Broody But A Bit Scared

big brother kissing baby brother

So I wrote a post a month ago on feeling broody with the fitting title Maybe Baby?

Fast forward to more chats with the husband, Peter (a baby isn’t imminent by the way) but we’ve been discussing the possibility more and it feels like a real option down the line and something we might well go for, and whilst I’m broody (I’m not sure I’ve ever stopped being broody), I’m also a little bit scared.

Scared I won’t be able to cope with three kids (even writing that scares me a little), juggling work and a crazy schedule with and a baby (although I’ve done it before, twice), scared I might have a traumatic birth again like the first time (although I had a calm elective the second time round), worried I might have a tough pregnancy as I had some hard-going times with both and anxious it will take me forever to lose the baby weight.

Argh, I realise it must sound vain sharing that last fear but I’m not someone that loses baby weight easily and whilst that wouldn’t stop me from having another baby, I know it will take me a year if not more, to lose what in the past was 3 and 2 and 1/2 stones with each pregnancy respectively.

I wish I was like Kate Middleton or Victoria Beckham: baby out and body snaps straight back. I realise they are rare/lucky but it’s a lie to say body image and weight gain doesn’t affect self-esteem. It does. My job is public-facing too and I’m already incredibly tough on myself as it is and know full-well as a former TV Director that the camera adds pounds.

All that being said, watching videos of Oliver and Xander as babies and toddlers and reflecting on touching photos like the one above, as well as knowing how much I love my kids and how that love simply multiplies with each child, means I think expanding our family is something I do hope to do one day.

It’s not because I want a girl either, I’d be happy with another boy, I suppose I just always thought I’d have a big family. I’d love to see my sons as older brothers too. Oliver in particular is brilliant with babies and toddlers, so patient and caring.

I’m also 37 in November and whilst women are having babies later and later, I know time isn’t hugely on my side so it’s something on my mind. My sons are currently 7 an 4 1/2 with my youngest, my ‘baby’ starting school in September.

Who knows what will happen?

I realise I’d be lucky to have another baby if we decide to try, and I don’t take it as given it would happen anyway, but I’m writing this as I always like to share what’s on my mind. Blogging is therapy after all, plus I’d love to hear from my readers- you guys to see your thoughts.

I’d also like to hear back from mamas with three who are going to lie to me, I mean, tell me it’s not that hard juggling a busy career and three children, reassuring me everything will work out. Thanks!

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Broody But A Bit Scared

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