family

Sweet throw-back pic!

Updated post.

We’re often scared to follow our professional dreams as mothers aren’t we?

You, I, no doubt many women reading this blog post (those not yet mothers too) feel career goals must go on the back-burner if we want to procreate, despite many of us desiring both: kids and a career we love, and need.

Frustratingly, as women we’re often made to feel by the media, society etc that we can’t lead, achieve and reach the top of our profession while raising a family. That being a mother is somehow at odds with being a professional success.

We’re told over and over again that we simply can’t have it all or enough of each sphere of work and home life be happy-that frankly we can’t be ambitious, career-loving mothers achieving in both areas of our lives without someone, somehow missing out, that someone being our kids, or us.

We’re made to feel we’ll be plagued with feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and relentless fear for our jobs and family life (unable to achieving any kind of balance or happy medium) if we want to follow our work goals as much as our personal ones. That we must compromise our dreams and who we are because we’ve chosen to have children.

But why?

Men’s love for their kids is never questioned if/as they pursue and strive for success in the workforce.

Women’s pursuits are daily.

We often feel the need to explain our choices, validate our professional desires, or worse, dumb them down, defensively explaining away our goals or trying not to appear too driven. Too ambitious. Too outspoken about our goals.

Well, a huge HELL NO to that.

Yes, there is vast inequality in the workforce meaning women rightly worry they will lose their positions, power and pay packets once pregnant or post-maternity leave because the support and flexibility for parents in so many industries simply isn’t there and it’s shockingly sexist and unfair but there are many success stories too.

Yet, from that real lack has come great possibility with many enterprising women rising against adversity, determined to follow their dreams-with more mothers than ever setting up their own businesses/ blogs, or opting to go freelance, redefining their work terms and time frames, leading the way for others.

There’s a long way to go but the shift is evident and it inspires me hugely.

Personally, my children made me more creative.

They encouraged me to be more ambitious, fearless and ultimately, determined to succeed. For them, as much as for myself.

They indirectly helped me to utilise the little time I had, particularly on maternity leave, in the most productive of ways.

I became much more prolific as a writer and more committed and focused on my craft thanks to them, they in turn gave me content and it’s remarkable just how much can be done during nap times and in spite of an aching body and sleep-deprived mind.

Creativity, throughout time, has always been borne from limitations and restrictions be it time or money, and those early days of what felt like a vast direction-less mile of maternity-leave ahead, as with many other women, opened a new window of creative-growth for me as I built a blogging business literally by hand!

I started this blog during the lowest ebb of my life, after a traumatic birth-yet I turned Honest Mum into a personal brand, pivoting from my work as a film and TV director to a full time blogger and wearer of many hats from presenter to consultant and beyond.

Having kids truly refined my multi-tasking skillset and undoubtedly overcoming hardship (which we all do to varying degrees, post-shock of the first baby in particular, and the realisation that somehow we’re all now adults-ish) (eventually) empowered me.

It’s that ‘I’ve got through THIS, now I can do ANYTHING syndrome.

Yet, it’s exactly at this poignant time, we crave stability, the reassurance work options still exist but alas this isn’t the case. Those limitations can seem all pervasive.

That quiet voice in our heads or detected in the context of others’ conversations and questions, that perhaps we can’t be a good mother if we want both can often stop us in our tracks.

It can set us back.

Particularly for those wanting a full time career with a family. I feel it, I hear it. We’re millennial mums but it’s there. It’s present, and it’s wrong.

My kids are loved, adored, nurtured and supported. Being freelance has enabled me to feel in control of my career, busier than ever, yes, but I have more time off than pre-kids and am available for my children physically and emotionally, as is my husband too.

My children are my life. That overwhelming, consuming love I have for them and they for me, makes me feel empowered, capable and happy.

I have a greater purpose to succeed too, now I’m a mother. I’m a role model to my kids, I contribute financially in my household, and equally, and have independence, feel a strong sense of self and most of all, am content. I do not for one second, feel Stay At Home Parents are not equal to me, that it is the greatest job of all and they have my utmost respect.

…Every day I’m hustling (!), juggling many balls (some I drop, many I don’t), I’m there for my sons and my husband too, and I’m there for myself, working in a career that challenges and excites me, from school runs to runways (LFW was amazing darlings), yet I’m present and doing my best.

I’m able to do that thanks to the equality in our household and the shared responsibility and load.

Working makes me happy. Being with my kids makes me happy. I want both.

Happy parents equal happy kids so stop the futile guilt.

Let’s ALL unite and celebrate one another’s success, let’s support each other’s goals and dreams, big or small, while accepting everyone is different in their paths and wants (choosing or needing to work or not).

Importantly let’s stop questioning, ‘How does she do it?’ as if working and raising kids is some impossible feat. Lets naturalise being a working mum.

You can still have a successful career and be a good mum too.

 

Buy Mumboss book HERE.

 

Pin It!

Why You Can Have a Successful Career and Be a Good Mum Too - Honest Mum

 

Buy my bestselling book in paperback or audio

Mumboss: The Honest Mum's Guide to Surviving and Thriving at Work and at Home

Available on Amazon or Audible

MUMBOSS by Vicki Psarias

Like what you've read? Then why not follow Vicki on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, Pinterest and Instagram

Never Miss A Post!

Subscribe to HonestMum for my weekly email newsletter where I share my new blog posts, blogging tips, event invitations, competitions and news about my new book. I never share your personal data with third parties.


92 Responses

  1. Sarah

    I love love love this post! So many truths. I haven’t been blogging long but I’m so pleased how many women are raising others up. Its such a powerful thing to do. Why wouldn’t we want every one to succeed and to win at life. Honestly brilliant post.

    Reply
  2. Baby Things

    Super inspirational post! Especially after everything that has been in the media recently about the gender pay gap etc etc. Its time for people to stop moaning and take life into their own hands, like you!
    Maria – Baby Things

    Reply
  3. Ivana Poku

    Thank you for this article… I like the part where you say you are busier than ever before but have more time off than pre-kids. I totally agree that it is only up to us how much time we have. There is no such thing like “I don’t have time for it”. This basically means “I don’t want to do it.”. If we really want to, we can have more than enough time for everything we need.
    Ivana Poku recently posted…Third trimesterMy Profile

    Reply
  4. Linda Hobbis

    I agree with you totally. But the elephant in the room always seems to be childcare. Sourcing it, checking it’s OK and paying for it. I’m sure lots of us could be achieving so much more if we bit the bullet and coughed up for childcare but it seems so unfair and at the same time so frivolous. Mad I know. I guess you could argue that where there’s a will there’s a way but it does seem to be women who bear the brunt of this.
    Linda Hobbis recently posted…My Favourite Posts of 2016My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I agree that the costs are childcare make it very tough. The government’s 17 hours helps but working in tech and for myself has meant for many years working around my kids. It does mean working at night and of course the last few years have been easier as childcare has become free so the expense is lower. I do think tech related careers are helping with the inequality of the workforce.

      Reply
  5. Jules

    The balance of being a Teacher , writer and Mum can be a bit of a juggling act but for me it is not about choosing but being true to who I am. I love being a Mum and there have been times especially over the last year where I made adjustments to my working schedule.

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      You have to do what’s right for you. I want the guilt to stop and for us all to be kind to ourselves. The juggle is real but it’s just part of life isn’t it x

      Reply
  6. Cherry at The Newby Tribe

    After being a successful teacher and Headteacher for over 10 years, I have found it very difficult to step away from that role and be a full time mum to my two adopted children. I would do absolutely anything for them, but personally I feel that they need to see me being successful as well as seeing their dad being successful. This is one of the reasons I started blogging 4 months ago, to fulfil my need to write and to be just me, but to show my children that you should do what you love, and you can do and have everything you want, you just need to find a way to fit it all in! #brilliantblogposts
    Cherry at The Newby Tribe recently posted…Our Family Review : The StorksMy Profile

    Reply
  7. My Petit Canard

    Vicki, im pretty sure I read this year ago and I’ve loved reading it again today. Because now more so than ever it has more meaning for me. I am my best self when I work, but now more than ever I am ready to push the boundaries, to fight and carve out something that works makes my heart sing. Becuase its worth it, and I owe it to myself and my family. Great post, totally inspired 🙂 Emily #BrilliantBlogPost

    Reply
  8. Peachy and her Mommy

    This post resonates with me as I stand on the precipice of my life. Today I spoke with my workplace about giving me six months of leave after my maternity leave is up next month. They are giving me a hard time and not being understanding to my situation.

    We have no family in town and our daughter is less than a year old. Daycare for infants under 18 months is very costly and almost impossible to find. Our only option for daycare is something we don’t feel comfortable with. I must decide if I should leave my darling girl in the hands of someone I don’t feel comfortable with and return to a job I don’t love, or make the jump into self employment and risk financial ruin.

    Do I have what it takes to be successful? Can I be brave and leap into my destiny, whatever it may be? My baby needs me to be better than I am, so better I must become. Goodbye sleep. Hello new life. #brillblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh goodness this comment has moved me hugely, I wish employees could understand the benefits of offering and supporting a flexible way of working. Wishing you the best in everything x

      Reply
  9. Amie

    It’s really hard to know what’s best and how to juggle everything. I’m 19 and desperate to go to college and kick start my career but it’s not just about me and what I want as I have to think about school times and holidays and childcare and missing out. No wonder we all feel so much pressure like one has got to give! #brilliantblogposts
    Amie recently posted…Dear CoffeeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      It is a huge pressure and no easy answers, for me blogging was a lifeline, it offered me a way to work around the kids but my maternity leaves allowed me the time to build the business up x

      Reply
  10. Rebecca

    So much love for this… I was determined to go back to my position when my maternity leave ended and I was basically forced to drop down a position as I didn’t want to work 50 hours a week. I now work 30 hours in a lesser position but am not happy and don’t feel like I am in the position I deserve after years of building my career. I am intent to leave entirely and follow my passion for writing as I have realised that if I work for myself, that might be the only flexibility I can achieve between being an awesome mom and building my career. Maybe I just had a rough lot of luck with my employer as I see loads of women flourishing in their previous career but there is definitely a sense of inadequacy in the workplace once you have bambinos. I’m definitely more focused and better at multitasking and way more confident now… beats me why employers push mothers out of careers if they want it! <3
    Rebecca recently posted…Momma time: Is it ‘ok’ to leave our bundles of joy for some well earned Momma time? Some think not…My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So true Rebecca, the inequality in the workforce is debilitating for mums. Flexible working needs to become a reality for all. Meanwhile so many of us are taking things into our own hands literally and becoming mumsbosses so we can be there for our kids and do a job we love x

      Reply
  11. Kirsten Toyne

    Great post. Creativity does come out of restrictions and motherhood can be that. I think that there is just choices for both men and women. Our culture dictates that mens choice to work is not questioned but a woman’s is. however I know men who would love to work less and see their kids more but they would be the first on the redundancy list and likewise women who want to work more but struggle with childcare and even finding an employer who will take them seriously. We are not there yet as a society. I think it is for each individual family to work out what is the best balance for them. Less guilt would be good though. Thanks for writing this.
    Kirsten Toyne recently posted…Learning About Ourselves Through MotherhoodMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Absolutely agree there and it would be ideal to have flexible working practices for both men and women-that is true equality

      Reply
  12. Lianne harris

    As my maternity leave draws to a close I have been getting anxious about working full time in London, building my blog up and being a mum at the same time. My husband works for the NHS so is often on call therefore he isn’t always able to guarantee to be there 100% so this also has made me feel pressured to ensure Ben has a parents full attention but this blog has made me feel so much better.
    It is ok to be successful, if fathers can do it; why can’t mums?
    As the spice girls said… “girl power!”
    #brilliantblogpost

    Reply
  13. Alison (MadHouseMum)

    I can see why this post resonated with so many women. We’re so sick of people judging us for going out to work and somehow ‘neglecting’ out duties as a mother and perhaps as a partner. You clearly answer the people who criticise us in this post: a voice for working women. Alison x #brilliantblogposts
    Alison (MadHouseMum) recently posted…Drip, drip, drip…My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you Alison, your comment means a lot to me. The judgement is apparent and can be debilitating for women-and vice versa for those who choose or must stay at home. I hate all judgement. We all trying our best x

      Reply
  14. Eb Gargano

    FAB post Vicki. That thing where dads are never considered ‘bad’ for going back to work but mums so often are really annoys me…and it’s usually from other women – I’ve been on the receiving end of one or two sharply worded comments on that theme in my life…! And the thing is as a woman you can’t win…I had a brief stint trying out being ‘just a stay at home mum’ (didn’t last long, couldn’t hack it – hats off to those that can!) and that was just as bad. The second question people ask after your name is ‘what do you do?’ and when it turns out all you do (all!) is look after your kids they don’t want to ask any more questions! One day I hope we will accept that we are all different – some find their fulfillment in work, some in being a stay at home mum and some with a combination of both – and not seek to put down other women who make other choices in their lives. So thank you for writing such a well worded post on this theme…this is what we need: successful mothers to stand up and say ‘actually, this is OK!’ Eb x
    Eb Gargano recently posted…Review: Food Writing Course at All Hallows Farmhouse with Delicious Editor Karen BarnesMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much, I totally agree with you, I hate the judgement and the pressures we women get whether we work or don’t. I hate the presumptions and the endless guilt. I hope we can all feel liberated and have the freedom of choice xx

      Reply
  15. the frenchie mummy

    Such an interesting post! I just wrote one about how the idea of having it all a pure dream. Having to go back to work soon, I have been told that I could not have a promotion like others because I took a year off. Another example that shows that we are not equal and yet having a family can slow down your career… You post is way more positive athan mine but I am certain that a lot of mummies out there can relate to it so well #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I am so sorry to read that you were not given the chance to be offered a promotion, the reality is the workplace is far from equal. Working digitally has offered many women the chance to work flexibly but it’s not something all want or choose to do. I hope things change for all of us x

      Reply
  16. Barrie Bismark

    Thanks for the very encouraging words. It is so hard to balance life and a career. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job.
    Barrie Bismark recently posted…Lost in TranslationMy Profile

    Reply
  17. Twin Pickle

    It’s so tough, and I totally agree with happy Mum equals happy kids. Finding the balance is tough though, and if it’s off you go back to having an unhappy Mum… You seem to be doing great, very inspiring 🙂 #brilliantblogposts
    Twin Pickle recently posted…US v UK: First World Problems & Special SkillsMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you, yes balance is hard but I think as long as you can handle compromise and are doing what you love, things can be positive x

      Reply
  18. Jane Allen

    I agree that we can be successful as mums and in our chosen careers. I’ve always worked, while having kids. It was challenging but I kept at it. And, my work didn’t suffer. So, like you say, let’s support one another. Our need to work can be a way to seek validation. Whatever that is, we should know we’re capable. With God on our side, success is sure.
    Jane Allen recently posted…What is the Best Recliner for Newborn?My Profile

    Reply
  19. Alexandra

    OMG!!!!!…From one post to another it’s like you are READING MY MIND!! I must appologise for my last post on ambitious women- skip the grammar- I wrote it with one hand, sleeping little one on my lap and another one screaming upstairs coz hes teething and can’t sleep (hddwhvuqbvup…sorry just nod off #exhausted)
    Anyways…I’m getting so much into your blog, I love that you speak with one voice for many of us. Helps so much…doesn’t matter if you were a priminister or Deliah Lama- when you become a mum…a whoooole new world shows up and punches you in a head…and you don’t remember anything exept how to care and love your children with all that you have- unfortunatelly this means we forget that we are still us- and UNFORTUNATELLY the everyday world makes sure that it stays that way.
    So..GOOD JOB! Together we can more..

    Reply
  20. Emma

    Oh I love this post. I’ve recently had my 2nd child and the love I feel for both my kids is endless and overwhelming, however I want to return to work, part time as it’s important to me, it’s part of who I am and I want to inspire my kids. however the guilt I feel for returning to work is awful and until my son starts school we will be paying for me to work. Guilt about working and not being with my children and being a financial burden is really something I’m struggling with at the moment but this post has certainly helped ease those worries, thank you x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Emma, I really feel for you and childcare costs don’t make our choices/ situation easy do they? Maybe sit down and write a list of the pros and cons and weigh up your options. Speak to your bosses too, maybe they can help you find a way to return which makes financial sense to you all. I hope things work out how you want them to. Guilt really is futile. Happy parents equals happy children xx

      Reply
  21. Clare, Chaos & Coffee

    This is such a great post and I’ can identify with so much of it, as I’m sure many mothers can. I think is amazing and inspiring that so many woman are making work that works for them and their families after having children. It’s just a shame that more traditional careers don’t see the value in flexibility to allow working mothers to continue doing a great job whilst also fulfilling their personal responsibilities.
    Clare x
    Clare, Chaos & Coffee recently posted…Crafting for the Kids – Toucan BoxMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I couldn’t agree more and I hope traditional workplaces will understand the value in offering flexibility-they retain super employees that are also happy too. Thanks for your wise comment x

      Reply
  22. Su {Ethan & Evelyn}

    It is so great that you can do both things equally great. When I announced that I have decided to be a blogger and a full-time mum rather than pursuing a career as an architect I get lots of eyebrow raising. But it makes me happy and I think that’s what counts the most. I get to spend time with my kids and I get to write stuffs I want to write about and work with some brands I want to work with. Architecture is great too, but I can always come back to that when the kids a a little big bigger. It will still be there – just a different takes that’s all.
    Su {Ethan & Evelyn} recently posted…Motel Rock Party Style Dresses Wish ListMy Profile

    Reply
  23. Charlene

    I used to love watching my mum at work. I remember feeling so proud of her. I used to worry that this meant if I chose to stay home that my children would not look at me the same way. I realise now that what I was enjoying about my mother was seeing her in her element and where that is can be different for every parent #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Charlene, I love this, absolutely, seeing your parents happy is such an inspiration, whatever it is they do. My Mum spent a lot of her time with us and ran restaurants with my Dad by night. I think for me I always wanted to be there for my children at bedtime because of that but we can’t have it all so I work in the day. Seeing my folks happy and successful has made a huge impact on my own choices xx

      Reply
  24. Becky ({PinksCharming)

    Really lovely and inspiring read, thank you! I am proud of all that I have achieved in my career, and look forward to telling my girls how I did it. But there’s no doubt that my career has taken a backwards step now that I have two small children, who are my focus. I’m lucky that I have a job where I can go freelance and take some flexibility whilst they are young, but I know it’s so hard for people who have to go back Monday to Friday 9-5.The decision to give up my job last year to go freelance was pretty terrifying, but it’s helped me to spend more time with my kids, and I now blog as well as work for myself, so I have also somehow managed to make some time for myself. Yep, it’s still working, but I’m my own boss! Becky xx #brillblogposts
    Becky ({PinksCharming) recently posted…What Ava did next: her Christmas list, and nins and peedlesMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Yay, amazing, such an empowering comment, freelance life can be scary but the rewards and quality of life with a family are incredible x

      Reply
  25. Debbie

    Hi Vicki, the paragraph: ‘So please, let’s ALL unite and celebrate one another’s success, let’s support each other’s goals and dreams, big or small, while accepting everyone is different in their paths and wants (choosing or needing to work or not).’ sums it nicely.

    Being a women doesn’t mean we don’t yearn to do things for ourselves and family, without feeling the need to justify or explain our reasons. It also doesn’t make us bad Mums. Women should be encouraged to follow their dreams and goals. I fully believe too that ‘happy parents mean happy children’.

    xx

    Reply
  26. susankmann

    I think you can. I have never felt my career made me feel like I was a bad mum. It’s about finding a balance and working helps you make the most of the time you do have with your children x

    Reply
  27. Mim

    Brilliant read 🙂 I always wondered if having kids would set me back in my career, having been so focused on it before. In fact it probably helped me further define what I wanted to achieve professionally and set me on a more determined track to get there. Being a mum has given me clarify, confidence and even more drive 🙂
    Mim recently posted…Our First Week in Australia!My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I couldn’t agree more, we need to hear, see and read about this more and in the mainstream press too. What an empowering comment, thank you x

      Reply
  28. Nadia - ScandiMummy

    Great read, Vicki. Having just officially returned to work after my maternity leave a lot of what you are pointing out here is playing on my mind. I have chosen a freelance worklife and it does give me much freedom, but I also feel I have to defend myself a lot. Especially to family back in Denmark who don’t seem to understand and respect that just because my working hours are not 9-5 Monday to Friday doesn’t mean I can just take time off whenever I like. And I’m sure if I chose the more conventional job with so-called normal hours I would get grief for not seeing Caspian enough. So I’m with you! Let’s stop questioning and judging and start supporting and celebrating each other as working mums whatever that is to the individual.
    Thank you for hosting a fab linky #brilliantblogposts
    Nadia – ScandiMummy x
    Nadia – ScandiMummy recently posted…IT’S ALL ABOUT TIMEMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Totally agree and hate that we women are damned if we do, damned if we don’t. You are doing a great job, at home and with your work. Block out the noise and keep following your heart and dreams xx

      Reply
  29. Mummy Fever

    I completely agree with everything you say but for lots of people this can be much harder to achieve, not impossible, just more difficult. When there isn’t a shared approach to the children and the home for example and when you don’t have anyone else to help out if needed. For me though i just see these things as things to navigate and it doesn’t stop me wanting to achieve what perhaps seems a little impossible, it just makes the journey hard work – that said it means any success feel like they should be extra celebrations if that makes sense. Great post xx #brilliantblogposts
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Christmas gift guide: part twoMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I totally agree and definitely isn’t easy. Before moving to Leeds close to family, I had very little support once my husband went back to work and I remember feeling very lost and alone. Women need more support and flexibility in the workforce. It is inspiring seeing new businesses being borne from maternity leaves and I feel we are all making changes x

      Reply
  30. Jodie Allen at Budget Beauty and Babies

    I am struggling with this as I speak. When I had my daughter i put everything hold. It was the best decision i have ever made yet now i keep thinking about furthering my career yet i just can’t bring myself to leave her. Who knows what i’ll choose to do but this post has shown me that chasing career goals is NOT a negative thing. #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      It really is not a negative thing and I am sorry you have been made to feel this way, it’s so common for we women to be made to feel we have to choose one or the other, there can be balance and I know personally that blogging has meant a job that offers me the same income pre-kids (more in fact) but works around my family.

      Reply
  31. Lucy@bottlefor2

    Absolutely Vicki! Well said. It is hard work doing both, at times I struggle to stay awake, but I need work in my life too. Finding the balance is the hard bit, but if you can do that, it is really fulfilling to be able to do well at both things #brilliantblogposts
    Lucy@bottlefor2 recently posted…How to suck at staying awake & staying asleepMy Profile

    Reply
  32. Carry On Katy

    Fab post Vicki!
    I have definitely struggled with guilt over the years with my freelance work. Erractic hours and time away from home.I didn’t get a maternity leave as I was afraid my work would dry up so I was back gigging two weeks after giving birth. Nuts!
    I’m now at a stage where I want to hang with my boys more so I’m quitting some of my work to make buns and play with minions. I’m pretty excited! So I get to have the best of both sides now.
    Women are just amazing! We can all do anything that we put our minds to.
    You’re a cracking lady and an inspiration x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh wow we women certainly are amazing and I relate to that fear, when you are self employed or freelance, maternity leave doesn’t exist in the way it does for others. Sounds like you have a lot of fun planned. Balance is the goal right xx

      Reply
  33. Babes about Town

    I love the can do, kick ass nature of your blog posts Vicki – always inspirational, and challenging to those who would dare come from a negative angle or headspace! You are so right, motherhood is one of the biggest creative driving forces and I’m always amazed and awed not just at how much mums juggle, but also the giant strides they take in the direction of their dreams, while as you mentioned still sleep-deprived! I would love to see more respect (even pay maybe? Hey we can fantasise) given to the mum who chooses to stay at home to raise humans, because frankly there’s not much more important than that. And to those of us who are hustling however we do – whether it’s from our kitchen tables or cafes or office cubicles – great big high fives all round. More grease to your elbow (and more bounce to that bootay haha) Keep shaking xoxo

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Ooh love that Uju, you are absolutely right, I the most respect for SAHM’s and you are so right about us akk deserving payment to be at home or hustling at work, high fives all round x

      Reply
  34. Helen

    Such a brilliant, brilliant post! A lot of this resonates with me, especially the part about becoming more creative since having kids.

    You are a total and utter inspiration my darling xxx
    Helen recently posted…George at Asda #StyleYOUniform Dress StylingMy Profile

    Reply
  35. Jules Furness

    This post popped into my email inbox at exactly the right time. I’ve been battling with the idea of increasing my sons nursery hours a bit to cope with extra work coming in. With wanting to and knowing he will be happy there but feeling guilty that I shouldn’t be wanting to work. Ridiculous really! Thanks for being open and inspiring about this x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Jules,I’ve been there myself and still struggle now wondering if 3 days is too much but he enjoys it and has grown and developed so much, as has my business. I always say it’s not the quantity but the quality of time we have with our kids. Guilt will always be there but we must try and push it aside, look at our situation objectively and understand we are all simply trying our best x

      Reply
  36. itsamumsworld

    Really refreshing post to read – thank you! I went back to work part time after my 2 and hated it. As luck would have it, I was able to stop working in 2011 and I was a sahm for 18 months. I then started work again but my choice. As a teacher the hours are often long and prescribed for you but I’m self employed now, working in 8 schools, choosing my own hours around my children. It’s not always easy but it can be done if you want it to work! x
    itsamumsworld recently posted…Together Time…My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      That is so inspiring, I love that you chose a way of working that makes you all happy, I feel that way about blogging, I feel in control. Thanks so much for this comment x

      Reply
  37. Sam

    Very inspirational as always Vicki. I have to say though that it is not only a juggle involving lots of willing helpers and supporters but there is also *such* a huge onus on positive vibes and support from your significant other as well as things like getting enough sleep and overcoming mental health issues for some. There is more to it than just getting over the guilt sometimes. X
    Sam recently posted…The Truth about… #46My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I absolutely agree Sam and having suffered from a traumatic birth, I 100% know first hand how hard that can be. You can read my experience here: https://honestmum.com/being-honest-a-traumatic-birth/, so much can affect career so I don’t want to simplify in any way, I just want to offer inspiration that there are ways to have a lovely chunk of both pies x

      Reply
  38. Kellie

    I hear ya!
    I’m definitely a Girl Boss – sole earning for the whole family is not something I set out to do – and whilst I’d like *more* , I need to take a moment to realise exactly what it is I *have* done for this family x

    Reply
  39. ghostwritermummy

    Yes! I can totally relate to this! Having 4 children, the expectations for me to stay at home and just be with them are rife. I’ve done it all- I’ve worked part time, full time. I’ve been a stay at home mum and at a work at home mum. I HATED being a stay at home mum- not because i hated being with my kids, but because I wanted more for me. I also wanted them to know that women (mums) also work. I have 3 girls who I want to have ambitions. I have a son I don’t want to grow up with a skewed version of women. But i have me, too. I want things for me. I only took 4 weeks maternity leave this time around, because I knew that any more would mean a loss of work and I wasn’t at the stage where I could afford to do that. It was SO hard to do but as I work from home I was able to juggle it and I am coming through the other side now with a new determination to do even better. I won’t lie, reading a post of yours 18 months ago really inspired me and I am busy writing my goals for the next year ahead as we speak. There is no reason whatsoever why women cannot have it all, and despite the fact I am still being told that I should be at home with them and nothing more, I will not compromise my goals and ambitions either. Just as I would not want my children to compromise theirs. Thank you for this, you have inspired a post x x
    ghostwritermummy recently posted…Great Yarmouth’s seafront – the Golden MileMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Love this comment so much, I was reading this and the hairs on my arms were on end. It is so important to follow your dreams and you have achieved so much and will continue to. So proud of you. Can’t wait to read your post xx

      Reply
  40. brummymummyof2

    Every mother is different and we should celebrate that. I work part time and this works for me now. But I will probably go back full time. I work with women at my school that juggle being leadership as well as raising two small children. And this is amazing! And something I could never do. Equally I would struggle to be a SAHM. But that’s what’s right for them. Life is about balance and you seen to have it right for you and your lovely little family. Which really is all that matters!!! xxxxx
    brummymummyof2 recently posted…It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Autumn…My Profile

    Reply
  41. Katie / Pouting In Heels

    Loved this post Vicki!

    You’re damn right we can have a successful career and be a good mum! Sure it won’t be perfect at all times (but what is?!) however it IS possible. You are testimony to that. As am I.

    I am more successful now as a freelancer/ blogger than I was before I had Elsie, for many of the reasons you mention here. Because I want to achieve more, for her. Because I want to create an incredible family life, for her. Because I want her to see Mummy working hard, enjoying it and creating something lovely, so she too will inspired to do the same when she is older.

    Having a career and having kids is not easy, and I drop lots of balls, too many balls!, all of the time, however I wouldn’t swap it for the world. The key – as with everything – is trying to find a happy balance (however that looks for you) and the self belief, that we can achieve great things and that our lives are what we make of them. Really smashing post *high fives* X
    Katie / Pouting In Heels recently posted…FIVE REASONS WE NEED BLOGS (& BLOGGERS)My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Love this comment Katie, you are spot on, the strength we’ve received and accumulate daily, from having and raising kids, and all that comes with that, along with the honing of those juggling skills-makes we women and mothers, forces to be reckoned with. Woohoo x

      Reply
  42. Ebabee

    LOVE this post. I totally agree that there should be no guilt in pursuing your dreams, mother or not. If you are happy & content, you will be a better mother. And as you say, i do think it’s possible to have it all with the right support. You have done so incredibly well – I’m so happy and proud of you. And I know your boys couldn’t ask for a better mother xxx
    Ebabee recently posted…Bloom & Wild: Flowers through the letterboxMy Profile

    Reply
  43. Rhia

    THANK YOU! I really needed this today. I’ll be starting a new job next month after maternity leave and I’ve been struggling with all the conflicted feelings. So glad I’m not only not alone, but not a bad person!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      You are not a bad person at all and I am so glad this has made you see that, we are all just trying our best and it’s OK and more than fine to say we want and need to work xx

      Reply
  44. Candace

    Very thought provoking. For me personally it’s hard. I’m a single parent with 2 children both with health issues and no family support nearby. I’d love to do the blogging full time but have to work to put food on the table which takes time away from developing my blog.

    Sometimes without someone else contributing to the bills and having family to help with the kids you end up in a rut and having it all seems so far away.

    Adding in kids who need multiple hospital appinments and you really do question having it all.
    Candace recently posted…Adding A Little Glam To Our HomeMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I totally understand Candace and I know I wouldn’t be able to do what I do in the way I do it without my husband and family for support and help. You are doing an incredible job. This is a post that I hope makes mothers and mothers-to-be realise it’s OK to want to have a career and and family. It isn’t easy but it’s possible for many with the right support. Thanks for your comment.

      Reply
  45. Mummy Tries

    Another brilliant and very inspiring post Vicki, what you’re achieving with Honest Mum is nothing short of incredible.

    I’m a little controversial in my thinking on this one though, because I don’t think we can have it all of we’re doing it all. My husband and I get zero help from anyone, but on the same token I consider myself exceptionally fortunate to have not had to go back to the traditional work place after redundancy earlier this year.

    I’m trying to carve out an income through my blog, but it’s super tough with three small kids and autism to contend with! It basically means that I have snatch teeny pockets of time where I can, and be unbelievably efficient with it. It means I only get to go to 5 or 10% if events I’m invited to, and am not getting many opportunities to get onto the right people’s radars.

    I’m aware that I’ve managed to achieve a lot regardless of all the obstacles, but I’m nowhere near reaching my full potential, and don’t think I will for a long time. Perhaps if I had parents of in-laws on my doorstep willing to help things would be different xxx
    Mummy Tries recently posted…The Things This Sleep Deprived Mama Does to Get Through Her DayMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Hi Renee, you are doing an incredible job and you are right, help from family members is invaluable, it has been for me because childcare costs are tremendously high. I don’t attend all the events I’m invited to either, I would say reach out via email, contact the organisers, the brands as so much is done online, you can also work on getting and doing your own PR, something I’m a huge advocate of as I know you are. You are achieving so much. You are right about equality in the home too, as mothers we are often viewed as having to do it all and it’s not fair or possible. My husband and I share our roles equally. Thanks for this brilliant comment x

      Reply
  46. Wave to Mummy

    Love this post! I too am a working mum and I am proud to provide for my family. I find it so annoying when people say how do I manage it all, having a career and kids? Well, because I want to and have to! 🙂
    Wave to Mummy recently posted…Our renovation journey Part 7 – Almost thereMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Exactly, it does us all a disservice that we are questioned on this, it insinuates it’s impossible or too difficult to do both.

      Reply
  47. Toni @ Gym Bunny Mummy

    A fab post Vicki. Some days I really do wonder if I can do it all, run a business, continue my blog and be the mum I want to be especially when having a child with Autism means I get no sleep and have the extra responsibilities of appointments & therapy etc, but I need to for me. I will keep going & I will continue to make a success of it xx
    Toni @ Gym Bunny Mummy recently posted…WICKED WEDNESDAYS | GET OUT OF THE CUPBOARDMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks Toni, you are doing an incredible job too, be kind to yourself and know you can and are are achieving your dreams. I 100% relate to our businesses being our space just for us, that passion is crucial to being happy xx

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

CommentLuv badge

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.