Vicki-Honest Mum

‘Confident face’ on!

Recently, I’ve noticed a fair few people remark on how confident I am, or at least appear to be (it was mentioned several times at Blog Camp where I spoke recently, with many asking me how they could become more confident when it comes to going on camera or making their blog their business and I receive a lot of emails on the subject too.

It sometimes and perhaps naively surprises me that something that is now second nature to me, is regarded as something unique, coveted and hard to grasp, or even become.

So I’ve mused it over, and broken it down…

You see, here’s the thing, yes some days I feel confident and on top of the world (usually after 8 hours straight of sleep, which sadly isn’t very often) and others, many other times, I simply don’t.

I lost all my confidence after a traumatic birth with my first child Oliver, I felt lost, lonely, far from family and support I needed, as I tried to navigate the choppy waters of first time parenthood unsure of how I would ever return to my creative (and recognisable) life before baby.

I did, and this blog was a huge part of that, of rediscovering my voice, of carving out a new identity and yes I feel happy and confident most days, but not all.

I suppose, even on those tougher days I present my ‘confident face’ to the world out of practice and probably out of survival. Make up as armour and deep breaths helps. Chin up, they say.

I do though, admit to my husband, mum and close friends when I don’t feel my best or am struggling, it’s important not to feel you have to pretend, but it’s also easy to get trapped in feeling bad about yourself too.

I 100% believe if we behave a certain way, we feel that way too (within reason). Depression, post traumatic stress, times of huge upheaval often needs more than just positive thinking.

Generally speaking though, positivity breeds positivity and working on exercising the happy muscles can truly help.

This works for negativity too, take the mickey and laugh about the bad times, cry when you need to and understand that not everything can be helped with self pep-talks and good humour, and that, that is OK too. Life isn’t all unicorns and rainbows even if Cbeebies would have us believe it is (thank goodness for Cbeebies huh).

…Take PMT time for me, it’s generally the pits, yes yoga and pinning positive affirmations (and saying them to myself) helps a bit but my physical reaction to my hormones at that time of the month usually makes me feel s**** and it can be an utterly rubbish time.

I’l feel down in the dumps, tired, grumpy, frustrated and not forgetting bloated (great for confidence) for the days my body doesn’t feel quite like my own. But I accept it. I realise this is how it is (it is what it is, is a handy saying at this time) and I just try to be kind to myself, generally allowing myself to cry over the Simpsons while eating Kit Kats.

My wise GP actually gave me some advice that’s always stuck with me to simply, ‘accept the feelings I get at this time, not to fight them and know you’re human’…or something like that. She also said to do exercise, eat well and try and nap. Wise words. All of them. Pinnable words even. I’ll get onto that when I finish the blog post.

So, you see, even the most seemingly confident among us have bad days and it’s not just PMT, creatives and creative perfectionists (holds hands up) are usually our own worst enemies, self-critical, wriggled in doubt, unsure of our art, talent, goals…and we just need to cut ourselves some slack. I wrote this post A Creative Life-Pushing Through the Self Doubt that might help there.

Now, let’s focus on the good days and how for the most part, I feel, or at the very least, present confidence out into the world.

Confidence is quite different from being smug or showing off but of course it’s easy to confuse intentions. Don’t allow that to stop you. Yes we’re British and the Americans have mastered it far better than we, but it’s OK, more than OK to feel confident, it’s a vital part of life so allow yourself to feel it, to own it, and embrace it.

Back to the beginning-

I firstly owe my confidence to my parents, they instilled self-belief in my brother and I from a young age, they encouraged us to follow our hearts in the most part (still sad about not going to drama school, Dad), to be ambitious without being stagey jazz hands kind of folks and they made us believe we could quite simply be anything we wanted to be while not feeding our egos.  My Mum, a former university lecturer made sure we knew we weren’t THE best but helped us to be the best that we could be.

If your parents didn’t nurture or support your goals, personality, dreams as kids that’s OK, give yourself permission to do that for you, and your own children, right now. My post Be Who You Want to Be is one of my all-time most popular posts and might help you redefine who you are and want to be.

I was a full time filmmaker and now I’m a professional blogger. I, and you can be whomever we want to be.

I was born ambitious I think, the child of highly educated, British Greek Cypriot immigrants (father has a BSc and MBA, mother, a BA, PGCE and MPhil) whose families were mostly teachers and whose work ethic and commitment to academia was both intense and immense.

My Mum likes to remind me that on the first day of learning to play tennis, I asked my teacher how long it would take me to play at Wimbledon. That was me alright.

I get this drive and passion primarily from my Dad, who has a group of successful restaurants in Leeds, an MBE and develops property. A risk taker, big dreamer and committed do-er, he’s crazy-ambitious, even today. He has lots of goals and goes for them, unflinchingly, be it cooking professionally on TV to being voted as having one of the best Greek restaurants in the UK by AA Gill.

He asked me yesterday if he could start a blog, stating if he does he’d like to run the most popular Greek recipe site in the world. Ok Dad, let’s buy a domain name first yeah?!

But you know what it’s wonderful to be ambitious, to want to strive for the best from your job, your life, for your kids, for yourself, to feel intellectually stimulated, financially independent, to meet your creative needs, to feel content, or achieve whatever it is that you yearn. It’s contagious too. Utterly and totally inspiring.

Women are scared to admit they are ambitious or feel good about themselves, and it’s sad. Our media tells us, daily, to self-hate and abhor other women. Dire. It’s become a feminist issue. I say that as a proud feminist.

It’s vital to want to thrive, to want to feel confident, and content and to show it to the world.

I don’t want to succeed at the expense of others, I never have done. My only competition is with myself. I want us all to do well, and together I know we can.

But I suppose you need to allow yourself permission to be confident first, to feel confident, to appear confident.

To push your shoulders back, to take a deep breath and walk into that meeting sure of who you are, or return that email, knowing your worth, your potential, how brilliant you are, and can be.

It’s normal and natural to fear the unknown, to be scared when you’re out of your comfort zone, trying new things, changing your perception of yourself.  I feel it every time I take on a new challenge and I ask myself, ‘can I do this?’ but that’s when and where you grow the most, the more you push yourself, even a tiny bit, the more confident you ultimately feel.

Nerves are positive and necessary, use them to spur you on. Even the most successful and celebrated filmmakers, actors, politicians feel nervous. Remember that.

Oh and mistakes, they teach far more than success. I always remember learning more on a film shoot where literally everything went wrong than on one immediately before that scooped me awards and accolades the world over.

Embrace failure, it will teach you great lessons. Every successful person has failed, many, many times they just didn’t stop trying. Tenacity and talent prevails. Simply pick yourself back up again, learn from what went wrong, take positive criticism well, not personally, and stay focused on your goals.

Likewise, know that envy is normal and natural but stop it from turning into jealousy. A destructive emotion that zaps confidence and makes you feel sad. Allow the success of others to spur you on, be happy for others and know that you are unique and individual and matter too.

Be sure to keep real friends around you, get rid of the negative zappers in your life, those that really don’t want the best for you and/or simply don’t ‘get you’, realise that’s OK too, that not everyone will love you and vice versa, but that by detoxing your life, your confidence skyrocket.

I also suggest writing a list of everything you excel at right now along with all the things you like about yourself, and pin it to your mirror (or pinterest board) and reflect on it, daily if you need to. Let it give you the impetus to go after everything you want in life. You deserve to feel confident. We all do…

And you know what, whether you truly believe it or not, to start, if you present that supposed self-belief to the world, others will accept it as truth and believe in you, and something amazing happens, a domino style reaction,

Your confidence +others’ belief in you= opportunity and greater confidence….

A cycle of confidence that starts with you. It’s really that simple. Honest.

Updated post.

 

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122 Responses

  1. Dawn of the Dad

    Such a great post. I feel more confident just reading it!
    It took me years of putting myself out there, to actually believe in myself. I fell, I got back up, I fell again, I got up again. They don’t call it the school of hard knocks for nothing.
    Dawn of the Dad recently posted…#DenDayMy Profile

    Reply
    • honestmum

      They really don’t and the things is the knocks never stop but we need to get getting back up again. Well done you for doing just that. So glad you liked this post, thanks.

      Reply
  2. Ali

    I love this post! I absolutely need to have more confidence in myself, especially where blogging is concerned, You are really an inspiration to so many, me included!
    Ali recently posted…The Dangers of Carbon Monoxide in the Family HomeMy Profile

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  3. Ali

    I needed this! After handing in my notice for a career I loved, I just didn’t feel I could do it properly after my last baby and as I worked supporting vulnerable children and didn’t feel I was in the right place myself. I need to work so am setting up a new business which starts at the end of June but starting to have wobbles over that too! I will be pinning the old confident things I had to my mirror along with a few Pintetest quotes.
    Great timing, great post.
    #brilliantblogpost
    Ali recently posted…Red Berry and Cinnamon MuffinsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest mum

      You at absolutely right to follow what feels best for you and will make you happy and it’s normal to feel scared of change but every small step towards your new goal will feel liberating, after the initial nerves. So glad this helped. I have a ‘wise words’ board on pinterest too you might like. So much inspiration generally over there x
      Honest mum recently posted…Being ConfidentMy Profile

      Reply
  4. Mrs Tubbs

    Excellent advice, that I must attempt to remember! #brilliantblogposts
    Mrs Tubbs recently posted…The French Wardrobe. The Joker is PlayedMy Profile

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  5. The Breastest News

    What great advice. It’s hard sometimes to always be confident but I too find myself putting a face on when times are tough. I think it’s just something us humans do as we don’t want everyone to know when we’re vulnerable. It’s nice to have close friends and family to talk to in these times though x
    The Breastest News recently posted…Scottish Road Safety Week: 4th-10th May 2015My Profile

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    • honestmum

      So true, very lucky to have so many I trust that I can reach out to when I need them. That was what was so hard with my first baby, I was far from my folks and felt so lonely when my husband went back to work. I was the first of my close friends to have a baby and it was pretty tough going recovering from a traumatic birth x

      Reply
  6. Mummy Tries

    Another blinding post my lovely, with fantastic super sound advice. You know my thoughts on all this already 😉 never under estimate the power of positivity xxx
    Mummy Tries recently posted…The Wonder of Baking with Small ChildrenMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks so much darling, you are an inspiration, I love your book and everything you advocate and are, thanks for being such a wonderful shining light x

      Reply
  7. ghostwritermummy

    Love this post. You DO have bags of confidence and I would like just an ounce of that myself. But we are who we are, and certain situations I am completely confident in too, so its not all bad! x x
    ghostwritermummy recently posted…You didn’t failMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks sweetie and you are so right, there are some circumstances that really bring out the best in us and others that don’t. Thanks for your comment and you are not all bad at all, you’re all good from where I’m standing xx

      Reply
  8. Ashley Beolens

    I find confidence a tough one, once I know people I am very confident, and often people think over confident, until I know people well I’m the shy guy sat in the corner, this is OK until it comes to a point where I need to speak to complete strangers which I find incredibly difficult. However I used to act (only amdram) which seems to go completely against this, it just goes to show (I think) that different situations create different confidence levels.
    Ashley Beolens recently posted…When do You stop Letting Kids WinMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      You are spot on there and it’s about where you can, channelling that confidence you find in other areas, to the circumstances that prove a bit tougher. With practice it can really happen. Thanks for your fab comment.

      Reply
  9. International Elf Service

    I totally agree with you and I think the tendency is to think that unless you feel capable of reaching the end goal you have in sight then you won’t even begin. The truth is that people are rarely capable of achieving that end goal with the skills they have at the start but they are totally more than capable of gaining them on the way….and the end goal can be more impressive than they had in their minds eye at the start. Fantastic post Vicki x
    International Elf Service recently posted…Getting Young Children Out Of The Door Quickly & EasilyMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      So, so wise and that’s the beauty of the journey isn’t it, that growth, overcoming obstacles and reaching your goal having learnt so much, sometimes failing, picking yourself up, going in new directions but reaching a new spot from where you started. Such an incredible, insightful and rewarding experience, thanks for your brilliant and most thoughtful comment x

      Reply
  10. Adrian

    Great advice. I am always impressed by people who are confident. But as I’ve got older I’ve also realised that a lot of people who appear confident are just putting on a front and beneath it all they are terrified it’s all going to fall apart. I was, I am told, a confident child but somewhere along the way I had the stuffing knocked out of me by teachers and bullies at school and by the time I was a teenager I had zero confidence. Since then I’ve gradually rebuilt my self esteem, a bit like the six million dollar man (over 40s reference) and now I think I’m balanced in my sense of self. I can be quiet when I want to be. I’ll speak up when I feel it’s needed. I don’t push my way to the front but I won’t hide at the back of the room. Like many people I got drunk as a crutch when I was younger, now I do it because I enjoy the feeling but I’ll do a stupid dance sober if you like! I have never been able to fake it. If I’m sure about something I hold my ground but if not I can’t bluster like I’ve seen some people in business do. I think eventually you come unstuck anyhow if you fake it.
    So I like your style. And I hope I can instil a deeply rooted confidence, but not arrogance (easily mixed up by a lot of people), in my son and send him into the world ready to face its challenges but also with the humility to know when to let someone else go first.
    #BrilliantBlogPosts

    Reply
  11. Alex

    Great post 🙂 Karate is what got me out of the dumps after childbirth. Not sure if mine counts as traumatic, but it certainly was shitty and I didn’t get to see my son until almost 10h later.
    Alex recently posted…Why & How to: The Editorial Calendar You Cannot IgnoreMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      I love that, sport and releasing tension really helps. Wow your birth sounds stressful and it’s you who can decide how it made you feel or what counts as traumatic or not. Birth can be such a tough time x

      Reply
  12. MamaMuselovelyshoes

    What a great post, blogging is the first thing I did after having my daughter that gave me confidence, I had a traumatic birth too but I am trying to turn it into positive energy for my blog.

    I also think a good Lippy and pair of shoes can make all the difference.

    Reply
    • honestmum

      I love that and 100% relate, it really helped me after my own traumatic birth, something that took a long time to heal from. I started this blog when Oliver turned 10 months and made a huge difference to how I felt about myself. I totally agree about lippy and shoes, make is my armour, it really helps me to face the world x

      Reply
  13. Michelle at Bod for tea

    Sweet Vicki you continue to inspire me and so many others with your positivity! Love this post because I believe that confidence can get you 60% of the way in so many aspects of life whether it’s that job interview, blogging or just getting your little ones to eat their greens! (Ok so its not foolproof on that last one.) I’ve always been confident on the outside – perhaps because of my PR background where it was part of the job description but like you the tough days are when a bit of bluster and a good made-up face can make all the difference. Fabulous post with so many brilliant points to remember x
    Michelle at Bod for tea recently posted…How to Flourish – begin each day with clear intentionsMy Profile

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    • Honest mum

      Your comment means a lot Michelle, you inspire me too and you are spot on about confidence making a huge difference in life and in work. Will try that when it comes to greens too with my eldest, thanks x
      Honest mum recently posted…Being ConfidentMy Profile

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  14. Sara (@mumturnedmom)

    I think you are absolutely right, we shouldn’t be afraid to show confidence and I also agree that even when you’re not feeling it, faking it gives you an amazing boost and before you know it, you feel it. As a woman who worked for nearly 20 years in Construction, most of it at a senior level, faking until I felt it was a must at times, especially when meeting a new site team!
    Sara (@mumturnedmom) recently posted…Me and: the Q&A MemeMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Totally relate to that, working in a predominantly man’s world as a director, so, so true. Thanks for your comment x

      Reply
  15. RachelRealLife

    Such wise and inspiring words there Vicki. I am also a firm believer that we learn a whole lot from our mistakes, more so than when we don’t make them (although of course no one wants to make deliberate mistakes!) and that positivity breeds positivity. Great post.
    RachelRealLife recently posted…Harry Turns FiveMy Profile

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    • Honest mum

      Absolutely, I’ve learnt so much from my mistakes. Thans for this x
      Honest mum recently posted…Being ConfidentMy Profile

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  16. Megan - Truly Madly Kids

    This is a great post, Vicky. It is easy to have your confidence knocked and I am a strong believer that anything can happen when you put your mind to it.

    I love the sound of your Dad – so dynamic and inspiring.

    Keep up the good work V xxx
    Megan – Truly Madly Kids recently posted…Lemon Breakfast PancakesMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      So true, thanks for your lovely words, we all get knocked down but we must put up a fight and get back up again and together, with one another’s support we can feel stronger than ever x

      Reply
  17. Babes about Town

    Sometimes when I’m feeling a little wobbly, I channel my inner Vicki. True story. I adore this post and I adore you. Keep shining x
    Babes about Town recently posted…London Kids Weekend Scoop (May 7-10, 2015)My Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks darling, your words have brought tears to my eyes, for your friendship and what you are going through, love you x

      Reply
  18. Kirsten Toyne

    It is great to focus on confidence. As women we don’t need to be ashamed of being successful or ambitious. I am glad to hear about your confidence but also pleased to hear that you have people around you to share with when things are not so good.

    Reply
  19. Mirka Moore @Fitness4Mamas

    You know you’ve got my vote! To be honest, honestmum, I have never met anyone more confident than you. I am very lucky to have you in my life and have said it so many times. You have made me more confident too. You are a true inspiration,and love you for being you ALWAY xxx

    Reply
    • honestmum

      I feel the same way about you Mirka, a blogging sister. I feel so lucky to have you and the girls in my life, true, life long friends, thanks for inspiring me xx

      Reply
  20. Catherine @ Not Dressed As Lamb

    Whoaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh Vicki you’re like this wise old sage who has the greatest, most practical and above all POSITIVE outlook on life: you should have your own TV show…!! 😉

    Seriously, though – these are fabulous words for anyone who’s a self-doubter or is lacking in confidence. Well done you for writing something so utterly inspiring.

    Much love
    Catherine x
    Catherine @ Not Dressed As Lamb recently posted…16 Ways to Wear Mixed Patterns | Pattern Mixing MasterclassMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Aw thanks so, so much you amazing lady. You inspire me all the time and I’m so glad that through blogging we’ve connected and even had the chance to work together. Here’s to more collabs, keep rocking girl xx

      Reply
  21. Lianne @ One of each kind

    Thanks for hosting #BrilliantBlogPosts
    I defiantly needed to read this post, some great tips and advice.
    I believe as we get older we learn to be more confident and better equipped to deal with these issues. I agree with surrounding yourself with positive people this can have a major effect on how you view yourself.

    Reply
  22. christina

    Love, love, love your positivity!! Confidence is key to life, and self growth. Some days you have to ‘fake it ’til you make it’ but it still takes confidence!

    Reply
  23. Carry on Katy

    Amazing post Vicky! A lot of wise words here you fabulous woman.
    As someone who works in the entertainment industry I can totally say that I have struggled with confidence my whole life. My colleagues are the same. We constantly want to improve- we feel terrible when we don’t succeed or make mistakes and when things go well we only enjoy the success for a short moment before looking for the next buzz. This is what motivates us.
    I have seen big celebrities crumble backstage and then put a smile on it and go out to face their fans.
    No one has this nailed but giving the impression of being confident is a great start…after a while you start to believe in yourself..and then surprise yourself as to what is possible.
    You’re awesome and looking forward to meeting you at Britmums x

    Reply
    • honestmum

      I couldn’t agree more, having worked as a director with actors, models and presenters, my job to nurture them and draw out performances, it’s important to note and remember it happens to the best of us. I definitely think projecting confidence and working on inner confidence is key in work and of course in life. I can’t wait to meet you too darling, yay for BML x

      Reply
  24. Amber

    Oh, VICKI. This is what I need to read. I need to read this every single day. I need to take quotes from this and paint it on my headboard, write it in fridge magets so that I see it every time I wander into the kitchen, save it as my screenshot background. You are amazing and inspirational. I’m going to channel you a bit and see if I can convince people that I’m amazing too!

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Oh darling, thank you, I need to do the same and remind myself of my own advice on the bad days. Your comment has made my day. Thanks and you are amazing, believe it x

      Reply
  25. Katy {What Katy Said}

    Love this Vicki, you have always been an inspiration to me but now that I have met you and got to know you a little more you are even more of an inspiration. We all get down days but you do put on that brave face, we all have days where we don’t feel our best but you hold your head up high. Everything you have achieved is just a credit to your parents and the sheer hard work and self belief you have. Big hugs to you darling! xx
    Katy {What Katy Said} recently posted…Real Mums – Lil’s MirrorMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks so much Katy for your lovely words, so lovely to have met you too, here’s to meeting up again soon. Keep shining x

      Reply
  26. Marta

    Hi Vicki,

    I really needed to read this post, so thank you for that.
    As I read it through I wish I had parents like you have. My parents never nurture or support my choices.

    I’ve been lost all my life with what I want to do, and changing constantly was how I believed I could find my passion and dream.

    Mistakes and failure make part of my life and I believe I am the person I am today because of that.
    I found out that I am an ambitious person and I want to succeed in life without taking advantage of anyone. And seems like I’m seen as the crazy one.

    Loved the list idea, I will do that.

    Thanks again for another inspiring post!

    xx
    Marta

    Reply
    • honestmum

      You are not crazy, follow your heart and dreams and know you can achieve anything you want darling. Be kind to yourself and small steps create huge change x

      Reply
  27. Cerys

    Fab post! I was only saying the other day to a friend that suddenly, now, in my 30’s I feel the most confident about myself and everything surrounding me than I have EVER done before. It’s a good feeling. Keep up your great, great work on here X
    Cerys recently posted…They said it would be easy…heart shaped nail art diyMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks darling Cerys, a wonderful feeling huh and I do think it comes with age, especially when I think back to my teens and years in my 20’s. It’s that feeling of acceptance, here I am, like me or leave me, I know who I am, and I rock. Keep shining girl xx

      Reply
  28. Ebabee

    This is truly a brilliant post. Your honesty and open-ness is so refreshing and inspiring. You are an incredible lady and an inspiration to us all. Thank you for sharing and giving so much as you always do. Think the world of you xx
    Ebabee recently posted…How to style your photosMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Oh hun, you’re going to make me cry, I feel exactly the same way about you, you constantly inspire me Nomita, your sheer talent, style, elegance and friendship, I feel so lucky to have met you and the other girls through this amazing world of blogging, thank you xx

      Reply
  29. Angela at Daysinbed

    What a inspiring post. I also lost my confidence after the birth of my daughter. I became unwell, could no longer work as a teacher and my (then) husband cheated. I became a single mother, unwell and lost all my confidence. It’s taken 6 years to gain it back. I’m remarried and my daughter recently gained a step father! I still have a long road to travel and blogging seems to be a part of this journey! Angela xx
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    • honestmum

      I’m so sorry to hear that Angela but so pleased things worked out well and you have found happiness again. Blogging really helped me find my voice after a traumatic birth and it’s become such a big part of my life as it’s also my job and I love it, thanks for your comment x

      Reply
  30. Isabella @ Fairies & Pirates

    Great post, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on the topic. I also always hear from people that I am very confident, but more often than not it’s a front. I am confident in many areas, like my job, my achievements and my ambitions, but I am also my own worst critic and can give myself such a hard time like no one else, and never live up to my own standards and expectations, which always lowers my confidence. I always feel that I’m “not as good as …”, and that can be quite destructive. I think actually writing down the things I am good at and the things I like about myself – like you suggest – might actually be a healthy step towards a genuinely more confident version of myself, not just the one who “fakes” it all the time. Thanks for another inspiring post! #brilliantblogposts xx
    Isabella @ Fairies & Pirates recently posted…Alex, nine monthsMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Yay so pleased, it’s something I’ve found really helps me and it also allows me to focus to, to plot my goals as well really helps. Thanks for your comment x

      Reply
  31. Juliet McGrattan

    Super post Vicki, so many good tips. People always remark how confident I am but like you I don’t always feel it. I try really hard to give my children the gift of confidence. Lots of mine came from performing as a child. Those school plays don’t suit everyone but helping children find self-belief early on stands them in good stead for the future. Lots of encouragement goes a long way.
    Juliet McGrattan recently posted…I chatted to … Shona Thomson; marathon runner and adventurer. My Profile

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    • honestmum

      It really does and funnily enough I did a lot of drama and drama lessons as a child so it’s something I’d like my kids to do too, if they enjoy it. They already love ‘performing’ at home so think they would. Thanks for your comment x

      Reply
  32. Lisa@intotheglade

    Another fab post full of good advice. I will be one day, I’m determined. I think we do confuse confidence with arrogance sometimes but that shouldn’t inhibit us. Thank you for the advice and reminders xx

    Reply
  33. Leigh - Headspace Perspective

    Oh Vicki I do love you, and I love this post too! Your honesty is so refreshing. Your confidence is inspiring, but of course you are human and don’t feel it all the time. I agree that affirmations are important, as are make-up and clothes if they are important to you (they are to me), and as my psychotherapist told me, to try to accept feelings and emotions for what they are. Smiling lots is great for confidence too – does something to endorphins. You’re right, being confident isn’t something we’re encouraged to be usually, which is sad. We should all strive to be the best we can be – wonderful advice your wonderful parents gave you xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month: Why It Matters to YouMy Profile

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    • Honest mum

      Thanks so much darling Leigh, I love you too and you’re an inspiration. Make up and clothes are real confidence boosters, I refer to make up as armour. I’m so lucky my parents installed confidence in me from a young age but I often have lapses in confidence and it’s an on going journey to be kind to ourselves and work on building and feeling confident, particularly in the tougher days. Thanks for your lovely words xx
      Honest mum recently posted…Being ConfidentMy Profile

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  34. Polly Mixtures

    Great post. I have always admired your confidence. I always have to work up the nerve to push the publish button, but gradually over time I am becoming more confident in myself. I will bear some of your advice in mind. #brilliantblogposts
    Polly Mixtures recently posted…Finca los Pastores, RondaMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks Polly and you know what I feel that way lots too, I think those nerves are normal and neccessary and should be channelled into positive energy and action. Thanks for your comment.

      Reply
  35. You Baby Me Mummy

    Fabulous post honey. I truly believe fake it til you feel it, still work in progress for me, but seems to be working as people have said they wouldn’t think I wasn’t confident. Have a lovely day x
    You Baby Me Mummy recently posted…Blogging; Am I Lucky?My Profile

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  36. Becky, Cuddle Fairy

    Great advice! I think writing down everything you like about yourself is a great idea. I totally agree with the cycle of feeling confident leading to success. #brilliantblogposts xx

    Reply
  37. Rachel Bustin

    A beautiful post. I have been a very confident person, although I always try to think postive in life. I have always found it hard to make friends and therefore prefer my own company. Starting up my blog a few months ago has given me the push to make new friends online and has made me feel not so alone anymore.

    Rachel xx
    Rachel Bustin recently posted…It’s all about the cake! – Review and GiveawayMy Profile

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    • Rachel Bustin

      typo error! I meant to put I have never been a very confident person. Sorry!
      Rachel Bustin recently posted…It’s all about the cake! – Review and GiveawayMy Profile

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      • honestmum

        Thanks Rachel, so glad blogging has helped you feel happier, I know it did and still does me, I felt alone in those early days with a new baby and blogging helped me find my voice and meet and make great friends and colleagues x

  38. Potty Mouthed Mummy

    One of the things I love most about you is that you support others and never sacrifice others for your own gain. That is very rare, which is a sad fact. I know I am the one who defeats my own confidence. But it’s getting a bit easier as I get older. Fab post lovely xxx
    Potty Mouthed Mummy recently posted…Wicked Wednesdays #39 | SharingMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks darling, you are beautiful inside and out and so talented so I hope you realise that. I am the same, I definitely don’t always feel confident and I’m my worst critic but I do think being kind to myself and reflecting on the positives really does help me (just not when I have PMT) haha xx

      Reply
  39. Lisa (mummascribbles)

    As per usual an amazing post! I was always such a shy child, going off to uni really made me overcome that and whilst I am stil a bit shy in some circumstances, I am so much more confident nowadays. It may be my job as an event planner that has helped, it may just simply be that at the age of 32, I am much more content and comfortable within my own skin. Who knows. What I do know is that I am proof that you can overcome a lack of confidence and be successful in what you do. Now I just have to work on being confident and successful in what I want to do rather than what I have to do! Thanks for sharing your wisdom on the matter 🙂 #brillblogposts
    Lisa (mummascribbles) recently posted…The chatter of a toddlerMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      That’s great to hear Lisa and I definitely think it becomes easier as we get older, I wasn’t confident in the least in my teens. Thanks for this and know that you can do and be anyone you want to be x

      Reply
  40. Liz

    Brilliant post Vicky.
    I lost a lot of confidence last year after finding my husband had been unfaithful with a friend of mine. I was devastated and so went through a divorce, had to sell my car to pay a solicitor and then had to sell the family home and move house. I had so much love and support yet still felt alone. Just 14 months on, I have that new house,I have a new job- writing for a magazine (dream job), my blog is growing and I couldn’t be happier. By facing and surviving everything, I feel more confident and content than ever. I Feel like I am back to my naturally confident and vibrant self from years ago. Your blogs and writing are an inspiration Vicky. Thank you xxx

    Reply
    • honestmum

      Liz, I am so sorry to read about your husband but so glad you overcame it and in what was one of the worst time, you became happy, found a job you love and thriving, such an incredible comment to read. Well done to you and all you are achieving. You really are so beautiful inside and out. I love your blog and hope we can meet one day soon xx

      Reply
  41. Lucy@bottlefor2

    Wise words and a great post. I really enjoyed reading this and reminding myself of your advice. We often know these things but sometimes it takes someone to remind us. I LOVE that your Dad wants to run the best Greek recipe blog there is! I bet he could do it too!
    Lucy@bottlefor2 recently posted…How to Not Go Mental when your Baby Stops NappingMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      I agree Lucy, I was writing it to remind myself too, so easy to forget and get tough on ourselves or lose confidence. My Dad does make me laugh at times but his confidence is inspiring x

      Reply
  42. Louise

    I love your GP’s advice to accept your feelings, not fight them and remember you’re human – such great advice. I also love you suggestion to write down the things you excel at as a reminder for the days when you doubt yourself. I’m not naturally confident, but I’m getting better at acting more confident and it does make a difference. Will definitely be taking some of your advice on board.

    Reply
  43. John Adams

    Very interesting read. I recall having a conversation with a dad blogger I know. He’d een doing it much longer than I and I assumed he had abigger readership etc and that he would be fine about approaching brands. I found myself giving him advice about doing these things when the reverse should have been true. He was lacking in confiedence, that simple. I most certainly have my moments of doubt and as for mistakes….oh wow, I’ve made some horrednous ones. I think the problem with blogging is you make your mistakes publicly. That said, I’ve kept every embraassing blog post / poorly shot video or awful selfir on the blog. It shows me and the worlkd and the world how I have improved. Just grateful I don’t have to deal with the PMT issue.
    John Adams recently posted…Unleashing my geeky side with 23andMeMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      John, I find this a lot in the media world, you would think certain actors or directors are brimming with confidence due to their success but it’s often the opposite, they feel more pressure or are struggling with believing in themselves and what they can achieve. You are a shining star and inspire so many of us, myself included of course. Well done you for helping the blogger out. So lucky not to get PMT too! Grrr 😉

      Reply
  44. Random Musings

    Great post, lots of good tips. You are right, its bad that in this so called age of equality women are still slated for being confident/ambitious! #brillblogposts
    Debbie
    http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
    Random Musings recently posted…M Is For My A To Z Of Me!My Profile

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  45. Mama, My Kid Doesn't Poop Rainbows

    Great advice. I am a big believer in “fake it ’til you make it’ and found identifying that I feel crummy but it will pass, helpful.

    #brilliantblogposts
    Mama, My Kid Doesn’t Poop Rainbows recently posted…The Many Roles of a ParentMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Good to hear it, understanding and accepting the tougher times for what they are, really is helpful isn’t it. Just being kind to ourselves x

      Reply
  46. Mummy Fever

    Great post and lots of great tips for people as well 🙂 I think confidence is great and most of the time we could all use a good confidence boost. I think sometimes confidence and arrogance come quite close together and I’m not a fan of that. Having said that, bizarrely I think sometimes when people lack confidence, they cover that up with an arrogant persona. Once again – great tips 🙂
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Choosing school uniformMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      Yes I do think arrogance is most often a sign of insecurity and we can all feel insecure. I think once you understand why someone behaves a certain way, it becomes less annoying really. I also feel we mustn’t fear being confident, there will always be those who misunderstand intentions or are envious of confidence. The important thing is to focus on feeling your best, everyone deserves that x

      Reply
  47. Wave to Mummy

    Very true! The bit about you saying confidence is also a feminist issue rang so true to me. So many women are taught to constantly put themselves down, be self-depreciating about their skills and talents, and generally taught to be demure, if not by their parents than the wider society. No wonder many women find it difficult to hold their head up high and take credit for what they have achieved and be confident about it all.
    Wave to Mummy recently posted…A week in the life of a working mumMy Profile

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    • honestmum

      So very true, I really hope things continue you to change and women belief they are worthy of feeling confident. The more it becomes naturalised, the better for all of us.

      Reply
  48. Sabina @MummyMatters

    You do always appear to be very confident in your pictures and in your words and I believe too that a lot of that has to come from positive thinking. I think you are most likely confident in your photos also because your husband is a fantastic photographer and so you know that he will make you shine (mine tends to chop my head off or not tell me my face is crooked!).

    People used to say to me that I always appeared confident when walking into a room full of strangers, yet inside I was shrinking into the darkest corner. For the most part I am not a confident person but for my own self-preservation I ‘act the part’ and then come away exhausted. This is a really interesting post with some great pointers – keep up the good work x
    Sabina @MummyMatters recently posted…Help!! Jelly Bean is holding his poop in!My Profile

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    • honestmum

      Thanks Sabina, sorry to hear you don’t feel confident, I’ve always loved your company when we’ve met but I do think it’s something that while it might feel exhausting, slowly does become second nature, the more we all practice confidence. It really does help having Peter shoot me in photographs although this one here was a selfie. Thanks for commenting x

      Reply

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