Recently my husband and close friends have informed me that I’m too nice!
A back-handed compliment if ever there was one right?!
Too nice? Am I too nice?!
OK I do try and be nice to everyone (strangers or not) that is true but I don’t want to fall into the walk-over category either.
Those who know me, know I’m no wallflower- but as my Dad loves to remind me-apparently I’m too forgiving, too tolerant, too, well, nice.
No one wants to feel taken of advantage do they?!
I makes friends easily and I mean ‘sitting on a train and we’re best mates by the time we arrive’-easily- but I’ve made friends all over the world this way-fascinating, smart, enriching friends I’d otherwise not have known if I wasn’t so well, LOUD and OPEN.
Look, I like to think I’m a pretty smart cookie, I worked in the TV and film industry for many years before becoming a blogger and believe me, the media industry certainly attracts the best and the very worst of people so my gut has undergone serious training and is fairly fine tuned so I trust it.
However despite honing ‘my gut’ over the years-particularly as a documentary and drama director, I’ve ignored it in recent times-and have paid the consequences with the metaphorical scars to prove it.
I go out of my way to help people I barely know when I can (I love how it makes me feel useful) and I hope people-readers and those IRL consider me an approachable and genuine person. I can’t be anything but myself (I’d make a really BAD actress)!
However, the being burnt bit-that’s hard, especially when you’ve trusted and let your guard down with people who’ve hurt you.
That’s life I suppose-s**** happens to the best of us- and we must accept our own flaws- and equally not let other people’s issues affect our own lives.
All this though, does make me question how I am with others. If indeed I am too kind, too generous with my time and a bit too understanding at times?
I’m a tough lass- I don’t take shizzle, I’m not scared to walk away from negative people or situations- but I FORGIVE, always and even those who don’t say sorry.
I don’t hold grudges nor have I ever (I literally cannot remember once holding a grudge and at 35 that’s quite something).
That doesn’t mean I don’t stand up for myself (I do)-I just choose my battles carefully and try not to have battles in the first place.
I’m honest (obvs) and if there’s an issue, I tend to like to pick up the phone or even better, meet, to resolve things. I give people chances and expect the same myself.
I pride myself on trying to understand other people’s points of view, to have empathy-a book I read at uni ‘The Art of Dramatic Writing’ by Lagos Egri really cemented that skill, to truly understand why people behave in the way they do and the effects of physiology, sociology and psychology has on behaviour- and most of the time (NOT PMT week natch) I don’t really sweat the small stuff.
Life is too full of wonder, good times and gorgeous little people to ground you, for all that. Am I right or am I right?!
…And here’s the thing- I don’t want to CHANGE, to become closed off and less open, to stop connecting with others- strangers or not-it’s what I love so much about working online- but I have undoubtedly become a little more wary lately, more private and less trusting to some extent.
My husband keeps telling me to observe how others treat me for a while before going all OUT into full blown friendship (now that sentence just sounded weird-apols! You know what I meant)!…
So I’m doing more of that-being open but wary. Working on stricter boundaries.
…I’m still not sure you can be TOO nice though-I say give people chances, forgive f*** ups as you hope to be forgiven yourself- and be open to new friendships-just work on boundaries and build trust before you become friends with absolutely everyone.
I’ll have remember that when I’m next on the train won’t I?!
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