently-and got into the pattern of cracking on. Of not letting rejection or mistakes stop my pursuit of stimulation and happiness.
That doesn’t mean I’ve not felt rock bottom broken either-I did after the birth of my eldest child. Building that confidence back up, slowly through counselling, trial and error and small steps literally led to huge change.
Change in life is the only constant right?
It’s also important to note that often we don’t realise we’re often excited as well as nervous because it can be hard to different between the two. But when you allow nerves to work for you in life and business, those clever vibes push you forwards, spurring you into action just don’t let them paralyse and stop you.
Know that those butterflies in your tummy will lead to growth. Yes of course you might fall or make mistakes-we all do but that’s where the greatest lessons lie.
Tell yourself-or the universe what it is you want to achieve, write a list or shout about your goals as you drive (it’s what I do)-boldly and with confidence- because YOU are no different to ME nor anyone else for that matter -doing what they love.
We all started on p1.
So, just be yourself, and I mean unapologetically YOU (because you’ll never please everyone) and know that ANYTHING in life is possible and achievable. The limits we place on ourselves are usually from within which is great news because you can control that and turn things around.
Yes, goals take time and a lot of hard graft too but when you feel passionate about something, you will always make time for it and the work you put in won’t ever feel hard.
So with this in mind, check out my top 6 tips to boost your self-esteem so you can get on with getting on.
Silence your inner critic
Speak to yourself as you would your best mate and stop self-sabotaging with, ‘You can’t do that, not you’ shizz.
If you tell yourself you’re not good enough, you’ll start believing it’s true. The brain is plastic and as with any muscle, the more you practise self-belief, positive affirmations and start putting those thoughts into action, you’ll feel more confident than ever.
Silence outer critics
That’s not to say fill your circle with ‘yes people’, we all need honest, genuine people who can be truthful with us but it does mean ridding yourself of consistent negativity-those who endlessly drain your energy and make you feel unhappy/ lacking in self-esteem.
Do a social media and IRL cleanse. Unfollow (you don’t have to unfriend) those who make you feel unhappy and direct your energy to those who don’t. So simple when you see it in black and white, hey?!
Go do it though, write a list of those who impact you negatively and work out ways to limit your time with them.
Are there people making you feel you’re not worthy or able? Then, stay away. It’s important not to let others derail your plans/life. This doesn’t mean not being a supportive friend when the chips are down. This simply means assessing people in your life who might be destructive.
Try lots of things to find your passions
As Darren Rowse said in a video I discovered recently online, you have to try lots of things to discover what you feel passionate about. Don’t be scared to do just that, take short courses, work experience in the holidays, a part time job or read up in detail on things you’ve always been interested in but haven’t yet embraced. Be open, work hard, hone your talents and network and opportunity will come.
Do the right thing
In short, be a decent person, don’t just think being kind is some elusive concept, put kindness into action.
In short, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Don’t talk about others behind their backs-be honest but considerate to others’ feelings, treat people with respect and those who disrespect you, well, just walk away with your head held high.
It really is that easy.
Be the friend you need and value in your life.
When we behave in a positive, uplifting way to others we makes them feel valued and loved and in turn, feel better about ourselves.
Noticed why b***** people always look so miserable. Now you know!
I always feel my own self esteem and feelings of self-worth is boosted when I communicate my feelings in a clear and candid way to others. That doesn’t mean being rude or disregarding others’ feelings, it just means being a genuine person, people know where they stand with.
My motto is never to feel proud.
When I mess up, I apologise and I expect the same from others.
Be the kind of person you respect yourself!
Just go for it. NOW.
Stop procrastinating or waiting for the right time because it won’t ever come. Crack on today. Make the first start to changing your life, doing things that matter and make you happy and importantly, know and believe with all your heart that you deserve success and happiness.
I hope this has inspired you x
Photo by Kirsty Mattsson Photography.