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new mum

7 Tips For New Mums

November 25, 2017

new mum
Updated Post.

I reached out to parents on my Honest Mum Facebook Page asking what advice they’d give to new mums now they’d had their own.

I receive lots of emails from mums-to-be and new mums seeking advice and whilst I have a 7 and 5 year old now, I remember the baby days well.

I’d like to have another baby one day too potentially and if I’m lucky enough to do so, I’ll be returning to this post myself because the mamas featured here share serious pearls of wisdom!

Thank you to everyone who contributed. I’ve included some of the tips below and you can read the full thread HERE.

I hope you find it useful. If you’re struggling, please do reach out for support from your GP, family and friends and know that you’re not alone OK.

What can feel like a cycle of endless sleep deprivation and stress will improve, I promise. This too shall pass.

Enjoy the post.

 

7 Tips to Help New Mums:

 

1. Trust Your Gut.

The early days, months and even first year can be tough-going with a baby, and kids present new challenges, whatever their age, all the time. The most popular piece of advice women shared on the FB thread is TO TRUST YOUR GUT.

It will not let you down.

Carrie’ann Hardaker says, ‘Always trust your instincts, nobody knows your baby as well as you do. If you feel there isn’t something quite right go with it and do whatever you need to do. When my youngest was 5 weeks old she wouldn’t settle/eat, her temp kept fluctuating so we went to the emergency drs. By the time I’d got my appointment I’d managed to bring her temp down but she still wasn’t right. I was advised to go home and just keep an eye on her-when I was adamant I wasn’t happy with that I got the obligatory eye roll that you get when people think you’re overreacting and told if I felt it necessary, I should go to A&E. So glad that I did just that as 30 mins after arriving she came up with a rash, rushed for a spinal tap and spent a week in hospital with meningitis. Hands down, it was the worst week of my life but it could have been so much worse’.

It’s vital to trust that powerful maternal instinct. Mama really does know best.

Becky Wood agrees, ‘Use guidance as just that. It’s not gospel, it’s purely advice that needs common sense applied. You know your baby better than anyone. Trust your instincts’.

 

2. Feeling Out of Your Depth is normal.

Crumbs on the Carpet says, ‘Feeling overwhelmed is totally normal. Your emotions will be all over the place but if you can keep a small part of your brain that reminds you, ‘this too shall pass’ (even if it doesn’t feel like it), things seem a little easier. And don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. You’re a new mum, not wonder woman!’

Please talk to someone you trust if you are feeling depressed and anxious. Ask your GP for support and advice. I suffered in silence for 10 months after a traumatic birth. Once I got help via the NHS to see a therapist and spoke out to my family and friends, I slowly rebuilt my confidence and started to feel stronger day by day.

 

3. Birth Plans and Births Might Not Work Out How You Imagined.

Emily Gubby writes, ‘Birth plans rarely work out exactly as you want. Don’t be afraid to change your mind about stuff (example in labour I went from wanting to be 100% drug free to having all the drugs lol!)’.  Be kind to yourself. All that matters is mother and baby are safe, not how you birthed or fed your baby.

Claire Norton shares her experience,  ‘I had to have an emergency C-section with my first it was the last thing I wanted but that’s how it was. I felt like I had missed out at first, not being able to have a natural birth made me feel less of a woman and then my milk never came in. Didn’t matter how hard I tried with the breast feeding it just didn’t come. I felt a total failure. Then you get the stupid comments from some of your so called friends like. ‘oh you were to posh to push’!!!!! And then I had the breast feeding councillors telling me whatever you do, do not to give your baby formula It’s poison and I was likely to end up with breast cancer (yes seriously she said that) Well now I look back on it all and sometimes I do feel like I failed slightly but since have had another baby, C-Section again & again no milk but I don’t care. Both my children are healthy, safe & alive. I guess what I’m trying to say is, no pregnancy, birth is easy or perfect just go with it and do what is best for you and your baby. Stuff what everyone else says if you want to or don’t want to breast feed don’t feel bad or guilty do what’s best for you. Ignore all the silly comments from people & follow your instincts a happy mummy equals a happy baby equals a happy home & life. Enjoy your baby & don’t worry about what anyone says or thinks’.

I had a crash C-Section with my first that was took a long time to recover from physically and mentally, my second was a calm elective though and I’d made peace with the fact the first birth I’d hoped for didn’t turn out as planned. All that matters is a healthy mum and baby. 

 

4. Friendships Can Change.

Friends without kids might not understand your new world (I’m not sure I fully understood friends that were mothers before I became one myself). Louise Ferne Brown says,  ‘You’ll suddenly realise who your friends and family are too… (in a non blaming way!) I hadn’t contemplated so many friends (generally without kids) just disappearing after the initial meet and greet. I hadn’t realised how blinking massive my love and bond would be to my daughter either so my dedication has been to my child and keeping myself on the fun mum wagon!’.  

Friendships can change as can how you feel about your own life. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel yourself again in the future or no longer enjoy the same things but having a baby is a big milestone and lifestyle change. I still love a girls night out but these are not as regular as they once were.

Annie Flynn reminds us that all relationships can be put under strain when a baby arrives too, ‘Your relationship with your partner will be under stress but it will get easier so don’t argue over who is more tired. You both are!’.

Take it in turns to share nights if you can and don’t be scared to share how hard you might be finding things. Accept the mess too. I love a spotless house but realised I was putting too much pressure on myself and have lowered my standards a little.

Life might not feel manageable right now but before you know it, you will get into your groove again and a new normal will exist.

 

5. Be kind to yourself. 

As mentioned before, being kind to yourself is key. Treat yourself as you would your best mate.

Jill Thompson advises, ‘Never put too much pressure on yourself..do what is right for you and your family!! Happy mummy=happy baby’.

Rebecca Louise Preston says, ‘The stress… the Mom guilt… the need for a support network as the loneliness is immense! All they tell you is how to care for a baby… not how to care for yourself!!!’

It’s vital you reach out for support, take time out when you can and to connect with other parents in real life and on social media so you feel supported. 

 

6. Get Some Fresh Air

Liz Gillum says, ‘One of the best, but less usual pieces of advice that I got, was to make a big effort to go outside every day. Even if all you do is push the pram round the block, or go to the shop for a pint milk, go outside and get a bit of daylight and air. It’s so important to help you stay sane!’

Don’t feel pressured to lose baby weight, your body has changed for a reason (you made a person so high-five yourself) but when you want to start moving more, slowly at first, PT trainer Colette Cooper has some words of advice,

‘As a fitness professional working with women, I see all too often that look of fear the ladies have when they walk into the gym for the first time.  In fact, most women don’t even get that far.  Preferring instead to opt for home workout DVD’s where they can sweat happily without audience (except the little people I am sure). But often the hardest part embarking on any exercise regime is having the confidence to start:
To buy that DVD
To schedule time to go for a walk/jog
To finally call that Personal Trainer
To keep your friend company at the slimming club
To find the confidence to get into your old swimming costume and bear flesh to the locals
In my experience, what generally happens when the seal has been broken is they start to ooze confidence.  Because they find they CAN do it.
No one has judged them for buying the DVD
It turns out they HAVE got the time to push their child around the park for 20 minutes
The Personal Trainer, isn’t that scary
The Slimming Club is FULL of people just like you and you can see friendships being developed
And you are too busy having fun with your kids in the pool to even think about what others think of your old costumer
So when you begin to visualise how starting your journey can make you feel, it just gets easier and easier’.

7.  Know That You Have a Choice

Yes listen to medical professionals (not disregarding your gut as we’ve covered before) but know your rights.

Lizzie Somerset says, ‘I wish I’d known with my first baby that everyone including midwives will give advice as to what is best but ultimately I had a choice. You don’t have to be checked ‘down there’ if you don’t want them to! (I didn’t know I could say no). You don’t have to have a sweep. You don’t have to be induced, if you don’t want to. I had choices in the hospital but I didn’t seem to know that and I don’t know why, I just took the midwives/dr’s advice as gospel and didn’t go with my own gut. I know ultimately the professionals are there to help, assist and deliver babies safely into the world, I just felt like a lot of my choices were taken. Everyone is different, it’s OK to ask lots and lots of questions and make your own choice’.

Helen Jackson has advice for mature mums too, ‘ I was 40 when I managed to fall pregnant and 41 when my son was born. Being older does make you feel as though you should have everything under control. Work and social lives are pretty much organised and flowing nicely. When a baby comes along try to remember it’s OK to fall apart a little. In as much as, youve just had a baby. Your body isn’t your own. And if like me it was an. Emergency c section- don’t panic that your now traumatised figure isn’t going to fit into your LBD for a few weeks if not years! I had lots of supportive friends. But equally ones that were expecting me to be out and about without my newborn within a few weeks because they had a drinks party or a work function that needed supporting and I was needed. Well sorry ladies – having a baby and feeling relatively normal takes time. So relax, take each day as it comes, enjoy each and every moment of this wonderful entity that is your child and thank your lucky stars that you did it. That you made this little bundle. And you survived. It’s not too long that your social life is on hold in the grand scheme of things really. But as I said, being a busy older mum has meant there have been different pressures put on me from some’.

Wise words.

I also love this super post offering 17 Tips For A Happier Life With A New Baby by Muddled Mother so don’t miss it.

I want to end with Cheryl Ann’s wise words which sum up new motherhood perfectly, ‘Motherhood and parenting are never ‘textbook’ and despite all the advice you get from everyone, you’ll find your own way through motherhood and you’ll learn what works best for you and your baby despite all the words of wisdom you’ll receive from day 1.’

And that’s totally it. You will feel out of your depth at the start, as we all do on day one of a new job without a manual but day by day you’ll learn what works for you, you’ll find your mama vibe. The other day I was brushing my boys hair after swimming, having cheered them on the pool sidelines, as they passed milestones they thought impossible just a few weeks ago and I felt proud of myself as much as them. I reminded myself that I’m a good mum. Not a perfect mum (that person doesn’t exist but a mum who loves her kids and who tries her best, even if that means hiding from my kids every once in a while in the toilet when they drive me mad).

Please remind yourself of all the brilliant things you are doing for your babies and kids and give yourself a pat on the back.

Thanks for reading x

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7 Tips For New Mums

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3 Responses

  1. Karen, the next best thing to mummy says:
    November 26, 2017 at 18:11

    I think even having a warm bubble bath at the end of the day can be a help to new mum’s, if the baby is being looked after by your partner of course

    Reply
  2. jodie filogomo says:
    April 26, 2017 at 21:55

    These are such great ideas, Vicki!
    The part about trusting your gut is really true for any person almost any day.
    I do think we are so lucky to have so much information and resources available to us with the internet now. Of course, then there’s finding the time to take advantage of it….LOL!
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    Reply
    1. Honest Mum says:
      April 27, 2017 at 11:37

      Ha, yes and thank you, we are so lucky to have the internet for advice and also support x

      Reply

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About me

Vicki Psarias/ Vicki Broadbent/ Honest Mum

Hi! I’m Vicki, mum to a teen, tween and 3 year old! I’m an award-winning filmmaker, content creator and author working across print, digital and TV. I’m also a regular parenting expert for Bored Panda (reaching 121 million views a month). My Instagram handle reaches 20m views a month on average with highs of 50m.

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Award-winning screenwriter and director turned content creator. Contributor @gmb. Pre-order my book ‘Greek Myths, Folktales & Legends’ @scholastic_uk.

The entrepreneur turns manny 🫶🙌 When your 75 The entrepreneur turns manny 🫶🙌 When your 75 year old Dad thought he was retiring but he accidentally pivoted into a new (unpaid) joh becoming a manny (male nanny) he loves more than his original career. Now we just need to prize him away from his phone and sending the family group chat 5 year old memes he keeps finding on Facebook and we can renew his contract for another year 🙌 #granddad #manny #nanny #carer! #greek #greeks #dancing #over70 #greece #relatable #dopamine #funnyreels #facebookreels #grandfather #culture #family #over70style #Cyprus #greece #cypriot #greekdancing #zorba
Sorry about my sweaty face 🥵🙈😂…Using ch Sorry about my sweaty face 🥵🙈😂…Using childcare wisely-not just so I can work but so I can work out! Oxygen mask on first mamas because we’re better humans/ parents when we’re not burnt out! This is your sign to take care of yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary 🙌 #selfcare #motherhood #momlife #mum #exercise #gym #workingout #childcare #momofthree #motherhood #burnout #fyp #fbreels #relatable
Thinking about how feral we Elder Millenials were. Thinking about how feral we Elder Millenials were. We had teen nightclubs and were literally partying at the age of 14 whilst our parents thought we were at sleepovers, with zero photo evidence to catch us with. Wild! #millenials #eldermillenials #partying #nightclubs #teens #90s #wild #moms #over40
This generation, man! #over70 #grandpa #grandfathe This generation, man! #over70 #grandpa #grandfather #phones #tech #greek #funnyreels #relatable #granddaughter
Ever wondered which traits kids get from dad or mo Ever wondered which traits kids get from dad or mom? As well as the father determining the gender of your child, height, fat storage and balding patterns are affected mostly by the father according to research. This is why my kids are all super tall then! Does this resonate with you? #relatable #height #traits #fathers #science #facts #study #research. Sources: [1] Engelking, C. (2020, May 9). Genetically Speaking, You’re More Like Your Dad. Discover Magazine.
https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/genetically-speaking-youre-more-like-your-dad

[2] What is Epigenetics? | CDC. (2022, August 15). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
https://www.cdc.gov/genomics/disease/epigenetics.htm

[3] DiGiovanni, D. (2024, February 25). 5 Physical Traits Inherited From the Father. SneakPeek®️.
https://sneakpeektest.com/blog/5-physical-traits-inherited-from-the-father/

[4] Is it a boy or a girl? The father’s family might provide a clue | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center. (n.d.).
https://utswmed.org/medblog/it-boy-or-girl-fathers-family-might-provide-clue/

[5] Doubt is Cast on the Contribution of Older Fathers’ Gene Mutations to Increased Mental Illness Risk in Their Children. (2016, December 6). Doubt Is Cast on the Contribution of Older Fathers’ Gene Mutations to Increased Mental Illness Risk in Their Children | Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.
https://www.bbrfoundation.org/doubt-cast-contribution-older-fathers-gene-mutations-increased-mental-illness-risk-their-children

[6] Y-linked inheritance - Definition and Examples - Biology Online Dictionary. (2022, June 17). Biology Articles, Tutorials & Dictionary Online.
https://www.biologyonline.com/dictionary/y-linked-inheritance

[7] Matson, J. (2024, February 20). Fact or Fiction: Do Babies Resemble Their Fathers More Than Their Mothers? Scientific American.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-paternal-resemblance/
“Hey, you look happier” “Thanks, I stopped “Hey, you look happier”

“Thanks, I stopped going above and beyond for people who wouldn’t  ever do the same for me”. People pleasing left the building long ago! #peoplepleasing #growth #selfworth #love #over40 #mom #inspiring
Your reminder not to save your sapphires (or anyth Your reminder not to save your sapphires (or anything) for best! #inspiration #fbreels #sapphires #jewellery #yourbest #fyp #beingamom #relatable #inspiration
I can’t take my little lady anywhere 😂! #kids I can’t take my little lady anywhere 😂! #kids #relatable #funny #funnyreels #babygirl #motherhood
Happy birthday @rachaeldennis 🙈😂🎉🤯! Yo Happy birthday @rachaeldennis 🙈😂🎉🤯! You were both born in the 80s, were kids in the 90s, partied in the 2000s and are teen mums together despite everyone saying you’re 44. Is this what they mean when they speak of age dysmorphia! #40s #birthday #bestfriends #friends #relatable #millenials #eldermillenials #momofthree #fyp #friendship #explore
Happy birthday to my beautiful bestie @rachaeldenn Happy birthday to my beautiful bestie @rachaeldennis 🎉❤️🩷🫶! Met in A’ Level Art and we’ve not come up for air since (we like to talk, talk, talk, my Mum says she’s never known two friends to talk as much as us 😂)! Fun, funny, compassionate, fair, always sees the good in others, best mum to her three and godmother to Flo, all round clever clogs (right and left brained maths whizz and artist extraordinaire), calm in a crisis (you’ve been there for all of mine, big and small including saving the kids and I from a dual carriageway car meltdown), social media avoider (opposites attract 😂), and expert cake maker. If Carlsberg did friends, everyone would be lucky enough to have a Rachael in their lives! Thanks for being the Anna to my Elsa, R and for loving a spa day as much as I do 😂! When you get a well deserved break from the kids’ football/ cricket matches, your goddaughter Florence and I will be waiting to spoil you. Happy 44th, it’s so unfair you still look 16, and without a Botox needle in sight! We love you xxx
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Pre-order My Debut Children’s Book, Greek Myths, Folktales & Legends for 9-12 year olds.  Published by Scholastic and available on Amazon

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Published by Scholastic. Available on Amazon

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Award-winning screenwriter and director turned content creator. Contributor @gmb. Pre-order my book ‘Greek Myths, Folktales & Legends’ @scholastic_uk.

The entrepreneur turns manny 🫶🙌 When your 75 The entrepreneur turns manny 🫶🙌 When your 75 year old Dad thought he was retiring but he accidentally pivoted into a new (unpaid) joh becoming a manny (male nanny) he loves more than his original career. Now we just need to prize him away from his phone and sending the family group chat 5 year old memes he keeps finding on Facebook and we can renew his contract for another year 🙌 #granddad #manny #nanny #carer! #greek #greeks #dancing #over70 #greece #relatable #dopamine #funnyreels #facebookreels #grandfather #culture #family #over70style #Cyprus #greece #cypriot #greekdancing #zorba
Sorry about my sweaty face 🥵🙈😂…Using ch Sorry about my sweaty face 🥵🙈😂…Using childcare wisely-not just so I can work but so I can work out! Oxygen mask on first mamas because we’re better humans/ parents when we’re not burnt out! This is your sign to take care of yourself. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary 🙌 #selfcare #motherhood #momlife #mum #exercise #gym #workingout #childcare #momofthree #motherhood #burnout #fyp #fbreels #relatable
Thinking about how feral we Elder Millenials were. Thinking about how feral we Elder Millenials were. We had teen nightclubs and were literally partying at the age of 14 whilst our parents thought we were at sleepovers, with zero photo evidence to catch us with. Wild! #millenials #eldermillenials #partying #nightclubs #teens #90s #wild #moms #over40
This generation, man! #over70 #grandpa #grandfathe This generation, man! #over70 #grandpa #grandfather #phones #tech #greek #funnyreels #relatable #granddaughter
Ever wondered which traits kids get from dad or mo Ever wondered which traits kids get from dad or mom? As well as the father determining the gender of your child, height, fat storage and balding patterns are affected mostly by the father according to research. This is why my kids are all super tall then! Does this resonate with you? #relatable #height #traits #fathers #science #facts #study #research. Sources: [1] Engelking, C. (2020, May 9). Genetically Speaking, You’re More Like Your Dad. Discover Magazine.
https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/genetically-speaking-youre-more-like-your-dad

[2] What is Epigenetics? | CDC. (2022, August 15). Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
https://www.cdc.gov/genomics/disease/epigenetics.htm

[3] DiGiovanni, D. (2024, February 25). 5 Physical Traits Inherited From the Father. SneakPeek®️.
https://sneakpeektest.com/blog/5-physical-traits-inherited-from-the-father/

[4] Is it a boy or a girl? The father’s family might provide a clue | Your Pregnancy Matters | UT Southwestern Medical Center. (n.d.).
https://utswmed.org/medblog/it-boy-or-girl-fathers-family-might-provide-clue/

[5] Doubt is Cast on the Contribution of Older Fathers’ Gene Mutations to Increased Mental Illness Risk in Their Children. (2016, December 6). Doubt Is Cast on the Contribution of Older Fathers’ Gene Mutations to Increased Mental Illness Risk in Their Children | Brain & Behavior Research Foundation.
https://www.bbrfoundation.org/doubt-cast-contribution-older-fathers-gene-mutations-increased-mental-illness-risk-their-children

[6] Y-linked inheritance - Definition and Examples - Biology Online Dictionary. (2022, June 17). Biology Articles, Tutorials & Dictionary Online.
https://www.biologyonline.com/dictionary/y-linked-inheritance

[7] Matson, J. (2024, February 20). Fact or Fiction: Do Babies Resemble Their Fathers More Than Their Mothers? Scientific American.
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/babies-paternal-resemblance/
“Hey, you look happier” “Thanks, I stopped “Hey, you look happier”

“Thanks, I stopped going above and beyond for people who wouldn’t  ever do the same for me”. People pleasing left the building long ago! #peoplepleasing #growth #selfworth #love #over40 #mom #inspiring
Your reminder not to save your sapphires (or anyth Your reminder not to save your sapphires (or anything) for best! #inspiration #fbreels #sapphires #jewellery #yourbest #fyp #beingamom #relatable #inspiration
I can’t take my little lady anywhere 😂! #kids I can’t take my little lady anywhere 😂! #kids #relatable #funny #funnyreels #babygirl #motherhood
Happy birthday @rachaeldennis 🙈😂🎉🤯! Yo Happy birthday @rachaeldennis 🙈😂🎉🤯! You were both born in the 80s, were kids in the 90s, partied in the 2000s and are teen mums together despite everyone saying you’re 44. Is this what they mean when they speak of age dysmorphia! #40s #birthday #bestfriends #friends #relatable #millenials #eldermillenials #momofthree #fyp #friendship #explore
Happy birthday to my beautiful bestie @rachaeldenn Happy birthday to my beautiful bestie @rachaeldennis 🎉❤️🩷🫶! Met in A’ Level Art and we’ve not come up for air since (we like to talk, talk, talk, my Mum says she’s never known two friends to talk as much as us 😂)! Fun, funny, compassionate, fair, always sees the good in others, best mum to her three and godmother to Flo, all round clever clogs (right and left brained maths whizz and artist extraordinaire), calm in a crisis (you’ve been there for all of mine, big and small including saving the kids and I from a dual carriageway car meltdown), social media avoider (opposites attract 😂), and expert cake maker. If Carlsberg did friends, everyone would be lucky enough to have a Rachael in their lives! Thanks for being the Anna to my Elsa, R and for loving a spa day as much as I do 😂! When you get a well deserved break from the kids’ football/ cricket matches, your goddaughter Florence and I will be waiting to spoil you. Happy 44th, it’s so unfair you still look 16, and without a Botox needle in sight! We love you xxx
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