Argh, friendship divorce…I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while and although it might well sound controversial, I don’t mean it to be.
I first read about ‘Friendship Divorce’ in one of the glossies and it really resonated with me at the time. I think once you have a child, you are forced to prioritise, you suddenly have no time for bull****, negativity and clearly friendships which don’t work.
Look, no divorce is pretty but sometimes it’s inevitable and necessary and this year, in particular, has seen me undergo a fair few friendship divorces. Oh it can be hard, especially if children are involved, ‘Mummy can I not play with Adele anymore’ was something I overhead when chatting to a friend about her recent separation. But sometimes a cutting of ties is good for the soul…
Not meaning to sound big headed, but I do have quite a lot of friends. I think this is down to the industry I work in as much as me being such a wonderful mate (hehe!). I’m freelance so I work for a lot of companies whether that’s large companies or small independents, not to count attending film festivals, film events, yada, yada, yada.
You meet people at these functions, especially if you have a film there and likewise when you are enlisted as a writer or director to work for several companies a year… And especially if you are sociable and pretty fun to be around (which is me most of the time I’d like to think).
Now I have boundaries when I’m working and as friendly as I am, I’m always professional with my cast and crew but yes this industry is about relationships and making friends comes hand in hand with that.
Well, this Spring saw an end to a handful of friendships which one of my best friends referred to it as my ‘Friendship Spring Clean’ and I think she was right.
Sometimes you are hanging onto dead wood.
People that you just don’t really click with, are there for the wrong reasons (“Oh but we share so many mutual friends”, “but all the bitchy remarks are just because of so and so’s had a bad year…”(insert excuses) etc etc.
I’m sure these friends found things wrong with me too and I suppose that’s the thing, no one is perfect and friendships as much as relationships are about compromise but sometimes you have to accept that you and your friend/s just don’t work, will never work and it’s time to call the divorce lawyers in (metaphorically speaking).
Separations need no longer be messy. Yes sometimes they begin with arguments but deleting of profiles, blocking/spamming and the rest can help you to move on. Of course it can take time to get over a break up but it’s possible. Some scientists believe that genetically women are built to be able to move on easily and rebuild ourselves.
That’s not to say there were not a few casualties along the way, friends I’m sad I moved on from, fell out with or grew apart from…
But on the whole, though, I have to say, since most separations, I feel renewed, happier and relieved. I’m not advocating divorcing everyone who annoys you, no. You have to work at friendships and I love my large collection of best friends like family.
No, please admit when you are wrong, say sorry and work hard at those unions. It’s just you know the people that have grated on you for years, the people you excuse all the time, the people who drain your energy like Harry Potter’s ‘dementors’ every time you see them and those you know are secretly jealous of you, don’t want the best for you, bitch about everyone and are clearly not happy in their own lives, the people you know will never be real friends, who only want to be there for the highs and are nowhere to be seen for the lows-yes those. Those are the ones it’s time to say goodbye to. Go on, do it, you’ll feel much better for it.
Photograph ©Vicki Psarias-Broadbent.