How sisterly are you. Really? Do you share those ‘Be Kind & Be Brave’ Pinterest posts then forget to practice what you preach?
I wanted to share my sister code with you so you can ‘check yourself before you wreck yourself’- and potentially your relationships.
Life can sometimes feel like a competition (especially online life)- and it’s easy to feel misunderstood, disliked or undervalued at times. That’s why self-love and self-care is crucial. To work on your self-worth, feel confident in knowing who you are, and putting the sister code into practice.
Holding women (and men) up, supporting, collaborating and feeling stronger than before.
Once you love your good self, you’ll feel less vulnerable and more empowered.
Dignity and respect is the order of the day, even to those who fail to show it to you.
I am so lucky to have always had strong women as my blueprint- from my mum to my grandmothers, aunts, mother-in-law to great friends and gifted colleagues. Kick-ass ‘collaborators’ in life and work, who have shown and continue to show me what ‘the sisterhood’ means.
To support, respect and celebrate one another. Always.
Now let’s get to the code-
I spent a lot of my school years trying to be someone else, someone prettier, more popular, funnier- and then I got tired of that shiznit and embraced my loud, lively, big eyebrow-ed self (OK I never embraced the brows, they are pretty tame these days).
Seriously though, as soon as I showed the world, who I really was (despite teachers’ attempts to stifle my character) I became HAPPIER, attracted more friends, and probably looked prettier from all the smiling (I have dimples which helps)!
School is hard for all (and I attend an all girls’ private school that was frankly, toxic)- the insecurities established there lasted a long, long time but practising self-acceptance and being genuine, was and IS the only way. I can’t be anything else but myself now.
Sounds easy right yet some really do struggle with this one, to feel TRUE empathy, to understand another’s point of view, to be polite, open, compassionate and tolerant. To SIMPLY treat others as you want to be treated yourself.
I have an almost psychic ability to immediately gauge other people’s opinions of me good or bad. Call it a talent I’ve always had (since school at least) and it’s one you can hone yourself, assessing the energy of others towards you.
Whatever the vibe or initial pre/misconception of you, right or wrongly be OPEN, be NICE, give people a chance.
People bring their own baggage to other people and situations. It’s OK we all do it. We can assume so much just by looking at someone else. Try and stay open. Don’t be swayed by other people’s opinions too. Make your own call, you’re an adult after all.
I come from a long line of teachers and lecturers and even taught myself many years ago in between directing gigs. Being fair is in my blood. Assess a situation, try and look at it objectively. Believe, advocate and practice equality for all.
Are you being treated in a fair and just way, and likewise, are you doing the same to others?
Naturally, I believe in honesty. Being straight up, cards on the table, discussing problems, overcoming conflict- problem-solving and finding a way. There will always be scenarios you know can’t be solved of course, the ones where you’ve given people too many chances, or can see no positive outcome is viable. Don’t dwell. Forgive but walk away.
Being a ‘mean girl’ (or guy) just isn’t cool -you have an issue discuss it calmly if you can (and it’s safe to). We’re all so worried about offending one another that problems are often pushed under the carpet and left to fester. Honesty goes a long way. Try it. Pick up the phone (tone is so easily lost on email and text), see people in person or even write a letter. Short s**** out. Once you start, you’ll see how easy it is.
B******* serves no one. Try and fill your life with those you can be yourself around (see first post on being genuine) and whom you like. Sounds like common sense yet so often we go against our better judgement, our gut, and keep those who drain and make us miserable, around.
Once you find your energy is directed and spent with those who make you GLOW, you’ll feel uplifted and empowered.
That doesn’t mean surround yourself with ‘yes people’-true friends can call you out when you make mistakes, tell you when you’re wrong. Be there when you’re down as well as up.
Which leads me to-
It staggers me when people refuse to apologise when they are indeed in the wrong. Please don’t lose relationships over pride. You’ve messed up, own up to it. Agree to disagree if you can’t compromise. Do say ‘Sorry’, sort things out. Forgive. Always. Don’t let anyone make you store that negativity. Forgiveness doesn’t mean keeping people in your life, it means moving on for YOU.
Let’s all be more sisterly. Now.
What’s your code?