friendship separation

Photo by Olivier Fahrni on Unsplash

I’ve written about friendship divorce before and it engaged some interesting debate so I’m returning with a ‘Friendship Separation Summer Clean Up’ (yes despite the rain it’s summer folks). I think clearing out your friendship cupboard is crucial (at any time of the year), taking the time to rid negative people from your life or those that offer you nothing, allowing you to free up your time and energy for existing relationships and best of all, new found friends.

We’ve all been there, wasting our lives away and free social calendars (because it’s sooo free with kids isn’t it?) with people we have little in common with, those one sided friendships we abhor and shock horror: dudes we don’t even like anymore.

Yes ‘horses for courses’ and all that and not every friend will be your best bud and that’s cool, it’s good to have a variety of mates (and you don’t have to be with them 24/7 to count them as good friends), I’m just talking about the ‘dementors’-the ones you know you need to show the red card to and pronto before your brain explodes.

I think having Oliver made me realise I have no more time for those ‘neg heads’ anymore, you know those destructive friendships or frenemies (competitive, obsessive, jealous folks I should have dumped yonks ago). I’ve got lots of great friends and the real ones, who I can count on for whatever, whenever: the good times and the bad, truly deserve my ‘quality’ time and energy. Look we’re all human, shit happens, we should forgive (I’m not saying flee your friends after a few mistakes-we all make them) and you should work at your friendships like any relationship (compromise, understanding etc)-I just think you need to know when it’s time to say ‘ba-bye’ as this friend no longer makes you happy.

If you’re drained after seeing that person (every time), you find yourself feeling used (folks who only see you when they have a problem/are bored/always take and never give), have let you down too many times and it’s just not fun anymore nor does it ever seem to be-are the ones to wave off forever. ..It might actually be none of the above ‘offences’. Maybe you’ve simply grown apart. People change. You change. Sometimes it’s time to move on. Don’t be scared. Unfriend on Facebook, block on Twitter, delete their numbers. Let things go. End the negative, unfulfilling friendship now.  Believe me, you’ll feel better for it.

” Letting go of negative people doesn’t mean you hate them. It just means you love yourself more”.

What say you?

 

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Friendship Separation - Honest Mum

 

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16 Responses

  1. Grenglish

    I had a bit of a facebook tidy up recently. I removed work colleagues as friends and added them to Linked In instead and removed a couple of school friends entirely who I could not for the life of me remember!
    I seperated from a close friend quite a few years ago (before facebook). The friendship had become one-sided and toxic and I felt I needed a break – I was exhausted! I stepped back from the friendship for a bit, called less, saw her less often. Eventually, we lost all contact completely. We recently got back in touch, via facebook, and have met up once. It was not even discussed! How weird is that?? Anyway, we keep in touch on fb now. Comment and like posts & photos and share news. But that’s as far as it goes and it’s really ok.

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Grenglish so good you were able to tell that it was time to move on from the toxic friend and sounds like that distance meant you can have an amicable but not overwhelming or upsetting friendship now.

      Reply
  2. Felicity Fox

    That did make me smirk. Turning a negative experience into a positive one. My dear friends refers to this people as drainers, radiators, takers and free loaders. Drainers just suck the life out of you and give nothing back. Life’s no sex and the city party, cocktails at 5, I feel a blog coming on.

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Felicity I think if folk are no longer making you happy, it’s time to be kind to yourself and say goodbye.

      Reply
  3. DarleneMAM

    It sure makes cutting out toxic friends easier when you put it like that! Thanks!
    Stopped over from Bloggy Moms.

    Reply
  4. sharcasm

    I recently de-friended a whole bunch of people on Facebook, after talking to you. Because if you never so much as exchange even a like on someone’s status update, what’s the point. In fact, I notice it all around, that you evaluate who you want to be associated with and that as you get older it’s about quality not quantity and being able to say you have lots of friends. And no matter how busy one may be, giving someone attention is key, despite the distance – also a lesson I learned 😉 x

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Sharcasm you are a wonderful friend sweetie. Think we waste time and energy especially on FB cluttered with people we are not even touch with nor care about. Glad you felt better after the spring clean xx

      Reply
  5. Michelloui

    Ah it’s so refreshing reading this! I know people talk about it from time to time, but usually people are just so cautious about things like this. I have never had to do the unfriending or friend divorce until recently. I had to end two ‘friendships’–one I realise was never a friend, she was strangely needy and so insecure she would routinely feel I had insulted her then instruct her kids to unfriend me on Facebook (she isn

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Michelloui I’m so sorry to hear about these friends/frenemies that clearly had deep seated issues with you be it jealousy or whatever. It’s funny how husbands/partners can see through these bad unions quicker than us-my own husband also commented many times after the end of friendships, why I didn’t ditch the so called friend earlier. I think men can be less emotional and more logical about these things. Like you, I felt guilty if I dropped a friend who was making the effort but on reflection these friendships were toxic-in my case the friends desperate to see me were doing so to compete-especially one former friend in particular who also works in the film industry. Unhappy with herself, she always felt the need to try and make me feel bad about my work/achievements-even competing when I had my child (and she didn’t have a child yet).

      Anyway well done you for erasing and replacing-like you say, it frees up so much more time and energy for those new, greater friendships!

      Reply
  6. Samantha Hadadi

    Great post, one that really resonates with me right now. Ever since I fell pregnant, I’ve felt like I’ve been the one chasing many of my friends – a lot of them don’t seem interested anymore. But it’s also given me the confidence to realise that those people aren’t really friends – they’re just leeches!

    I only want people in my life who love me and give back now 🙂 x

    Reply
    • honestmum

      @Samantha I’m really sorry to hear that and I’ve been there myself. As soon as I got pregnant with O, male friends in particular jumped ship. You are so right, they were simply not real friends to start with. In fact it is at these huge life changing moments you really realise who your friend are: pregnancy, birth, when someone close dies, illness. They are the deal breaker or in this case the friendship breakers (might add this to my post) x

      Reply

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