mother and son on a tractor

Now Beyoncé could well be an ‘earth mother’ for all I know and what exactly is that anyway I hear you cry… to me it’s a wade of days ahead of me filled with fun times with my kids.

Which, by the way, I know full well, will never play out quite like that (if weekends are anything to go by)- and the daisy chain making, barefoot mamas of my mind might well be as mythical as the actual term itself but-

…the truth is I’ve come to realise I spend a large part of my life veering between wanting to be a full time mum, potentially even adding to my brood- and taking over the world Beyoncé style.

And it got me thinking, if I feel like this, others must do too yet those distinct but not as opposing as we think- roles don’t seem to be openly discussed enough- and it’s limiting for all of us.

Why shouldn’t we want to take over the world one tweet at a time but equally want to spend as much time as possible with our kids? Or, on some days feel we need to move it and shake it when it comes to business, on others, to just move it and shake it to Mr Tumble on Cbeebies?

I have utmost respect for Stay At Home Mums and know they do far more than dance round their living rooms-two of my best friends and others folks I know are SAHMs and there’s never enough hours in the day- and equally, I doth my cap to those working full and part time too.

It’s all a freaking juggle and I hate anything that pits women against women- and men for that matter.

I have friends who are happy and equally, unhappy, in both aforementioned roles- and for many, there just isn’t a choice to be made, an option of ‘either/ or’.

I personally need and want to work but I’ve slogged tremendously hard over the last 5 1/2 years to build my blog into a business and a place which enables me to have more time off- and I’m fully embracing it.

I work full time hours but in a flexible way with workload distributed throughout the week including some evenings and parts of weekends, leaving me with one day off a week minimum and at most, two.

And I love it.

I crave it.

I don’t live to work and while the passion for this site and all that comes with it, is truly IMMENSE, so is my need to take time out with my kids particularly as my little one starts school next September leaving us a year and a bit to play with (literally)!

So it comes back to the question of balance- whatever the schedule or end-goal.

I basically still want to be Beyoncé (any day now), just 3 days of the week…

…Discussing my ever-changing position with my great pal, writer and founder of Babes About Town, Uju, I wanted to end on her thoughts,

‘It’s such a shame that this is set up as an ‘either/or’ for women… something that men never seem to have to think about. Or maybe that’s just from our perspective, after all so many men do feel the pressure of being the provider and don’t allow themselves (or society doesn’t allow) that Earth Father approach. Does the Earth Daddy even exist? Either way more power to all of us, whether we’re out there hustling or home raising our kids, we’re doing the best we can! And amen to the 3 day week.’

YES.

 

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Being Honest: How I Veer Between Wanting to Be An Earth Mother & Beyoncé-Can You Relate? - Honest Mum

 

 

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33 Responses

  1. Carol Cameleon

    Crikey yes, I flit between wanting to do allll the school runs MYSELF! And then yearning, craving to build my blog with the millions of ideas and content zooming round my creative head. Then I remember that I started my blog on a parenting slant, that 2 of my ebooks wouldn’t have surfaced had I not been a mummy and that most of my content is inspired by parenting observations. 3 days a week sounds amaziiiing! 😉 thanks for hosting #brillblogposts
    Carol Cameleon recently posted…My dinner party guest list with special guest…My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw love this comment, everything with my site came from being a Mummy too, it’s my favourite job of all but I love working too, it’s the never ending quest for balance and accepting that we’ll always veer from one to the other xx

      Reply
  2. themotherhubblog

    Regarding the end quote from your friend. Unfortunately many times when you find yourself asking the question is there a male alternative to this, the answer is no! and therein lies the problem. Women cant really do this on their own (we can give it a good try!) men really need to join in too!

    Reply
  3. jade

    Such a heartfelt relatable post as always…I think if anyone can find the middle ground between those it is you, and to give other women hope and confidence that we can too…cant do a bit comment I am currently dancing round the kitchen in a single ladies leotard with bare feet with a pot of homemade jam in one hand… #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha best comment ever and thank you darling for you kind words and confidence in me, you guys make me feel STRONG and that together we can support each other and do whatever makes us happy, thank you, big love xx

      Reply
  4. manstayshome

    That feeling of being either/or is horrible. But if, like you, you work towards your goal of home/work balance with a clear vision of where you want your priorities to be then it’s achievable. Nothing comes easy!

    Thanks for sharing, and for the link #BrilliantBlogPosts

    Reply
  5. Meg

    Love this and totally relate. I am currently a SAHM. Some days I want to push myself more to get my dream career off the ground – I just don’t know how to fit it all in! Other days I’m so tired that I feel pleased if we all get to the end of the day clean and fed. Wish I had a time-turner or something … I need more hours in the day! x #brillblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Please be kind to yourself, it’s about small steps and I am a strong believer that we do things when we are ready and have the space to. Write a list of some goals you want to achieve and make small steps towards them xx

      Reply
  6. Debbie

    Hi Vicki, when our son was born we had a bar, so I didn’t work as such, but would go down the bar in the afternoon (with baby in tow) and spend time mingling with customers. It was an outdoor holiday bar and we catered to older people, couples and families, who enjoyed seeing us.

    After baby number two was born, we sold the bar as family life and a bar don’t really go hand in hand.

    I do go through phases of wanting to go out to work, to have my own space, but my son needs me too much for me to be able to that right now. My blog is my space.

    I did enjoy being an Earth Mother, when they were little, now when I suggest running bare footed in the sand dunes they have no interest. I think that at the end of the day it’s normal to swing between one lifestyle idea and another. It’s what makes us human.

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…Feeling RelievedMy Profile

    Reply
  7. Charlotte Oates

    I’m completely with you on this one, I’ve realised that as much as I absolutely adore being at home with my boys (and couldn’t imaging going back to a 9-5 job), I need other challenges too – blogging certainly gives plenty of those! Josh starts nursery 5 morning a week in September and I know I’m going to miss him like crazy but I’m also looking forward to seeing how productive I can be with a couple of uninterrupted hours each day (hopefully enough that we can go out and really enjoy our afternoons together.
    Charlotte Oates recently posted…3-Minute Mediterranean Vegetable LasagneMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      It’s a never ending balance and like you, I love what I do and it makes me happy. I think it’s crucial to be honest about our feelings. You are going to feel so much more productive in September and Josh will get a lot out of it too xx

      Reply
  8. Tammy

    I totally agree! Finding that perfect balance just seems so hard. Days fly by and feel more like minutes on most days. Juggling everything and still keeping my son, boyfriend and myself happy and content feels more like trying to juggle plates at a circus some days. Maybe one day we will be able to find a balance that works for us all and means we have more time with our families to enjoy. #BrilliantBlogPosts
    Tammy recently posted…What We’re Reading – Curious George Catches A TrainMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Totally Tammy it is an endless juggle and can so often feel overwhelming as we try to keep all the plates spinning x

      Reply
  9. Mummy here and there

    It’s so hard to get the balance and deal with social pressure, guilt etc. I don’t know what the right balance most of the time I just wing it and make it up ad I go along X #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
  10. Emma

    can certainly relate here and I think you are right with either/or for women especially. it’s tough. #brillblogposts

    Reply
  11. Sara Skillington

    I can definitely relate. Juggling/balancing are the key words. And it is so hard – so well done for achieving it! The pressure can at times be quite immense, I find. I work part time and I sometimes feel that I have not been able to give 100 percent to my job or to my role as a mother. I would like to be brilliant at both! Definitely amen to the three day week 🙂 #BrilliantBlogPosts
    Sara Skillington recently posted…Miniature Peter Rabbit Garden – Kids in the Garden Blog HopMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      We all get those days Sara and it can be tough, I love that we can be open about it and support one another without feeling so alone in this struggle x

      Reply
  12. Franglaise Mummy

    The end of this year sees me celebrating a decade as a mum, in that time I’ve been a full time working mum (including going back to work when my eldest was 3 months old, and being out of the house for 11 hours a day, 5 days a week when she was just 4 years old), a stay at home mum, and a work at home mum. I have found these different roles have worked well for me (and not) at different times of my life.

    I LOVE where I’m at now – working from home while the kids are at school and then spending time with them when school is over. I get to do the two things I love doing and most want to do i.e. part-time parenting and part-time running my business.

    I am forever grateful to my incredible husband who plays an equal role in parenting (and household chores) when I’m working, and who also looks after our girls for a whole day at least once a month so I get some much needed Me Time.

    For me it’s always been about what makes me happy, not what others/society think I should do – I got huge backlash when I gave up my well-paid London job as Account Director in a Digital Marketing Agency to retrain as a childminder, but it was the best thing for me then and I have zero regrets. Now my youngest is 3 years old and I’m back working again, but I didn’t miss those precious younger years with my kids then either.

    Great post as ever Vicki 🙂

    Sophie xx
    Franglaise Mummy recently posted…Does visualisation really work?My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Love this Sophie and totally relate, I never thought I’d stop directing and in a way I haven’t really as I’ve made vlogs and videos but like you, I found a way of working that made sense for my family and I. Love your attitude and well done on everything hun xx

      Reply
  13. Susan Mann

    I am so not an earth mother for as much as I’d love to be it;s not me. It is so hard to balance and I feel torn every day and I can imagine you are the same. You do so well to balance it. I love being with the kids and sometimes love work, but it does make me appreciate my time with them. xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Lovely comment hun and so true, it really is a balancing act, I’m glad I’m getting more flexibility at the moment and hope it continues x

      Reply
  14. Sarah - Arthurwears

    I can really relate to this. I he always worked really hard in my career and after having Arthur, I found the shift a very strange one. I love spending my days with him, and I love that I get to earn a bit of money doing some nannying whilst also spending time with him – but I also love to be creative, to write, to plan my blog and ultimately actually do some blogging and I just wish I could clone myself and do both! I want to be an amazing mum, 100%, give him all the opportunities he needs – I’d feel a bit of a failure if I didn’t use my skills as an EYFS teacher for my own child! How could I possibly spend years building up other people’s children if I can’t do it for my own. So I love that I have that time. But I am desperate to also be something else – and have more time for that too. I couldn’t choose between the two. I know once he goes to school I’ll wish miss him and wish we had more time together so I think I should just make the absolute most of it and squeeze in my Beyoncé moments wherever else I can! #brillogposts
    Sarah – Arthurwears recently posted…Children Changing Careers p3: Dani from Deluxe BloomsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      It really is a balancing act isn’t it-for meeting those maternal needs with also working. I love that working digitally gives me that freedom and has closed the gap for so many us when it comes to inequality in the workplace but it a never ending pull in both directions. I think the key is to be open, to speak up and to find ways, because there is always way xx

      Reply
  15. Lisa

    I really relate to this post; I feel your struggle! I had a high flying career in finance for 20+ years, and then had a baby at 43. As much as I’d love to go back to my old job, I can’t live with the regret of missing out on time with my son that constant travel and very long hours would bring. I decided to choose the lesser of two regrets; I can’t cope with the regret of being an absent parent, but I CAN cope with the regret of being an absent banker!

    My middle ground is to blog and write freelance; it gives me focus and accomplishment along with flexible hours, and I have exactly the relationship and the time with my son that I want. I figure I had twenty years of being Banking Beyonce, I can do Earth Mama for a couple. xx
    Lisa recently posted…Turquoise EarringsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw love this Lisa and yes I left directing for a similar reason, I just couldn’t do 15 hour days on set with a young family and I’m so happy in my blogging career but I crave and need more flexibility. Roll on more time off and well done to you too for finding a way to do what you love and be there for your son xxx

      Reply
  16. brummymummyof2

    I have long embraced that I am not an earth Mother. I LOVE working a couple of days at work at week. It makes me really happy. Along with the blog I also work whilst the kiddos are at pre-school. I am so happy that I get to do school runs and will be sad when I eventually go back to work. But I am lucky being a teacher so I will always have the holidays off. I don’t know how people in other jobs cope with the child care! It must be a nightmare!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Teaching is a super job around childcare and all the holidays. I love the flexibility of blogging and do miss more of my filmmaking work after Cannes so want to make more video and get back to my roots more too. Thank for your comment.

      Reply
  17. Babes about Town

    Aww thanks for quoting my rambling thoughts hon, I totally feel you and it seems like that eternal struggle for women between our ambitions and our maternal instincts. We’re lucky to live in a time when we do have so many more options than previous generations, but with that comes so much pressure and self doubt. I say do what works for you and I can totally see you with a brood of four or more. Just maybe not barefoot but rocking some fab heels ???

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha 4-Peter will freak out reading this, you are so wise Uju, we are lucky we are living when we are and that we do have choice, where so many women don’t, that we can have flexibility over our careers-fab heels all the way, girl! xx
      Honest Mum recently posted…Attending the Cannes Film Festival 2016My Profile

      Reply

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