Photo Alisa Anton.
It goes without saying that having children is quite the shock to the system- wonderful, yes, but painful at times too thanks to the utter bitch that is sleep deprivation, a body you no longer recognise as your own, and CBeebies on repeat (often long after the kids have slept because you’re too damn tired to switch the telly off).
Look, there’s no one I love more than my kids but, and it’s a big BUT here, that doesn’t mean I, nor you, should feel guilty about missing aspects of our previously more carefree, ‘lie ins on weekend’ kind of life, before them, either.
I wouldn’t want to turn the clocks back for a minute (OK, maybe a minute when my tummy was flat way back when, in 2009) but there are undoubtedly times when I miss how bloody selfish and lazy (!) my life felt before kids- and it seems lots of you feel the same, going on my recent tweet.
‘Motherhood has meant watching fewer films (amongst other things). What do you miss since kids came along? Hot tea? Lie-ins? Might blog about this. #AskTwitter‘
— Honest Mum® (@HonestMum) June 8, 2019
So, here’s what we’re all missing. Thanks to those who tweeted (thread above).
I’ll start with the golden elixir we parents become obsessed with the minute our babies our born: sleep.
Most of us are zzzzz deprived and that’s even with, older kids. My 6 and 9 year old sons still wake up some nights and I for one feel SHATTERED. My memory is the worst it’s ever been, the bags under my eyes require cement-like concealer and even that shizz doesn’t actually conceal the dark circles, and my skin is breaking out with spots. My chin gained a new friend today. Great.
I’m so tired and so is my wakeful kid, I’m currently writing this post with Xander tucked up next to me in my bed as I type. He’s found his way into my bed every single night this week post-holiday and I feel bruised and battered from all his unintentional kicks in the night! I think I need to book a night away in a hotel purely so I can spread like an eagle in a Queen size bed for 8 hours solid shut eye.
Not being able to read as much
So many of you complained about not being able to read like you used to when it came to what you missed pre-babies. I read 3 whole books on holiday to South Africa recently, and was reminded how long it takes me to get through books these and how much I miss and NEED to read more. I’m making a point of switching off tech early and tucking into a book every single night. Nothing beats the power of a brilliant read, transporting you across time, place and geography, allowing you to live vicariously through them or improve your life/ business with transformative non-fiction. I can recommend a super book here btw 😉 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Mumboss-Honest-Guide-Surviving-Thriving/dp/0349416699.
Missing the cinema
I’m lucky here that my job means we get watch a fair few kids’ movies but I rarely get to see any adult films (not those kind) and miss action flicks, indies and rom coms. I stayed up all late on long-haul flights recently so I could catch up with some of the Oscar nominated movies I’d promised myself I’d watch and never got round up. Bohemian Rhapsody, The Favourite and A Star is Born, were all utterly deserved of the critical acclaim they garnered.
So here’s to more movie watching just for me, in the cinema, on Netflix, wherever. It’s a date. It’s happening.
Time with friends/ Dates
Lots of you complained that you miss quality time with both your pals and your partner now that kids have come along and time and energy reserves were lower. It is important to try and carve out some time with those you love though, even if it’s a quick dinner a deux/ take away at home with your husband/wife once the kids are asleep or making plans and sticking to them where possible with your friends. Phone calls are a great way to stay connected. I speak to/ Facetime most of my close mates who don’t live nearby and I can’t get through the week if I’ve not spoken to my best friend Carlie. When it comes to IRL meet-ups (remember those?), I’ve found arranging a meal with lots of friends in one go, (as I’m doing tomorrow), makes meeting up easier than trying to find individual dates with each person. Try it!
Whether it’s running to the shops to stock up on something you fancy on a whim (hey there dark choc when I’ve got PMT), or booking a last minute break, most of you feel fed up by the lack of spontaneity which comes with the responsibility of a baby/child with a routine. I’m not sure when you get to be more spontaneous but I’m thinking it’s the latter teenage years.
Carrying a small bag
Remember those? No, me neither. I carry my life around with me on my back most days, and truly miss a small clutch. I’m going to make a point of taking the tiniest bag I have out with me next time I go out. Bye bye Louis Vuitton neverfull, it’s all about my Anya Hindmarch teeny tiny, always full clutch (pray for me)!
This one came up lot. Solo time. Quiet time. Chill out time where no one is ‘speaking, fighting for my attention, pulling at me’ time. We all miss it along with our personal space. I love nothing more than kisses and cuddles with my kids and miss them deeply while they’re at school, practically running to the school gates to collect them (which is also granted, due to the fact I’m also late every day) but there are times, LOTS OF TIMES where I miss being alone, without noise, questions and kids in my bed!!!!
Can you relate?