family-Honest Mum

So those reading my blog last week will know, it was a pretty rubbish time for myself and Alexander. A lot of tears were shed (by us both).

The nursery induction was hard going, which was inevitable but it was worse than I expected, Alexander was beside himself and despite another session with me staying with him, he just wasn’t settling, my toddler wasn’t ready.

toys

Firstly, thank you all that read and commented on Starting Nursery-the Heart Wrench, your comments made my day of hell so much easier to deal with. Your words touched me when my heart was breaking. When I felt I’d abandoned my baby. When he felt I’d abandoned him.

I wonder if being the youngest and being young for a 2 year old makes a difference. His vocabulary is wide but his emotional maturity seems less than my eldest at his age.

And what’s more, since the induction, he’s become more clingy, cried for me when he was with my Mum, previously unheard of and has just not been himself.

So I’ve made the decision to leave things for 2 months and reassess. To not return to nursery until he’s a little older. Maybe in 2 months, maybe more. We’re playing it by ear.

My Mum’s foot is getting better, I have a lovely lady who comes to the house a few times a week for half days to watch him so I can work and although the juggle that is freelance life can sometimes make me want to pull my hair out, on the whole I have the best of both worlds-a job I LOVE which stimulates me (thank you blog) and lots of time with my family for drop off, pick up, dinner and bedtime!

Yes I burn the midnight oil far too much but I’m content, my kids are happy and if my youngest son needs more time, that’s fine with me.

I realise I’m lucky I have a choice, that I can work all night if I need to meet deadlines and although my job is full time, it’s flexible and can work around my kids.

…Thankfully the nursery are incredible: supportive, understanding and of course happy to wait until we want to return. They trust that I know my child best and want to do what makes us both feel comfortable.

And I do feel happy. I know I’ve made the right decision. Nursery can wait. I’m not sure either of us were ready really.

These days are the times of our lives and having my youngest with me for longer is something to cherish. That much I know.

Toy photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

 

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48 Responses

  1. jenni at nonstopmama

    HUGE well done (and an even HUGER sigh of relief I’m sure) – absolutely right to follow your heart and do what your mama heart says is right for you both, all, and take it step by step – I agree absolutely with first comment that you’ll know when it’s right, and each baby is different, we’re all different grown up after all (!!!), something I always have to remind myself. MUCH love and well done and hope you have a much more peaceful, happy, make the most of these days time – even if it means a bit of crunching and rejigging! I can relate to that!! XXXX

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Thanks darling, I know I’ve made the right choice and feel relieved and happy, lucky you are right as a freelancer I can rejig things, thanks for your lovely comment! xx

      Reply
  2. Downs Side Up

    Darling Vicki, each child is different and the very best parents recognise that and take their lead. You will both know when the time is right. Much love H x
    Downs Side Up recently posted…Making a harvest festival box: Teaching your child with Down syndrome new skillsMy Profile

    Reply
  3. Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely

    Oh I really don’t blame you at all. I did the same with my son earlier this year. I started him at nursery and he was devastated so I made the decision to keep him at home with me. A few people were a little bit critical but I knew it was the right thing to do. He started at pre-school a few weeks ago and LOVES it. He’s so happy because it was simply the right time for him. Trust your instincts, my dear. You know best xx
    Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely recently posted…Stealing a momentMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Oh Rachel thank you so much for this, it really backs up what I know is right for Alexander, thank you and I’m so glad your son is happy at pre-school x

      Reply
  4. Babes about Town

    Absolutely, go with your gut and your own timing. Very glad to read this post and to hear you’ve come to a decision that makes sense for you. There really is no rush and these are the days, my friend, they really are. It goes so fast so enjoy every moment with your littlest one xoxo
    Babes about Town recently posted…A Day out at Lord’s Cricket GroundMy Profile

    Reply
  5. Mama and More aka Zaz

    Good for you Vicki. It’s often harder to go back on our decisions and realise that perhaps now is not the right time, and it sounds like you’ve thought carefully about what is right for you all. Bless him, and he is lucky too that you are able to make this choice xxx
    Mama and More aka Zaz recently posted…All About You Link PartyMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Thanks darling, we are really lucky to have so much support from my folks and that my job is flexible! Thanks for all your support x

      Reply
  6. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    You have to do what you think is the best option for both of you, and if you think it’s the best to wait, then it is. Nothing is worse than you both being upset, and maybe in 2 months he will be ready 😉

    Reply
  7. Coombemill

    Well done for standing up to what you feel is best for you both and not feeling under pressure to conform to others. You will know when the time is right in the mean time enjoy your time together.
    Coombemill recently posted…Three easy to make crownsMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Keri Jones

    You know him best & it does sound like you’ve absolutely made the right decision. He has plenty of time to start nursery & as his mummy you will know when he is ready xx

    Reply
  9. Franglaise Mummy

    Oh lovely, that really does sound like the right decision. It’s so tough this parenting malarkey but I’m so glad you’ve found a solution to something that was causing you so much distress xx
    Franglaise Mummy recently posted…Quiz: Are you an English woman or a French woman?My Profile

    Reply
  10. Julie's Family Kitchen

    Oh Vicki, it sounds like you have both had a tough time. 2 months is a long time in the life of a toddler, so I’m sure things will be easier then. Sounds like you’ve made the right decision.
    Julie’s Family Kitchen recently posted…Bolognese Pasta BakeMy Profile

    Reply
  11. TheBoyandMe

    You’ve completely made the right decision, if he’s not ready then it’s no biggy. Enjoy his babyhood, he is only little once.
    TheBoyandMe recently posted…365 #39My Profile

    Reply
  12. Emma T

    Sounds like it’s the right decision for you guys, and lucky that your work allows the flexibility and that the nursery will. Some I’ve heard of can be a right pain if you want to take even a shorter break because they’re so oversubscribed.

    Hopefully it’ll give you both chance to enjoy time together again, and for him to be able to prepare for what it can be like – the opportunity to enjoy time away from you rather than the upset he felt. Such a tough decision. I think I was lucky in that N’s been there from 11 months, and has felt at home at both his day nursery and then starting at nursery school as well. But all children are so different and that’s where as parents you feel pressure and right/wrong for these things that are so important.
    Emma T recently posted…Living Arrows 39/52My Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      You are so right, so glad your little one settled well and I do think it’s easier the younger they are. I think this way, hopefully when he starts again, he won’t remember all the anguish as much and be better prepared to deal with me leaving, I am so lucky my blogging job and the nursery can support this too, thanks for your kind words x

      Reply
  13. Potty Mouthed Mummy

    This sounds like the right decision for you my lovely. Am glad you have such a lovely nursery and well done for having the confidence in your own gut decisions for what is right for you both. Hugs xxx
    Potty Mouthed Mummy recently posted…Living Arrows {Crawlies} 39/52My Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Aw thanks so much sweetie, really feel like I’ve made the right decision for us. Thanks for your kind words, your support and everyone else’s has meant the bloody world to me x

      Reply
  14. Annwen

    Nursery will still be there in a couple of months and if they are flexible then totally take advantage of that. It won’t be long before he is ready I’m sure!
    Annwen recently posted…Build A Bear Workshop White Rose CentreMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Thanks Annwen, they are amazing and I’m really grateful to them, they always put the child first and I know in time, he’ll be ready, thanks for your kind words x

      Reply
  15. The Reading Residence

    You’re so right that you know your kids best. My son turned 2 this month, and I know he wouldn’t be ready yet, though his sister may well have been at the same age – they’re like chalk and cheese! Great that the nursery are understanding and supportive of your decision and that you are both happy with it, too x

    Reply
  16. Kim Carberry

    Aww! It does sound like you are doing the right thing. Good luck x
    Kim Carberry recently posted…Our Weekly Meal Plan!! – #mealplanningmondayMy Profile

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  17. brummymummyof2

    Good for you beaut! You do whatever is best for you and your family. That’s all that matters. I will wait for my boy to go the year before he should start pre-school. So next September. I am glad you are happy with your decision and I bet you are sleeping a lot better! x
    brummymummyof2 recently posted…Project PlayroomMy Profile

    Reply
  18. Franki | Little Luca & Me

    I’m so glad you’ve made a decision that you feel happy with. There is no rush for him to go to nursery and like you said your lucky enough to be able to have him home with you a little longer and make the most of these days with them that fly by so fast. He’ll get there eventually. Xx

    Reply
  19. Ebabee

    NOBODY knows your kids like you do and it’s so great that your nursery understand and respect this as many wouldn’t. How lovely to have your cutie home with you a little longer. x
    Ebabee recently posted…Autumn Winter 2014 by CaramelMy Profile

    Reply
  20. mummytries

    Sounds like you’re doing the right thing hon. Two months is a long time for a toddler and a lot can change. You’re very lucky to be in a position to delay, and I’m sure Alexander knows just how lucky he is to have his mummy around. There is nothing worse than leaving a distressed child with someone else, utterly heartbreaking. I’m so pleased you’ve come to a good solution lovely xx
    mummytries recently posted…Review: eFrame.co.ukMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Thanks so much sweetie, last week was utterly heartbreaking and I knew deep down he just wasn’t ready and nor was I. Thanks for your lovely words and your support, it’s meant so much to x

      Reply
  21. vicki-elliebearbabi

    I think it’s brilliant that you decided to take a step back and try him again when hes ready. I would do the same in your situ though my little girls not yet two. Hope he settles again for you soon! x
    vicki-elliebearbabi recently posted…Daddies GirlMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Thanks Vicki, really pleased with this decision and feels like I’ve taken control of a distressing time in our lives. I’m sure there will be more tears down the line which I expect but hopefully he’ll be more ready then, thanks for your words x

      Reply
  22. Hannah Mums' Days

    Good for you! It’s such a difficult time but you know Alexander. He wasn’t himself on Wednesday at all and I thought then I bet this is a reaction to being in nursery the day before. Just because he’s not ready now doesn’t mean he won’t be in a few months time. I think it’s a really sensible approach… like mine to getting Reuben to eat new things. Just keep trying and one day it might fit! His vocab is so good, one day he’ll probably just tell you he’s ready.

    Keep talking to him about it, make it sound fun and exciting, about all the cool things he’ll get to do, but reassure him that there’s no pressure and he can go if/when he wants to 🙂

    Loads of love xxx
    Hannah Mums’ Days recently posted…Reflux in babies – Hayley’s StoryMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Such wise advice darling, thanks so much. He wasn’t himself at all when we met, so quiet and unwell, had a virus and then I found out he also has a penicillin allergy. More than anything, he just isn’t ready so I’m pleased we are taking our time, thanks for all your support x

      Reply

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