A picture of my friend and I having fun back in the day.

The other day I came across a friend’s status update on Facebook which read they were happy to be at a point in their life where they have no enemies or fake friends and it really rang true with me.

It’s a pretty amazing feeling to think the people in your life are the ones you love with all your heart and want to work at staying close with, and that you’ve cut out the negative ‘Dementors’ as I like to call them who may have drained your energy or happiness in the past.

I think you get an age where you simply don’t have time for BS, people who make you unhappy or friendships which are bumbling along with no real connection or care. I think (and for me, it was mostly when I hit 30) you find you need to prioritise the positive people in your live, more so than ever when babies arrive and energy is reserved/taken by them, meaning only the happy makers deserve your time and attention.

Of course, you have to work at friendships like all relationships and nothing is smooth swimming all of the time, part of being a good friend is being there in the good times and the bad (the latter a real indication of the strength of a friendship). Likewise, people change, as do you. Friendships that fell apart once upon a time can be fixed and if not, life goes on.

Yesterday I chatted with an old friend, someone I spent a lot of Uni life with and like many, when marriage and kids came along, drifted apart from. We managed to pick up our friendship where it left off (bizarrely the second I mentioned him randomly to my Dad, commenting that he looked like Olly Murs who was dancing on my telly box, I received an email from him after years of no contact, a real sign we should mend what was broken) and it has truly touched me to have him back in my life.

Reminiscing about the crazy times together yesterday (wild media parties we blagged-he modelled while at med school and I worked in the TV industry- and the silliness we got up to during summer jobs at Tiger Tiger (when it was a cool joint) where we were hosts all dressed up, seating diners in the restaurant and taking money on the door but mostly dancing the night away)… and starting again now our lives have moved forward (he a anesthetist about to get married, I a mother of two and filmmaker), finding that history binds us; us reuniting a testament to the fact friendships can change, adapt and come back again.

Of course there will always be people in life through work or play you don’t quite gel or agree with and often you simply can’t help that but I suppose getting older means you realise not everyone will be your best friend or even like you either. Be open minded, understand and respect we’re all different and try to treat others how you want to be treated yourself. Simple stuff really.

I suppose more than ever, what I feel is important is keeping your genuine friendships close, nurturing those who matter and of course making room for the new and in my case, old friendships that might return again when you least expect it.

How about you? Do you think differently about friendship now you’re older and have had kids?

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8 Responses

  1. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    Oh yes, very differently after having kids. I have to say that also me moving to Australia and now living in London had a huge impact on many of my friendships with friends in the Czech Republic. Only the true/real friends stayed and the ones I was trying hard to keep, just dissapeared. At first I was very sad about it, as one of these friends I spent my crazy teenage years with, but when I look at it now, I can see I was the one who really was keeping the friendship, and she wasn’t that bothered. I am very lucky to have all the friends who really want to be my friends. Does that make sense?

    • honestmum

      @Mirka that totally makes sense and I’ve realised that true friendships shouldn’t be too much work. The real ones who truly care stick around.

  2. Luci McQuitty Hindmarsh -

    So true. I’m certainly at an age where I maintain friendships that work for me, not in a calculating way, but I simply don’t have the time or the inclination to spend time with people who don’t bring something positive to my life. That doesn’t mean I ditch friends who are going through strife, but I know for example that I’ve chosen and nurtured my ‘mummy’ friendships carefully and ditched a couple who were turning out to be nightmares, because I’d rather the precious time I have with friends who are straight forward. Not all friendships are meant to be forever anyway and the ones that makes the ones that endure the test of time all the more precious.

  3. MamaMyselfandI

    Totally agree about eliminating unnecessary so called friends from you life. When you have your own family and children, you only need positive people around. Majority of my close friends that I’ve know since childhood live all over the world, but when we meet (sometimes only once a year) it’s like we never parted. This summer we are getting my daughter Christened and two of my closest friends that I’ve know for over 20 years (how did that happen?) are coming with their little ones. It’s going to be first time that all of us meet as mothers! Looking forward to this special moment. I like the fact that no matter where we are in world, we are always there for each during important life milestones.

    • honestmum

      @MamaMyselfandI so lovely to read, I too have friends I don’t see for ages but when we do, it’s like yesterday. I think having kids makes you reevaluate friendships and who you have time for.

  4. Molly

    This is so true. I’m seeing one of my oldest, closest friends in a couple of weeks, after not seeing each other for over 6 months. With us, it doesn’t matter though – as we always pick up where we left off. I think that’s the key to a really true friendship. For a while, there was a time when we weren’t in touch, but it’s like that period never happened now. You’re right though – you do need to work at friendships. But the ones worth working at don’t make it feel like work at all!


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