date night

Peter and I had scheduled in a date night for Sunday night for a while yet when the time came round and the freezing cold set in (it was minus 15 or something or it felt it at least), fatigue from the weekend and the ‘meh’ feeling of ‘we’re just not in the mood’ made us weary to go ahead with it.

The babysitter had been booked though and we’d recently committed to a monthly or more ambitiously, bi monthly date night (and remembering the fun of the previous two date nights) meant ‘no’ and slobbing out on the sofa, our usual date night equivalent wasn’t an option. We kissed the kids then forced ourselves out into the darkness (it was 7.30pm) and by the time we arrived at the restaurant, we were glad that we did.

Two hours of adult convo, laughter and far too many kimchi salmon buns later, we rolled home happier than before. And that’s the thing isn’t it? It’s the actually getting out of the door bit that’s the hard part, the planning and sticking to the arrangements once they’re made that’s the effort, yet once you’re out, you’re grateful for the time and wondered why you were so flipping slothful. It’s a bit like running. Once your trainers are on and you hit the street, you’re up and away, lost in the moment, the endorphins in full flow. But this time you get sashimi and wine. Yay!

It’s just so easy being lazy when it comes to the one you love and have been with forever.

Chilling on the sofa together sounds great in theory but in reality, we both like different shows for the most part-me, Made in Chelsea, him Family Guy on repeat so a night in tends to be both of us cuddling up with our own laptops on our knees, earphones in. Not the most romantic of times to be fair.

So date night is just the ticket, a chance to make some effort, get spruced up a bit and head to a restaurant or bar just the two of us.

And actually having date night regularly has made me realise quite how important it actually is.

It tells you that you matter-that your relationship matters.

It gives you time and space to actually speak without being constantly interrupted. To simply reconnect without noise and responsibility. To focus on one another. To feel happily irresponsible (!) and a bit liberated from your kids. It’s OK to say you need to be liberated sometimes. We all do.

And you know what, since we’ve had these regular dates, OK this was just the third, but trust me, it really does set me up for the whole week.

After date night, there’s a spring in my step, general life/work balance feels easier to achieve, I’m calmer from all the laughter (and wine) and happy from the precious time with my favourite person.

And it is precious.

Life is busy. Kids need time. A lot of time, attention and love too. But so do we. Parenting-and adulting can be life-affirming and glorious, yes, but it can also be draining. We all need time out and time off. And we need that time to be together too, not just ‘me time’.

A window when we can to have some fun as a couple-to let loose more (before we forget how to), to be those 23 year olds we were when we first met once more-which in Peter’s case means order 4 salmon burgers for himself- just because he can. Fair enough, not as wild as were actually were at 23 but our kind of mid thirties wild at least!

We don’t have to watch our language because of little ears (peppering talk with swear words is so liberating) and having the time to talk about all the mindless things which interest us, be it Kanye’s creative vision (me) to the latest supercar (him) without kids trying to climb on our heads, is just a joy. We feel ‘normal’ again. Clearly our kind of normal.

We were together pre-kids and we are together post and more in love than ever (bit sickly but true) so it’s important we don’t forget who we were. Who we still are.

Time together lets us bring back our ‘A game’ as parents when we’re back or you know, at the very least, raises our patience level when our kids are trying to kill each other, once again.

You know that saying, ‘You need to get out more’. Yep, well, we do.

So we’ll be sticking to our next date night, however cold it gets out there.

 

I filmed a little vlog of our day, shooting a small part of the night so check it out below:

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9 Responses

  1. Marko @ Parent Support Hub

    I agree with you completely that regular date nights are very important to maintain a healthy relationship. Having time together at least once a week has shown that you will be at least three times as happy with your marriage.
    Marko @ Parent Support Hub recently posted…The Science Behind SpankingMy Profile

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  2. Susan Mann

    We always spend a Saturday night together, no phones and time just for us. I think it’s important for time together and not just about the kids xx
    Susan Mann recently posted…Autumn Leafs And Snowfall – Our Weekly Photos Week 46My Profile

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  3. Beth

    My husband and I are definitely guilty of not having enough date nights. It feels easier not to organise a babysitter and no to go out and spend money, we tell ourselves that we will have a cuddle on the sofa instead. Actually we end up on our phones, or the Ipad and laptop not talking and not even touching. Your post has given me a kick up the bum to go ahead and book a table for a couple of weeks time and have a much needed date night!
    Beth recently posted…My Birthday: A Family Day OutMy Profile

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  4. Mel

    You’re right, it’s such a healthy habit to make the time to go on a date night on a regular basis. It’s so tempting to just stay in and relax though, isn’t it? Lovely vlog, and the food looks incredible!
    Mel recently posted…River Cottage at Christmas & Why You Should Brine Your Ham At HomeMy Profile

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  5. Tooting Mama

    You are so right, date night is a must, not a luxury. Got to prioritise that. As much as I love being with the kids, sometimes need time away to remember the non-mummy me, and the non-daddy him!

    We often have a date night about once a month or so. It’s so good to have time away from the kids, a chance for me to speak like a grown up to someone I love being with, and enjoy food that isn’t always a pizza or a bloomin’ burger!
    Tooting Mama recently posted…Adoption & trauma: Why are my adopted children so noisy?My Profile

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