A picture of my friend and I having fun back in the day.
The other day I came across a friend’s status update on Facebook which read they were happy to be at a point in their life where they have no enemies or fake friends and it really rang true with me.
It’s a pretty amazing feeling to think the people in your life are the ones you love with all your heart and want to work at staying close with, and that you’ve cut out the negative ‘Dementors’ as I like to call them who may have drained your energy or happiness in the past.
I think you get an age where you simply don’t have time for BS, people who make you unhappy or friendships which are bumbling along with no real connection or care. I think (and for me, it was mostly when I hit 30) you find you need to prioritise the positive people in your live, more so than ever when babies arrive and energy is reserved/taken by them, meaning only the happy makers deserve your time and attention.
Of course, you have to work at friendships like all relationships and nothing is smooth swimming all of the time, part of being a good friend is being there in the good times and the bad (the latter a real indication of the strength of a friendship). Likewise, people change, as do you. Friendships that fell apart once upon a time can be fixed and if not, life goes on.
Yesterday I chatted with an old friend, someone I spent a lot of Uni life with and like many, when marriage and kids came along, drifted apart from. We managed to pick up our friendship where it left off (bizarrely the second I mentioned him randomly to my Dad, commenting that he looked like Olly Murs who was dancing on my telly box, I received an email from him after years of no contact, a real sign we should mend what was broken) and it has truly touched me to have him back in my life.
Reminiscing about the crazy times together yesterday (wild media parties we blagged-he modelled while at med school and I worked in the TV industry- and the silliness we got up to during summer jobs at Tiger Tiger (when it was a cool joint) where we were hosts all dressed up, seating diners in the restaurant and taking money on the door but mostly dancing the night away)… and starting again now our lives have moved forward (he a anesthetist about to get married, I a mother of two and filmmaker), finding that history binds us; us reuniting a testament to the fact friendships can change, adapt and come back again.
Of course there will always be people in life through work or play you don’t quite gel or agree with and often you simply can’t help that but I suppose getting older means you realise not everyone will be your best friend or even like you either. Be open minded, understand and respect we’re all different and try to treat others how you want to be treated yourself. Simple stuff really.
I suppose more than ever, what I feel is important is keeping your genuine friendships close, nurturing those who matter and of course making room for the new and in my case, old friendships that might return again when you least expect it.
How about you? Do you think differently about friendship now you’re older and have had kids?