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Sarah Knight's F**k No!

Bestselling Author Sarah Knight’s Guide to Saying ‘No’ + Competition

February 3, 2020

Sarah Knight's F**k No!

Sarah Knight is the internationally bestselling ‘anti-guru’ and author of the No F**ks Given Guides, a self-help series that includes The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k and her most recent entry, F**k No!: How To Stop Saying Yes When You Can’t, You Shouldn’t, Or You Just Don’t Want To.

Her books have been published in more than 30 countries and her TEDx Talk, ‘The Magic of Not Giving a F**k’, has six million views and counting.

After leaving her corporate job as a book editor in New York City in 2015, Sarah moved to the Dominican Republic where she now resides with her husband and two feral rescue cats, Gladys Knight and Mister Stussy. You can learn more about Sarah and her books, and sign up for the No F**ks Given Newsletter, at www.nofucksgivenguides.com.

It’s a pleasure to host an excerpt from F**k No! and you can win a copy via Rafflecopter below.

Over to Sarah..

 

Different Nopes for Different Folks

F**k No!

“No.”

Saying this two-letter, one-syllable word causes so many of us so much more grief than it should—which is why I devoted an entire 300-plus page book to defanging and destigmatizing it, and teaching people how to say it with confidence. And more importantly, without guilt.

Here are four simple strategies to get you started:

 

The Hard No

Simple, direct, and non-negotiable. This could be a straightforward No, a more pleasant No thank you, or a slightly more explicatory Sorry, I don’t have time/can’t make it/can’t afford it. In any event, your content and delivery will imply that this is the end of the conversation.

Example: If your neighbor Ken asks if you’d be interested in helping him clean out his septic tank on Saturday, try saying “Nope. Next question?” Ken will be either so flustered or so impressed by your shock-and-awe approach, I guarantee he’ll drop it like it’s hot sewage.

 

The No-for–Now

Don’t confuse this with a wishy-washy “maybe”—we do not leave our friends, family, and colleagues dangling like goddamn participles. However, if you want or need to decline now, but don’t necessarily wish to close off an opportunity for fun or profit later, this is your no, Joe.

Example (for fun): Your friends are setting up a beach timeshare this summer and it’s out of your price range, but you can already feel the FOMO settling in like canned rosé at the bottom of the cooler.

Instead of a Hard No, you could say “I’d love to get in on this, but I can’t afford it. If you promise to ask me again next year, I’ll start saving now and get the first case of La Croix for the house.” This way, you don’t blow your budget, your friends understand that you’d like another chance (for which you can prepare), and who knows—maybe someone will invite you as a weekend guest, no string bikinis attached.

Example (for profit): The family you dog-sit for has to leave town suddenly and they wonder if you’re available. Unfortunately, you have a big test to cram for and this is a really bad time for you to be driving three towns over to walk Nigel the hyperactive husky three times a day.

Still, you’re afraid to say no and potentially lose the gig going forward. So…maybe you should just tell them that? As in, “Shoot, I can’t do it this time, but I hope I’ll still be your first call in the future—I really love that crazy canine and I’d hate to lose the job over one scheduling snafu!”

 

The Professional No (The Pro No)

Sprinkle phrases like As it happens and Upon consideration and I’m afraid that’s unfeasible into your emails—or, for higher degree of difficulty, learn how to say them in the moment, in person, and with a straight face.

Example: A client asks if you can have their project completed two weeks ahead of schedule. If that is in fact unfeasible (or simply unappealing), you can say “Dear Eleanor, I’ve reviewed your file, and upon consideration, it will not be possible to accelerate the timeline. I will certainly update you if that changes, but please expect to hear from me no later than our original deadline.”

 

The No-and-Switch

Did you know you can say no to one thing but offer an alternative thing THAT YOU PREFER? Indeed you can, Stan! The No-and-Switch is also useful when you want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, or when you actually do want to do something with or for them—just not in the specific manner or time frame that they originally suggested.

Example (at work): A client asks if you can have their project completed two weeks ahead of schedule. And you could . . . if you get compensated accordingly.

In your best Pro No vernacular, say “Dear Eleanor, I’m afraid it won’t be possible to accelerate this timeline under the same terms we’ve agreed to. However, if you are able to increase the project budget by ten percent, I can allocate more resources to speed up completion. Please let me know within 48 hours if that is acceptable and otherwise, expect to hear from me no later than our original deadline.”

Example (at play): A super-social pal often invites you to get in on urban scavenger hunts and group-discount seats for amateur football league games. You love your friend and feel bad saying no all the time, but you don’t love all the chaos that comes with multi-person outings of this nature. You could say “Thanks for inviting me! I have to pass on [activity], but I was wondering if you and I could get together someday soon? It would be great to catch up, just the two of us!”

 

BONUS: The Power No

Less widely applicable than the preceding prototypes, but an equally sound solution under the appropriate circumstances, the Power No is when you issue no reply at all.

For example, I use it on strangers who slide into my DMs, wait less than a day for a response, and then send a follow-up note like “I guess you don’t reply to your supporters.”

Well, now I don’t!

Or when someone asks for third time about something that I already said a polite no to twice. I just . . . stop responding. It’s like ghosting, but for all the right reasons.

Finally, the Power No is ideal for use on people trying to worm their way back into your good graces. It’s not always easy to tamp down the impulse to chastise a pest or defend yourself from unfair accusations—believe me, I know—but getting uppity provides little short-term satisfaction with the potential for a lot of long-term aggravation.

Whereas, if you deploy a Power No, you get to win a fight without even having it.

Neat-o.

Don’t miss my interview with Sarah Knight in my Wonderful Women series.

You can also win a copy of Sarah’s latest book below.

F*CK No! Book

Good luck.

Ends 3rd March 2020.

UK only.

No cash alternative.

If the winner does not respond within 7 days of the email being sent, a new random winner will be selected.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Prize finder, Loquax, Super Lucky, UK Wins and Competition Database.

no

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an excerpt from F**k No!Bestselling Author Sarah Knight's Guide to Saying 'No'bloggerbookbooksboundariesdeclining offersdifferent nopes for different folksDominican Republic newsletterHonest Mumhow to say nohow to stop saying yes when you can'tinternationally bestselling anti guru Sarah KnightNo F**ks Given Guidesnon negotiableself-help seriessimple strategies to help you carve out distinct boundaries and say noSorryStrategies to get started on how to say noTedXTalkThe Hard noThe Life-Changing Magic Giving a F**kThe No and SwitchThe power Noyou shouldn't or you just don't want

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54 Responses

Comments navigation

Older comments
  1. Orange23 says:
    March 2, 2020 at 19:30

    Looks like a useful book, I need to be more assertive in my life!

    Reply
  2. Deborah Bird says:
    February 9, 2020 at 17:43

    This book really appeals to me! I am one of those people who says yes to things when inside i am screaming NO!!

    Reply
  3. Natalie Burgess says:
    February 9, 2020 at 12:04

    This book looks fantastic and funny at the same time! Xx

    Reply
  4. Iain maciver says:
    February 9, 2020 at 00:24

    to be able to say no now that is hard

    Reply

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About me

Vicki Broadbent

Hi! I’m Vicki, mum to Oliver, 12, Xander, 9, and baby Florence who was born in November 2021. I’m also a multi award-winning lifestyle blogger, broadcaster and author.

I wrote the bestselling book Mumboss-The Honest Mum’s Guide To Surviving and Thriving at Work and at Home (UK) in 2018 and the US and Canadian version titled The Working Mom was released in 2020.

If you would like to work with me, please email me at mum@honestmum.com. You can read more about me here. .

My TV and Campaign Showreel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48VwWz9s2p0

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You can order Mumboss (UK) HERE or The Working Mom in the US HERE.

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*#Competition time*. #Win @graco_uk’s The Graco *#Competition time*. #Win @graco_uk’s The Graco Swift Fold Baby Highchair, a sleek, chic, functional and comfortable high chair with 9 height adjustments.
It even folds away in seconds and you only need to use one hand to tuck it away and save space in your kitchen or lounge, or even move it between rooms on its wheels.

Wipe clean and uber cool with its grey stripe design that will match any home’s decor, this is a highchair which grows with your baby (going from 6 months to 3 years old, max 15 kg). Read my full review at Honestmum.com.

To enter 
❤️follow me @honestmum ❤️follow @graco_uk 
❤️like this post ❤️tag 3 friends in comments and share in stories for extra entries. Ends Thursday 26th May 22. UK only. No cash alternative. No affiliation with Meta. Ad. Gift. Thanks to @frostybabyboutique for the beautiful gifted bib and weaning cutlery and bowls. #winitwednesday #freebiefriday #babies #competitionuk #competitiontime #competitions #giveaways #babygirl #weaning #weaningjourney #weaningbaby #babiesoninstagram #babyshopuk #babyweaning #giveaway #giveawaytime #win #winuk #winning #giveawayalert
On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at the majestic @windsorparishchurch (and the renewal of Xander's baptism vows) in a moving, joyful ceremony full of love, with a wonderful intimate dinner reception at @enzos_authentic_italian afterwards. Heartfelt thanks to @bambooflowersuk for the gift of the beautiful floral displays, @fusecomms for arranging the gifted regal, hand embroidered @annafielondon christening gown and stunning strawberry print @rachelrileyuk smocked dress. Thank you too for the discount on the christening cake of dreams @theberkshirebakesmith and the fine Italian feast @enzos_authentic_italian. Special thanks to our family and friends and of course the godparents @rachaeldennis, @drjulietmcgrattan and Vasos Astin for making the day so special. Last but not least, massive heartfelt thanks to the brilliant @phoebegilderphotography for these stunningly cinematic shots (gift). More photos on the blog (so hard choosing just 10 here)!!! Link in the bio 🌸. What a memorable day ♥️ 

#motherhood #momlife #baby #parenting #love #family #mom #parenthood #pregnancy #babygirl #mother #motherhoodunplugged #boys #girl #momsofinstagram #kids #mumlife #mama #pregnant #babiesofinstagram #babies #momblogger #maternity #mumlife #Church #viral #mommy #windsor #ceremony #baptism
It’s #Competition time again with stunning @phas It’s #Competition time again with stunning @phaseeight to help you inject some new season pieces into your wardrobe. #Win £100 to spend, ladies.  To enter: ♥️Like this post.
♥️Follow me @honestmum ♥️Follow @phaseeight ♥️Tag 3 friends in the comments and share in stories for extra changes to win. 👗 In these pics 👉👈 I’m wearing their elegant and versatile Evlin check navy and ivory dress and their beautiful blue floral Millie ditzy dress paired with a fitted navy Camille cardigan draped over my shoulder/ round my waist, chic blush ballet pumps and a black leather backpack of dreams (which fits my entire life). Thanks for styling me @lynseysmith20 🌸!Gorgeous! Competition ends on Saturday 21st May 2022. Not affiliated with Meta. Ad. Gift. Good luck 😘 #giveaway #competitiontime #freebiefriday #winitwednesday #style #fashion #mumstyle #styleinspo #summer #summerdress #giveaways #stylemama #fashionstyle #mumof3 #motherhood #windsor
Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front of one of Florence’s majestic floral masterpieces from her christening last Sunday. Thank you so much to my wonderful friends, Anca and Ioachim, founders of the multi award winning @bambooflowersuk for their kindness and gifting Florence two of these beautiful floral displays for her big day. (I’ll share the professional photos once I receive them). It really was one of the most joyful days of our lives. <Bibs worn here, a gift from @ziggleuk x @cosatto>. Florence turns 6 months on the 11th of May, what a wonderful whirlwind. Being my third baby and knowing how quickly this time goes means I’ve tried to savour this time as much as possible. FYI, would love some more sleep though! How you all doing?
I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bu I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bunches age 5 1/2 months. Thank you @_sophiestockton_ for doing her hair whilst the whole family has their hair done @innovations_windsor today ♥️. Florence’s had huge hair from day 1. Did your baby have lots of hair? 🎀
#motherhood #momlife #baby #parenting #love #family #mom #parenthood #pregnancy #babygirl #mother #motherhoodunplugged  #girl #momsofinstagram #kids #mumlife #mama #babiesofinstagram #babies #momblogger #maternity #mumlife #explore #exploremore #explorepage #mommy #babylove #funny #hair #longhair
*#Competition* #Win a lavish lunch @thebroadcaster *#Competition* #Win a lavish lunch @thebroadcasterlondon, a contemporary British restaurant in White City for you and your family ♥️. Simply like this post, follow me @honestmum and @thebroadcasterlondon and tag 3 friends in the comments for extra chances to win. Ends Thursday 5th May 2022. 
T&Cs include main and dessert per person (adult & kids), one bottle of house wine or cocktail each for the adults, and soft drinks for the kids. <We enjoyed an excellent modern British menu in the warm and  welcoming restaurant and bar, located next to the ITV Studios where I’ve worked over the years. Being there also brought back  memories from my uni days where my weekends and holidays were spent as a runner and trainee researcher at the BBC who used to be based there. With seasonal, ‘traditional with a twist’ cuisine on offer with classic roasts and fish and chips opted for here, and the @thekidstableuk upstairs entertaining kids aged 3+, made for a truly relaxing long lunch. Read my full review of the restaurant at Honestmum.com. Gifted. #foodies #food #london #restaurant #restaurantreview #competitions #giveaway #londonlife #family #families #foodphotography
Stop being so cute 💝 Stop being so cute 💝
💚Competition 💚! 👇We enjoyed a wonderful g 💚Competition 💚! 👇We enjoyed a wonderful gifted weekend away earlier in the month at the breathtakingly majestic @de_vere_wokefield_estate in Reading set in 250 acres of landscaped gardens boasting luxurious rooms, a heated indoor pool, sauna and gym, playgrounds, 9 lakes and great British food in their restaurants on site.  We stayed in adjoining deluxe rooms with views of the grounds and two dreamy en suites. Excitingly, you can #win: A 1 night stay for 2 people at the De Vere Wokefield Estate including breakfast and dinner in 1560 Restaurant & Bar.  To enter: 🌸 like this post, follow me @honestmum and @de_vere_wokefield_estate, and tag 3 friends in the comments for additional entries. Ends Tuesday 3rd May 2022. Good luck 🤞! 

Terms and conditions: The prize is for one winner plus one guest only. Prize winner must be aged 18 and over. Only one winner will be drawn. The prize is non-transferable, non-refundable, non-exchangeable and there are no cash alternatives. Prize may be changed without prior notice. Prize to be redeemed and booked by 31/10/2023 and is subject to availability. Reservation must be booked in advance by contacting the PR team at Devere@daviestanner.com. Travel expenses are not included. Prize includes breakfast and dinner for two only. Dinner includes three courses per person, selected dishes available only as part of the prize. Any extras or supplement dishes will be charged. Prize to be claimed at De Vere Wokefield Estate only. #competitions #hotels #hotel #travel #luxury #countryside #berkshire #reading #travelphotography #traveluk #weekend #weekendvibes #family #hotellife #country #food #baby #babygirl #mummy #mummyblogger
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@HONESTMUM ON INSTAGRAM

*#Competition time*. #Win @graco_uk’s The Graco *#Competition time*. #Win @graco_uk’s The Graco Swift Fold Baby Highchair, a sleek, chic, functional and comfortable high chair with 9 height adjustments.
It even folds away in seconds and you only need to use one hand to tuck it away and save space in your kitchen or lounge, or even move it between rooms on its wheels.

Wipe clean and uber cool with its grey stripe design that will match any home’s decor, this is a highchair which grows with your baby (going from 6 months to 3 years old, max 15 kg). Read my full review at Honestmum.com.

To enter 
❤️follow me @honestmum ❤️follow @graco_uk 
❤️like this post ❤️tag 3 friends in comments and share in stories for extra entries. Ends Thursday 26th May 22. UK only. No cash alternative. No affiliation with Meta. Ad. Gift. Thanks to @frostybabyboutique for the beautiful gifted bib and weaning cutlery and bowls. #winitwednesday #freebiefriday #babies #competitionuk #competitiontime #competitions #giveaways #babygirl #weaning #weaningjourney #weaningbaby #babiesoninstagram #babyshopuk #babyweaning #giveaway #giveawaytime #win #winuk #winning #giveawayalert
On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at the majestic @windsorparishchurch (and the renewal of Xander's baptism vows) in a moving, joyful ceremony full of love, with a wonderful intimate dinner reception at @enzos_authentic_italian afterwards. Heartfelt thanks to @bambooflowersuk for the gift of the beautiful floral displays, @fusecomms for arranging the gifted regal, hand embroidered @annafielondon christening gown and stunning strawberry print @rachelrileyuk smocked dress. Thank you too for the discount on the christening cake of dreams @theberkshirebakesmith and the fine Italian feast @enzos_authentic_italian. Special thanks to our family and friends and of course the godparents @rachaeldennis, @drjulietmcgrattan and Vasos Astin for making the day so special. Last but not least, massive heartfelt thanks to the brilliant @phoebegilderphotography for these stunningly cinematic shots (gift). More photos on the blog (so hard choosing just 10 here)!!! Link in the bio 🌸. What a memorable day ♥️ 

#motherhood #momlife #baby #parenting #love #family #mom #parenthood #pregnancy #babygirl #mother #motherhoodunplugged #boys #girl #momsofinstagram #kids #mumlife #mama #pregnant #babiesofinstagram #babies #momblogger #maternity #mumlife #Church #viral #mommy #windsor #ceremony #baptism
It’s #Competition time again with stunning @phas It’s #Competition time again with stunning @phaseeight to help you inject some new season pieces into your wardrobe. #Win £100 to spend, ladies.  To enter: ♥️Like this post.
♥️Follow me @honestmum ♥️Follow @phaseeight ♥️Tag 3 friends in the comments and share in stories for extra changes to win. 👗 In these pics 👉👈 I’m wearing their elegant and versatile Evlin check navy and ivory dress and their beautiful blue floral Millie ditzy dress paired with a fitted navy Camille cardigan draped over my shoulder/ round my waist, chic blush ballet pumps and a black leather backpack of dreams (which fits my entire life). Thanks for styling me @lynseysmith20 🌸!Gorgeous! Competition ends on Saturday 21st May 2022. Not affiliated with Meta. Ad. Gift. Good luck 😘 #giveaway #competitiontime #freebiefriday #winitwednesday #style #fashion #mumstyle #styleinspo #summer #summerdress #giveaways #stylemama #fashionstyle #mumof3 #motherhood #windsor
Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front of one of Florence’s majestic floral masterpieces from her christening last Sunday. Thank you so much to my wonderful friends, Anca and Ioachim, founders of the multi award winning @bambooflowersuk for their kindness and gifting Florence two of these beautiful floral displays for her big day. (I’ll share the professional photos once I receive them). It really was one of the most joyful days of our lives. <Bibs worn here, a gift from @ziggleuk x @cosatto>. Florence turns 6 months on the 11th of May, what a wonderful whirlwind. Being my third baby and knowing how quickly this time goes means I’ve tried to savour this time as much as possible. FYI, would love some more sleep though! How you all doing?
I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bu I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bunches age 5 1/2 months. Thank you @_sophiestockton_ for doing her hair whilst the whole family has their hair done @innovations_windsor today ♥️. Florence’s had huge hair from day 1. Did your baby have lots of hair? 🎀
#motherhood #momlife #baby #parenting #love #family #mom #parenthood #pregnancy #babygirl #mother #motherhoodunplugged  #girl #momsofinstagram #kids #mumlife #mama #babiesofinstagram #babies #momblogger #maternity #mumlife #explore #exploremore #explorepage #mommy #babylove #funny #hair #longhair
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