Honest Mum

How sisterly are you. Really? Do you share those ‘Be Kind & Be Brave’ Pinterest posts then forget to practice what you preach?

I wanted to share my sister code with you so you can ‘check yourself before you wreck yourself’- and potentially your relationships.

Life can sometimes feel like a competition (especially online life)- and it’s easy to feel misunderstood, disliked or undervalued at times. That’s why self-love and self-care is crucial. To work on your self-worth, feel confident in knowing who you are, and putting the sister code into practice.

Holding women (and men) up, supporting, collaborating and feeling stronger than before.

Once you love your good self, you’ll feel less vulnerable and more empowered.

Dignity and respect is the order of the day, even to those who fail to show it to you.

I am so lucky to have always had strong women as my blueprint- from my mum to my grandmothers, aunts, mother-in-law to great friends and gifted colleagues. Kick-ass ‘collaborators’ in life and work, who have shown and continue to show me what ‘the sisterhood’ means.

To support, respect and celebrate one another. Always.

Now let’s get to the code-

friends

Be Genuine

I spent a lot of my school years trying to be someone else, someone prettier, more popular, funnier- and then I got tired of that shiznit and embraced my loud, lively, big eyebrow-ed self (OK I never embraced the brows, they are pretty tame these days).

Seriously though, as soon as I showed the world, who I really was (despite teachers’ attempts to stifle my character) I became HAPPIER, attracted more friends, and probably looked prettier from all the smiling (I have dimples which helps)!

School is hard for all (and I attend an all girls’ private school that was frankly, toxic)- the insecurities established there lasted a long, long time but practising self-acceptance and being genuine, was and IS the only way. I can’t be anything else but myself now.

 

Be Kind

Sounds easy right yet some really do struggle with this one, to feel TRUE empathy, to understand another’s point of view, to be polite, open, compassionate and tolerant. To SIMPLY treat others as you want to be treated yourself.

I have an almost psychic ability to immediately gauge other people’s opinions of me good or bad. Call it a talent I’ve always had (since school at least) and it’s one you can hone yourself, assessing the energy of others towards you.

Whatever the vibe or initial pre/misconception of you, right or wrongly be OPEN, be NICE, give people a chance.

People bring their own baggage to other people and situations. It’s OK we all do it. We can assume so much just by looking at someone else. Try and stay open. Don’t be swayed by other people’s opinions too. Make your own call, you’re an adult after all.

Be Fair

I come from a long line of teachers and lecturers and even taught myself many years ago in between directing gigs. Being fair is in my blood. Assess a situation, try and look at it objectively. Believe, advocate and practice equality for all.

Are you being treated in a fair and just way, and likewise, are you doing the same to others?

Be Honest

Naturally, I believe in honesty. Being straight up, cards on the table, discussing problems, overcoming conflict- problem-solving and finding a way. There will always be scenarios you know can’t be solved of course, the ones where you’ve given people too many chances, or can see no positive outcome is viable. Don’t dwell. Forgive but walk away.

Importantly

Don’t b****.

Being a ‘mean girl’ (or guy) just isn’t cool -you have an issue discuss it calmly if you can (and it’s safe to). We’re all so worried about offending one another that problems are often pushed under the carpet and left to fester. Honesty goes a long way. Try it. Pick up the phone (tone is so easily lost on email and text), see people in person or even write a letter. Short s**** out. Once you start, you’ll see how easy it is.

B******* serves no one. Try and fill your life with those you can be yourself around (see first post on being genuine) and whom you like. Sounds like common sense yet so often we go against our better judgement, our gut, and keep those who drain and make us miserable, around.

Once you find your energy is directed and spent with those who make you GLOW, you’ll feel uplifted and empowered.

That doesn’t mean surround yourself with ‘yes people’-true friends can call you out when you make mistakes, tell you when you’re wrong. Be there when you’re down as well as up.

Which leads me to-

Say ‘Sorry’

It staggers me when people refuse to apologise when they are indeed in the wrong. Please don’t lose relationships over pride. You’ve messed up, own up to it. Agree to disagree if you can’t compromise. Do say ‘Sorry’, sort things out. Forgive. Always. Don’t let anyone make you store that negativity. Forgiveness doesn’t mean keeping people in your life, it means moving on for YOU.

Let’s all be more sisterly. Now.

What’s your code?

 

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The Sister Code. How Sisterly Are You? - Honest Mum

 

 

 

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30 Responses

  1. Sarah_Jay

    I really enjoyed this post which is written with such a warm open perspective. I’d like to think I practice all of the above, I don’t think this sort of thing is hard for me as I’ve always been a girls girl and had quite a lot of female friends. One thing I did learn abt myself lately is that ‘the saying never judge a book by it’s cover’ can be sooo true. I’ve always considered myself one of the least judgemental people and have been lucky to have had friends from different backgrounds, nationalities, incomes etc but like everyone else I too can make pre-conceived judgements. Of course these aren’t so bad if we have to make a quick call on people and are also part of what makes us savvy/streetwise, but I have recently decided that’s abt as far as they are useful. I met someone who I judged as being ‘such and such type’ who not only totally proved me wrong but I learnt just how much they had been through (more than most in life) and what they’d had to cope with. This has really made me think. I honestly think that when we try to reserve judgement it means we are giving ourselves a chance to get to know people who can enrich our lives instead of cutting them off as they dnt fit in ‘such and such’ bracket. This is one lesson I was glad to have learned 🙂 xx

    Reply
  2. Emerald Dunne

    I saw the follow-up story come round on my Facebook feed and commented as ‘Emiko’. Couldn’t agree more with women being kind to each other.

    A story my mum told me made me wonder if bitchy people realise that the person they’re attacking can actually hear them. She (my mum) went to Ascot recently and was picked out in the film crew, with the studio team saying how glamorous she looked. She was naturally chuffed, but the very next thing the studio pundits came out with how the lady immediately afterwards looked awful. How cruel! That woman probably headed out that morning thinking how lovely she looked, only to be ‘outed’ on national television. Truly unkind!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Truly awful and that saddens me. Why do people feel they have the right to be cruel about others and style etc is subjective. I wish people would be considerate and mindful and see beauty in all x

      Reply
  3. Marguerite

    Love this post! You’re so right! I was lucky enough to have some amazing female role models who were my bosses and are now some of my best friends. They were supportive, motivating and caring – something I try to practise with my own friendships and also professional relationships with other women. One of the most rewarding things for me has been to (informally) mentor friends and colleagues and see them develop personally and professionally and reach their potential. It makes my world a much happier place. X

    Reply
  4. Ebabee

    Love the code and agree with it all. Women who help, support and nurture each other can achieve anything. And yet, I have seen so many instances especially in my past corporate working life where there was so much nastiness amongst intelligent women. Each one wanting to tear the other down and further themselves. I’ve had it directed at me simply because someone felt threatened by me and it was so unpleasant. So sad. Kindness, generosity and empathy is so much easier and yet so hard for some. So glad you put these thoughts out there. Love this post xx
    Ebabee recently posted…Dobble: A quick, fun and addictive card gameMy Profile

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  5. natalie

    A great code to live by. Life is tough enough without supporting each other and being kind to one another. At the end of the day the ultimate one who suffers is you, if you are not nice and kind to other. I’m a great believer in karma. Love Nat x
    natalie recently posted…Street Style Sunday – 5 Top Tips on being an INSTAMUMMy Profile

    Reply
  6. Mama and More aka Zaz

    There is such strength in the power of women supporting each other and collaborating, yet at the same time no greater vitriol than when we turn against each other. Personally I find it takes waaaaaay too much energy to be nasty, and I’d rather out good karma out there. Really great post, I love the code, it should all be a given, but you’re totally right to put it out there!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      100% Zaz, you an incredible sisterly friend, love your kind, bright energy, so lucky to have you in my life. Thanks for your comment x
      Honest Mum recently posted…The Sister Code. How Sisterly Are You?My Profile

      Reply
  7. Catherine @ Not Dressed As Lamb

    Vicki this is SUCH a great post, it really makes you stop and think. I *hope* I’m doing the sisterly thing where everyone is concerned, not just blogging – I think it’s so tiring that we constantly see/read examples of women bashing other women… I hope to god they’re a dying breed. Being kind is one of the fundamentally best things in life – nothing good ever comes from being mean because it is so POINTLESS.

    Mind you, it always makes me happy that I’m not one of the haters/bashers/trolls, and that (most) other women I know and love are not like that either. Separates the wheat from the chaff, doesn’t it…?

    Catherine x

    P.S. It reminds me of a little incident that happened at a wedding I went to last year: Talking to someone close to me (female, we’ll call her “Ann”), and as you do, you always ooh and aah over the bride’s dress and we were saying how beautiful she looked, etc. etc. Ann turned to me and said about one of the guests, “ooh what about that girl over there in that dress”, and I asked “What about her?”

    Ann said “Don’t you think that she looks awful in that dress? It’s far too tight, blah blah blah” – and right there and then I knew I didn’t want to be a part of bashing other women for what they were wearing any more, ever. Not that I ever did, I just didn’t want the conversation to continue and have to listen to it from someone else. The girl had obviously gone to a lot of trouble to get dressed up for the wedding, and I pointed out to Ann that I thought it was nice that she’d dressed up and looks happy and confident.

    Once Ann realised I wasn’t going to participate in the girl-bashing she turned to me and said – no word of a lie – “Oh you’re boring, I’m off to talk to someone who WILL have a bitch about what everyone’s wearing”.

    WTF?!!!!! And this is someone close to me as I said, and my disappointment in her was beyond measure. I’d rather be “boring” than criticise women in that way. But when it comes from someone you know and trust and love… It’s hard to take it. But I hope she soon gets the message that I don’t appreciate her being that way… It make me so sad 🙁

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Catherine, you are an amazing, sisterly beautiful lady inside and out. Like you, I have no time for those concerned with bashing others. Perhaps your friend is projecting her own insecurities on others. Maybe worth chatting to her kindly about it. Keep shining on and being you lovely. Thanks for this fab comment xx
      Honest Mum recently posted…The Sister Code. How Sisterly Are You?My Profile

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  8. Natalie Tricr

    Reading this feeling a bit sorry for myself but this all makes sense X it can be a tough old world out there and sometimes you need to Look around you and see woods for the trees.
    I’ve always said treat others as you want to be treated but don’t be let down if it doesn’t happen.
    Great post.
    Nat x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh hun, sending you love and strength, you are AMAZING, don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise xx
      Honest Mum recently posted…The Sister Code. How Sisterly Are You?My Profile

      Reply
  9. Leigh - Headspace Perspective

    Completely agree, Vicki. Life is tough enough – it makes sense to support one another. And life is too short for bitching and negativity. I don’t understand cattiness and nastiness – i just don’t get the point. Don’t like something? Move on. Had a fall out? Apologise, move on. Someone succeeds? Congratulate them. Someone struggles? Cheer them on. Fab post darling. Lucky to have you as a friend xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…Learning Lettering and DoodlingMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you darling Leigh, totally agree with you. No time for negativity. So lucky to have you as a friend too, got to meet up again soon xx

      Reply
  10. Michelle Reeves (The Joy Chaser)

    Yes! Totally believe in the power of sisterhood and collaboration. We need to lift each other up so we can ALL see the stars. Life really is too short for the haters and negative feelings. Forgive, forget, forge ahead. Awesome as always my sweet friend. Xxx

    Reply
  11. Franki ~ Little Luca & Me

    Agree totally with all of those points. I’m pretty much an open book myself, what you see is exactly what you get. I can’t be doing with trying to gauge people and work them out, I just want upfront honesty and real people. Life’s too short for anything else.

    Reply
  12. Amanda

    Funnily enough, my sister code has tightened and grown in intensity since blogging. The struggle is real, the competition is fierce and I have your backs ladies! Empowering post as always Vicki X

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks darling, see I don’t feel in competition with anyone, I see it as a chance to collaborate but I realise people feel life online is more competitive than ever and the pressures can be overwhelming. I think if more people were sisterly and supportive, they would feel so much stronger and happier. Thanks for being so lovely xx

      Reply
      • Amanda

        Yes, totally. Women seem to pit against each other oh-so-readily, but strength in numbers I say! Together we are invincible! The only person I’m in competition with is myself, to be the best I can be. #sisterhood

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