Honest Mum

I feel really lucky that one of my closest, oldest mates, Caroline of ShapeShifters Leeds is my Personal Trainer.

Not only because she kicks my ass on a weekly basis, and seeing her on a Tuesday means I actually stick to working out solo throughout the week but because in our dedicated exercise hour each week, we get to put the world to rights whilst getting sweaty.

Releasing endorphins whilst working through issues allows me to vent emotionally as well as physically and I leave feeling healthier in mind as well as body.

Take this morning which saw us discuss the fact we were basically born honest, and are direct women who know our minds and are not afraid to speak up. We are hopefully not insensitive, just true to who we are and unafraid to share that with others.

That’s why I do what I do right here as a blogger and vlogger. You guys know the real me. I couldn’t fake who I am even if I wanted to. It’s not my style.

Honest Mum by name, Honest Mum by nature and all that.

Perhaps being a Northerner helps too, Yorkshire folk tend to call a spade a spade (although this is not, of course a dig at anyone outside of these geographical parts, just watch Emmerdale if you don’t believe me.

Yorkshire peeps are known for not mincing their words. Full stop. I personally think that’s an admiral quality to have.

People know where they stand with you. They trust you. I’m a creator not a faker. Not online nor in real life.

I think my Greek Cypriot heritage plays a part in that too, as with all of us, our parent’s influence affects who we are and how we behave.

Talking, and inevitably sometimes shouting about our problems and working through them has been a running theme here since childhood. It’s actually healthy to share.

The organisation Lifeline states that talking helps when it comes to sorting out problems: ‘Communication is the key and often the first step to finding solutions. Be calm and honest about your concerns when discussing your problems with a loved one’.

Not everyone accepts those who speak up when they feel hurt or who disagree with others, standing their ground, fighting for their beliefs, but I would rather reach out to those I care about when I’m unhappy than let bad vibes fester leading to ruined relationships. I expect the same from those who value me to. Vanilla Ice got it right. If there was a problem, yo I’ll solve it…

It’s a balance, of course it is. It’s about choosing your battles, making allowances for others (you can never know the sh** people are going through behind closed doors or even on smiley social pics), and vitally, you need to BE YOURSELF.

Accept who you are, commit to ongoing growth, apologise when you f*** up (you’re human, it’s normal to get angry and frustrated at times) and learn when to walk away and when to stick around and work through issues.

Remember you can like and even, love others who are simply not good for you and it takes great strength to admit that and close the door.

Equally, nurturing those who deserve your time and energy and being honest when issues arise is ALWAYS the BEST way to be. Not everyone will appreciate your honesty but it leads to healthier, more meaningful relationships down the line.

Psychologist Karen Pine of Do Something Different, sheds more light on this,

‘How important is is to be honest with someone who has hurt you?  If you say nothing and shrug it off there’s a danger you will carry the bitterness around with you. The relationship will suffer if that’s the case. You need to be honest and tell the other person, but not in anger. Remember, in most cases the other person did not mean to make you feel the way you felt. So to resolve the difference it is important to acknowledge the hurt and also take responsibility for your feelings. That might involve saying, “I know I have a real sensitivity around X, but I feel hurt when you Y”. In this way you clear the air without blaming the other person and damaging the relationship, nor do you have to bury your anger and carry on dishonestly’.

Stop holding your emotion in for it will eat you up. I’m teaching my kids the same. To own their feelings, to share their discomfort and to reach out when they need to.

I’d love to read your thoughts.

 

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20 Responses

  1. Debbie

    I totally agree that honesty is the best policy always. It can be hard sometimes knowing the right words to use in sensitive situations I find. But I think many a break up can be down to people not standing up for themselves or being totally honest with the other person. Great blog post. As always. 💕

    Reply
  2. Lauren

    I agree with so much of this. I am a talker when I am upset or hurt or happy too! I like to express my feelings rather than wait and have it build up. Great post and Vanilla Ice gave me a big chuckle!
    Lauren recently posted…Under The Sea Books With Fun ActivitiesMy Profile

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  3. Lisa Pomerantz

    Wow, great post. And probably why I like reading your work so much is that you are honest – I gravitate to that honesty. Stay who you are! Thanks, Vicki! #BrillBlogPosts
    Lisa Pomerantz recently posted…101 things I can’t believe I have already said this summerMy Profile

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  4. Rebecca

    All the love for this amazing post… so super insightful and really amazing advice <3 #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
  5. Meg

    Definitely agree with you! I try so hard to be honest. Especially online. It can be so easy to lie and pretend everything is perfect when sometimes life isn’t – that’s why I write about the good and the bad times. Hoping to teach my kids to be the same! #brillblogposts
    Meg recently posted…Pursuing Peace: Quick quick slowMy Profile

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  6. Kim Taylor

    I do believe that honesty is the best policy! I appreciate it when people are honest, even if it’s something you do not want to hear! x

    Reply
  7. Michelle

    honesty is the best policy. I try and be as honest with myself as I can now #brillblogposts
    Michelle recently posted…Postnatal depression after returning back to workMy Profile

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  8. Laurie

    I agree whole heartedly and I loved this post! I try very hard to express myself honestly & can sense it when I’m not being true to myself. Thanks for sharing the tips & for all you do, L xx

    Reply
  9. Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies

    I agree with this blog post whole heartedly. Sometimes people think they are protecting you by hiding things, but I think it is respectful to be treated like a strong women who would like to make up her own mind when facing the truth. I love your comment ‘I’m a creator, not a faker’. I can really relate x #BrilliantBlogPosts
    Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies recently posted…Dinner at La Grotta, MontepulcianoMy Profile

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  10. Pen

    Honesty is really important, I agree, but there are times when actually I know that I need to bite my tongue. With my ex, for example, I don’t say everything that I think and feel. It would be counter-productive and would damage the relationship that we are trying to maintain for our son. It is tough though. Sometimes, for your own personal sanity and mental health, you need to get things out of your head and onto a page, or to share your thoughts and feelings with others. For me, that is what blogging and close friends and family are for…whether they like it or not. thanks Pen x
    Pen recently posted…Fairy-tales are dark and frightening placesMy Profile

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  11. Babes about Town

    lol Vanilla Ice is always on point 😉 Great post and absolutely that’s one of the things I love about you, the fact that you speak your mind and share from the heart. Even when it’s come with uncomfortable or even quite difficult situations, it’s always from a good place and you’re right, most things are better worked out in the open than suffered in silence. It’s a lifelong lesson for me as I’m much more of a closed book in terms of my emotions, and tend to fester and stew (adding to my anxiety issues)… but I’m working on making sure I share more, especially when it’s something that is affecting my relationships deeply. It’s especially important that we teach our kids these tools too, so I’m very open with the boys and hope we’ll always be able to chat about absolutely anything. Appreciating and celebrating individuality is something we hold dear though, so definitely being yourself and expressing yourself is a big part of our family ethos. Great post as always x
    Babes about Town recently posted…The Wind in the Willows Musical ReviewMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Yes to all of that Uju and do reach out and share, I am always here to chat and work through stuff and I feel so grateful to have you in my life to do the same. Vanilla Ice is everything xx

      Reply
  12. Victoria - Lylia Rose

    Honesty is always the best policy! I really hate liars and will always only speak the truth. I know some people who twist what they say and I will never trust them because of it. It can be hard to sometimes share true feelings with others and be honest in this way, especially when they have upset or frustrated me about something. I’m too worried about upsetting them back and often keep these feelings to myself to avoid conflict!
    Victoria – Lylia Rose recently posted…June 2017 Blog Income Report and StatsMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      I’ve just included psychologist Karen Pine’s advice on how to do this. It can be so hard to broach others when they’ve caused pain but I love her tips in expressing yourself without hopefully hurting the other person x

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