calm

Photo by William Farlow on Unsplash

I was chatting to my ‘wiser than wise’ husband, Peter, the other night about reactionary behaviour, the good and the bad and we deducted how ‘sweating the small stuff’ is 100% for LOSERS! I count myself as a loser in that respect I must add but I’m determined to stop! STOP I tell you!

You see, I’m a stickler for injustice, I find it hard to sit back and accept when people treat others or indeed myself badly. I believe in the power of micro politics and am an advocate of standing up for yourself and your beliefs.

I am also 35 and have no interest or time for pettiness/one-upman/womanship and pride myself on getting on with most people.

I’m kind, empathise with others and appreciate differences, forgive (my Dad says too much) but I’m not a pushover either.

I equally accept not everyone is for me as I am not for them and I’m LL Cool J with that.

…The last few months have seen some truly hard times hit my family and friends- adversity that sharply put things into perspective while offering deeper clarity on what matters ( it’s awful that tough times tend to have this impact) and while life is improving for all, many lessons have been learnt and above all one that has stuck: how we react in life is crucial to happiness and wellbeing.

My great friend Michelle of the uplifting blog The Joy Chaser writes passionately about her own journey to joy- her proactive approach to flipping the negative into a positive whatever life throws at her and the transformative impact it has had on her and those around her.

You see we DO have a choice when it comes to how we react. The power is within us all.

Bad shizzle inevitably happens in life, that’s life and we can react badly/angrily as it arises or we can work/ practice on CHOOSING our reaction, opting to be rational, calm and accepting.

I’m not saying we should deny how we feel and not cry things out for example or be honest when someone has hurt us- bottled emotions are destructive but I personally feel it’s important we choose our battles carefully and become more savvy at working out what truly warrants getting upset about.

And yes it’s hard-don’t ask me to practice what I preach during PMT week where I literally need to move to my own island *calls Richard Branson* but the rest of the time, I want to work at being calmer, however acute or trivial the scenario.

When my kid draws on my freshly painted lounge walls? Je suis calme, ‘Let’s just use that extra paint for emergencies and repaint that Minion looking thing away’.

When that person who doesn’t know me from Adam, makes a disparaging comment on my blog? Deep breath, ACCEPT they literally don’t know me from Adam and move on.

It’s about accepting what you cannot change and trying to find a positive, a silver lining where possible.

Because you know what, s**** hits the fan regularly, it always will, the dark will always accompany the light but I refuse to let it stop, hinder or make me unhappy.

You with me?

 

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A Controlled Reaction - Honest Mum

 

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29 Responses

  1. Victoria - Lylia Rose

    Exactly that about the blog comments! I’ve had four negative ones this week and I’ve tried to just ignore them and they still pop in my head occasionally. If you don’t like my blog then don’t read it. If you don’t like what I post on social media then don’t follow me or mute me. Don’t leave mean or sarcastic comments, especially one who was trying to get one up on me ‘I’ve been on social media for less time and have more followers’ – really?! I’m not in competition with you or anyone and personally I’d celebrate 50 followers as being amazing and I’d still blog even if no one read it as I love to write :). My reaction was to delete and try my best to ignore. I could have easily responded and ranted back or excused myself for how I am online, but why? Sometimes these types of people are just trying to initiate a reaction and so it’s best to not react at all.

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Absolutely this, use that energy constructively and channel it into your amazing blog. Thank you for your comment x

      Reply
  2. Lisa

    This is so spot on Vicki and also very timely for lots of us. Great post with so much sensible advice. And so many great, helpful comments too (so many that I won’t mention you all but I will pop over to your blogs!) I love that you put it in such a way that you recognise we are human and so to be zen all the time just isn’t realistically gonna happen (peri-menopause, PMT, kids exams, hubby’s business worries…****!!!!!@@@@) and we DON’T have to be! BUT, really working on ‘letting it go’ and choosing our reaction is so important. It’s hard sometimes, but I think if you practice ‘choosing’ enough, it finally starts to kick-in and we can become more rational, balanced and more positive. Thanks for this! xx
    Lisa recently posted…My Verdict On Non-Surgical Body-Sculpting With SculpSureMy Profile

    Reply
  3. Farrah Elgey

    I’m definitely with you and we all find it hard or we wouldn’t be human! But I hope to embrace the positive in all aspects of my life which is one of the reasons I wanted to start my blog! @mummyurmarvellous great post! Congrats

    Reply
  4. Nicky Kentisbeer

    I am loving this. It resonates. I have, just this week, been on the receiving end of some very insulting comments from a family member on a really sensitive issue and I truly believe it has made me find my buffer. I guess the tendency to ‘own’ and wear an insult is easy if it relates to something we don’t feel good about. The whole reaction thing has been an overnight transformation! Why did it take me all these years to arrive!!!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw Nicky I’m sorry about your relative, I love that you feel in control because we really are in control of our emotions, we can choose how to react and so often editorial opinions, especially unsolicited ones are a reflection of others more than ourselves. So happy to read this comment x

      Reply
  5. Jess Paterson

    I’m with you Vicki! Sorry to hear you’ve had some stressful months with your family and friends, and that you’ve had stupid comments on your blog. But sounds like you have the right attitude to let only what matters upset you, and to try and deal with that upset in a proactive and positive way. Great post. xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks darling Jess, I’ve been lucky as it’s only 3 comments in 5 and a half years and silly ones at that but the tough times, seeing others close to me suffer, that’s been the pits. So glad things are on the up and I’ve learnt a valuable lesson in how in control we actually can be x

      Reply
  6. Hannah Budding Smiles

    Totally with you! I’m currently really struggling with this pregnancy, Toby’s erratic sleeping and a potential house move that is repeatedly under threat. The latter is the fault of a financial institution and I was raging but what’s the point? I’m better off focusing my energies on my babies and on finding a solution. Glad things are on the up lovely, I’ve been thinking of you lots xxx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Sorry you’ve had all this on your plate but you are so right, it can be hard but focusing on what truly matters is what’s important. Thank you for your kind words xxx

      Reply
  7. Regina L. L. Wells

    Yep, I’m with you, Vicki. It is something that I constantly preach…along with no one can do anything to you or make you feel any way that you do not allow. Beautiful post!
    Regina L. L. Wells recently posted…10 Best Blog Posts to Read This WeekendMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Sam

    I wrote a post on pretty much exactly the same subject as this yesterday Vicki! I have been looking for the positive in a tough situation lately and I so agree with that quote “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it”. We’re on the same page 🙂 X
    Sam recently posted…The truth about… #66My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Great minds darling, I’m going to pop over and read it now. It really is important to remember what matters and I love that quote, thank you for the reminder lovely x

      Reply
  9. Ebabee

    Totally with you. We cannot control how others treat us or what life throws at us but we can always control how we choose to react and behave. I still haven’t fully mastered this and still throw a hissy-fit from time to time but hey I’m a lot better than I was at 25! x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So true, I’m the same but slowly with practice it gets easier right (just don’t ask me in PMT week)-I’m def better than when I was 25 too, love you lady x

      Reply
  10. Deborah

    That’s extremely yogic wisdom. Seriously, accepting what life throws at you and choosing how to react to it (actually, ‘reacting’ with indifference) is a practice of many classical yoga schools on the path to liberation. Namaste, lovely 🙂

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Deborah I love that so much and Peter who is qualified to teach Tai Chi (although weirdly hasn’t practised since he met me-when he’d need it more than ever, right?!) is a big believer in this, he is just so calm and in control. That choice in how you react really is the path to liberation. You’ve made my day leaving this comment darling-it really makes such sense and has given me real clarity x

      Reply
  11. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    I am with you too hun. We cannot control what is all happening in our lives, but we can concentrate and should concentrate on what is important for us and delete the negativity xxx Agree that with age I also learnt to accept more than when I used to be 20! Cannot wait to see you on Thursday!

    Reply
  12. Michelle Reeves (The Joy Chaser)

    With you COMPLETELY my sweet, wise friend! Thank you so much for the mention – I literally uses to sweat the small stuff all the time and it sucked the joy right out of me. Move on and move up – we can’t control everything in life but we CAN control how we react to it. Huge hugs xxx

    Reply
  13. Amanda Fulton

    Yes, totally Honey. Think that clarity comes with age (well, for me anyway!) and letting the little things go benefits your inner self far more than getting your point across would have. Although PMT week is another story lol – any space on that Island?

    Reply
  14. Leigh - Headspace Perspective

    Really could not agree more, Vicki. We don’t always have control over what happens to us in life, but we do have control over how we react to it. That’s not always easy – dependent on what the issue is – but I’ve found that getting cross over something doesn’t help make it better, it just drags me down. So I try to pick myself up, be positive, and keep moving forward. Fab post lovely xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…The Tommy’s Mum’s Voice AwardMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh darling, you are so wise and life can be so cruel, you know that better than all of us but you are right about trying to pick ourselves up, much love xx

      Reply
  15. Anna Fraser

    I couldn’t agree more!
    I think that looking back, I was a major stress head in my twenties. Often trying to micro-manage the crap out of everything … As I’ve grown older (I’m also 35. I think. Hold on a minute … How old am I now?!) I’ve learned to chill and accept. I’m a much happier, calmer me theses days. Thank god!
    Great post.
    (Yep. I’m definitely 35)
    Anna x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha love that you have to think what your age is, I do that all the time too! So important to chill isn’ it! Love this comment xx

      Reply

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