happy mummy

‘Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you’~Unknown.


But we all do it, don’t we? Compare ourselves to others and no more so than right now, with the all-pervasive, highly curated, mega-edited slice of life known as social media.

The art of comparing ourselves to others has gotten so much easier than simply peering over the wall and checking what your neighbours are up to, thanks to FB, Instagram and the like.

Being online has connected us in so many freaking life-changing ways yet (ironically) it’s also driven huge divides between us too, causing us to feel more self-critical than ever, more vulnerable and sometimes less successful than we actually are, as we measure ourselves up against the whole world: the world wide web.

But let’s be real too for a minute shall we? Whilst online life has made everything a little bit hyperreal, comparison would happen regardless, it’s just the way the world rocks and rolls (and the small matter of competition being behind evolution don’t forget)…

Evaluating ourselves against others will never phase out and nor should it, but equally it mustn’t destroy or deter us, that’s never been it’s purpose…Quite the opposite in fact, competition exists to motivate and encourage greatness, it promotes the survival of the fittest, a world which thrives.

Weighing ourselves up against each other has been ingrained since childhood (remember school-ouch) yet we often forget that what we were actually being taught the meaning of healthy competition, the window in which to win and importantly, lose in an emotionally safe environment so we could learn and grow. And equally, know what it takes to flourish.

Importantly and when education works well (don’t ask me about my own high school experience), teachers, family/ role models are there to guide you, and help prevent you from self-sabotaging, from destroying your self-worth when the going gets tough.

It’s a hard lesson, and one I’m re-living with my own perfectionist son (who takes after me), Oliver, 7, regularly feels demotivated and sad when he doesn’t get things right every single time.

I am teaching him that without mistakes we cannot learn.

That need to learn and improve must not be extinguished, it’s the lifeblood of creativity and business but being kinder to himself/ ourselves and also happy for others as they achieve, is crucial too.

And let’s get to the crux of it-there’s an important distinction between healthy and unhealthy competition. The former encourages growth and creativity, the latter, jealousy and worthlessness.

And here’s the thing, you’re FULLY in control of how you let others make you feel (yep, that’s adulthood for you). You get to decide your emotional response.

The more you practise a healthy, positive response in life to pretty much anything (even adversity), the more you’ll go on to action and achieve positive results (rather than stuffing yourself with chocolate and hating the world forevs). We’ve all been there (hey PMT you s***).

Mum Boss

Photo by Kirsty Mattsson.

Believe me when I say I get it, I’m a blogger-we’re all playing out our lives online and that means being exposed to literally millions of images 24/7 of people on beaches or looking like mega-babes, making comparison inevitable and more frequent too.

And whilst I love following all the beautiful people on instagram and that means masses of super stunning and incredibly smart women doing the coolest of things I’ve personally curated to look at all day, when it’s PMT week, I’ll always feel worse about myself for scrolling.

 Not in that jealous, ‘I hate those babes and don’t wish them well’ vibe more, ‘I hate myself for not feeling as happy/successful/as good in skinny jeans as they do’ in that exact moment.

Although here’s the truth, no one knows who is feeling what, in that moment anyway right?

And here’s the other thing, because I’m so used to practising positivity, I mean, years of it, I hand-on-heart rarely ever feel envious outside of that oh-so hormonal week.

I don’t believe anyone actively sets out to deceive others in showcasing the good times either- it’s human nature to veer towards positivity (it’s survival even) and I love seeing the brighter, prettier, ‘I’ll stand on the table to shoot this avo on toast if I have to’ side of life for the most part with a good measure of reality sprinkled in (photos of screaming toddlers and mamas drinking gin).

Equally, I love reading about people’s achievements and milestones and believe the more we ALL do MORE of the championing ourselves. bit, the less crap we’ll feel when others do so too.

You see if you don’t share IRL and online, the things that matter to you, the goals met and milestone moments, it becomes easier to forget them, and not value yourself. If all you do is play out the negative voices in your head, you’ll drown out anything positive which creates a low confidence cycle where you’ve literally lost the ability to track your progress.

So please amigos, combat those feelings of inadequacy by reminding yourself of your bad-assness and know that you are in FIRMLY charge of your emotions. That you can change the way you think and react.

I’m not a naturally jealous person, I never have been. I’m the girl who sees the beautiful, kick-ass, clever, kind and sweet peeps and hopes they’ll be my besties.

I feel stronger and better about myself when I’m surrounded by brilliant over-achieving over-sharers.

I’ve unravelled this for years now-and it absolutely comes from being brought up around smart, savvy and strong women since birth. My blueprints.

But it’s not too late to feel that way yourself, whatever you upbringing and role models.

Know that when those, ‘I’m just not good enough and everyone is better than me’ feels start boiling up, they’re simply (loudly) telling you that you want a piece of this for yourself, be it autonomy, financial stability, travel, kids that smile in photos (!) or the perfect bowl of zoats- just whatever!

See that knock of confidence as a quiet siren building, there to wake yourself up so you can focus on the aspects of your life which fully deserve your time and energy.

You might want to be Chiara Ferragni or Kate Middleton but you can’t be, because you are YOU, so go ahead and do you, working your way through ticking your own boxes (achieving great hair like your idols as you go ;))

Once you start to turn your mindset on its head, you’ll be so busy focusing on your own life, you’ll stop thinking about others. You’ll be so wrapped up in achieving your own goals, you won’t have time to focus on what you don’t have. You’ll be off and away.

Plus if you take note of this post, you’ll be so used to sharing the positive aspects of your life, achieving your dreams big and small, whilst practising gratitude on what you do have (obvs), you’ll start appreciating life more, no longer feeling ‘less than’.

Honest Mum

Don’t look at your page one and compare it other people’s page one hundred and one.

We all start at the start.

When it comes to social media and blogging, scrap that, when it comes to LIFE in general, we only ever see the end result, never the graft to get to that point/product/milestone-the blood, sweat and tears.

Those who do it well, who thrive at all of the above (or seem to, most of the time) always make it look so easy. Making something look easy though, takes time along with a constant and consistent honing of talent and sheer and unwavering determination.


When you take action, even the first step towards a goal, it leads to feeling more confident, and that my friends will build and build and spiral, soon becoming addictive and second-nature.

But don’t stop reading…

Right here (eventually) are my 5 (briefer) tips to help you stop self-sabotaging by comparing yourself to others:


Honest Mum

1. Get some context

Know that usually you’re comparing the worst bits of your own life/recent experiences to others’ perceived best bits.

Try and garner a little context when you view peeps on social media at the coolest of parties/hanging with celeb mates or smashing career goals left, right and centre.

People are human and it’s easy to forget that. We’re all the same, I promise.

Life can be gloriously gorgeous and incredibly s**** and sometimes all at the same time.

Most people are good eggs simply trying their best.

They’re not posting to p*** you off, they simply want to share their lives and what they find meaningful because that’s what people do.

It’s that, ‘if we didn’t photograph it, did it actually happen?’ syndrome.

We used to be all about sharing actual photos of holidays to our friends in person, now it’s speaking to the whole world from our iPhone.

And if you think that’s full-on then wait for when virtual reality kicks in thanks to Mark Zuckerberg and you’re actually able to join those you follow on their dreamy holidays through your screen (maybe that will help combat or equally exacerbate envy, who knows)!

2. Strategize

Stop wasting time and energy on what others’ are doing and focus on your own game plan. Channel those forgotten hours scrolling timelines living vicariously through your online heroes and start freaking LIVING your own life.

Start writing a plan of action.

Observe what you like about others YES then work out how you to strategise and be inspired to create your own content.

You love watching beauty Youtubers but are not sure where to start?

Watch Youtube Creator Academy videos and simply get cracking with your own (use your phone, in phone editing apps and start uploading).

Only you can make your dreams happen and in this democratic, easily-connected online world, once you create and share, like-minded people will find you- and the opportunities are limitless. Truly.

3. Make a list of your awesomeness

When you catch yourself wishing you were someone else, remind yourself of why you rock as you, just you. Even if you feel a douche, write a list in black and white (pen on paper-remember those?) of what you’re most proud of and in another column, a list of dreams you want to make a reality.

Now start actioning those dreams knowing that big results come from small steps.

Could you contact your local paper with a story on your last blog post? Can you get in touch with a brand you love via twitter and pitch an idea to them? Can you write the post you’re scared to write but feel it must come out?

Can you be brave enough to start? Of course you can.

4. Remember there’s only one you

You’re a one off, an original and your voice will always distinguish you from others. The beauty of art- which includes blogging btw, is that being yourself and genuine is what matters above all else. You must start to like and believe in yourself so others will do too. Once you do that, anything is possible.

Know that your view point, your story, the way you see the world is what others want to hear and read about. They want to see themselves reflected in your words and that means being yourself, on the page as much as in person.

We’re all going through similar experiences as women/millenials/parents and those universal themes will resonate.

Organic SEO means those interested in the same things you are, will find you. The internet is a beautiful thing *kisses laptop!

5. Have some time out

If you’re feeling totally overwhelmed and not good enough, take a break. Be kind to yourself. Go for a run, give yourself a digi detox for a while if you need to switch off, bake a cake. Reflect on what matters by living IRL, offline.

We can get incredibly wrapped up in social media and literally forget the things right in front of us which matter most (hopefully a baked cake ready to be eaten)!

Now go be the Queen you already are and seize your dreams x


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5 Tips To Help You Stop Comparing Yourself To Others - Honest Mum


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72 Responses

  1. Nestor Paul

    Never compare yourself to other and i always tell it to my friends because we have our own unique usefulness. Thanks for sharing you added ideas to my life.

  2. James Mieszkowski

    This is such a great article. It is only when we had our second child that we stopped comparing to others and just got on with it. Two wonderfully amazing and independent children are what truly matters.

  3. rachel kershaw

    ‘There’s only one you’… so important to remember this! Other people might have things or qualities that you don’t but equally, there’ll be things about you that no one else can claim. We are all unique, comparing ourselves to each other is pointless, especially in the blogging world. Keep up the good work, I am loving your blog!

    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much Rachel and such wise words. We are all truly unique, it’s about knowing who you are, your strengths and weaknesses and coming together with others to raise one another up! x

  4. Lucy | Lucy's Locket

    In my view this is much like mummy guilt. I don’t believe in mummy guilt but I do believe in self-reflection. Hindsight is great, and there are things we all wish we could do differently, but that doesn’t mean we MUST feel guilty about our choices. Comparison is fine insofar as it is a part of positive self-reflection; but not as an ‘I wish my life was like hers’ way. I agree with your tips – especially the first one – get some context! #brillblogposts

    • Honest Mum

      Yes and I think it’s normal if you have days like that but you need to know it’s pointless and finding the root of why you momentarily feel that way is and allow it drive you forwards positively x

  5. Amy

    I am so guilty of comparing myself to others – especially those with the instaperfect lifestyle! I will be trying to follow these tips 🙂 #BestandWorst

  6. Rainbowsaretoobeautiful

    Brilliant. As a mum who spends a good deal of time chatting with others parenting kids with additional needs, that jealousy is something I hear a lot about. It can sometimes feel hard to get context when your own context isn’t what you were expecting but it’s oh so important. Re-evaluate what you and your family want and need. Don’t settle for less than what you want and remember different is not less.

    Thanks Vicki

  7. Lianne harris

    Such a good post, exposing ourselves online does increase the issue of self comparison which I have been guilty of but I guess it’s all about self love and reassurance that we are good at what we do and that is all that matters.

  8. Kat

    All so very true. I am just coming back from a bit of a social media/blogging detox. Sometimes I just need a break from it all to just enjoy life, or deal with the rubbish stuff, so I can enjoy life. I love seeing people doing well. It genuinely makes me happy and inspires and right now I am seeing so many of my friends and fellow bloggers doing so well and I am feeling super inspired again! :o) x

    • Honest Mum

      Yay that’s lovely and it’s also important to go live life IRL too and take a break when you need to because online life can be overwhelming and it’s important to take a break too, thanks x

  9. Loula

    One of my favourite sayings at the moment is ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ – and it’s something I try to repeat whenever the pangs of jealousy hit. So am very pleased to have found this post – will be putting some of your tips into action!

    • Honest Mum

      That’s a great quote and it’s so important to remember your own attributes, that you don’t need to feel jealous, just inspired because no one can do it ‘your way’ x

  10. Pamela

    This is great! Particularly like the lines about being brave enough to start blogging and taking time out when needed. It took me several years to work up the courage to blog, and now I’m so glad I did 🙂 But I also think what you say about living In Real Life is key – keep grounded, and enjoy what’s around you! Thanks for sharing, it’s an inspiring read!

    • Honest Mum

      So glad you enjoyed this and so pleased you started blogging. So important to enjoy and appreciate all that you have for sure, love this comment, thank you x

  11. Rebecca

    so much love for this post… amazing tips… being a very new blogger it is always tough to not compare to others… but it is essential to remember that everyone started somewhere! Passion is a a must to succeed at any venture I believe <3

  12. Susan Mann

    Love this post. I am not really a jealous person, but I do find myself comparing people to me in a negative way, making me feel bad. But you are right competition can be helpful and spur us to do better. xx

  13. Lex Jackson

    What an inspiring and uplifting post. We can all relate and compare ourselves to this. It’s human nature to second guess and doubt I guess. Definitely opened my eyes and made me stop for a second, it’s a great little list to keep in mind and re-read when needing a bit of an boost. Thank you! #brillblogposts

  14. Kirsten Toyne

    Comparison is normal and so is envy but we need to use them as sign posts for what we want in our own lives. Great post Vicki. I find it helpful to hear from other women out there doing their own stuff. It is very motivating. #brilliantblogposts

  15. Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    I love this post and all the tips you have included. I tend to bounce off other bloggers and think… ah that’s something I need to work on or could improve. I never remember to write down any good things that I have managed to do to though, something to do I think. Thanks for the inspiration. xx #BrillBlogPosts

    • Honest Mum

      My pleasure, there’s something rather magical about writing things down in black and white, it really cements dreams and helps you reflect on achievements x

  16. Meg

    Love this. I do find that my jealousy levels are in line with my hormone levels 😉 but you’re right, competition can be healthy, and sometimes the best thing to do is to turn that envy into something productive instead. #brillblogposts

  17. Tooting Mama

    Just what I needed to read just now. Love the make a list of your awesomeness (sometimes forget that and go into critic mode – have to learn to stop that!) and strategize, and yup, there’s only one me, need to focus on me and blimey me is pretty good! Sending you big love from Paris, ma cherie! Tax

  18. Eb Gargano

    LOVE that quote you started. I am SO GUILTY of comparing myself to others, which I know is RIDICULOUS, but I do it anyway! Especially loved point number 2. It’s so easy to spend your life wishing you were something else…instead of channeling all that time and energy into actually taking steps to get there. I especially need to do that in my blogging life – I get serious blog envy looking at what other, more experienced bloggers (like yourself!) are doing and wishing my blog could be better. What I need to be doing is going – ‘OK so that’s a great goal – now how do I get there?’ And then actually DOING IT!! Thanks for the inspiration, Vicki 🙂 Xx

    • Honest Mum

      Thanks darling, you inspire me too, it’s about getting into that headset of going, what is it that inspires me and how can I apply it to my own work. Your voice, site etc are always unique to you and that’s what makes you/it so awesome. Mwah x

  19. Gabriela Green

    I found your list empowering for when I make the mistake to compare myself with others. It would be a good daily reminder for a newbie blogger like me. I can write them down on a post-it and put on my desk 🙂

  20. Intolerant Gourmand

    Fantastic post Vicki, I love it! We are all guilty of being too hard on ourselves and comparing what we’re doing with others. The blogging world can be a harsh place, but it can equally be incredibly rewarding, and this post just shows how much support there is, and how we all ultimately want to see us all achieve and succeed.
    Thank you for this, I’ve been struggling this week with a few things, and it’s come at just the right time to make me take the leap of faith that I’ve been afraid to do! xx

    • Honest Mum

      So sorry you’ve been struggling and so glad I wrote this and it’s helped. Please know how amazing you are and block out any negative noise. Surround yourself with those who uplift and make you feel good and keep reminding yourself of all you have, offer and are and things will feel better, I promise x

  21. Chilli Regina

    This is exactly what I needed in this moment. If you’ll roll down my link blogpost, you’ll see why. this inspired me, to the point, where I know I can make it happen..With positive thinking and doing what I love to do and do it the best I can, why couldn’t I?
    Thank you Vicki!#BrilliantBlogPosts

  22. five little doves

    I SO needed to read this right now. I have always suffered with low self esteem, mainly through years of being anorexic and suffering with depression, and although I consider myself well at this time, I do often look at others and feel very inadequate. I always feel that I am never quite good enough, physically as well as with my writing, and it’s very hard to be confident when you always have that little voice in the back of your head telling you that you’re still not quite good enough. I’m going to really focus on these tips and try to remember that I may not be beautiful or successful or a million other things, but I am doing the best I can at this time. Thank you. #Briliantblogpost

    • Honest Mum

      Darling you are beautiful and successful and write like a dream, please know that. I really believe (and know it works) that the more you retrain your brain and tell yourself you are brilliant, capable etc you start to believe it, it’s a scientific fact that the brain is malleable and you change the negativity to positivity. A counsillor really helped me with these after a traumatic birth and feigning confidence creates it. I am so sorry for all your suffered, sending love xx

  23. Babes about Town

    Great post filled with your usual heart, humour and sensible advice with a dollop of bad mama mojo. It’s too easy to get into that negative mindspace and it can come from any number of factors — can we just start with when the British weather starts frowning on us all? Hard to maintain that sunshine mood, but there are two quotes that help. One I learned years ago which goes along the lines of ‘comparing yourself to others makes you vain or bitter, because there will always be people greater and lesser than you’. True dat. And my favourite recently from the fabulous Marie Forleo: ‘No one is you and that is your power.’ x

    • Honest Mum

      OOh LOVE those quotes so much Uju and your wise words as always, the weather absolutely makes everything seem worse, I bet people in LA are so much happier than us! Thanks for this and being an amazing friend-you inspire me every day Mama xx

  24. Happy Mummy

    Brilliant post! Beach pictures always make me long to be by the sea! So
    Many people spend far too long comparing themselves to ourselves or worse still competing with others! #BrilliantBlogPosts x

  25. Bee

    I used to suffer quite badly from comparisonitus. Recently I realised that you never EVER know what’s going on behind the scenes. I realised that from the outside my life looks perfect, even when I was going through a really horrible time with severe PND it looked perfect because I didn’t tell people how bad things were. Very few people knew the truth. That was when I realised it’s an illusion and noone’s life is perfect.

    There are many things in our lives we can’t change – but we can always change our perspective.

    Love your outlook on life 🙂


    • Honest Mum

      I’m so sorry you went through PND and you are right that photos are literally a snapshot of a bigger picture we can never know of unless we’re informed. I look at photos of me smiling when I was dealing with a traumatic birth and felt broken which shows how much photos and even real life might not reflect reality. I don’t think people are going out of their way to deceive others, as I wrote in the post, more that we are all inclined to share the positive, that which uplifts us as much others. I hope people are genuinely having fun in the fun pics they depict but I think it’s important to assess the feelings they spur up in you and to discover the root of those then let them inspire not deflate. I do hope sharing the more negative aspects of life have also inspired. A post I wrote on a traumatic birth went viral and helped many. Thanks for your comment x

    • Honest Mum

      I think the more you practise a positive reaction and follow the steps here so focusing on your own goals and achieving those step by the step, the easier it becomes.

  26. jodie filogomo

    True, true and more truth!!
    It just doesn’t help to be envious of others. Certainly we can learn things from others–which is always good. But we might as well take what we have and work with it!
    I do think that is one of the things I’ve finally learned with age!! And I love how you state that it’s up to us to decide our emotional response—-PERFECTLY said!!
    Thanks for this!

  27. Twin Pickle

    Yes yes yes… be good to yourself, always. I struggle with it too sometimes – I think it is so easy to forget about yourself when you have so many other people reliant on you. Whether it be children, a spouse, older parents, employees or readers, they need you as you so look after number one too! #brilliantblogposts

  28. Jessica

    I love this post! I am a new blogger and noticed myself falling into this trap a time or two while visiting all of the amazing blogs out there. This is a great reminder! Thanks for sharing and hosting the link-up!

  29. My Petit Caanrd

    Vicki, I just love this post! It hits the nail on the head in so many ways and I just feel like going out and sharing it with the world. I think this is one of my favourite posts of yours so far, and I’ve been following you for a long time! We all definitely have those moments when we cant help but compare ourselves to others and there are so many straight to the point, sensible, nuggets of wisdom that just make so much sense and you know, but need reminding of. Love it 🙂 Emily #BrilliantBlogPostd

    • Honest Mum

      Oh that means so much, thank you! Please do go share it with the world-the world wide web ahah! I’m so touched by how many people have told me this has helped them, what blogging’s all about hey x

  30. Sunita

    Great post. You know me a little and so you know I love a bit of passion-action! Sometimes we just need to ask for stuff (and if it’s a no, that’s cool too). Love the tip on focussing on your own life instead of worrying about what others are doing. It’s hard to do but we end up wasting so much energy on thinking about what others are up to and why not me? See you again soon on #brillblogposts

    • Honest Mum

      It’s all about passion + action =success and happiness is success too. So important to focus on your own goals and to let others’ inspire not deflate x

  31. the frenchie mummy

    This post is so relevant to blogging. I must admit it’s hard not to compare yourself to others. I just did it the other day and it was shit! But I had to think about it and realised it was stupid. We are all different and some bloggers we all have a different approach to success… Great post! You reminded me how special and bloody awesome I am! #brillblogposts

    • Honest Mum

      Yay! Love that! So easily done and comparison is normal and it can be healthy but practise your response then things will inspire you more than deflate, I promise x

  32. Elle

    I can’t tell you how much I love this Vicki, such a beautifully written and feel good post! I struggle with self comparison on a very regular basis but this honestly makes me feel so much more positive!!


  33. Mim

    Oh yes yes yes to all of this lovely – you’ve nailed it! You can only be yourself and only compare yourself to you – not to anyone else. There’s just no point in getting wrapped up in trying to be like others and missing the opportunity to absolutely celebrate what makes you ‘you’ x x PS LOVE the blog layout!

    • Honest Mum

      Love that Mim, I read a post on Pinterest which read ‘I’m on in competition with myself’-wise words darling, so glad you like the new look of the blog too, thank you xx

  34. your DIY family

    Such wise words – fabulous post. Sometimes I really compare myself to others but I am learning to do this less and less and to focus on my own sh*! rather than waste time and energy on something that is entirely fruitless. Instead, like you say, look, learn, be inspired and move on. And act – action is so important in achieving those goals. At the end of the day, there is no one else like me or you or anybody – we are all one of a kind. The more we embrace that the less we feel the need to compare. Brilliant post – really so much wisdom in here xxx (P.S. do I really have to be an adult?!)

    • Honest Mum

      Aw thank you darling, so true and you are amazing, you inspire me endlessly. Aw I know right, we can big kids together forever! xx

  35. Notmyyearoff

    Love this!!! It’s so easy to do even when you’re happy and content. One glance over at someone else and sometimes it takes the shine right off. But context really is everything isn’t it? Taking that step back and thinking about your journey and theirs properly and going for your goals with your own passion. That completely shines through your blog Mrs 🙂 x

    • Honest Mum

      Aw thank you darling and ditto, I think we must remember that we and our voices are unique and there is enough success and pleasure to go around, lots of love x

  36. Sam | North East Family Fun

    Thanks for the tips Vicki – I try not to compare myself to others as a whole but sometimes it just bites you in the bum when you least expect it! This has re-set my brain for today at least 😀

    • Honest Mum

      Yay so pleased, comparison is normal, it’s just not allowing it to ruin your day or any day and turning it so it spurs you on and doesn’t deter you x


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