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Hope Virgo

Advice to Parents of Children Suffering From Anorexia by Hope Virgo

August 28, 2018

Hope Virgo

Hope Virgo is author of Stand Tall Little Girl and is a leading mental health advocate supporting employers including schools, hospitals and businesses deal with the rising tide of mental health issues which affect one in four people and cost employers between £33 and £42 billion annually.

Hope is a recognised media spokesperson having appeared on various shows including BBC Newsnight, Good Morning Britain, Sky News and BBC News. 

Here she candidly shares her own experience of an eating disorder.

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Anorexia became my best friend when I was thirteen years old. ‘She’ was everything I needed and I fully relied on her. She looked after me at all hours and I truly loved her. I knew she would never ever leave me. She was my best friend and I couldn’t get enough of her.

Over the next four years our friendship deepened like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Every time I skipped a meal, she made me feel better about life. I thrived off the praise she gave me and longed to please her more. She was exactly what I needed in life and gave me everything I wanted. Little did I know how dangerous my best friend was. Little did I know the heartache she was causing my parents as they watched their bubbly, outgoing little girl slowly fade away before their eyes. 

Those months in the care of the Child Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHs) were hard for us all. I was beginning to lose control of her: of anorexia. I was no longer making her happy and doing what she wanted. My parents would come with me to CAMHs sessions and sit in agony as the doctor delivered news my body was weakening: that I was slowly dying. 

I ignored all of the warning signs, convincing myself instead that everyone was lying to me, that they wanted the worst for me. I told myself they were trying to take away the one thing that made me happy with a goal to fatten me.

Nights would fill with arguments and anxiety. I would shout back at my parents, watching tears form in their eyes.  While a part of me cared, a stronger part couldn’t let my guard down.

On the rare evenings where I had no energy to argue over dinner and would eat, I’d later purge myself, my mum listening by the door.

I was well and truly the master of deception and while my anorexia was no longer making me happy, I didn’t know what else to do.

Then, just six months after my seventeenth birthday, my heart nearly stopped and I was admitted to a mental health hospital where I then spent the next year of my life recovering from anorexia. 

Witnessing me struggle was one of the hardest things life could have thrown at my family. It often felt like a minefield. While I don’t have all the answers, I want to share my experiences here, to help other parents if their children are suffering from an eating disorder. 

 

General guidance: 

Avoid talking about calories and diet. We should be encouraging healthy living and healthy exercise in a positive way without leaning on fear tactics. Just the other day, I was sat having a coffee and I overheard a woman say to her daughter, ‘You can’t have that, it has more that 100 calories’. I am not in a place to judge but these types of messages can have a long term impact on young people. 

 

After a diagnosis and the start of recovery:

Meal planning will look different to everyone but for me it was about having control over what was being served up to me at meal times. Being able to pre-plan days at a time (particularly around Christmas) and learning to trust my Mum (and believing she wasn’t going to add lots of extra sauces) helped reassure me. Find meals/dishes which work for the individual (this still applies now to me by the way). I know that I find brunch out an ‘easier’ meal than a dinner somewhere so if I feel stressed, those around me will happily go for brunch instead. It is important that you find happy mediums when supporting people with their recovery.

Reassure your child that you will hold their hand throughout. This may be practically at times when there are worries around portion sizes at buffets for examples (one of the biggest minefields ever!) and emotionally of course. Sufferers need to know their family won’t give up on them and that you will always be there when they need you. For me, as well as having help around portion size, knowing I can always speak to my Mum if I’m having a bad day, endlessly helps me. 

Making happy memories that are away from food are also key.

Mealtimes can be so emotionally charged and draining that it’s important to connect over non-food related activities.

Before I went to hospital, mum and I would go for long walks together where we would talk for hours. I loved this time of ours. Create those memories so you have something to hold on to.  

Educate yourselves: sufferers aren’t expecting you to know everything about their condition but I guarantee that having a rough understanding will help you all. Ask questions and try and empathise and understand how your child might be feeling.

 

The recovery period after discharge:

Exercise is not (always) the enemy: exercise was a huge part of my recovery and it shouldn’t be something to fear. For me it was about learning to exercise in a healthy way whether with a Personal Trainer or having someone I could check-in with. I strongly believe if done in the right way, exercise can aid recovery so encourage it.

Avoid saying things like, ‘you look healthy’ because those with eating disorders might well misconstrue this. 

Know that recovery is not linear and will look different for every person. Now that I’m 10 years years on from being discharged I can challenge myself more when it comes to food and it’s important to have people who love me challenging me. As parents, you are perfectly placed to do this, in a safe space, where you can encourage your child to try those ‘scary foods’, without judgement.

When we think of people with eating disorders, usually gaunt and skeletal individuals tend to come to mind when the reality is that eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Just because someone looks okay doesn’t mean they ARE OKAY. Please keep that in mind. 

It’s hard work supporting someone with an eating disorder wherever they are at in their journey so be kind to yourself.

I know my brain occasionally still makes me act out and behave in ways I’m certainly not proud of but I know there’s light at the end of the tunnel and that with the right support, recovery is 100 percent possible.

Hang on to the positive days and know that the worst will pass. 

 

Website: www.hopevirgo.com

Facebook Authors Page: https://www.facebook.com/Hopevirgoauthor/

Campaign Link: https://www.change.org/p/eating-disorders-are-not-just-about-weight-dumpthescales

Twitter @hopevirgo

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About me

Vicki Broadbent

Hi! I’m Vicki, mum to Oliver, 12, Xander, 9, and baby Florence who was born in November 2021. I’m also a multi award-winning lifestyle blogger, broadcaster and author.

I wrote the bestselling book Mumboss-The Honest Mum’s Guide To Surviving and Thriving at Work and at Home (UK) in 2018 and the US and Canadian version titled The Working Mom was released in 2020.

If you would like to work with me, please email me at mum@honestmum.com. You can read more about me here. .

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Wipe clean and uber cool with its grey stripe design that will match any home’s decor, this is a highchair which grows with your baby (going from 6 months to 3 years old, max 15 kg). Read my full review at Honestmum.com.

To enter 
❤️follow me @honestmum ❤️follow @graco_uk 
❤️like this post ❤️tag 3 friends in comments and share in stories for extra entries. Ends Thursday 26th May 22. UK only. No cash alternative. No affiliation with Meta. Ad. Gift. Thanks to @frostybabyboutique for the beautiful gifted bib and weaning cutlery and bowls. #winitwednesday #freebiefriday #babies #competitionuk #competitiontime #competitions #giveaways #babygirl #weaning #weaningjourney #weaningbaby #babiesoninstagram #babyshopuk #babyweaning #giveaway #giveawaytime #win #winuk #winning #giveawayalert
On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at the majestic @windsorparishchurch (and the renewal of Xander's baptism vows) in a moving, joyful ceremony full of love, with a wonderful intimate dinner reception at @enzos_authentic_italian afterwards. Heartfelt thanks to @bambooflowersuk for the gift of the beautiful floral displays, @fusecomms for arranging the gifted regal, hand embroidered @annafielondon christening gown and stunning strawberry print @rachelrileyuk smocked dress. Thank you too for the discount on the christening cake of dreams @theberkshirebakesmith and the fine Italian feast @enzos_authentic_italian. Special thanks to our family and friends and of course the godparents @rachaeldennis, @drjulietmcgrattan and Vasos Astin for making the day so special. Last but not least, massive heartfelt thanks to the brilliant @phoebegilderphotography for these stunningly cinematic shots (gift). More photos on the blog (so hard choosing just 10 here)!!! Link in the bio 🌸. What a memorable day ♥️ 

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♥️Follow me @honestmum ♥️Follow @phaseeight ♥️Tag 3 friends in the comments and share in stories for extra changes to win. 👗 In these pics 👉👈 I’m wearing their elegant and versatile Evlin check navy and ivory dress and their beautiful blue floral Millie ditzy dress paired with a fitted navy Camille cardigan draped over my shoulder/ round my waist, chic blush ballet pumps and a black leather backpack of dreams (which fits my entire life). Thanks for styling me @lynseysmith20 🌸!Gorgeous! Competition ends on Saturday 21st May 2022. Not affiliated with Meta. Ad. Gift. Good luck 😘 #giveaway #competitiontime #freebiefriday #winitwednesday #style #fashion #mumstyle #styleinspo #summer #summerdress #giveaways #stylemama #fashionstyle #mumof3 #motherhood #windsor
Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front of one of Florence’s majestic floral masterpieces from her christening last Sunday. Thank you so much to my wonderful friends, Anca and Ioachim, founders of the multi award winning @bambooflowersuk for their kindness and gifting Florence two of these beautiful floral displays for her big day. (I’ll share the professional photos once I receive them). It really was one of the most joyful days of our lives. <Bibs worn here, a gift from @ziggleuk x @cosatto>. Florence turns 6 months on the 11th of May, what a wonderful whirlwind. Being my third baby and knowing how quickly this time goes means I’ve tried to savour this time as much as possible. FYI, would love some more sleep though! How you all doing?
I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bu I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bunches age 5 1/2 months. Thank you @_sophiestockton_ for doing her hair whilst the whole family has their hair done @innovations_windsor today ♥️. Florence’s had huge hair from day 1. Did your baby have lots of hair? 🎀
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T&Cs include main and dessert per person (adult & kids), one bottle of house wine or cocktail each for the adults, and soft drinks for the kids. <We enjoyed an excellent modern British menu in the warm and  welcoming restaurant and bar, located next to the ITV Studios where I’ve worked over the years. Being there also brought back  memories from my uni days where my weekends and holidays were spent as a runner and trainee researcher at the BBC who used to be based there. With seasonal, ‘traditional with a twist’ cuisine on offer with classic roasts and fish and chips opted for here, and the @thekidstableuk upstairs entertaining kids aged 3+, made for a truly relaxing long lunch. Read my full review of the restaurant at Honestmum.com. Gifted. #foodies #food #london #restaurant #restaurantreview #competitions #giveaway #londonlife #family #families #foodphotography
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*#Competition time*. #Win @graco_uk’s The Graco *#Competition time*. #Win @graco_uk’s The Graco Swift Fold Baby Highchair, a sleek, chic, functional and comfortable high chair with 9 height adjustments.
It even folds away in seconds and you only need to use one hand to tuck it away and save space in your kitchen or lounge, or even move it between rooms on its wheels.

Wipe clean and uber cool with its grey stripe design that will match any home’s decor, this is a highchair which grows with your baby (going from 6 months to 3 years old, max 15 kg). Read my full review at Honestmum.com.

To enter 
❤️follow me @honestmum ❤️follow @graco_uk 
❤️like this post ❤️tag 3 friends in comments and share in stories for extra entries. Ends Thursday 26th May 22. UK only. No cash alternative. No affiliation with Meta. Ad. Gift. Thanks to @frostybabyboutique for the beautiful gifted bib and weaning cutlery and bowls. #winitwednesday #freebiefriday #babies #competitionuk #competitiontime #competitions #giveaways #babygirl #weaning #weaningjourney #weaningbaby #babiesoninstagram #babyshopuk #babyweaning #giveaway #giveawaytime #win #winuk #winning #giveawayalert
On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at On May 1st we celebrated Florence's christening at the majestic @windsorparishchurch (and the renewal of Xander's baptism vows) in a moving, joyful ceremony full of love, with a wonderful intimate dinner reception at @enzos_authentic_italian afterwards. Heartfelt thanks to @bambooflowersuk for the gift of the beautiful floral displays, @fusecomms for arranging the gifted regal, hand embroidered @annafielondon christening gown and stunning strawberry print @rachelrileyuk smocked dress. Thank you too for the discount on the christening cake of dreams @theberkshirebakesmith and the fine Italian feast @enzos_authentic_italian. Special thanks to our family and friends and of course the godparents @rachaeldennis, @drjulietmcgrattan and Vasos Astin for making the day so special. Last but not least, massive heartfelt thanks to the brilliant @phoebegilderphotography for these stunningly cinematic shots (gift). More photos on the blog (so hard choosing just 10 here)!!! Link in the bio 🌸. What a memorable day ♥️ 

#motherhood #momlife #baby #parenting #love #family #mom #parenthood #pregnancy #babygirl #mother #motherhoodunplugged #boys #girl #momsofinstagram #kids #mumlife #mama #pregnant #babiesofinstagram #babies #momblogger #maternity #mumlife #Church #viral #mommy #windsor #ceremony #baptism
It’s #Competition time again with stunning @phas It’s #Competition time again with stunning @phaseeight to help you inject some new season pieces into your wardrobe. #Win £100 to spend, ladies.  To enter: ♥️Like this post.
♥️Follow me @honestmum ♥️Follow @phaseeight ♥️Tag 3 friends in the comments and share in stories for extra changes to win. 👗 In these pics 👉👈 I’m wearing their elegant and versatile Evlin check navy and ivory dress and their beautiful blue floral Millie ditzy dress paired with a fitted navy Camille cardigan draped over my shoulder/ round my waist, chic blush ballet pumps and a black leather backpack of dreams (which fits my entire life). Thanks for styling me @lynseysmith20 🌸!Gorgeous! Competition ends on Saturday 21st May 2022. Not affiliated with Meta. Ad. Gift. Good luck 😘 #giveaway #competitiontime #freebiefriday #winitwednesday #style #fashion #mumstyle #styleinspo #summer #summerdress #giveaways #stylemama #fashionstyle #mumof3 #motherhood #windsor
Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front Little shoot post and pre heatwave today in front of one of Florence’s majestic floral masterpieces from her christening last Sunday. Thank you so much to my wonderful friends, Anca and Ioachim, founders of the multi award winning @bambooflowersuk for their kindness and gifting Florence two of these beautiful floral displays for her big day. (I’ll share the professional photos once I receive them). It really was one of the most joyful days of our lives. <Bibs worn here, a gift from @ziggleuk x @cosatto>. Florence turns 6 months on the 11th of May, what a wonderful whirlwind. Being my third baby and knowing how quickly this time goes means I’ve tried to savour this time as much as possible. FYI, would love some more sleep though! How you all doing?
I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bu I can’t cope with the cuteness! First time in bunches age 5 1/2 months. Thank you @_sophiestockton_ for doing her hair whilst the whole family has their hair done @innovations_windsor today ♥️. Florence’s had huge hair from day 1. Did your baby have lots of hair? 🎀
#motherhood #momlife #baby #parenting #love #family #mom #parenthood #pregnancy #babygirl #mother #motherhoodunplugged  #girl #momsofinstagram #kids #mumlife #mama #babiesofinstagram #babies #momblogger #maternity #mumlife #explore #exploremore #explorepage #mommy #babylove #funny #hair #longhair
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