Doubt, it’s easy to let it overcome you and eat you up, isn’t it? But you mustn’t let it.
You must fight it.
You must not fear rejection, failure or being wrong.
You must realise that this worry, this concern of not being appreciated or actually not being understood, is simply part of the process, the journey to success.
Easier written/said than done I know.
I wrote this post on Pushing Through the Self Doubt a while ago which might help those feeling at a stumbling block-but back to recent events and the purpose of this post, right here.
Last week, I spoke on a panel at the British Library with some incredibly gifted creative entrepreneurs in a workshop titled ‘Pram in the Hall: Balancing Motherhood with Running a Business‘.
It was a packed house and Start Up voted it as one of the top 10 workshops celebrating Global Entrepreneurship Week prior to it even commencing. No pressure then!
The other speakers included my great friend and business partner Jessica Huie MBE (Colourblind Cards and Jessica Huie PR), Kerrie Dorman ( Serial entrepreneur-The Restaurant Mentors) and novelist Melissa Addey.
Each speech given, moved me greatly, these were women owning their ambition, achieving, running multiple businesses in some cases, working with some of the world’s biggest stars, writing books, starting creative projects, and, like myself, all in a way that works around their families.
Melissa wrote her book ‘101 Things To Do While Breastfeeding’, while, you guessed it, breastfeeding. Go check out Melissa’s super blog The Pram in the Hall too.
After I spoke about my own journey, from TV and film director to feeling lost on maternity leave after a traumatic birth with my first son, to now, full time blogger with a team, Jessica kindly uttered these three words to me, ‘Never doubt yourself’.
It made a real impact. Like everything Jessica says, does to me. I admire her greatly, for all that she has achieved, for always seeing opportunity in everything, for being a lady of great strength, intellect and more than anything, goodwill and kindness, of seeing the best in others.
These are all qualities I hope others see in me too.
That’s what I love so much about Jess, she possesses the characteristics I admire and always aspire to.
After the session, we panellists chatted to the women and men who had gathered there, so many, keen to take risks, work flexibly, start new businesses, blogs, prospective entrepreneurs eager but who felt held back. Some later revealed they felt scared, not confident, consumed with self-doubt and worry. I related to their words. I understood their fears. No one is spared of those times of feeling weak, not worthy, insecure.
After chatting to one lady in attendance, she sent me this touching email, ‘It was great to meet you last night. What an inspiring evening! The panel was fantastic, and thanks so much for taking the time to talk to us afterwards. After our conversation I feel like I’ve become ‘unstuck’ and can move forward. I’ve been bouncing around all day!’
There’s nothing more rewarding than feeling you’ve somehow empowered others.
It is important to note that confidence is a con really, those you might feel, are always the most confident, are not, we are simply good at giving ‘confident face’.
The truth is though, the more you practice feigning that confidence, the more you fool yourself, until ultimately, you believe in you too. Then something amazing happens, others follow suit, more opportunities come and your projected view of yourself and real one (achieving your goals) meet.
Before you know it, you have become untouchable, determined, STRONG.
And for the most part, I feel that way, I really do, because I work on it, on the positive affirmations, on the ‘putting my hopes into action’, of consistently working on my self-belief and worth, on the hard graft, on honing my voice, my skills, embracing the challenges, accepting the inevitable failures but pushing on and trying, more determined after a fall to get up again and hopefully thrive.
But not always.
Yesterday, I was trolled on this blog, pretty badly. The commenter is now blocked and I’m over it today, but of course it hurt me at the time.
A faceless commenter whose address had a man’s name in it, leaving vitriol about me, untrue assumptions stemming from a place of hatred, and worse, directed at my kids too.
Of course it upset me, I’m only human but it will not leave a lasting footprint.
It won’t prevent me from doing what I love, or change me.
It won’t stop me from sharing our lives, being open, genuine, honest and real.
And the response to the hatred?
An outpouring of love, of support and kindness received on my Facebook Page, a reminder of the good online, in life.
As I commented over there too, ‘Good people of the internet: 1, Troll: 0’.
This little skirmish of course is nothing in comparison to the real tragedy in the world, the loss of innocent lives daily, the pain, the hurt, isolation and abuse that goes on to so many, that breaks my heart.
As the wise words of Fred Rogers states though we must, ‘Always look for the helpers’ in these times, the kind ones, those championing, and wanting good. They are who matter.
We must practise kindness too, making it our default, towards others, and also to ourselves. We must not let the doubters, the naysayers, or our very own self-doubt cripple and destroy us.
We must know our worth.
We must realise our potential.
Creativity, passion, ambition, and self-worth are the lifeblood of successful businesses, and in my opinion, of fulfilment and happiness.
Whatever you choose to do, whatever road you decide to take, and are taking because you are a proactive protagonist in your own narrative remember, (the power is within you), do what makes you happy and remember that anything is possible when you set your mind to it. There are no limits!
Now, folks, let’s do this!
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[…] Get Rid of Self-Doubt […]
Wow – I have just read your post twice! You know I’m not sure why these peeps do these things – it must come from so weird place of jealousy? I am a massive believer that cream rises to the top! Your passion and strength is amazing. People have issues with others sharing their life – I don’t know why? You are an inspirational lady, clever, funny & intelligent!. I too am very self motivated and push to succeed whilst holding down a busy full time career. I certainly know which camp I’m in – i’m a lover not a fighter 🙂 ! Fabulous blog , fabulous family – keep on keeping on…. and as you say there are so many bad things happening in this world right now – we have to turn the tables and try and make this place a better place. LOVE your blog – it’s fab – Love Cx
Aw thank you so, SO much for your kind and uplifting words (needed to read this today and right now too-thank you YOU and thank you universe). You are a smart, wonderful lady yourself, thank you for reading this and for brightening up my day xx
I’ve read this a couple of times and shared. I love it X
International Elf Service recently posted…Christmas Stocking Filler Ideas. Ways To Inject More Magic!
Yay so pleased, thank you xx
It’s absolutely not okay for anyone to post such vile things on your blog, but you are so loved. And that was one person versus the hundreds/thousands who love what you do and what you’re about. You’re a very inspiring lady xx
Aw thanks so much darling, means a lot, you are loved too Alex, I think you are utterly fabulous xx
That’s grim. I’m amazed that people think it’s okay to post vile stuff on the Internet that they’d never dare say to anyone’s face. Sending hugs
Mrs Tubbs recently posted…Sometimes …
So true, cowards huh! Thanks for your support lovely x
You are so right to say that appearing confident is something that comes with practice. And the more we do it the more we become like that 🙂
I’m glad you managed to get over the troll so quickly! I’m sure it would’ve followed me for a bit longer than 1 day…
Joanna @mumbalance recently posted…What is the most eco-friendly battery. And how and why batteries are recycled
I’m really good at putting things behind me and moving on, no point wasting time on those who don’t matter.
You do an amazing job and as Taylor Swift says – that haters are gonna hate but that won’t stop you being awesome and inspiring the rest of us xxxxxxx
A brilliant post and so inspiring as always! You’ve done so well and deserve everything you’ve achieved and worked so hard for. It sounds like you made a great speech and I love your positive attitude #brilliantblogposts xx
Mum in Brum recently posted…Braving the cold at Baddesley Clinton
Thanks so much lovely x
What a wonderful and inspiring post, thanks so much! So sorry to hear about that horrible troll. What a horrible experience. I guess it is part and parcel for putting yourself out there but that doesn’t make it right, or any easier to deal with. It sounds as thought you dealt with it with dignity and grace, as always though. Thanks for your inspiring words. Becky xx #brilliantblogposts
Becky at PinksCharming recently posted…Reasons to be thankful
Oh I am so sorry you had to go through that nasty person, some people are sick. Your are great and this was a great post, it is so hard not to doubt yourself.
Stephanie recently posted…West Wittering Winter Fun
Thanks darling, so hard but when we try, we can feel more confident than before x
There are some petty people out there. You are fab x
Gianna recently posted…Christmas Wish List and Gift Guide
Thank you darling x
Another fantastic post lovely lady! We must never EVER let these vile little trolls get to us, because that is how they win. I’d have dealt with it in the exact way you did, pressed the delete button and moved on. Self-doubt can be crippling once it sets in, I had it a few times while I was writing my book… pushing through it was tough at times, but the best thing I did! Hope you’re having a great week hon xx
Mummy Tries recently posted…A Lesson in Letting Stuff Go
Thanks sweetie for your love and support. Self-doubt happens to us all, so glad you pushed through, I adore your book as you know, lots of love xx
Great post Vicki! I am sorry to hear you were trolled…some pointless idiot who deserves to not achieve great things in life!! Unlike you…who inspire so many women to do something different! Keep up your wonderful work!
Vicki Montague – The Free From Fairy recently posted…A Freefrom Christmas Food Guide 2015
Thanks so much lovely, that means a lot, thank you xx
So sorry to hear about the troll, I really can’t understand what would drive someone to do it – well actually I can – pure jealousy and nothing better to do with their time! You are an amazing lady, and have clearly worked so hard for what you have achieved. Such an inspiration to all us ‘wannabe’ bloggers! #brilliantblogposts
Carolyn recently posted…My Christmas Wish List
Thanks so much sweetie, that means a lot, keep doing a great job sweetie, we all started at the start, never forget that xx
That’s a whole new sort of filth that would say things about your children. Somewhere there is a weak man sitting in his basement by himself trying to make himself feel better by being mean to others. Congats on the speech and all your accomplishments. People trying to drag you down means that you have reached heights
jeremy@thirstydaddy recently posted…The Best Holiday
Absolutely and it’s so sad huh, thanks so much for your kind words.
Wow, sorry to hear you were badly trolled. I fear it’s a risk we take when living our lives so publicly but that’s no excuse. You have always been one of the helpers to me Vicki and I;’d do the same for you. I won’t tell you I don’t doubt myself sometimes, but I always try and stay positive. Thank tou for hosting this remarkable positive linky.
John Adams recently posted…Proud to be #SeriouslyAwkward. Are you?
Thank you so much John, so happy to have you as a friend, thanks for all your support and for linking up.
I’m so sorry you were trolled. Why people do that is beyond me. They gain nothing from it except to hurt and to feed their own insecurities. You are a brilliant success and trolls love to target those they see as doing really well. Hope you’re feeling a lot better now xx
Notmyyearoff recently posted…Baby E at 9 weeks old
Thank you sweetie, it made me sad but now over it, thanks for your support and friendship x
I will never ever understand nastiness. What kind of people feel good making others feel bad? I’m sorry that you were targeted, but good on you for not letting them get to you. #brilliantblogposts
Claire at Life Love and Dirty Dishes recently posted…Nampa Tivoli Children’s App Review
Oh hun I’m so sorry that you were targeted in that way. Some people thrive on hatred. I don’t get it. But like you said, the internet and blogging community came to your aid. We’re a caring bunch aren’t we? 😉
Great inspiring post hun, when I attended Blogfest this weekend I had a minor confidence crisis. I desperately wanted to talk to one of the speakers but after listening to her I hurried away and wanted to hide. I felt I could never measure up. Now though, after tweeting with her and believing in myself, I realise I was silly. I can do it, I just need to believe in myself and work hard. That belief or confidence is sometimes very hard to keep hold of but if we can fake it, even for a bit, we’ll get there. Brilliant post hun. xx Thanks for sharing.
Morgan Prince recently posted…How to Add a Custom Header to Blogger
Oh hun sorry you felt that way and sad I missed you, I was ill so couldn’t be there. So normal to have lapses in confidence but I promise you the more you practice and push yourself out of your comfort zone, it will come naturally to you x
Great post. Often as bloggers we are allowing people insights into our life that are very personal and that takes courage. I’m glad you didn’t let that small-minded troll get you down. This post shows that they definitely haven’t won and I hope they read it and see how very silly they are. #brillblogposts
Thanks darling, it does take some courage. Thank you for all your support x
Oh Vicki love, I missed the skirmish over this vile person, yet look at what it has resulted in – this incredible post, one of my all time favourites of yours (although it is hard to choose!), and it has elicited vast amounts of positivity and renewed your strength! Trolls as we all know are pitiful human beings – as is anyone who uses their precious time on this planet to belittle any one else – and their negativity only generates negative karma for themselves and never anything good. Thankyou for your honesty, for being raw, for being confident, for the times when you feign confidence and inspire others. You are a force of nature sweetie, and this excellently written post just laughs in the face of any negativity! Love you xxx
Mama and More aka Zaz recently posted…All About You link party – being thankful with Serene Surprises
Oh hun, you’ve made me cry, thank you so much darling, I feel the same about you, I feel so lucky to have made a true friend in you and so many of the other girls, love you too xx
I am really sorry you were trolled on your blog. That is horrible. I really enjoy reading your blog posts and think you are great. I know it is easier said than done but pls ignore the troll. They are not worthy of your thinking time or upset. X
Lovely post! being a blogger, some people don’t understand what we’re doing, they just thought it’s a pile of rubbish and we’re putting our family and children at risk of cyber bullying… a friend of mine said to me this once and I was so upset about it, I started to doubt myself. However, reading other blogs like yours inspired me a lot to carrying on and continue with what I love most which is blogging. Hopefully, one day I can prove to her that what I’m doing makes a lot of sense. #brillblogposts
Oh Cheryl what an insensitive person, my friends and family totally understand and value blogging, they know it’s my full time job but it is a respectable hobby too of course. Don’t let anyone make you feel less than x
Fabulous post once again Vicki and just what I needed to read! Thank you.
Haidee@Maybe Baby Brothers recently posted…Child vs Parent: Things Children Will Destroy
So pleased you found it useful lovely, thank you for your comment x
What an uplifting and inspiring post! I totally agree that it is so important to remain positive and to believe in ourselves but so difficult to achieve sometimes. I love the idea of practicing kindness to ourselves and others. So sorry for the negativity you and your family received. Thanks for such an inspiring post.
Sara at Handy Herbs recently posted…Herbs help Children explore Science & Nature
Thanks Sara, it can be hard can’t it but honestly the more we practice it, the more confident we feel. Kindness is vital in life, to ourselves and others, makes the world a better place doesn’t it x
Hi Vicki, I used to be a great believer that ‘we can make anything happen if we set our mind to it’ and ‘dreams are there to make happen’, but somewhere along the line I lost that drive and started to doubt myself.
I would have loved to have listened to your speech, hearing what others have to say and how they changed their way of thinking can be a great motivation.
Not letting nasty, snide people get you down is easier said than done, but I hope you fully succeed to put that troll behind you. On the positive side your experience has bought a lot of good out in people, which is always a good thing.
xx
Debbie recently posted…Hip Dysplasia In Dogs; Delaying The Inevitable
Thanks darling for your touching words, totally put it behind me and the biggest reward for me is hearing I’ve helped others even in the smallest of ways, thanks for your support and friendship xx
A really lovely and uplifting post to read. Confidence is a hard thing to manage but once you’ve nailed it, everything seems achievable! Happiness and friendship rules over any negativity around and you seem to have plenty of that! It sounds like a brilliant empowering speech that you gave too! Thanks for hosting #brilliantblogposts
lizzie ( firstooth ) recently posted…Going For A Walk In The Rain
Thanks darling, so wise, very lucky to have amazing family, friends and readers such as yourself x
I love the phrase don’t doubt yourself. I am on a long journey and have also had troll messages which have not been nice. I’m growing in confidence and posts like these really do help give me a boost. In the last few weeks, i’ve had some small improvements in my health and this combined with winning an award has boosted me and i’ve noticed i’m wearing nice clothes again and doing my makeup every few days- something that had gone dormant a long time ago. I will keep on believing that I can make it as a blogger and follow your fabulous advice.
Angela
Angela at Daysinbed recently posted…Drinking more Water with Infruition Drink Bottles
Oh Angela you are such an inspiration, congratulations on your well deserved award, you are achieving so much and are one of the loveliest people I’ve ever met. I hope to see you again. So sorry you too have had to deal with trolls. It all boils down to envy, focus on the good as I will xx
Very wise words. & so true about the con of confidence. I haven’t really nailed the pretence yet myself, but I did realise some time ago that many ‘confident’ people ARE pretending (or were at some time) & that does make me feel better. #brilliantblogposts
Silly Mummy recently posted…Bravo: The Ten Funniest Things The Toddler Said Last Week
Thanks, many pretend but after a while that pretence does become real x
So sorry to hear you were trolled, especially by someone who brought your children into it. You are an inspiration to so many people, myself included, don’t let one idiot get you down! It’s probably someone who is jealous of your success! Thanks for hosting #brilliantblogposts
Debbie
Random Musings recently posted…Askimet: Does It Generate It’s Own Spam To Look Useful?
That means a lot lovely, thank you. The worst is bringing innocent children into it but I’ve moved on xx
Wise words and well said. I am sorry that some ignorant person felt the need to be nasty. But well done to you for ignoring and moving on. Comments like the one you received are completely a reflection of the person leaving it, not of you – but I know you know that. Keep doing what you do so well – you are one kind, supportive and inspiring lady xxx
Ebabee recently posted…Ebabee Christmas gift guide 2015: Books
Thanks so much darling, I feel the same about you, there’ll always be haters right but the important thing, is to move past it and not let it affect you. Thanks for being a great friend x
Yes mate, let’s do this! You treat people with a huge amount of respect, kindness and warmth. People you’ve never met and owe nothing to. How you have the time for so many is beyond me. And it is noticed. I remember connecting with you through your blog for the first time early last year, and where some others never bothered to reach back – you did. Your light shines so brightly amongst the others, and there’s a reason for that. I know that numerous, numerous others have said all of this to you – but screw the troll! What a gutless wonder! You rock the arse off this game and clearly there are some people who cannot handle it. I’m loving watching you go from success to more success. Much, much love to you, Bey. Keep shining bright xxxx
Fiona @ Free Range Chick recently posted…Mucky Change Bags and Brioche
Oh Fiona, you’ve just made me cry, thank you being a true friend. I remember us connecting last year and immediately clicking with you, thinking what a super intelligent, creative and kind gal you were and in person, you were exactly the same. I count you as a great mate and we need to get a date in the diary, you and I, lunch, laughter, putting the world to rights. Much love babe, your Bey 😉 xx
Hi Vicki,
It is beyond me how people can be so cruel to each other. Where is the support and positivity? There are too many miserable and bitter people in this world but don’t let them drag you down. You are a bright light in a grey sky. Last week I came to your talk at the British Library and you were so full of positivity, support, kindness, generosity and inspiration. I can’t thank you enough… even though you made me cry.. just by taking the time to listen! Thank you so much. You opened my eyes to opportunity and have started me down the road to self belief. I couldn’t ask for more. So, please ignore the cynics and the fools and keep on doing what you’re doing. People like you are needed in our world. Thank you Vicki. xxx
Oh Nicky, thank you so much, now you’ve made me cry. Your words mean so much to me, truly. Thank you for attending, it was an honour to speak and please don’t doubt yourself, you can make anything you choose, to, come to fruition. Please stay in touch and give me a shout if you need anything, OK x
Oh hun I am so sorry you were trolled. Means you’ve totally made it though right? 😉 You are an inspiration to so many and certainly are making me feel like I am not going to doubt myself today. Big hugs xx
Katy recently posted…A Water Challenge – The Results
Thanks darling, that means a lot, never doubt yourself xx
Oh Vicky,I am so sorry that someone left you such horrid vitriol and nastiness- it is amazing how people store up such awful feelings within themselves and then share them! You are fabulous and I am glad you have a great approach to not doubting yourself-you are very inspirational!
I really wish I didn’t doubt myself so much. The thing is, I KNOW I am good at my job, but yet, a new person being employed who also has musical skills makes me feel that somehow they will want to replace me with her- despite the fact I have a track record of outstanding teaching, I can still feel that in my head, even though I know that is total rubbish! And that though I am a musician, I am not good enough and someone else should be in my flute place in my orchestra- it’s so stupid and I wish I could stop myself thinking such things- I will TRY though! Even blogging, I doubt myself and yet, I’ve been doing it for almost 11 years!!!! Crazy eh! Amazing what the mind tries to trick you into! I hope all is well with you!
xx
Oh darling, it is totally normal, being creative means being riddled with self doubt but you must keep practising (as you would an instrument) believing in yourself and portraying confidence until you feel it. Not so much fake it to make it, but value the skills you have and your place. Also something a wise lecturer once told me, was to visualise the worst eventuality-confront it head on-in your case, being replaced. And then? You will find another position, it will open new roads, experiences, with every rejection or turn in events comes opportunity. There is nothing to fear xx
Honest Mum recently posted…Sticky Toffee Pudding with Salted Caramel Sauce
Truly inspiring. Here goes a vote from me 🙂
Ally Allmumstalk recently posted…Going on a guilt holiday. Aka my 5 seconds of fame…
Oh Ally, thank you 🙂
Honest Mum recently posted…Sticky Toffee Pudding with Salted Caramel Sauce
truly inspiring as usual. Here goes a vote from me 🙂
Great post Vicki, and thank you for making me feel uplifted today on a bit of a bleurgh day… I’m sorry you got trolled. Some haters out there are so disillusioned with their own lives that they have nothing better than to lash out at others. It’s pitiful. I’m glad you’ve moved on and you were missed on the weekend xx
Ting at My Travel Monkey recently posted…Reviewed: Dubai Hire 4 Baby
Thanks Ting, was sad not to see you and everyone at Mumsnet, such bad timing to be unwell. Glad this post helped you today. I hope you’re well. Keep being amazing, girl x
Honest mum recently posted…Don’t Doubt Yourself
Self doubt is probably strongest destructive forces in this world. None of us can actually achieve anything in life if we are not clear on who we are. Nice that Vicki is contributing so positively towards society and helping people to realize their potential.
Adnan from The Money Habits recently posted…Should you take home equity loan or withdraw 25% from your pension pot?
Very kind, thanks Adnan
Honest mum recently posted…Don’t Doubt Yourself
I’m really sorry to read you were trolled Vicki, there really is no need for it. Being showered in kindness though really does help the trolls to not win.
I love this paragraph: “Whatever you choose to do, whatever road you decide to take, and are taking because you are a proactive protagonist in your own narrative remember, (the power is within you), do what makes you happy and remember that anything is possible when you set your mind to it. There are no limits!” Really resonates, it’s something I really believe. Much love xxx
Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…Blogging and Self-Esteem at BlogFest
Thanks darling Leigh, so true isn’t it and empowering to remember we can be proactive and steer our goals. Lots of love to you xx
Honest mum recently posted…Don’t Doubt Yourself
Some great words of wisdom here Vicki about confidence, kindness and believing in yourself. Sorry to hear about your troll, pretty crappy and can leave you feeling a bit inflated. But, it’s focussing on the positive and the masses that matter, not one arsehole with some twisted motive. Pleased that your talk went well too 🙂
The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…My Post-BlogFest15 Thoughts About Gender Stereotypes
Thanks Dave, appreciate your support. Haters gonna hate right? So much positivity out there so going to focus on that x
Honest mum recently posted…Don’t Doubt Yourself
Oh my darling Vicki I’m so sorry youhad to deal with this, especially when I know own you’re recovering from being poorly. You are so strong I know you’ll move past this coward act of jealousy and keep on keeping on with your bad self! Congrats too on what sounds like the most amazing workshop. Wish I could be with you Friday – please get someone to video it! Much love xx
Michelle Reeves (The Joy Chaser) recently posted…Share the Joy link up #30
Oh Michelle thank you so much darling, you are so strong yourself and touched you commented, today of all days. Thank you for being a great friend to me xx
How terrible to have been left a nasty comment, Yes, it does hurt at the time, but it’s them that have a problem, not you!
You are amazing,your success proves that, never doubt yourself!
Susan
xx
Thanks darling, that means a lot and ditto xx
Oh honey, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Jealousy and bitterness can make people do strange things. I wonder how they get satisfaction in doing something so petty and low, honestly. Well done for rising above it.
No one trolls our Vicki!
Mel recently posted…How Do You Make Chocolate?
Aw thanks sweetie, love you xx
What a tremendous post and I am in complete agreement, I believe that love and kindness always find a way and thank you once again for inspiring so many X
Lins @Boo & Maddie recently posted…Monday Catch Up #25
Thank you darling, that means a lot. Kindness will always triumph xx