forgiveness-two heart cappuccinos

In many years of blogging, I’ve learnt more than I thought possible about character and what drives others.

I’ve experienced selfless kindness on a daily basis and on such a staggering scale over the years it’s felt utterly life-affirming (thank you amazing readers and friends) but yes, along with that immense joy has come grave darkness too: libellous rhetoric, body shaming (too fat/too thin), passive aggression, faux friendship, scathing remarks about my family and untruths about my job and background.

We all, however, need the shade to see the light, right? Without it, we cannot value kindness and integrity to the degree it deserves.

I’m lucky that any negativity has been minimal to be honest. In fact, I can count the incidences above, on just one hand. Not bad for 7 years of sharing my life so openly online.

The upside to the downside (!) is that I’ve learnt the importance of forgiveness: the power of truly forgiving those who have tried and sometimes succeeded in hurting my family and I.

I’ve also forgiven myself for my own downfalls: in being reactionary at times when I should have just taken a deep breath ( I hate injustice) or for my sometimes over-sensitive ways. I accept my own flaws so can empathise with others’.

A smart psychologist and author Hillary L McBride sent me these wise words recently which resonated, ‘Hurt people hurt people’.

I realise people can sometimes misinterpret situations and know full well that we each view one another via our own prism of experience and baggage, but it’s vital to remember that we’re in control of how others makes us feel.

It’s taken 37 years to get here, but every person who has tried to break my spirit or lied about me in order to make themselves feel better, or who has hidden behind a screen falsely believing baloney, firing faux stones in an attempt to break my metaphorical bones are HONESTLY forgiven. From the bottom of my heart. Harbouring hurt or feeling resentful is a fool’s game. Letting go is liberating.

As an annoyingly, ‘always positive’ person I rarely dwell on negativity, PMT aside, and I’m incredibly grateful for all the love and support I receive each day. Just today a brand asked others on their FB page who their favourite blogger was and I felt teary-eyed to see so many people tag my blog page…I wanted to write this however, as I receive a lot of messages from others dealing with unkindness on and offline, and I wanted my words to empower them (and you)…

Life is so incredibly short, yet so much good can be done in a lifetime, so many lives potentially touched and transformed so joy must lead us all. Whenever I doubt my purpose, I remember the emails I’ve received, or the women who stop me in the street to thank me for helping them feel more confident, or who now, have a blog or business thanks to my work.

I remind myself that all the dots connect eventually and making my feature film (the path I was on pre-kids when I started developing it at Redbus, now Lionsgate) is within my reach, and that, along with continuing my work here, is part of my 5 year plan. That getting emotion up on screen (big or small) and helping others is what drives me.

That sleeping at night knowing who I am and loving my fearless self, (an act of courage in itself) is the key to contentment. That everything in my life starts with me. That when we love ourselves deeply enough, we can love others too. With unconditional love comes forgiveness. One cannot survive without the other.

It’s what I teach my kids so must lead by example too. We all must.

To be honest and strong, and to forgive.

It doesn’t mean tolerating nastiness or engaging with it. It’s about advocating and practising overcoming hate with love, in going high when others go low Michelle Obama style. It’s about empathy. In digging deeper than the surface and seeing others’ insecurities and fears first and understanding that’s what lurks behind negativity. Fear.

It’s about living with purpose, and laughing more than crying.

My Dad often scalds me that I forgive too easily. He fears my generous spirit (like his own) will always give me grief. And sometimes it has and know doubt will again, but it’s worth it, as with empathy, integrity and the ability to forgive without holding a grudge has come glorious, real friendship and relationships, and who could want for anything more?!

Who can you forgive today?


Thank you to Sophie Le Brozec for sending me this blog post and exercise on forgiveness, reinforcing how vital forgiving others is. Try it.


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The Importance of Forgiveness - Honest Mum



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20 Responses

  1. sign in

    Halfway through the post I made sure I had started using Buzzsumo. Thanks for the practical examples and case studies. Can not be more convincing. I will start by using the “find interview” technique.

  2. Lisa

    Flipping hell Vicki! I love this. And those words that Hillary’s sent you – ‘Hurt people, hurt people’. So true. We are all human and of course, it is hard to always rise above it and forgive, but when you do – I know from experience, it leaves you feeling calmer and stronger than ever. And if we can set this example for our kids then hopefully the world (IRL and online) will be a much kinder, happier place. Thank you for sharing this. Lisa xx

  3. Kath Mendez

    Love this. Forgiveness doesn’t means tolerating! You go, girl! It really does takes courage to forgive. Thank you for sharing this!

  4. Katrina Bruni

    100% accurate, gorgeous. It’s far braver to forgive than it is to hold onto bitterness. Sadly, we will never be rid of facing these situations in life and your reaction to forgive is the best way to deal with these life lessons. One exercise I like to practice is healing. I send healing to that person. I can’t imagine what it must be like to live life in such a negative headspace. Like you said, hurt people hurt. But we have all been hurt, it’s how we channel it right? Yet again, another stunning and powerful piece of writing from you gorgeous lady. Big love always. xxx

  5. Babes about Town

    Very powerful Vicki. Forgiveness is such a big word, such a massive concept, such a transformational spiritual practice. To be honest it’s something I’ve struggled with as there are some experiences I’ve been through where I can barely see through the pain to the person I’m supposed to forgive. But forgiveness is never about giving someone a free pass to be a d*ck. You’re so right in that it’s about personal growth, release of anger and fear and judgement. Something we all need to learn and relearn. I’m so pleased you’ve taken this approach and blogged so poignantly about it too. One of your natural gifts is that no amount of shade can dim your light. Keep shining mama and remember, when forgiveness ain’t working yet, we can just flip it to givenofux 😉

    • Honest Mum

      Aw what a touching, honest and beautiful comment Uju. I feel so flipping lucky to have you in my life. I hear what you’re saying, some people don’t deserve forgiveness but we forgive for us too, for peace. Love you xxx

  6. Zaz

    My sweet friend! You have the biggest heart, and quite rightly know that to hold on to rancour only encourages bitterness in ourselves. Not forgiving is the most rapid way to harbouring bad energy, and it does absolutely NOTHING for us or for our relationships. Most of all I think that we often need a reminder to be gentler and more forgiving of ourselves. If we can’t do that, then we can’t forgive others, because exactly as you quoted, hurt people hurt people. Too too too true. Lovely post xxxx

  7. peeky

    Thanks for the updates, i also see the pictures of Pakistani Halloween pictures,

  8. Cheryl

    What a relevant post for where I am in life just now. ? Struggling to ‘do the right thing’ as unsure what that is! Is honesty always the best policy ? Or is ignorance bliss? I hate fake people and liars, as I am the polar opposite. Should these fake characters be exposed for who they are and what they’ve done? Or should I forgive and forget, and be glad it’s not my problem anymore? Advise would be so much appreciated xx thank you xx

  9. your DIY family

    Love this post. Such wise words. ‘Hurt people hurt people’ is such a true statement said so
    succinctly in four words. Unkind words do hurt and it can be hard to forgive – I know I tend to react but I am realising more and more that those who hurt others is a reflection of themselves and not of me or the person they are trying to hurt. And I am teaching this to A as well as she is a sensitive little soul. And your words about loving yourself ring so true. If we love ourselves then we can love others and forgiveness comes easier. Such a beautiful post xx

  10. Rocknrollerbaby

    It’s good to forgive, a shame there are things you have to do so for but good that you can and will. Thank goodness people are forgiving because we all need forgiving at times too! You’re lovely. Keep being you! X

    • duck life 3

      Thank for your writting! I have read through some similar topics! However, your post has given me a very special impression, unlike other posts. I hope you continue to have valuable articles like this or more to share with everyone!

  11. Michelle Reeves

    These words! “That sleeping at night knowing who I am and loving my fearless self, (an act of courage in itself) is the key to contentment. >> so so true! Love this so much Vicki and was talking in my group just today about the importance of self-worth and showing ourselves kindness and compassion. Wise words as always lovely lady, thank you for everything that you do xxx

  12. Helen @mummymode

    I love this so much hun, felt very emotional reading it. You write so beautifully, and this bit really resonated: ” firing faux stones in an attempt to break my metaphorical bones “.
    I am continuously inspired by you and value your friendship xxx

  13. Sophie Le Brozec

    I took Denise’s online course about 18 months ago (the one who wrote that blog post on forgiveness) and she urges you throughout the whole course to forgive. And eventually I did. Wow! It was revolutionary. When you’re bearing a grudge the only person suffering is you in the end. It’s hard to forgive at first. Especially the big, painful stuff, but it is the best thing you can do for yourself. (And the other person doesn’t even need to know you’ve forgiven them!)

    Great blog post as ever lovely 🙂
    Sophie xx

  14. Lucy

    A truly beautiful post, and just so true. I often find that those who are being nasty are suffering themselves, and lashing out is a way to make themselves feel better. Sometimes you have to let things just bounce off – not always easy, but much better in the long run for your own sanity. x


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