Pregnancy and post-baby pressures on our bodies can feel overwhelming at times.
The pressure from the media as celebrities are often depicted and celebrated for their quick baby-weight loss, pressure from our peers in real life and online, and most often pressure from ourselves, that desire to return to the body we had before babies which is normal but not instant can be tough-going.
It’s natural to want normality, particularly at a time when everything feels off-balance thanks to the hormonal roller coaster post-pregancny and sleep deprivation.
After kids, we often find ourselves in a body, and mind we don’t recognise as our own.
Social media can connect and uplift (of course it can) but it can also exacerbate low self-esteem as we endlessly compare ourselves to others, forgetting our own individuality, bodies, DNA, and the experiences which made us who we are, and what we look like, today.
Before we know it, we’ve found ourselves in a cycle of self-loathing, such an easy default to have when mood can already feel low after having a child.
For many, post-pregnant bodies are changed forever yet this isn’t spoken about enough. It’s not normalised.
I have a 4 and a half year old and my mumtum that will never recover, after 2 c-sections. Do I like it? No? Have I come to accept it? Yes.
I hated my body post-birth truth be told, particularly after my first child, Oliver-it was inevitably damaged from the emergency section, sore and flabby, and it made the trauma I was suffering, worse.
This was ironically the cherry on the cake to a lifetime of bad body image. A slim child, adolescence was unkind to me (when is it anything but?) and a yoyo-ing body weight thanks to PCOS has made for what feels like a rocky relationship with my own body image for as long as I can remember.
PCOS messes with your mind. My body changes literally, week to week where I can morph from a UK 8-10 to a 12 depending on the time in my cycle or even what I’ve eaten. My wardrobe is as confused as my body-image. Yes, those are not big sizes by any means but it’s not about size per se, it’s about my frame and what suits me.
Pre-holiday I tried to lose weight that had accumulated over the last couple of months of me taking my eye off the ball. I’d eliminated egg, wheat and gluten as well as yeast after intolerance tests showed those to be bad for me (you can read my story of gluten HERE) and have forced myself to move more. It sounds simple to add more exercise into your life and whilst I love physically doing it, like many others, the motivation can be lacking when life becomes busy.
I’ve lost weight (dropped a dress size and am mostly back in my UK size 10 dresses) but I’d like to tone up more. I’ve come to terms with my tiger stripes and never really think about them now and stretch marks certainly don’t stop me from wearing a bikini.
That doesn’t mean I feel super confident in my swimwear either but it means I wear a bikini when I want to and I want to inspire you to do the same.
To not let having babies stop you from feeling free and having fun, ever.
This is the caption that accompanied the photo above:
‘So the tummy has stretch marks and it will be a mumtum forever thanks to my little Spider-Man over here, and his older brother Oliver, but to those little guys, I’m a superwoman and that’s good enough for me⚡! A picture I shared 2 years ago in my bikini (this exact one in fact) went viral (which was a shock) and I still receive emails to this day from women saying they feel more confident about their shape because of it. That they went swimming with their kids when they wouldn’t before. That they feel proud of their post-baby bodies and less pressured. Yes to that ??. I’m working on my own body image every single day, for myself and most importantly for my kids. It’s not always easy, we’re our own worst enemy at times and social media can ramp up the pressure to appear perfect (which doesn’t exist of course) but we owe it ourselves and the future to feel fierce whatever our size and shape. We’ve got this people. Please join me if you fancy it when you share shots of your badass selves in your swimwear with the hashtag #proudinmybikini’
This photo comes 2 years after I shared a picture of myself wearing the same bikini, in Jamaica which went viral much to my utter shock and disbelief.
I still get messages from women to this day telling me the positive effect it had on them (a lady even came to a workshop to hear me speak because of that photo). The strength the photo gave others in their own journey to accept their bodies and feel more confident meant so much to me. It made me feel strong in return.
Here’s another one we took the other day, too.
It’s hard but vital we keep the conversation going about our bodies however difficult that might seem because that honesty will free us. It will enable us to feel less alone, and frankly more badass about ourselves. All shapes and sizes are beautiful and remember that we did good mamas, we made babies and are raising children.
Let’s be more confident for them as much as for ourselves. Little people have big eyes and ears and are watching and listening to how we behave and what we say (to ourselves).
To raise confident kids, we need to be strong adults. Don’t forget that the brain is malleable, the more we tell ourselves we look good and are enough, the quicker we will believe it.
All power to us!
Please do share your pics in swimwear on social media if you like too, along with the hashtag #ProudInMyBikini inspiring other women to do just that and feel good about themselves. I’ll share a collage of everyone’s pics on the blog at the end of the summer!
Thanks x
(Thank you to Jet2.com and Jet2holidays for this magical trip. I’m the airline’s digital ambassador and we are currently away in Portugal at Pine Cliffs Residence, a Luxury Collection Resort, Algarve on holiday, with my family).
Touched this was chosen as Blog of the Day on the Mumsnet Bloggers’ Network.
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You are looking gorgeous
Vicky, you look great, wish I could rock a two piece red bikini and look as good! Btw I’ve stayed at Pine Cliffs and loved it. Only wished they had a better selection of children’s menus – I found they were the same everywhere. Didn’t you? x
Hey lovely, amazing place, didn’t feel like that, tons of choice in the buffet at the Grill which we ate at the most and Zest etc, they loved the food. Thank you for your kind words, I bet you look amazing in a bikini, hope you find the confidence to wear one x
What an inspiring post….you look stunning in your bikini. Like you, I had 2 c sections and have stretch marks. My children are 16 and 14 now so I thought I would ‘shape up’ by now! But you know what? I’m very comfortable in my own body which is fit and strong and I will wear a bikini for as long as I want too! Thank you for sharing. #brilliantblogposts
Yes to that! x
So many women struggle with body image yet we all fee so alone! This is an amazing open and honest post and I love it! Inspiring and empowering!
Thanks very much Ally x
You know, you are so incredible for sharing such an honest post!! I have such a similar tummy to yours, stretchmarks decorating my stomach and breasts like tiger stripes! It has been so hard to accept my new body …. and it has been 11 years since my first child!! I still struggle with it daily, just thankful I have an amazing husband who always sees the beauty beyond the marks and scars!! Taking my hat off to you!
Thanks Alice, hope you will see the beauty too, you are amazing and made a baby, we rock xx
You are beautiful, and if anyone says otherwise (including that annoying voice inside your head), send them my way! I crush them! #brillblogposts
Hahah thank you Lisa, mwah x
Hi, what a great post reminding others to embrace the bodies we have #brilliantblogposts
Thanks Chloe, so important to respect ourselves and the body we live in x
I can’t tell you how much I love this post & gorge pic Vicki – just sums up everything we should be proud of – strength, honesty, our children, our beauty as women. And so perhaps now after kids, we can’t mould into the model-like figure (I, too, spent my teens attempting to morph my body into a Kate-Moss like state and that ain’t never going to happen) but we have curves and scars and it’s so awesome to see mothers proud to show them off. And I love the spiderman cozzie as you know! #brillblogposts
Aw thanks Susie, what an amazing, empowering comment, YES to everything and Spider Man costumes rock huh! x
So much love for this you beaut <3 Such an important message for Mamas! Your body had performed miracles and the way it looks reflects that… We are superwomen! Our bodies made life! #brilliantbogposts
Thank you darling, yes to that xx
Love love love this post. You look absolutely stunning in both pictures. After years of hating my own body, over the past few months I have finally started to appreciate what it has done bringing to kids into this world. Despite being my heaviest (apart from when pregnant of course) I am actually starting to feel more at peace and confident in my own skin than I ever have. I totally agree about being body confident in front of our kids, they are so impressionable it’s important we impress the right attitude x
#Brillblogposts
So brilliant to read, I feel the same, yes I’ve been slimmer and bigger too but I’m feeling better in my skin, yes to more confident mamas everywhere xx
They are fab pics, thank you for sharing x
You look fab! 🙂 Very jealous of the gap between your thighs … ha ha …. I haven’t had one of those for years !! :O …. Loving your tiger stripes, mine are darker than yours, fading tho. I’m super proud of mine and my C-section scar, (3 babies & 3 Sections)… xx
Nothing I do to create that, weirdly always been like that, the same does not apply to leanness anywhere else though, ha! Aw love this comment, yes to feel proud of our amazing bodies, well done you, hoping to have a third baby one day xx
You look great. I have recently done a blog post about ‘How I love my body after having children’. I mean I have put on weight, I have stretch marks, I have loose skin, but what my body has given me, my two little girls, I will forever love it. 🙂 x
Oh amazing, will go read that, can you link to it here please? x
YES to that, I would now miss my stretch marks if they weren’t there x
You look fantastic Vicki!An inspirational post and lots of inspirational comments too. I’m not quite to the #proudinmybikini stage after my emergency c section four years ago, but I hope I’ll get there one day. #brilliantblogposts
Thank you darling, hope you get there. I think seeing more women who look like me on online and on Instagram particularly makes me feel so much better in my skin xx
I think you’re perfect. The issue is changing the perception of what’s a bikini body!! And not only is this relevant to mom’s, but also older women like me & my mom’s! We still want to have fun at the beach and not be ashamed of our bodies—and we need more role models to prove to others that every body is beautiful!!
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
Absolutely this Jodie, I’ve found lots of gorgeous women on Instagram who’ve made me feel much more confident in my skin, there isn’t one way to be beautiful, thank goodness for the democracy of the internet emphasising just that x
I love your positive body image and I really need to adopt it. My weight ranges and I go from a size 14 to 18 at times, but then I am 5’10’ so I don’t mind having a little extra on me. I’m focusing on getting back into a 14 right now and i’ll be happy with that. You look amazing #brillblogposts
Thanks Michelle, it’s not about size is it, but feeling good in our skin xx
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. This should be printed out and handed to mums straight out of the maternity ward. It is so important to not feel diminished in yourself, in your body confidence, despite what life’s experiences have done to it. And it’s equally important to not let your emotional goggles distort the person you see in the mirror. That happens to me. Yes I am not the same after my son and my traumatic c-section, and I have not managed to address a diastasis recti or do much exercise which I know will help lots, BUT I don’t look half as broken as I think I do. So every morning, especially when I’m having a self-loathing day, I try and remove myself from that frame of mind by focusing on something I like about myself and the positives that abound. It really does help put a spring in my step! #brilliantblogposts
Thank you darling, really hope it helps many, it’s on Huffington Post and Huff Post UK shared it on social and Mumsnet picked it up as Blog of the Day which was lovely so that’s also helped with reach. That’s what’s vital, seeing other women in the media that defy the ‘norm’ which isn’t the norm presented to us. Pregnancy changes bodies and minds and the more we celebrate ourselves the easier it is to remind ourselves on those tougher days, how flipping awesome we are! xx
Yes! Nothing looks as beautiful as confidence, and you look absolutely gorgeous. Have so much fun! You’ve earned it!
Thanks darling, what a kind comment x
Well done you! I never have the confidence! #brilliantblogposts
Hope you do gorgeous lady x
Hope you have had a wonderful time in Portugal. Great message, It is so important that we have confidence and feel proud of ourselves and stop aspiring to what we think is the perfect body or what society expects of us! Life is too short -enjoy and be proud.
Absolutely this and thank you! Portugal was wonderful, arrived home to a cold UK tonight! x
My pet peeve is any kind of body shame or hang-up. As long as we are alive and healthy, our bodies are functioning as they should. Your body is perfect; you are an active healthy mother and your body reflects that. Bravo you!
Love this comment Lisa, thank you and I absolutely agree with you, health is everything and we must celebrate our bodies x
I suffered with diastasis rectii with my first child (and again now I’m pregnant with my next child) which never fully healed and left me with a belly pouch and overhang, not to mention stretchmarks, which made me look like I was still pregnant. I think I’d have maybe been ok in high rise bikini bottoms but I never found anything that worked with my tummy that came any lower….I didn’t have the chance to go on a sun holiday last year anyway and now we have one planned Ive a belly full of ‘baby’ – I’ve decided I’m going to try a bikini though, im quite proud of my stretchmarks now, they are a reminder of the extra long pregnancy journey (Arthur was 15 days late) and the fact I grew a healthy, good sized baby. You look amazing on your photos – love a red bikini too x #brillblogposts
Hi Sarah, gorgeous news on your pregnancy, huge congrats and if you feel like joining in, I’d love to have you add the #Proudinmybikini hashtag. Love your words here, stretchmarks are beautiful xx
You look fantastic!
I have had 5 sections following a traumatic forceps delivery of my first. (Six kids total.) Despite being quite slim, I stick to tankinis. I should opt for a bikini at some point. I have stretch marks but they’ve faded alot. Like you, this is my body and I am proud of its achievements. Well done on being brave in our silly world with unrealistic ideals. The more of us who show strength, the faster these false ‘ideals’ will become the trash that they are. X
Looking fabulous and spreading an even more fabulous message 🙂 #brilliantblogposts
Thanks so much! x
Both pictures deserve to go viral for no other reason than you look great! Hope you’re strutting your stuff on your last day in Portugal. Have a glass of port for me!
Kat x
Love you, thanks darling, back in the freezing UK after a fab holiday. Will be pouring myself a glass of Port tonight too (to warm up) x
You look great! I too wear a bikini, yes I wobble, but I hate lying on the beach in a wet swimming costume, when bikini is more comfortable. Men walk past with their big bellies and no one batters an eye, so I think why should we as women be so judged. I think your post is great, I hope it inspires even more women to think what the hell, I’m not perfect but I’m proud in my bikini ?!
Thanks lovely, so true about men, we must never feel we can’t wear what we like, thank you xx
Always an inspiration! You look fabulous and remind us to be proud of our bodies no matter what. Xx
Thank you my darling xxx