Honest Mum

Our too-frequent preoccupation with what others think of us is part of human nature, granted, but it often feels exacerbated x a million in the online world.

Here, everyone is free to share their opinion (fine) or worse, troll others as and when they wish, based on assumptions and often, non-truths.

A win for a democratic, decentralised internet yes, but a complete and utter fail for virtual and IRL bullying.

And this is why I’ve written this post. Blogger friends are constantly complaining that others have tried to manipulate their words or destroy their confidence online and I’ve had enough.

It ‘s VITAL we do not allow others’ opinions cloud our own judgement, ruin our morale or STOP us from doing what we love.

And here’s the thing, I wanted to share a recent development I’ve personally undergone on the matter- I’ve literally stopped worrying what other people think of me. 100%. LIBERATING, is not the word. OK it’s totally the word!

I feel free, and a bit like a bully who relies on your zest for his/her approval, once you stop seeking it from others, you immediately garner respect because guess what? You respect yourself.

But let’s rewind a moment back to the catalyst moment of change (with a year beforehand laying the foundation as my attitude has slowly shifted).

I met up with a wonderful friend of mine, the renowned (and utterly hilarious) actress Harriet Thorpe in what manifested as a ‘turning point’ of a lunch for me, in London.

As I sobbed over banging my head on a taxi door (ouch) and shared how thoroughly exhausted I felt both physically and emotionally at that point in time (due to various issues including an unwell relative, the endless juggle and hustle- and HONESTLY, the overwhelming pressure I sometimes (not always) feel as a public-facing as a blogger), Harriet made everything better with these 10 words,

 ‘What other people think of you is none of your business’.

So simple yet so true.

It made me think.

Why should we care so deeply about what other people think of us?

What matters surely above everything else, is how we think of ourselves and the thoughts of those who TRULY know us (warts and all).

Side note: if others you trust, tell you that you’re too hard on yourself or you’ve spent years putting yourself down, it’s time to see someone professional to help with that, to rebuild the real picture of who you are or whom you want to be.

…I admit, I think historically I’m a bit of a people-pleaser, I was always academic and possessed this immense, often overpowering drive when it came to pursuing my dreams, to achieving my goals.

That commitment to striving for what I believe in and love, often with sheer determination and tenacity feels part of my DNA (I was born that way, baby) and reflecting on my own parents’ achievements as university lecturers and entrepreneurs respectively, has served to influence me.

Undoubtedly seeing my own parent’s achievements as a blueprint has inspired everything I’ve personally achieved from exams at school to receiving an MA with distinction in Screen Drama from Goldsmiths, University of London aged 21 before working as a multi-award winning TV and film director, pre-kids and new blogging career.

I think if I unravel it further, one of my key incentives has been making my parents proud. The weight of responsibility to achieve has always felt palpable. My Dad is somewhat of a ‘Stage Dad’ (he’d admit this himself, I’m sure) pushing my brother and I academically as kids, which, while we loathed it at the time, did admittedly put us both in good stead later on in life.

It’s not the way I’d operate personally with my own kids but undoubtedly his intentions came from a good place.

With that ingrained work-ethic along with my passion for the arts and unflinching determination to succeed as a filmmaker primarily in what is still a male-dominated field with only 7% of directors being women, proved a vital foundation for my on-going creative life.

To overcome adversity, to power on, to never stop learning, to collaborate, support and frankly define your own success has been my life-mantra, built from experience.

I’ve always been ambitious but NEVER EVER at the expense of others. I’m not a ruthless person.

Team work makes the dream work as they say!

As a director, you personally drive a project yet work in a team, each individual’s contribution impacting the final outcome. You are only as strong as the weakest person in your team as my former Exec Producer would always say (usually when we were hiring)!

I feel the same now, when it comes to my career as a blogger and vlogger.

I started this blog whilst on maternity leave to give me something to do, to stimulate my bored brain and to help me rediscover my voice- I never once imagined it would become my full-time job, blogging careers in 2010 were reserved only for a select few and mostly in the US, it just wasn’t a ‘thing’ here back then.

I’m proud of what I’ve built here, a business I love which is constantly growing and evolving,

Most of all though, I’m content. With life. With myself. With what I have to offer the world however Disney ‘coming of age’ that might sound!

I think hearing my Dad refer to me as a success a while back helped too. The little girl in me high-fived the 35 year old I am now.

And that’s it too I suppose reaching 35 has been a marker for me in knowing who I am and what I want from life- and being careful about the energy which surrounds me.

I have a strong network of real friends, and as always, hugely supportive family. The only time I AM ruthless is when it comes to negativity and cutting it out. If people or situations consistently prove destructive, I walk away.

I’m also pretty good at self-reflection and holding my hands up when I mess up. We’re all infinitely flawed and life is about making sense of that and trying to person you can be.

But back to working online- sharing our lives and those of our family’s can mean facing unfair criticism, trolling and more (I’m lucky not have suffered this to a huge degree) but it’s present and has meant growing a thick skin has been necessary.

The more you exercise or relearn the negative behaviours of being obsessed with others’ views, the easier it becomes.

The more you let go, the more it feels like second-nature not to let immaterial things affect you.

It’s time to work on your self-worth and remember that as Harriet advises, ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’.

…Listening to the hugely inspirational Former General Secretary of the Labour Party Baroness Margaret McDonagh speak on Sunday at an event, only fortified this viewpoint.

One of the top 6 political campaigners in the world, she too mentioned she doesn’t care what others think of her.

YES! the room all wanted to scream. I want to be like Margaret.

We must not allow others’ opinions of us mould or cloud our own.

It is important that I add how much I DO value what those I love, think of me, though.

My close family and friends are 100% honest with me and tell me when I’m wrong and I, them- and that’s the key to real relationships, accepting the bad with the good whilst having each other’s backs and telling it like it is. Being an ‘honest mum’.

No one is perfect, we’re all just trying our best with the end-goal of being content.

Not worrying what others think of you unlocks that happiness somewhat.

It sets you free.

Someone doesn’t like or understand you?! That’s OK. Someone assumes things about you or jumps to conclusions? Who cares?!

You shouldn’t.

We all view people and situations through the eye of our own experiences and baggage.

Try not to judge others and don’t sweat those who judge you.

You know you and that’s what matters.

 

 

 

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85 Responses

  1. Ivana Poku

    Amazing article, made me think 🙂 I would only add that what others think about you often says something about themselves rather than about you. x

    Reply
  2. Emma T

    A-men to this Vicki. I think too many bloggers aren’t confident enough of themselves, and take too much to heart, when they need to just know what they want and what they can try to get there. I’ve always been assertive of my own abilities and proud of what I’ve done and what I want to do, and I’ve so far never had trolls, or particularly negative points on my blog or social media. Tbh, I’d pity them if I did. I think having a strong independent mum who had to bring us up on her own after our dad died, meant I grew up not scared of being myself and knowing where I fit in and where I’m happy to sit.

    I hate that lots of other bloggers recently have felt really demoralised and down on blogging and themselves. Somewhere they’re feeling pressure and that’s when they need to reassess what they’re doing, what they can do and what’s important. Hopefully this type of post will help people realise that they don’t need to listen to everyone else, but sift through to find the support and valuable feedback that will get them to where they want.

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I hope so Emma and it saddens me people are feeling down at the moment but it’s so easy to become enveloped with self-doubt, I’ve been there. I too had so many strong female role models that buoyed me up and empowered me, I generally feel strong myself. I always want to use that strength and help it empower others. Well done on everything you’ve achieved and will continue to Emma.

      Reply
  3. Katie Haydock

    I personally think that people generally become meaner when they have a computer screen to hide behind… and when they don’t have to leave their name.
    Water. Ducks back…
    Great post xXx

    Reply
  4. Silly Mummy

    Well said, and I love Harriet’s words. Such an important distinction to note too – that you can be ambitious without being ruthless. #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
  5. Daisy

    I know you’re not supposed to care about what people think of you, but for me to actually realize it and feel it took a long time. Now that I’m in my forties I actually don’t give a hoot anymore. Yay for getting older!
    Daisy recently posted…Power Wheels Thomas the Train with TrackMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Yay, the best part of getting older, is getting wiser huh-being happy in your own skin and knowing what matters! Thanks for your fabulous comment x

      Reply
  6. Fran Back With A Bump

    I used to worry about what people thought of me but over the last couple of years have realised it doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t actually care. What matters is that you’re happy and those that matter most will be there. #brillblogposts

    Reply
  7. Sally Oddy

    I totally agree with this. I believe that the way other people react to us says more about them and their experiences than it says about us!

    Reply
  8. Seaweed Lady

    Great post. I took a friend seaweed foraging recently and we returned from the beach to lunch at her house. Was I chuffed as she shoved freshly harvested royal fern weed (a seaweed) in the salad *smug face* and then she proceeded to show me her favourite seaweed book.Yep, I’ve written a book about seaweed. I’m pretty certain she didn’t even think about my book as she showed me her fave 🙂 If you pop your head above the parapet, in hardcopy or on line, you have to toughen up.

    Reply
  9. Katy (What Katy Said)

    Most of the time I don’t care what others think of me but sometimes my confidence slips. You are right though, it is just a waste of energy. You have got where you are by brushing away negativity and so as always are an inspiration. Feels like an age since I’ve seen you, hopefully not too long til I see you again. x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you Katy, it really is crucial to do that, it’s been too long, hope we can meet up again soon. Thanks for your lovely comment x

      Reply
  10. Jenny | Jenny on a Plate

    Great post, Vicky and a reassuring one to read. I’m definitely a people pleaser bit I’m tryin to get myself out of the habit of worrying what others think, as long as I’m not doing wrong towards myself or others, and I believe in myself, that should be enough – not always easy though! X

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      It isn’t always easy, I know and we are only human but I do believe the more we practice that indifference and focusing on what matters, it becomes easier. As Baroness Margaret McDonagh shared recently at a talk I attended, the more we worry, the better the brain becomes at worrying, we have to relearn our thinking patterns! x

      Reply
  11. Sarah | Digital Motherhood

    That’s definitely a good little mantra to remember. I care way too much what people think of me, and it’s funny but I’m trying to teach my daughter to not be like that already!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you Sarah, so much easier to teach our kids isn’t it but the more we ourselves practice it too, the easier it becomes x

      Reply
  12. Alan aka omgitsagirl2015

    A great post Vicky.

    I’ve always been a people pleaser. (I think this is mainly due to being abandoned and adopted as a small child)

    Although it is not something I am aware of in the moment. I know it shapes a large portion of what I say and do.

    You are right though.

    What others think is none of my business. A great mantra to live by.

    Thanks for hosting #brilliantblogposts
    Alan aka omgitsagirl2015 recently posted…My Sunday Photo 10th April 2016My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you Alan, I am sorry to read you were abandoned and hope you had a positive experience with your adopted parents. Everything in life shapes us doesn’t it and has the potential to be character building. Thank you for your comment.

      Reply
  13. Alex Gladwin

    Fantastic post lovely. you always talk so much sense. I generally don’t concern myself with what people think of me unless I know I’m doing something wrong. I keep myself to myself, though sometimes too much. This is a great post, that will be sure to help a lot of people. xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks darling, you are a beautiful lady inside and out and great to hear you don’t concern yourself with what others think of you, I also think it’s important that we assess and know when we’ve done something wrong ourselves too, just because someone doesn’t agree with us, doesn’t make it a truth xx

      Reply
  14. Lizzie Somerset

    This post has really struck a chord with me Vicki and got me thinking again about this subject. I don’t care about what others think about it, that’s a process I’ve gone through which started when I started to blog hit publish and waited for trolls to hit. I seriously had been held back my whole life up to that point. Hitting publish on that very first blog post was the start of my journey of self awareness, self care, self respect and being myself finally. I’ve learnt that can be the juiciest peach in the world and there will still be people who just don’t like peaches. I’m still learning about who should be in my inner circle though, it’s hard when people who ‘should’ be the closest to you can also be the most toxic. It’s not always possible to walk away. Lizzie
    Lizzie Somerset recently posted…ASK Italian YeovilMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thank you for this Lizzie, so pleased blogging helped you find yourself in so many ways, I feel exactly the same here. I have never had a problem with walking away, you really must weigh things up and not let those who are negative, affect you, they don’t deserve you in their life xx

      Reply
  15. Babes about Town

    I’ve so enjoyed Harriet’s spirit and personality in your videos and she speaks wisdom too! Another great post, love how open you are about your journey and I know first hand some of the ups and downs you’ve overcome in getting to this point. It definitely is something to do with getting older and less self-involved and if 35 was a turning point wait until 40 😂😂 then really there are few f@&ks given about any of that ish! I’m a people pleaser by nature too and while it can lead to others taking advantage or to feelings of constantly trying to meet others’ expectations, there’s a positive flip side. It means you’re kind at the core and that’s a massive strength, something you my lady have in spades X

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Uju, this has really moved me, I feel the same about you, thank you for being my guru and one of my tribe, I love you! Harriet is amazing isn’t she, you guys have to meet! I cannot wait for 40! Whoop. This comment made me laugh and moved me in equal measure, thank you darling xxx

      Reply
  16. Petite Pudding

    I am also a fellow people pleaser and although I have yet to be ‘trolled’ whilst blogging I know it ill hurt when it does inevitably happen. I am going to take on your friend Harriets’ words and try to liberate myself from caring so much about what other people think, especially those who I don’t even know! #brillblogposts

    Reply
  17. lizzie ( firstooth )

    This is just what so many people need to read for a little confidence boost. I’m a people pleaser like you but gradually I’m letting go of my people pleasing ways and am putting myself and my families feelings, thoughts and needs first. All that matters to me lives under my roof and their opinions are vital. Everyone else can move along the train to the next carriage! I have the same relationship with my parents, although we’re probably not as close relationship wise, I’ve always wanted to make them proud. It had the opposite effect with me, I almost felt like I could never achieve the impossible. So I let go of that weight and have loved life since! X

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      This is such a beautiful, inspiring comment, love how you feel, we all need to be in that place where we know who and what matters, we must realise how unique and amazing we are and not let others’ limit us or the way we think of ourselves ever x

      Reply
  18. Cheryl | TimeToCraft

    Just the way you write this, shows your passion. It sounds like you are being true to yourself, which is wonderful. I’m sure it gets easier,the older we get, to care less about what people think of us. I’m always telling my teen daughter, that so often, other people’s comments tell you more about them than you. Love your wise friend’s words too. She sounds like a good friend.
    Cheryl | TimeToCraft recently posted…Fyne CourtMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you Cheryl, your comment means a lot, Harriet is an amazing friend, I’m so lucky to have her in my life x

      Reply
  19. Mirka Moore

    Darling Vicki, such a lovely post, and still remember seeing you on that day and agree what others think is non of your business. It is easily said than done, and I think you have to be a very strong person to actually do it, and you know what, you are! I am so proud of you and what you have achieved, and love you so much! Stop thinking about other people and enjoy the people who honestly love you xxx what they think is all that counts xxx

    Reply
  20. becca farrelly

    Me and my mum are really alike and she always tells me I worry too much about what other people think of me, I worry about what people might say or just how they perceive me in general. She’s always telling me it something you grow out of and since having Mia, I’m a bit better! 🙂

    #brillblogposts

    Reply
  21. Debbie

    Hi Vicki, certainly with age comes the ability to let go of what people think of us, after all it’s their problem if they don’t like us for whatever reason and it should never become our problem.

    In my younger years I did try to please people, which can become incredibly stressful and let’s face it there will always be those people that you can never please, so you’re never going to win.

    Harriet summed it up well when she said ‘What other people think of you is none of your business’. Words we should all do well to remember.

    xx
    Debbie recently posted…The Temperature Is Rising – Or Is It?My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Harriet is so incredibly wise and you are right, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve definitely seen a shift in how I see myself and the weight I place on other’s opinions, particularly those who don’t me. Thanks for your thoughtful comment x

      Reply
  22. Single Mum Speaks

    It was really interesting to read this post, as I wrote something along the same lines (in the sense of worrying about people’s opinions, though mine is motherhood-specific rather than worrying about it in general) and linked it up here. Love this quote and completely agree with the sentiment! #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
  23. Bread

    I don’t care what anyone thinks of me – haven’t for a long time. Which has been hard for people to understand (especially when I was in therapy and surrounded by people who worried what other people thought constantly). I care what my wife thinks. That’s it. Everyone else can go whistle. #brillblogposts

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  24. Sarah

    It’s amazing how judgemental people can be and how we left it affect us. I was bullied at school and it has always stayed with me. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, they say! 🙂
    Sarah recently posted…Foodie Goodies March Edition 2016My Profile

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  25. A Mum Track Mind

    I suppose trying to get others approval starts from childhood where we are constantly being told what to do or not do in line with what society expects of us that we become obsessed with garnering approval from everyone. It’s a difficult habit to unlearn but if you’re putting yourself out there on the internet t’s definitely an important skill to have and one I need to practice! #Brillblogposts
    A Mum Track Mind recently posted…30 Day Blogging Challenge – Day 8My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Absolutely, that’s such a good point, it’s that stepping away and being truly independent and reliant on our own opinion, thanks for this fab comment x

      Reply
  26. Regina L. L. Wells

    I am pleased that you shared this post, Vicki, because far too many people are concerned about what others think, leading to poor decisions and behavior and an abandonment of who they are. I have been blessed and cursed in this respect. Because of a combination of factors, not the least of which being the strength of personality and character of my parents, my personality and appearance, and my family’s blended ethnicities and the place/time in which we live(d), my parents hammered self-awareness and self-worth into me and a disregard for others’ opinions. As I said, this has been a blessing and a curse. A blessing in obvious respects, but a curse in a society that wants you to want to be liked and punishes you when you do not want to be liked and only care about liking yourself. I do love your point about how the world treats you when you care about what you think of yourself. One of my relatives and I had a discussion when she didn’t feel that she was being respected by a social group to which we belonged as much as I was although she is 40 years my elder. I pointed out the irony of being liked to her…that they treated me with respect because I don’t care if they like me, whereas she was trying to be liked instead of liking herself. As you said…it’s a simple truth that what other people think of us is just none of our business. It does not impact our lives one wit bit. Thank you, Vicki!
    Regina L. L. Wells recently posted…Welcome to Upsy Daisy Linkup 1My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      What an incredible comment, you’ve raised the hairs on my arms, thank you Regina and you are so right as has been proven with your friend, once we focus on ourselves and don’t care what others think, that then becomes hugely attractive because we are deemed confident and not reliant on others. It’s a wonderful place to be. I related to so much of what you wrote. Thank you again xx

      Reply
  27. Charlotte Oates

    I tend to bounce between caring completely what everyone thinks and getting on and just doing what I feel like. I have to really seize the moment where I’m feeling the latter otherwise I never get things done!
    Charlotte Oates recently posted…Building My Blog – March 2016My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Charlotte, don’t let others’ hinder you EVER OK, you are super-talented and a wonderful lady to boot, just keep doing your thing OK! x

      Reply
  28. Susan Mann

    You rock hon and I am so proud of everything you have achieved. I am so a people pleaser and do worry what people think. xx

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  29. Eb Gargano

    Such a great post, Vicki – it is so easy to let what other people think of you shape who you are and what you do (and not in a good way). I do try not to let what other people think of me shape me, but it’s not always easy! I think, like you, I try too hard to please all of the people all of the time and that’s just not sensible or even possible, is it? Besides, so often other people aren’t in possession of all the facts, so are making judgments without understanding the whole story. When I catch myself thinking negatively about others, I always remind myself of that old phrase “don’t judge until you have walked a mile in their shoes”! Makes me remember that I have absolutely no idea what is going on in their lives behind closed doors and absolutely no right to judge! Eb x
    Eb Gargano recently posted…Review & Giveaway: Mr Kipling Exceedingly Good SlicesMy Profile

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  30. clare

    Gosh I love this! You have so struck a chord with me! I too am a people pleaser and yes how strange – ‘what other people think of you is none of your business’ is totally correct, who knew? Thanks for that very strong message *writes it in large capitals on her white board at work.’ Keep going girl – loving your work – Cx

    Reply
  31. Michelle

    Such a fantastic phrase!Sounds like something my Nan would’ve said, very wise.
    I was bullied in high school which took years to get over so I haven’t cared what anybody thinks about me for a very long time. However I wasn’t on the internet until I began my blog a year ago & from everything I’ve heard & read about “cyber bullying” & “trolls” it sounds like I should brace myself for future sharp comments from complete strangers. It’ll be interesting to see how I handle them as & when they happen.
    Hopefully now that I’m almost 50 they’ll merely wash over me…
    Fab link up Vicky! Can’t wait to work through some of the blogs on here later when my kids are in bed xxx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I’m so sorry to read you were bullied, try not to worry about what might happen because it very well might not, I haven’t had it badly at all but do know others who have. I think like anything, if you practice indifference then it becomes easier and of course surround and remind yourself with/of positivity x

      Reply
  32. Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    I love this post! I’ve always been a huge people pleaser and worried about whether people like me. As I’ve got older I’ve managed to care less about this – not everyone is going to like you, and that’s natural and ok! It’s a really freeing realisation and one that gives you the self confidence to go out and achieve things. #Brillblogposts

    Reply
  33. Mess and Merlot

    Yes!! I am all for championing self confidence and self belief, unfortunately it has taken me to my mid 30s to actually achieve a tiny modicum of it!! Maybe it’s being a parent, maybe it’s just ‘growing up’ but something in me changed over the past few years and I definitely give less and less of a dam about what others think of me. I think everyone wants to be accepted and liked to a certain degree but when it becomes detrimental to your life choices (and stress levels!) thats a problem.
    I found it really interesting to hear your views on this as FYI you always come across as a gorgeous confident, warm, honest and hardworking mum and business woman!
    A close friend of mine once told me to stop being so down on myself, there are plenty of people throughout life who will do that for us, we need to be our own No.1 fan- I always remember that, it’s so true! #BrillBlogPosts
    Mess and Merlot recently posted…Magical Rainbows & Unicorns PartyMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thank you so much for your kind words, they’ve really touched me. I think for a lot of the time I do feel happy and content but I’m also a sensitive soul and I am a people-pleaser. I’ve definitely seen a shift in how I think and feel particularly over the last year with the real catalyst being the lunch with Harriet. So glad you say you have changed too, we must as you say be our own No 1 fans! x

      Reply
  34. Franglaise Mummy

    Hell yeah! This is something that has evolved for me over the past year too – moving away from toxic friends, turning 40, starting a new life, I’ve literally shed an old skin, and I’m loving my new one. My heart hurt reading about you crying but sometimes we need to hurt to start to repair ourselves. You know that you are one of faves – one of my fave bloggers, and even better, one of my fave online friends, so this post makes me smile for you. So happy that you are in this great place now. Big love xx
    Franglaise Mummy recently posted…What if I make the wrong decision?My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Aw thank you darling, I feel exactly the same way about you, always have, always will. Thank you for being a wonderful friend to me and so happy to read about you shedding your old skin, that’s the key isn’t it, we have to power to create who we want to be and the life we want to lead xx

      Reply
  35. Rach

    LOVE this….I’m getting better at giving less of one about what people think of me. Sometimes it’s hard but I’m deffo getting there. Great blog post – brilliant in fact! #brilliantblogposts
    Rach recently posted…Abortion: A Woman’s RightMy Profile

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  36. Toni @ Gym Bunny Mummy

    After being bullied at school then being in an abusive relationship in my early 20s I’ve always struggled with self esteem. I can project the image of confidence but am constantly worried about what other people think of me. It’s only now I’m in my mid 30s that I’ve started to care less what other people think. I still take things very personally but I’m working on it 🙂 xx
    Toni @ Gym Bunny Mummy recently posted…HANDMADE VS CAST MADE DIAMOND RINGS – KNOW THE DIFFERENCEMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Oh Toni I am so sorry to read this and so glad that you care less what people think, you are an amazing woman, never forget that x

      Reply
  37. shahnaz

    Well done to you on all your successes x So very true, I think not caring what others think has defiantly come with age in my case.
    shahnaz recently posted…Born to be Wild: Hundreds of Free Nature Activities for FamiliesMy Profile

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  38. jeremy@thirstydaddy

    I think that no matter how old we get, our parent’s approval is still important. Its just human nature. Everybody else can go stick it. Learnt that from my dad too

    Reply
  39. Lisa - The Sequinist

    Really great post, Vicki! When I read it, I was surprised because I would have thought that you’d be VERY blasé about anyone’s opinion of you, especially having been successful in film pre-blogging. I’m very lucky in that I’ve really NEVER been negatively affected by what others think of me. I never thought about why until I read your post, but I know the answer now: it is because I have parents who have always been very negative about me, so I learned to separate my worth from the outside and operate independently (just out of necessity/survival, not out of actual wisdom or anything!). You had a father who pushed you, where I had one who pushed me away. It definitely isn’t my business or my problem if bad parenting or negative energy happens around me, but it IS my business if I decide to take any of that nonsense on board. Well done you for arriving at this point where you know your own worth and don’t need any outside evaluation! xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I love your attitude and I am sorry you were not treated in the way you deserved. The tough times are character building aren’t they and you are clearly a wise and wonderful lady. Thank you for your comment xx

      Reply
  40. One Messy Mama

    This is such an honest post! I really enjoyed it thank you! It’s always difficult to try not let what others think of you bug you.. But as I get older the anxiety seems to fade. It must be an age thing as well.And I agree with you, “never judge lest you be judged”… 🙂 Thanks again for a great post! And for hosting these lovely, sophisticated and well organized linky’s. I am thoroughly enjoying them! x #brillblogposts

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  41. Suzanne

    I really do think that we should all spend a lot more time worrying about what our nearest and dearest think about us than relative strangers. Why do we do that?! I’ve been walking this path a bit over the last two years and do feel I’ve made some good progress in it. Now to teach my teenage daughters!

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  42. Rachel In Real Life

    As a people pleaser with low self esteem this is something my closest confidante and someone I trust implicitly has said to me a fair bit lately. While I am definitely getting there I still have a long way to go, which I realised recently after taking a blog break because awards season has started and I know I won’t ever win one! But actually, that doesn’t matter, we can’t all be popular award winners and the Internet is big enough for us all.
    Rachel In Real Life recently posted…The Ordinary Moments 16 #8 ~ Good EnoughMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      So true Rachel and I’ve never won an award for blogging and don’t mind. Yes awards are lovely and I won a fair few as a filmmaker but what counts is being happy. Have you read my How I Define Success post? http://honestmum.com/how-i-define-success/. Thanks for your comment.

      Reply
  43. Catherine @ Not Dressed As Lamb

    Vicki I absolutely agree with you 100% – being a fashion blogger I’d never be able to carry on if I cared what everyone thought of what I wear…! Though it’s very hard to make it none of your business when those people insist on shoving their opinion of you right in your face. I always think, WHY are you telling me this?

    I think I have the perfect answer for them now…!!

    Great post sweetie, fantastically written as always 🙂

    Catherine x
    Catherine @ Not Dressed As Lamb recently posted…Workwear: 9 Office Chic Fashion Bloggers You Should KnowMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much Catherine and I truly worry about those who feel the need to shove their unsolicited opinions onto others-insecurity is the number one factor-keep doing what you are doing because you are smart, beautiful inside and out and write one of the best blogs on the net-keep shining on xx

      Reply
  44. Becky

    Really well said love and I need to take this on board I often think people do not think I am cool enough or am sophisticated enough or stylish-but I like me and that needs to be enough
    Becky recently posted…A really easy way to hang wall artMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Oh Becky that makes me so sad that you think that way, I think you are beautiful inside and out. You are an intelligent, sophisticated woman who is stylish, please see yourself as others do. Hope to see you again soon.

      Reply

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