Dear Papa G,
You are a brilliant Grandad and ‘Manny’ (Male Nanny), entertaining Oliver like no other- but there a few things you seem to forget when looking after him. Nothing big, just I thought this list might help you out (once you’ve learnt how to use the internet and everything).
1. When Oliver goes to the toilet (who we kidding), when he s**** himself, that stuff in his nappy, yes that-it needs to go in a scented nappy bag before it hits the bin rather than piling up, cause it ‘like’ stinks. Thanks.
2. Salsa and Greek dancing in the morning is very fun granted, but it’s also quite LOUD and the neighbours don’t speak to us anymore. I blame that on you. Now who will I get Nescafe Gold Blend from?
3. Embarrassing me at the doctors/A and E etc is now commonplace but please try and reign it in a little bit more. Remember the time you asked the pediatricians at A & E whether you’d caught Chicken Pox/Shingles from Oliver and if so, would it affect your reproductive organs? Yes that time? Ahhh the memories.
4. Yes, yes, yes and yes, Oliver’s clothes/nappies/food bowls/toothbrush etc are in exactly the same place they always are. “But I can’t find them” he cries…
5. I know you love my little man, we all do but he can’t get what he wants all of the time. He will not be a spoilt little boy. Oh no. That means no chocolate biscuits before breakfast OK?
6. When you put him to sleep on the odd evenings you have him, he needs to learn to sleep on his own. No lying on the floor next to him. I know Greek children sleep with their parents until they’re at least 17 but being half Greek, we’re trying to get him out of our beds, till I don’t know, he’s starts high school at least…
7. Ok you do have lots of good points too so keep doing what you are doing below. I love the fact you’ve taught Oliver to throw his arms up in the air and shout “Arsenal” even though he has no idea what that means or who they are. I know you’ll be taking him to the Emirates stadium in no time though to educate him. Don’t forget the cotton wool in his ears please.
8. You make him howl with laughter at your crazy dance moves, animal impressions and daily marches. It’s very funny that you, and he obediently following behind, do marching parades around the garden before saluting Grandma.
9. You speak Greek to him. As you brought my brother and I up bilingual, (forcing us to attend Greek school on a Saturday, which we secretly loved despite our protests), I really value that you and my Mama are teaching him Greek. He now understands English and Greek and can even say quite a few words in Greek. All the important ones of course, ‘milk’, ‘poo’, ‘cat’. What more will he need in life? Thank you.
10. The unconditional love you show little O is amazing. He is your little Golden child. I know you and pretty much all the men in both the husband and my families, were hoping I would have a boy and now you all have your heir. Do I get some kind of medal for that? A Miu Miu bag or a diamond bracelet perhaps? No not more food thanks….