Vicki and Will-Honest MumToday, I met up with my wonderful friend Will above (not Matt Damon, although striking resemblance that’s for sure) for a late lunch at Carluccio’s in Leeds as he was visiting from London for a meeting.

So busy non stop chatting, we took ten years to order food (lasagna for him, salad nicoise for me-not hard huh!), devised a genius test ad for B&Q (full credit must go to Will) based on his recent painterly expeditions to the store and involved Santa like B&Q wizards coming out of cupboards solving your woes (you just wait until we’ve shot it 😉 )…and we put the world to rights too of course!

It was a much needed injection of midweek fun for me and really restorative too! Real friends do that for you, right?!

Will-Honest Mum

To give you some background: Will is one of my oldest, closest friends (of the male variety) but he’s up there equally with my girlfriends too and despite being one of my original ‘boy mates’ (he announced we’d known each other 15 years today-wow), meeting during our first year at Uni (I know what you’re thinking, crazy how young we look right??) Will really is the only man friend who’s stood the test of time. Sad face. Where have all my males friends gone?

Vicki eating salad-Honest Mum

Posing over a Salad Nicoise as you do!

I suppose it’s inevitable isn’t it, you meet ‘the One’, get married, have kids and finding the time and sometimes the urge, for all the usual booty shaking, single-style antics are hard to come by as you get older and well, you tend to want different things too. That’s not to say you don’t still like to hang out with your friends, dance the night away when you can and still be YOU- no way, it’s just life changes a little when you settle down.

…To be fair, I’m actually pretty good when it comes to staying in touch with close mates and always try and make the effort to keep the ones I love, firmly in my life; there’s nothing like limited time to really make you focus on those who matter, but somehow the men in my life (and I have had quite a lot of strong male friendships over the years) dwindled when I met my now husband Peter and then when kids arrived on the scene.

You see the great Nora Ephron had it right with When Harry Met Sally, male and female friendships can be complicated, some involve unrequited love/feelings/weird sexual angst and others, well others, simply do not.

Will and I have always had a purely platonic, brother-sisterly relationship. Meeting as students aged 19, working on weekends as ‘hosts’ (seating people in the restaurant at Tiger Tiger, London -when it was cool, then taking clubbers’ money) we instantly clicked and became inseparable.

Discovering we were both studying at universities nearby which came under the University of London umbrella made life easy too-Will was a med student (now an anesthetist, I, a film student); we met up pretty much every weekend for shopping, clubbing, house parties and crazy media events one of us had blagged our ways into (Will modelled his way through med school and I worked for the BBC and Talk Sport Radio on weekends and holidays-faxing clubs on headed paper helped get us into all the best clubs without queuing too-thanks Aunty Beeb).

In fact, Will even accompanied me to an open audition to become an MTV presenter the day after we met. I didn’t get the job (much to my parents relief) and the fact Richard Blackwood flirted with me softened the blow to my immature 19 year old self-and Will and I laughed the whole time we were there (and we were there for hours and hours and hours-there were quite a lot of 19 year old wannabee MTV presenters waiting for stardom that day, let me tell you).

Vicki-honest mum

Told you we laugh a lot.

…In fact laughter is a running theme in our relationship- on the very first night we met, we naughtily snuck off to the dance floor at Tiger Tiger, bored with collecting punters’ money (bad hosts) and Will made me literally roll on the floor in hysterics with his crazy (hoping ironic) techno style moves (think embarrassing Dad and Uncle combo trying to dance at your school disco on Red Bull)…hmmm.

Oh and we liked to pose on random motorbikes for pictures in Soho!

Will and I-Honest Mum

….We danced A LOT over the years (sometimes even on the Tube Mary Poppins style with umbrellas-don’t ask-photo evidence below) and Will is super creative so we connected over TV ideas, screenwriting and painting too! I would test him on medical questions pre exams and in my head I studied medicine alongside him…to this day I love giving unqualified advice to anyone who asks (Ha)!

Will and his umbrella-Honest Mum

Seriously though, we were there for each other through early, often dramatic relationship troubles, of which we both seemed to have  a lot of in those days and we shared so many incredibly laugh out loud crazy times too (did I mention the partying and blagging?) I remember Will walking the catwalk for an FHM party at the National History Museum that was quite a party!  I’m not sure how we ever graduated in all honesty…

… Will actually attributes surviving Uni to me ( taking on the motherly role) as I always made sure he was fed as opposed to his idea of shopping which usually meant stealing flatmates’ cheese and stale bread for dinner. Nice. There was a time we lost touch for a while but on reuniting, nothing had changed, our friendship was still intact and stronger than before….Will still refers to me as his Mummy today (in jest, we’re not COMPLETE weirdos)!

…And you know what the Mummy part is one I’ve always appropriated, the nurturing, maternal friend (for all my chums) pre-kids too and even on set directing…but back to the burning question of where did all the boys go?!

Well, a lot of my filmmaking set headed for the hills when Oliver (now 4) arrived in early 2010, I think they didn’t get why I wanted to procreate, especially with an award winning career as a director (give me a baby over a Bafta any day)…although maybe ask me again when I’ve actually won a Bafta (kidding) and I still work in the industry (who knew)… and of course, before then, post wedding, it was bye bye to a few who either thought I’d changed (and maybe I had) and those  jogged on not wanting to share me with (so to speak) my husband.

Of course now, with, SHOCK HORROR two kids on the scene, well here we are-me and my only best but bloody wonderful friend Will.

Will and Peter-Honest Mum

Granted, I’m friends with my husband’s mates but Will is my friend (not a hand-me-down) the one I have so much history with, the one I respect and care for and hope to be friends with forever more. He gets on great with my husband Peter (above) and adores the kids which helps of course but it’s our friendship which unites us all.

Vicki, Will and Sarah-Honest Mum

Above 2 pics taken last summer!

I LOVE his wife Sarah too, they’re a perfect match and soon they’ll be parents to boot, another stage in their lives and our friendship too.

…So you know what, it doesn’t really matter that most of my male friends frittered away because the best one, the one who still makes me laugh today with his silly dance moves, Will, has stayed.

So, have you got any male friends left?

 

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Ladies-Male Friends, You Got Any? - Honest Mum

 

 

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64 Responses

  1. Notmyyearoff

    What a lovely post and I can definitely see the Matt Damon resemblance. I also thought, for a split second, that doing medicine had turned him into an atheist rather than anesthetist :). I work in IT so most of my work friends are male. Out of those I have collected a couple of best friends that are male and know pretty much everything about my life. I’ve been friends with one of them for 16 years this year and he’s like a big brother to me. I even talked through my thoughts about c section vs vbac with him (his wife has had 3 sections) and other TMI topics. Long may your friendship continue xx

    Reply
  2. Emerald Dunne

    I’ve only just found your great blog and this was at the side of the page – so had to comment as this is great subject for me. I love having male friends and was always a bit of a tomboy growing up. As a teenager the music I liked was much more ‘male’ (AC/DC, Motorhead and Metallica if anyone’s asking) which meant I was more likely to hang out with guys. And as I’ve grown older I’ve made more male friends and hung onto them.

    There are some of my female pals who are sure they couldn’t be friends with guys, or if they are then it’s because they’re friends of their male partners or best gay friends. I have them too, but I do love spending time with my straight male friends as much as with the girls. I think those particular girlfriends are missing out – you get different, equally rewarding friendships with guys and it’s great to hear a male point of view.

    Luckily I have a fantastic boyfriend who counts a number of women as good friends – and he’s taken to my guy friends too!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So wonderful you found my blog, thank you! Yes I agree, you really do miss out when you don’t have male friends but I have found since marriage and kids, they are far and few between. I’m lucky I’ve made some great Daddy blogger friends too. Thanks for your comment 🙂

      Reply
  3. Izzie Anderton

    How fabulous that you’ve maintained your friendship in spite of many life changes. Long may it last! I have just the one male friend too, he’s the very best company & happens to be gay.
    Izzie Anderton recently posted…The Blog SpotMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Oh so lovely Izzie, really value our friendship, it’s sad how male friendships seem to wane but Will is worth ten!

      Reply
  4. Nova Harley

    Such a interesting read. He looks so much like Matt Damon. I think its rare the type of friendship you have as many husbands would be threatened by this type of friendship but you know what its a ‘real friendship’ . Loved the blast form the past pictures you both haven’t changed a day!

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Ha thanks Nova, that’s too kind (I will tell Will), luckily both our partners realise we are the best of friends and no need to feel threatened. I feel so lucky to have a male friend left x

      Reply
  5. Sarah

    How wonderful that you’ve been able to keep such a lovely friendship going strong for so many years! Over the last 10 years I’ve lived in four different US states and one foreign country…it’s been pretty difficult to hold on to any long-lasting friendships at all, let alone guy friends! Thanks for sharing your lovely story.
    #AllAboutYou

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Sarah wow can imagine moving around a lot can make keeping hold of friends hard, thanks so much for your comment x
      honestmum recently posted…What Matters Most? Enter John Lewis’ Fab Drawing CompetitionMy Profile

      Reply
  6. Sara (@mumturnedmom)

    As an engineering graduate, who then worked in construction in one form or another for 17 years, most of my friends were male for a long time! However, only a few have really stood the test of time, partly marriage, partly distance. There is one in particular who I miss a lot, and you’ve prompted me to email him x I think friendships change as we change, and that’s okay. I don’t see most of my closest friends often, but when I do it’s as if I saw them yesterday 🙂 Great post Vicky x #AllAboutYou
    Sara (@mumturnedmom) recently posted…Me and: RunningMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Sara thanks so much, so pleased this post has prompted several of you to get back in touch with old friends, so lovely x

      Reply
  7. Uju @Babesabouttown

    Grinned all the way through this post. And Matt Damon, kinda but more is it Robert Sean Leonard from Dead Poets’ Society? He definitely reminds me of someone! And he must be chuffed to bits with this post, such a lovely tribute to friendship. I’m still friends with some of my good male buddies (including a couple that I’ve tangled with in some form in the past) but I found that ALL my friendships changed after marriage and especially kids. Sad but you adapt, and the ones that really matter still mean something to you at heart even if you don’t get to see them every day… or every decade in some cases! Love your sultry motorbike shots 😉 x
    Uju @Babesabouttown recently posted…10 Best Easter Egg Hunts in London 2014My Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Uju such wise words and friendship is fluid and as much as it’s changed with some people, with others (like you said) I might not have seen for years, it’s exactly the same and wonderful. Can’t see Robert LS. Thanks for your lovely comment chick x

      Reply
  8. Merlinda (@pixiedusk)

    I took up architecture in college so most of my friends are guys. Sometimes I feel so at home that I am rowdier than them =P Nice post! I wish I can see some of my friends again cuz they are all in Manila. #mbpw
    Merlinda (@pixiedusk) recently posted…Whats the Story – 07 April 2014My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      @pixiedust fab subject and wonderful you made so many great male friends!
      Honest Mum recently posted…Mummy’s Got Style Turns 1My Profile

      Reply
  9. Franki | Little Luca & Me

    I had loads of male friends until I had Luca and they’ve slowly dwindled. I usually get on with males better than females but spend all my time with other girl friends now since I became a mum. I still have male friends but they are Ant’s friends or female friends boyfriends. I miss having my male mates 🙁 x
    Franki | Little Luca & Me recently posted…Me & Mine MarchMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw Franki I feel the same, it’s sad when it happens-you are so lovely can imagine you get on with absolutely everyone, maybe give one of your old bloke friends a call and arrange a meet up x

      Reply
  10. Becky Evans

    Oh gooodness, what a fab post, but also one that makes me feel quite sad now. Whilst i’m a total girls-girl, I also had LOADS of male friends and school and at uni, probably because I liked the banter and could knock back a fair few drinks! It’s true though, that since leaving uni, meeting Adam and having the kids, these have fallen by the wayside, apart from a bit of fb chat and when we meet up in bigger groups from time to time. As others have said, new girlfriends aren’t always keen on (even platonic) lady friends hanging around 🙁 Which is sad, because I love all of Adam’s female friends, and am secure and happy enough to be comfortable with him going for lunch/dinner with them. I had a best mate, James, who sounds very much like Will in terms of how our relationship was, but when he got himself a new girlfriend in 2008, who just didn’t take to me, our relationship just gradually faded away, and I last saw him when Freddie was a baby in summer 2011… We’re not in touch now, and I feel so sad about it. Maybe I should bite the bullet and get in contact….

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Becky thanks for this comment, it’s so hard with male friends isn’t it because yes not all partners will appreciate you or value your friendship-I’m so lucky that, that hasn’t been the case with Will’s wife Sarah but I do have male friends who partnered up and never got in touch again! No harm in sending a little email is there, you never know your friend’s relationship might have changed, his wife might feel more confident in him having female friendships…go for it!

      Reply
  11. Emily

    I couldn’t live without my guy friends – although the relationships have def changed over the years. Some of the wives/girlfriends have been threatened by me (not sure why but one friend’s wife only “allows” him to have a one hour lunch with me every now & then!) but most have become my friends in their own right. And the gays have been an integral part of me surviving single motherhood. Every single mum should be offered a GBFF!

    I think male/female relationships are as important than female/female ones. Its a totally different perspective into our lives – one I couldn’t live without!

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Emily I totally agree, thanks for this, male friendships are so important, so glad you found great support from your gay friends too, again I lost touch with GBFF with marriage/ kids came along.

      Reply
  12. Victoria

    I think its very rear to find good friends who will stay friends throughout difficult and not so difficult times, as it stands i dont believe in a friendship between men and women, maybe one day i will say otherwise

    Reply
  13. Steph @ sisterhoodandallthat.com

    It’s true that it’s hard to stay friends with the boys, especially as mine have tended to be a few years behind me so when I’ve been getting married and getting knocked up, they’ve been getting drunk. I have a lovely group of boys that actually had a ‘Sten’ party (stag + hen, you get it) for me before I got married and I wish I saw them more. They are all settling down now though, and I hope I can maybe help them decode their new-mum wive’s emotions (be kind to her, she’ll come back, she is tired). And then go out and get hammered with them

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Steph good point, men do tend to mature a little later than us don’t they and you’ve got the right idea supporting and of course drinking with them, thanks for fab comment!

      Reply
  14. Hurrah For Gin

    Ahh this is such a lovely post Vicki!
    Old friends are the best, it can definitely be harder to hang onto male friends, often seems one person is not feeling the platonic bit as much as the other.
    p.s what a handsome bunch you all are 🙂

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Hurrah for Gin thanks lady, they are hard to hang onto aren’t they and really miss the other men in my life…thanks for the compliment too!

      Reply
  15. Dean of Little Steps

    Like you, I’m also in close contact with my close friends, even during elementary days! I’m also still in touch with my University friends too and yes, I too have a close male friend (back home) although, I’m not in close contact with him because he is crap at replying to emails. But every time I visit, we do try to meet-up and though my husband hasn’t met him yet, I do talk about him a lot and I’m hoping that he’ll get to meet him the next visit 🙂 Oh and that close male friend of mine is also a scriptwriter for films and even teaches Film too at Uni 🙂 #BrilliantBlogPosts.
    Dean of Little Steps recently posted…Keep Calm and Blog OnMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      How lovely, wonder if I might know him! Thanks for your fab comment, great to stay in touch with old friends where possible isn’t it!
      honestmum recently posted…The Simple Things I Love About MotherhoodMy Profile

      Reply
  16. Richmond Mummy

    What a great read, sounds like you have a total hoot together! How wonderful to have been friends for all these years. I do have a fair few male uni friends and I’m pleased to say that while we may not see each other as much as would be nice, we’re all still great friends and there for each other in an instant when needed
    Richmond Mummy recently posted…Review: Fisher-Price Feeding RangeMy Profile

    Reply
  17. Mummy Says

    I’ve never really thought about this until now, but I have lost the closeness I had with a couple of my best friends over the years- both male. Neither have children and I wonder if that’s a major factor. Our lives are so different now. I miss them terrible though and you’ve prompted me to get back in contact. Thank you lovely x
    Mummy Says recently posted…A good motherMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mummy Says are that’s so lovely, difference in lives makes a difference but sometimes all it takes is a phone call x

      Reply
  18. Mel

    A great post about friendship. I have found that moving away from home (well, to another country) has meant losing quite a few friends along the way. No matter how hard you try to keep in touch, if you never see each other, you tend to grow apart. x Mel
    Mel recently posted…Chorizo PastaMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mel yes that is true for most friendships as nothing like face to face although I have some GREAT, close friendships with friends in LA that have lasted the distance, literally x

      Reply
  19. Ebabee

    Sounds like a wonderful friendship. Male or female, there is nothing quite like having old friends with whom you share a history. I think most of my male friends have frittered away over the years but I still have a couple left (one is gay, does that count? 🙂
    Ebabee recently posted…Cosy reading corners for kidsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Hi Nomita, totally counts and you are right, men or women, old friendships mean a lot x
      Honest Mum recently posted…Ladies-Male Friends, You Got Any?My Profile

      Reply
  20. Rachel - 3yearsandhome

    How fabulous that you’ve still got so much in common and to laugh about after all these years. I actually ended up marrying my best male friend – we were friends since 16 and for many years before we got together. Another one of our males best friends was best man at our wedding too. All rather strange but fun. But I do have a best male friend of my own who I met at a summer job one year when I was home from uni. We have a shared sense of humour and quest for trouble but there is not even the hint of a spark between us; it’s a relationship built on fun alone.
    Rachel – 3yearsandhome recently posted…The baby whoMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      How lovely that you married your best friend, so touching. Fab you got another best friend too-2 for the price of one haha! Male friends are so important aren’t they x
      honestmum recently posted…Ladies-Male Friends, You Got Any?My Profile

      Reply
  21. Mirka @Kahanka

    Oh Vicki, lucky you having such gorgeous male friend….. I have one too in Prague and met him when living in Sydney, and see him a few times a year. With him I always remember I am still me and not only a mum.

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mirka love your comment sweetie because that’s exactly how I felt when I left our lunch yesterday, like me again x

      Reply
  22. sarah hill wheeler (@hill_wheeler)

    Was actually thinking how young you both looked before you mentioned it. (oh dear, it will be policemen next). Sounds like a great and abiding friendship.
    sarah hill wheeler (@hill_wheeler) recently posted…How much fruit and veg? The view from the Hamlet….My Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Sarah aw thanks lovely lady, we’re 33-knowing someone for so long is quite amazing. Thank you for your lovely comment!

      Reply
  23. fashion-mommy

    I always seemed to get on better with men than women when I was younger, I liked football and grungy music so just seemed to gravitate towards men. I don’t keep in touch with any of them now, which is a shame, but have made new male friends who I really value.
    fashion-mommy recently posted…West Side Story is the toast of BirminghamMy Profile

    Reply
  24. Sophie Lovett

    When I was in sixth form (the height of my rebelling against private school stage) the majority of my friends were boys – out of a big group that hung out and went clubbing together every weekend only three of us were girls. There was a bit of flirting and a couple of relationships, but fundamentally that’s not what the friendships were about. I found it really hard to trust girls after the characters I’d had to put up with at school, and as I had three brothers I guess I just found myself more comfortable in male company.

    During our twenties those friendships definitely wavered as we all found our feet – new loves on the scene were less comfortable with friends of the opposite sex, and as I gradually became happier in my skin I discovered how fantastic female friendships can be. But I’m pleased to say that now we’re in our thirties we still get to hang out and have fun together. Granted the parties we go to nowadays generally have a new generation of kids running around at them, and most of us have partnered up, but I am very grateful to still have my male friends in my life.

    I think the key has been to make sure I’ve become friends with the women in my male friend’s lives so that they can be confident that I’m not a threat. And actually in doing that I’ve made a whole bunch of new friends, who are I’m happy to say just as brilliant and funny and interesting as their husbands and boyfriends. Bonus!
    Sophie Lovett recently posted…My bouldering bambinoMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Thanks Sophie, we had similar experiences at all girl private schools and sixth form was a great opportunity to meet and make friends with lots more guys.. I agree on being friends with wives and partners too…just miss my other male friends too.

      Reply
  25. OneDad3Girls

    Awesome post, true friends tend to stand the test of time. From the opposite side I have a female friend who I’ve know for the past 12 years or so

    Reply
  26. Laura

    A lot of my friendships growing up have fallen by the wayside, it’s only friendships I’ve made as an adult that have lasted. So it’s nice to see that your friendship with Will has stood the test of time x
    Laura recently posted…We all need strong, confident women in our lifeMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Joysofasingleton thanks for that, sure it’s easier to keep hold of new friendships too as they’ve met and accept you for who you are now.

      Reply
  27. mascara and mud

    LOVED this! coming from a very small village our best friends were both male and female and some still are today.
    mascara and mud recently posted…wool and the gang : florence sweaterMy Profile

    Reply
  28. PottyMouthedMummy

    I have one male friend and have only really had one true male friend my whole life I think (aside from the hub). We met at work 9 years ago and have stayed friends ever since. I’m a bit guilty of believing the whole When Harry Met Sally theory, but he’s my exception!!! Great post
    PottyMouthedMummy recently posted…My Brit Mums SponsorMy Profile

    Reply
  29. The Reading Residence

    He sounds like a really great friend, and with so much shared history and fun, too. A lot of my friends changed when I left work and had the kids. Some have stuck with me, though!
    The Reading Residence recently posted…Our Day At The Eden ProjectMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @The Reading Residence He really is a great friend! Yes leaving a job often means losing friends too. Great some stuck around x

      Reply
  30. Mama and More aka Zaz

    It’s hard enough holding on to friends as life changes and your paths diverge, never mind male friends, especially when partners come on board who you may or may not get on with. I do have a few male friends, both of whom are like brothers to me – one of them so much so that he gives my mother Mothers’ Day cards and chocolates before I even get in there! It sounds like you have a lovely friendship, one – as with all real friendships – to be treasured.

    (ps – your MTV audition made me chuckle – R.Blackwood was my boyf! Ugh! Your guy is miles better!!)
    xxx
    Mama and More aka Zaz recently posted…Work.Life.Balance? Vicki Psarias-Broadbent, Film-maker and Blogger shares her work-life balanceMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Mama and More for real, how funny is that! Aw thanks for the lovely comment, so lovely when real friends, male or female make the distance isn’t it x

      Reply

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