It’s that time again, my monthly feature ‘Who’s the Daddy’, shining a light on the very best Daddy bloggers in the UK and heck, even the world! I’ve been literally overwhelmed by the number of bloggers who have contacted me to be featured, and I can’t wait to keep sharing more of a male’s perspective on the blog.

Here, check out the brilliantly funny Dave of DADventurer‘s post on wedding tips with a baby-

DADventurer

Cowboys and Indians. Stones and glass houses. Drinking and driving. Electricity and water. Babies and weddings.

What do these five pairs of things all have in common? No, they aren’t presents that I’m asking the missus to get me for my birthday – although having my own cowboy would be pretty cool – but in fact things that result in disastrous consequences should they ever mix.

With this in mind, I felt like a rabbit in the headlights when I realised that we had to go to a friend’s wedding with our five month old daughter. What’s more, the missus was on bridesmaid duties, meaning that there would be plenty of occasions at the wedding when I’d be left to solely hold the baby – both physically and metaphorically.

I’m pretty confident when it comes to looking after the little one, however I’m happy to admit that sometimes panic washes over me when we are alone, particularly when in public. I’m in a massively fortunate position as I’ve been with Baby L pretty much every minute of every day since she disembarked the mothership last August, however that doesn’t mean I sometimes don’t feel overwhelmed – especially if people are watching and judging my fatherhood performance. Nobody likes to be watched whilst they perform, right?!

The last thing I wanted was to be ‘that parent’ incapable of looking after ‘that baby’ at the wedding. You know the one I’m taking about – the uncontrollable crying which drowns out the vows, the massive poonami which puts everyone off their salmon starter or the projectile vomit which adorns the bridesmaid’s dress. Weddings are filled with traditions which dictate what you should wear, what you should say and how you should act – therefore introducing a little bundle of  joy into a situation such as this can open up an entire Pandora’s Box of uncertainty and evil.

My first thought was to not take the baby with us so that I could avoid this potential embarrassment. However, I’d heard that it is ‘frowned upon’ to leave your baby at home, in the car or at the venue reception, so the threat of Social Security soon scuppered those flawless plans. Instead, I sucked it up, put on my suit, loaded my pockets with baby paraphernalia and stepped into the abyss, ready to tackle any challenge that Baby L threw at me…

Luckily, the little one was pretty well behaved throughout the entire wedding, but I like to think that my careful planning and rigorous preparation were vital for securing a successful outcome. I therefore wanted to share with you five of my very best tips as to how you can successfully survive a wedding when you are alone with a baby:

Make Your Baby As Cute As You Can

cute baby

It’s a well-known fact that the cuter you are the more you can get away with*. We all think that we’ve got a cute kid, but let’s face facts, not every baby can be cute as there are some pretty ugly adults in the world.

So, if you’re expecting your baby to cause a bit of angst to others, it makes total sense to get out their nicest clothes, slap on the lipstick, turn on the hair straighteners and pop a bow on their head. Do what you can to emphasise the good points and hide the bad – I find a balaclava or Halloween mask works well.

You may also choose to befriend a parent with an uglier baby than yours, that way, the other guests at the wedding will automatically take a dislike to that kid, even if yours is slightly more trouble. I’m pretty sure that’s what Darwinism is based upon.

Palm Your Baby Off On Other Guests

Everyone (OK, most people) loves a baby, particularly if you have followed my advice from point one. This means that other people are likely to want to look, interact and hold the fruit of your loins. Use this to your advantage, particularly if the baby is playing up.

As parents, we tend to recognise the signs of our little one(s) getting grumpy, be it them needing a nap, a feed or a change. With that in mind, keep an eye out for any of the usual signs, then quickly hand your baby to another guest at the wedding and get the hell out of there.

If the baby starts crying, then it is no longer your responsibility but the problem of the person left holding the baby. If the baby craps themselves, then it is for their new carer to deal with whilst you grab a cold pint from the bar.

Should you be discovered and have your baby attempted to be given back to you, just delve into your childhood lingo – phrases such as “no backsies” and “whoever smelt it dealt it” will ensure that you can drink your pint in peace.

Locate The Nearest Plug Sockets

power point

This is probably the best bit of advice I have ever given. You. Are. Welcome.

When you have a baby at a wedding, make sure you identify where the nearest plug sockets are and situate yourself close to them. In a world where most things run off electricity or require charging, those little outlets in the wall will become your best friend.

This is not just a selfish bit of advice coming from a dad blogger wondering how the hell he is supposed to Instagram a photo of his baby or tweet about the snow if he has no means of getting on the internet due to a dead battery. This is also advice which is awesome when you have a baby. You can use the plug socket for loads of stuff to make your life easier – sterilise feeding equipment, warm bottled milk or power up your 42″ TV to keep them entertained.

I’d suggest getting your hands on the building plans prior to the wedding so that you can carefully plan in advance – take a leaf out of any bank robber’s book. Also, keep an eye out for any other parents looking to steal your plug sockets – it’s a dog eat dog world out there and sometimes you’ll have to do a few underhand things in order to mark your territory. How underhand is your choice.

Come Up With Innovative Storage Solutions

Babies come with a lot of crap – and I’m not just talking literally. If you go out with a little one for any length of time, then you need to ensure that you have everything you ever need in case of every eventuality. Usually, you can load up the car or a changing bag with all of the stuff you need, however it’s not quite the same at a wedding. A flowery changing bag clashing with your suit isn’t the greatest of looks when you’re a dad with a baby.

Instead, you have to get a bit more creative with how you store stuff. That is where you can lean on the skills you learnt playing Buckaroo as a kid. By turning yourself into a human mule, you are able to affix, hold and insert everything you need to look after the little one.

I won’t restrict your creativity by defining what and where you should put things, but a few ideas I found useful included – the extra pockets in your suit jacket and on your shirt are perfect for a packet of wet wipes and nappies, the tops of your socks are perfect for tucking in a bottle or two, a spare baby grow can be tucked down your trousers, and you can hold a spare dummy in your own mouth.

It is also possible to retain the use of two hands by combining a top hat with a beer hat to ensure you can still have a drink whilst remaining fashionable and useful.

Get Your Baby To Sleep

sleeping baby at wedding

After being a dad for six months, I can confidently say that the only time a baby is a pleasure to be around is when they are asleep. A sleeping baby means no crying, no babbling and no need to entertain – basically, it means no problems.

It is therefore sensible to consider doing what you can to get your baby to sleep during a wedding. They don’t need to sleep for the entire of the day, just at the parts which are most likely to cause stress. That usually means when things are quiet, romantic or emotional – as an example, it is best for your little one to sleep during the ceremony or the speeches, but absolutely fine for them to be awake during the reception drinks or evening entertainment.

In order to give yourself the best chance to get your little one to sleep, you need to have a few essentials with you. This includes somewhere for them to sleep (e.g. a pushchair or your arms), something to block out distractions (e.g. a large muslin cloth), a dummy, white noise, a comforter and a full tummy. If, and only if, this doesn’t work, you could consider a shot of whisky or chloroform, which are both natural and organic baby sleep aids – at least that’s what my parents used to say to me…

That’s my five most useful and important tips for surviving a wedding with a baby. I have plenty more up my sleeve (along with several baby-related items) but I don’t want to inundate you with too many brilliant ideas all at once.

Have you experienced the joys of attending a wedding with a sprog? If so, how did you manage to survive it? Let me know below!

* Based on a poll I just conducted with everyone currently in my living room, i.e. me and the dog.

For more of the DADventurer you can check out his blog and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.

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38 Responses

  1. Joy

    I always find it weird when people say no kids allowed to their wedding. I do understand it in hard for the parent to but I also think finding a sitter for such things can be hard especially when most of the times its family who help babysit. Great tips! an ohh baby looks so cute!
    Joy recently posted…Chilled OutMy Profile

    Reply
  2. Debs @ Super Busy Mum

    Loved this post, haha! I think little ones love all the bustle, fun & fuss at weddings! Seeing all those faces, and getting endless cuddles from family & friends! Great tips though too! Brings me back to taking my youngest to a wedding! Hard work but fun!
    Debs @ Super Busy Mum recently posted…Our Easter!My Profile

    Reply
    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks for reading Debs. We have another wedding today, so it’ll be ‘fun’to see how she’s changed from 5 months to 8 months – I imagine she’ll be looking around more etc as you say 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Getting The Sprog’s First Baby PassportMy Profile

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  3. Sian

    Very funny! I think that babies and kids are a lovely part of weddings. And my husband thinks that they are a great excuse for skipping the ‘boring’ ceremony and speech bits – ‘Oh dear do I have to go and stand in the bar and rock the baby who won’t be quiet’!
    Sian recently posted…Living Arrows 14/52My Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks Sian. I agree, we wanted kids at our wedding as they bring something a bit different to boring old relatives. However, when the baby is your own and you feel the pressure, that’s another thing entirely… I think your husband has got the right idea! 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Getting The Sprog’s First Baby PassportMy Profile

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  4. A Cornish Mum

    Much better to take a baby to an event like this than a toddler, they won’t go to sleep, will ask why that funny man (it was a woman *cringe*) is staring at them, and in the case of one of my little male cousins, they will go for a wee behind the organ and then go around to every family member to loudly tell them about it….yep much safer before they can walk and talk!
    Stevie 🙂
    A Cornish Mum recently posted…Make Me A Will!My Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Don’t say that! I’m kind of living in the hope that once Baby L becomes Toddler L, everything will be totally fine from then onwards! Haha I look forward to everything you’ve just shared, particularly the urinating behind an organ! 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Getting The Sprog’s First Baby PassportMy Profile

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  5. Jess Paterson

    Vicki, love this feature, great intro to the fab daddy bloggers out there! Dave, this cracked my up! The bottles in the socks – hilarious! And the fight to the death over socket access – I’ve been there! Cracking post. x
    Jess Paterson recently posted…The Lego Easter StoryMy Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks Jess, pleased it gave you a giggle. Cheers for reading and sharing 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  6. Adrian

    Very funny. We’ve only been to one wedding with Baby B and he was v small so slept through it! I like your style though, when you need a beer hand the baby over to an enthusiastic relative! I think the best way to invite babies to a wedding is when they are in their mums tums like my wife’s two bridesmaids did!

    Reply
    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Haha good point, that way they only cause trouble if the mum goes into labour or the baby is pushing on her bladder. Probably unlikely that you can put them back where they came from though if they’ve already been born…
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  7. Tim

    Ha, great advice, Dave – especially about staying close to the power sockets.

    We did one wedding with Isaac when he was about 9 months old and he cried all the way through the reception speeches. Which basically meant me wheeling him outside in his buggy for the whole thing. On a chilly September evening. In the middle of a torrential rain storm. He wasn’t the only one who was crying by the end …
    Tim recently posted…Our month in photos: March 2015My Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Ah, so you were ‘that parent’ with ‘that baby’ which I referred to!
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks buddy – you could look at it from the other side too – don’t want to waste good chloroform so use whisky 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  8. Doctomum

    Great advice, I’m going to pass it onto my best friend who just popped a sprog out and is about to decline a wedding invite for fear of ruining a wedding with her little screamer.
    My top tip would be to bring a babysitter with you (unsuspecting grandparents are perfect), then come the evening when you want to eat your chicken dinner and have one dance before feeing pooped, you will be able to do this all baby free.
    Doctomum recently posted…The Medical Baby Name Dictionary: What Not to Name Your Child.My Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks! No need for her to decline, what more could she ever need to know than these 5 tips?! Oooh, the babysitter is a good idea – unfortunately we were a good 3 or so hours from the folks. I wonder if anyone has ever taken the next door neighbours daughter as their babysitter to a wedding miles away – I’m pretty sure the police would have been involved if so! 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  9. Mum Reinvented

    Love this! I went to my sisters wedding (involving a flight each way with a baby too eek!) and managed to hand my then 4 month old to as many people as possible before he nodded off just in time for me to enjoy the evening without a baby in my arms. Putting him in a teeny suit certainly helped upped the level of cuteness and he was happy being passed around all day – even slept throughout the ceremony, whereas my little niece peed on her poor dad the groom so that was nice! (At least it wasn’t my kid though!)
    Mum Reinvented recently posted…23 Things You’ll Appreciate as a Mother of Teenage GirlsMy Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Wow, a flight! Well done, not sure whether I could do that with a 4 month old. Good work, sounds like you had already sussed out this wedding and baby malarkey. I didn’t get any evening as I went back to the hotel room so Baby L could sleep. Haha, exactly, at least it wasn’t your kid! 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  10. Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops

    Amazing post, my brother made the inconsiderate decision to get married when Boo was 8 months old… and it meant two nights away – it was like some kind of crazy military operation.
    Totally agree with the advice you have shared! Boo did behave herself but I managed to not pay attention when I was getting myself dressed and only painted the nails on one hand… and I didn’t notice until the middle of the service!!! It wasn’t a pale colour either… oh dear

    Reply
    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks Jenni, pleased you liked! Jees, can you believe brothers, always trying to ruin our lives! Haha, you should have just pretended that you had started a new style with the finger nails 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  11. Carry On Katy

    Cracking post!
    I think it’s clear that any one planning on attending a wedding with a baby needs to bring a DAVE.
    Nothing else required.
    I’d pay top dollar to hire you out for the day.Perhaps a new business venture?
    Loved this.
    Carry On Katy recently posted…10 Careers ALL Parents Could HaveMy Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks Katy – what an awesome idea – I’m pretty sure this is called being an ‘escort’ but I’m not one for labels so am happy to be given money in exchange for my services. Thanks for reading 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  12. Lucy @bottlefor2

    Ah yes…. The wedding and baby challenge! I was a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding and my husband had baby duty for the whole ceremony. Miraculously she slept in his arms in the service which was amazing. His arms were killing by the end of it. I had to quieten her down during the speeches by letting her suck my thumb! Lucky she had no teeth at the time! Then later on we did fob her off on some cousins and grandma so we could have a boogie!
    Lucy @bottlefor2 recently posted…The Big 5: Life Lessons to pass on to your kidsMy Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      High five to your husband! It sounds like he was following some of my tips even before I thought of them. Good tip on the thumb sucking, you do anything to get them to shutup in public don’t you! Thanks for reading.
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  13. John Adams

    Another superb dad blogger to feature in this awesome feature. My advice; don’t worry so much about plug sockets, take an external battery pack! Great list. #BrilliantBlogPosts
    John Adams recently posted…The House of Fraser look book challengeMy Profile

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  14. Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows

    Some wonderfully useful tips that I hadn’t thought of- especially with regards to the lipstick, curlers and chloroform. I just tried them out with my son. It must be working because everyone is paying attention to us. Thanks!
    #brilliantblogposts
    Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…Oh, the bureaucraZy.My Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks, well sometimes you have to think outside of the box don’t you. Chloroform has been used successfully by killers for years to knock out their victims, so it obviously has its applications in other areas too. I’m pleased the *really useful* tips are helping with your son 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  15. fashion-mommy

    Very funny and oh so true, our little boy attended his first wedding at 4 months, my hubby was giving the bride away and I was left to it. But the being cute part really helped to get a little bit of help.

    #BrilliantBlogposts
    fashion-mommy recently posted…Disney on Ice Magical Ice FestivalMy Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Oooh, so we were pretty much in the same situation then – scary isn’t it?! Sounds like you managed perfectly though. Thanks for reading 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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  16. Sara (@mumturedmom)

    Good tips there! We’ve negotiated several weddings with babies… not for the faint hearted, but you’re right, everyone loves a cutie, until they cry 🙂
    Sara (@mumturedmom) recently posted…Childhood: a first visit to the dentistMy Profile

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    • The DADventurer (Dave)

      Thanks for reading Sara – sounds like you’re a baby + wedding veteran and I should be getting tips from you! 🙂
      The DADventurer (Dave) recently posted…Giveaway: Win A Champagne And Chocolate Hamper (Worth £89.99)My Profile

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