We all have s*** days, that’s life right, but sometimes those tough days can feel relentless, and they can often morph into s*** months or even years. A lot of last year for my family and I was utter pants. Not professionally, but personally.

You probably won’t have realised that though, not because I was being dishonest, but because I couldn’t share a lot of that sadness, bar mentioning in passing that things weren’t rosy.

I’m a blogger and vlogger and of course my work revolves around me sharing my life. I can’t share it all plus I don’t want to. No one does.

In the same way as a documentary director and producer pre-blogging, the final programme and version of events, as with everything, will always a selective edit. Ideally balanced but everything is filtered and edited.

A close family member has been ill for over a year. They don’t want me to share what’s happened and I respect it. It’s not my story to tell but I’ll say this, it’s been heartrendingly hard for us all.

Beneath the smiles, the more fun days, the times the light gets a look in between the dark clouds, there’s a constant dulling. A sadness.

Things are improving. I’m positive all will be OK.

I’m focused on staying strong for everyone and luckily managed 2 sessions with the therapist I saw after suffering from a traumatic birth which helped me feel better able to cope with everything. And I am coping. I don’t feel depressed. I just want life to get back to normal.

I’m writing this for myself as a form of therapy but mostly for you. Because so often, on the surface, people’s lives- my life- can look easy.

Nothing is easy in life. You want success, you need to work hard for it.

Life will always be a cocktail of adversity and joy. The tougher parts bring vital lessons. They show you who you are, who you can trust, what’s important in life. They bring the context you need.

If you’re feeling alone, depression, anxious or are simply having a s*** old day, please reach out for support.

Talk to your family, friends and GP too if you need to.

There’s no shame or weakness in asking for help. That in itself, is a strength.

I’m taking me own advice on self-care and am about to head out for lunch with one of my best mates before going for a run in the sun.

It’s not selfish to look after yourself so please do it.

Love, always.

 

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66 Responses

  1. Rebecca

    Im sorry to hear you have been going through a difficult time lovely lady… I can totally relate to this at the moment… with all thats going on in our home life and our recent wedding I feel like I’m being tugged in two polar opposite emotional directions! Life can get so tough and at the very worst times too! We are so lucky though to have such supportive and loving families and friends… also the blogging community has been such an empowering force the last few weeks <3
    Rebecca recently posted…Rockin’ Mothers Day Gift Guide: To pamper and indulgeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh darling, sorry to read this, life can be so hard sometimes can’t it. You are right about having wonderful support on and offline though, we are so lucky aren’t we. Thank you for kind words xxx

      Reply
  2. Mrs Mummy Harris

    Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling a bit crappy. you are so right though, sometimes being a bit selfish and having “you” time can be the best thing and bring you back to a level where you can take on everything! #Brilliantblogposts
    Mrs Mummy Harris recently posted…A Picture Says A Thousand Words – Just Average JenMy Profile

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  3. Brandi with Big Fit Fam

    life certainly seems to come in waves of sadness, difficulty, and triumph. We sty strong for the good times to come. I hope that you are able to move on to better times soon! #BrilliantBlogPosts

    Reply
  4. Lisa

    Ah Vicki, I’m sorry you’ve been feeling a bit crappy. Last year wasn’t a particularly good one for me and mine either and you’re right that we can sometimes feel others’ lives always seem rosy. Of course, they’re not. My brother put something on Facebook the other day saying something like, ‘always be kind to those you meet because you don’t know what they may be going through.’ It’s so true. Kindness to others – and to ourselves – is sooooo important. Just a smile, a little hug or a kind word can make such a difference. Big hugs to you and your family. xxx

    Reply
  5. Chloe

    Sorry to hear that you have had a bit of a tough time lately. Thank you for sharing this post you are right there is no shame in seeking help and support. Hopefully this will help others do it if they need to.
    Chloe recently posted…Review of Sainsbury’s Free From Sticky Toffee PuddingMy Profile

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  6. Susan Mann

    You are so right lovely, it is important to look after you too. Sorry to hear things have been tough, you do so much and it’s hard to do it all at times. I hope things improve and always here if you need me. Hugs xx

    Reply
  7. Tooting Mama

    I’m sending you a big hug my lovely. You are right, self-care is so important, actually, it’s vital. If we don’t look after ourselves we can’t look after our nearest and dearest. Hope you had a fabulous run.
    Tooting Mama recently posted…Paris + Kids = Disneyland Paris? 10 alternative and amazing things to do in Paris with kidsMy Profile

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  8. Susie / So Happy In Town

    Really loved this post for your honesty and the support you offer others Vicki, as it’s always easier to know that you’re not alone in suffering, we all do at different times. Really sorry to hear about your family member – such a hard thing to see anyone you love unwell. We’ve had a really tough time as a family for the past 6 months and it’s ongoing, and someone who read my blog recently said ‘you obviously have such a glamorous life’ and I just thought, if only you knew what sh*t has been going on. But that’s the trick of the image we can portray but nobody can really know what’s really going on. Thx for sharing this and you’re right, we all need a little self care to help us through.xxxx #brillblogposts
    Susie / So Happy In Town recently posted…Cure3 exhibition – art raising money for Parkinson’s DiseaseMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Hey Susie, so sorry you are having a tough time too, it can be hard for others to see beneath the more fun side of life and it’s natural to want to share that, it’s a form of surviving it too. Sending love and hugs xx

      Reply
  9. Stacey

    You are so right. Im sorry things have been a little dull for you recently, keep looking after yourself and i hope things brighten up soon.

    Reply
  10. Clare

    I know – trust me I know! And you know I know
    So I won’t say much but know you will be ok, you are amazing and inspiring! BUT don’t forget yourself and take massive care, things tend to catch up when we run at a million miles per hour – I know!
    Massive Love Cx

    Reply
  11. five little doves

    I’m so sorry to hear this, I think many of us have issues in our lives that we cannot share on our blog due to respect for others privacy. Whilst our lives may appear perfect on the surface, I think many of us are treading water below the surface, desperately trying to hold it together for everyone around us. I hope things improve for you, much love to you. #BrilliantBlogPosts
    five little doves recently posted…Johnson’s Bedtime Baby Sleep AppMy Profile

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  12. Twin Pickle

    Sorry to hear you’re in the wars, I hope opening up a little more and sharing helps with healing 🙂 #briliiantblogposts
    Twin Pickle recently posted…Do Identical Twins Have the Same DNA?My Profile

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  13. Eb Gargano / easypeasyfoodie.com

    So sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time lately, but happy for you that things seem to be improving and I hope things keep on getting better. Totally agree that looking after yourself and having some ‘me time’ is super important. Eb x
    Eb Gargano / easypeasyfoodie.com recently posted…Orange, Pistachio and Honey Polenta CakeMy Profile

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  14. Vicki Montague

    You are so right Vicki. It is so important to look after yourself. I’m really sorry to hear that things are tough and I really hope things look up soon. In the meantime do what you need to do to get by xx
    Vicki Montague recently posted…Hot Cross Bun Chocolate Rolls (Gluten-Free, Egg-Free, Can Be Dairy-Free) & A Chocolate GiveawayMy Profile

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  15. Emma

    Thank you for sharing this Vicki. I recently went through a period of depression and anxiety and am so glad I reached out to my local NHS talking therapies service. Private counselling and therapy can be expensive and I don’t think enough people realise that you can self-refer and get 6 weeks free counselling on the NHS. They are called IAPT services, and everyone should be able to find a local provider. It’s so worth it, my counsellor was lovely and helped me work through so LONG held issues I hadn’t dealt with.
    Emma recently posted…How to get your home-based business online in one day (for under £100)My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks Emma and so sorry you have been suffering too. Yes the NHS are amazing and the referral time is quick, I was seen within a few weeks if not sooner. Glad you are feeling better

      Reply
  16. Lucy At Home

    Oh I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling so much with the circumstances you find yourself in. It is so tough to see those we care about suffering, and be unable to help. As you say, everything just seems a little bit dull.

    I’m glad that things seem to be improving and that you’ve been able to put some of your feelings into words. #brillblogposts
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Why Every Parent Should Do A First Aid Course (yes – including YOU!)My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thank you Lucy for your kind and supportive words. It’s the pits seeing those you love, suffer. Things are brightening and I’m keeping positive. Thank you x

      Reply
  17. Emma Peach

    Sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time. I hope your loved one gets better soon xxx

    Emma
    Emma Peach recently posted…Military Jacket and Studs + Style With a Smile Link UpMy Profile

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  18. Jax

    I am totally with you here, what a beautiful post! It is so easy to forget about ourselves sometimes in the midst of the trauma that can sweep us up! It is so true that to the readers eye, everything can seem so rosy because you only show what you want to show. I am a true example for this. I never write about things whilst I am going through them because I also feel as though I can write with a bit more positivity when I an able to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I could write a book of things the past year but it probably wont be for another year until I feel like I can speak about it and share! Life aye! Chin up beauty, life can get so shit at times but I do believe if you make sure you look after yourself, you can be a better support for other people too xxx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you darling and sorry you’ve had a tough time too. It’s a form of survival isn’t it, to write about the positives. Writing this has been really therapeutic for me and I really hope it helps others x

      Reply
  19. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    Oh darling, so so sad reading this. I wish I was closer to give you a big hug. I know how hard it has been on you and your family for so long. You are so strong. xxxx sending hugs
    Mirka Moore @Kahanka recently posted…Stylish Sandals for this SummerMy Profile

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  20. Kim Taylor

    Sorry to hear this, but you are right, we all have good and bad times and social media doesn’t always show that! but everyone is the same x

    Reply
  21. Intrepid bebe

    It must be tricky at time to balance honesty, with full exposure. It’s great to hold ones hands up occasionally and say ‘just remember this is a snap shot not a 24 hour behind the scenes”. A little openness, and honesty in Motherhood goes a long way, and the “me too factor” is so powerful. I hope things ease up soon
    Intrepid bebe recently posted…Digital Toddler Wrangling: Can an Online Course help me be a better Parent?My Profile

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  22. Angela / Only Crumbs Remain

    I’m so sorry to read this Vicki. As you say, life isn’t always a bed of roses, s*** happens to the best of us. All of us. But you’re right, it’s not selfish to go for that run or extended lunch with friends – it’s part of our strategies to deal with events. Chatting with those we really trust can lift the weight of problems which can get us down. Take care,
    Angela x
    Angela / Only Crumbs Remain recently posted…Homemade Hazelnut Noisette ChocolatesMy Profile

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  23. Caroline

    So sorry to hear this Vicki, I really hope things improve. I can really relate to what you were saying about appearing like life is just peachy, when actually it’s far from it. It becomes very draining to keep up the pretence. Glad to hear that you’re taking some time for yourself, it’s so important. X

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks darling, focusing on the positive has helped me but vital I offer insight into how I’ve been feeling and what’s been happening in my life, for me as much as my readers. I really hope it helps others feel less alone if they are suffering too xx

      Reply
  24. Jody at Six Little Hearts

    Sorry to read this. I understand. I have just finished 15 months of treatment for breast cancer. I haven’t blogged it yet. (Slowly coming to terms with it.) Hope things continue to improve. X
    Jody at Six Little Hearts recently posted…Healthy Snacking for Active Kids with Organix…My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Oh darling Jody, I am so, so sorry to read this. How are you doing? Here for you. Will email you now too in case you don’t see this comment, much love xx

      Reply
  25. Pen

    Vicki, I am so sorry to hear about this. Stay strong and look after yourself. Pen x
    Pen recently posted…Children are too complicated to have simple labelsMy Profile

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  26. Carol Cameleon

    Very sorry to hear this Vicky but it sounds like things are getting better. And yes, there are so many forms of therapy – friendship and exercising for a clearer head are 2 of them.
    Carol Cameleon recently posted…Caffeine ~ how you can get off it tooMy Profile

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  27. Babes about Town

    So so true lovely. I know some of what you’ve been going through behind the scenes although of course we can never fully walk in another person’s shoes. But I admire your courage and your unfailingly positive approach to grabbing life by the cojones, even when it’s kicking you in other respects! Your strength is such a blessing to the ones that depend on you but as ever, so important to allow yourself to get support too. Glad you can take a little break today and just enjoy the sunshine, hold onto those happy making moments wherever you can find them. Lots of love and sending hugs xoxo
    Babes about Town recently posted…London Kids Weekend Scoop (March 9-12, 2017)My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thank you my darling for being there for me, for your precious friendship and support. Really important to savour the good to help you through the bad. Sending you love and hugs back and always. Need to see you soon xxx

      Reply
  28. Notmyyearoff

    Oh I’m so sorry Vicki, I hope they are doing ok and I hope they get better very soon xx
    Notmyyearoff recently posted…Llandudno and The Great OrmeMy Profile

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  29. Wave to Mummy

    So sorry to hear this. Sending you lots of love and strength for these trying times xx
    Wave to Mummy recently posted…How to help your kids keep safe online?My Profile

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  30. rachel

    Aw sweetheart, big heartfelt hugs to you, you are so right, when we write so openly on the internet its hard for others to imagine that this isn’t our full unedited life. Tough times make us stronger, they also humble us and make us have a long old think about life too. I know your year has been tough, we’ve chatted many times, but through it all you have been a beacon of hope for all around you. You are a positive energetic person who loves deeply and i know that this tough time for you all will clear and create a time of peace.
    Funnily enough i’ve written a piece today about my own personal happiness project after going through some shit, yet again, earlier this year. What doesn’t break us only makes us stronger, but we really after take care of our minds as we would our bodies!
    Much love to you, enjoy your well deserved lunch lovely lady xxxx
    rachel recently posted…My Personal Happiness ProjectMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Oh my darling, thank you and I’m so sorry to read this, off to read your post. Thank you for your friendship and support, it means so much and your words have made me well up xx

      Reply
  31. Katie

    This has made me realise that I’m not the only one struggling. Yesterday I pushed my GP for help with chronic pain that is ruining my life and that of my family!
    It’s time to get things sorted!
    Thank you
    xxx
    Katie recently posted…Product Review – ChewyMoonMy Profile

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  32. Nat @ Intolerant Gourmand

    Your timing is perfect, as always! I really really needed to hear this today, going through some tough times myself and struggling a bit! Having some ‘me’ time is so important to give yourself a chance to regroup and get some energy back!
    Enjoy the sunshine and your run lovely!
    Big hugs xx

    Reply

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