baby feet

Those who follow this blog, might know that the last 12 months have not been the easiest for my family and I. A close relative of mine has been quite ill, and is still unwell which has been incredibly tough on us all. Seeing someone you love, struggle, is the worst thing in the world. That helplessness you feel when all you want to do is take away their pain is simply heartbreaking. I’m hopeful things will improve and that normality will resume soon.

The only silver lining to horrid time has been the chance to self-reflect. To re-evaluate. To gain context, and a greater understanding on what, and who matters. It has made me consider my life choices in more depth and reflect on the things I might want to change.

I felt that way when I had my first son, Oliver, now 7.

I suffered a traumatic birth and it was then, during my maternity leave and that break from an unforgiving schedule as a TV Director and Filmmaker that I realised I wanted something different, something more. That,whilst I still needed to be a creative, I craved change, greater freedom, and importantly more control over my life. That having a baby, this person that was bigger than all of us, meant I needed to pursue what made me truly happy. It took me feeling rock bottom to realise what I wanted. It opened my eyes to what I needed to focus on. I’ve read about people facing death-in those moments they promise to do things differently, to change their lives. Sometimes, that darkness shows you the light.

This blog was born when Oliver turned 10 months and became my full time job by the time Alexander came along two years later. It was an unexpected, accidental career I feel so grateful for. It’s continued to evolve as I have, and keeps growing alongside my children, like the third sibling, it is.

I can’t live without my blog, despite how dramatic that might sound. It’s my therapy, my online diary, my job, and frankly my life. Don’t be defined by your job they say but I am because my job is me.

This blog is there for me when I scribble posts in notebooks by my bed at 3 am, some which remain for my eyes only, to simply help me process life, others which might be read by thousands, even millions as mad as it sounds to write that.

As a blogger, I share my world with others, my point of view, mine and my family’s lives which whilst mostly glorious and fulfilling, can make me feel incredibly vulnerable at times, too.  It opens me up to judgement and criticism, to being misunderstood and trolls. However, the good: the solitude and refuge it offers me along with the pleasure of the written word and being behind as well as in front of the camera makes up for any malice, tenfold.

I received an email just last night, from a gifted artist Melita of Atilem Designs saying I’d helped inspire her to follow their creative pursuits, to take action on her work.  To progress in her career and believe more in herself. Nothing feels more rewarding than that.

This leads me to my own goals and pursuits, my personal dreams and hopes.

The sadness of this last year has made me realise I want another baby, to make memories and add to the sweet Broadbent brood.

I don’t mean tomorrow, and who knows if we’re lucky enough to even have another baby but my husband Peter and I have been chatting more seriously about it recently, and it’s given me some hope, some happiness to think of, when the time is right.

It’s funny to right about the ‘right time’ because I’m not sure it exists or if there’s ever a ‘right time’, but it’s something I want to think about in the future, maybe soon, maybe in a few years.

Doing some research on going from 2-3 kids, the words of one of my closest mates Caroline that, ‘You never regret having a baby’ makes me certain it’s something I hope will happen down the line.

I’m scared, of course I am, I had one crash c-section and another elective, the latter being a positive experience thankfully, and whilst Xander is still very much my baby at 4 (!) #mummy’sboy, Oliver, 7, is my best friend,  I know from experience that my love will only multiply, not divide, if we decide to have another child.

Yes my life is busy, boy is it busy, and so full, but there’s always room for more love, right?

Who know what the future holds, no one knows, but it’s good to feel open to possibility and to write it here, in the same way we’re planning to live in different parts of the UK and hopefully LA, one day.

I think if there’s one thing this blog has taught me, it’s to reach out of your comfort zone, embrace the unknown, and importantly and very simply, to trust the timing of your life.

I’d love to hear from you all, from those who’ve added to their brood, or started a blog, or simply anyone who has read this post but doesn’t usually comment because I love to hear from you all.

It literally makes my day.

Thanks.

 

 

 

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80 Responses

  1. Moonsparkle (ZM)

    Hi Vicki, I’ve been blogging for a few years now and blogging has helped me to express myself more and become more confident. I’m inspired when others share their stories. I came across your blog earlier this year and find it inspiring. Thanks for sharing your story. 🙂

    I don’t have kids but if I do in the future, blogging seems like something that would fit in well with motherhood because it can be done from home and is flexible.
    Moonsparkle (ZM) recently posted…Gratitude ListMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks for your kind words, blogging is the most amazing career to have around a family as you are in control of your time and are your own boss x

      Reply
  2. Nat

    So sorry to hear you’ve had a tough year. It’s good that it’s lead to such meaningful reflection though. Exciting that you might have another baby! I’m a mum of 3, and to be honest I have found it a challenge as they all seem to need me at the same time and it can be incredibly chaotic! But of course I don’t regret it one bit. Trying to find time to be one to one with each child (especially the older ones) is the biggest challenge and we are working on ways to improve this. It is getting easier and better as the youngest gets older, I think!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks Nat for your honesty, what’s the age gap? I’m thinking it might be a good time to consider when Alexander starts school in September potentially x

      Reply
  3. Newcastle Family Life

    I have 3 children and in all honesty going from 2 to 3 children was not much of a change, going from 1 to 2 was the hardest. I totally agree with your friend that you never regret the children you have only the ones that you don’t. Fingers crossed that your dreams come true X
    Newcastle Family Life recently posted…Thing’s I Have Loved In March 2017My Profile

    Reply
  4. Mrs Mummy Harris

    we’re currently at the stage of discussing whether a second is on the cards. we always agreed two but with my PND and a traumatic birth and NICU stint im not sure if i could do it again. its a case of weighing up whether id regret not doing it in the future or doing it and then feeling guilty for ruining a unit that for now we both agree is working.
    its such a tough choice but hopefully through blogging and discussions my mind might become a bit clearer!
    Thanks for sharing such a personal topic lovely! #brilliantblogposts
    Mrs Mummy Harris recently posted…Triumphant Tales #5My Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw so sorry you suffered a traumatic birth too, did you read my post at all? My therapist was amazing and really helped me feel strong enough to have another xx

      Reply
  5. Amy Leonard

    Gorgeous post.
    Also, for people like me, new to both blogging and motherhood, that its really inspiring to hear from someone like yourself who is obviously such a success at both!! x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh thanks so much Amy, I’m just trying my best with both areas. Really hope we have a third baby as know it will bring so much joy into our lives. Thanks so much for taking time to comment x

      Reply
  6. Melita

    Bless you Vicki for mentioning me within your heartfelt post x I think this ancient proverb sums up our wonderful connection.

    “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” proverb

    Reply
  7. Tooting Mama

    I couldn’t have kids, but we have adopted our two children. We sometimes um and ah about adopting a third, but to be honest I can’t face the adoption process again. Though things are running smoothly now, when our kids arrived it was far from smooth. We have, however, adopted a dog which seems to have rounded our family off very nicely! He’s as crazy as the kids , he fits in nicely with our crazy gang! But I sometimes wonder what could be if…. Whatever you choose, it will be the right decision for you. Big love and hugs TMx
    Tooting Mama recently posted…10 things you should know what living in France has taught me about foodMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thank you my darling, this is so wonderful, I’ve loved reading about your kids and haven’t ruled adoption out either, I always thought we’d have four kids so maybe down the line. I know there needs to be a two year ago gap and I’d need to take a year off I believe with adoption when we looked into. Who knows what the future holds. We’d love a dog too one day xx

      Reply
  8. mainy

    An exciting time ahead whatever the future holds and good luck with whatever that path has lined up for you. No more little ones for me (which is a shame) even though mine are still fairly young and I think maybe that’s one of the reasons why my blog is so important and developing all the time. Next year we will also add to our brood with a dog so I have to continually grow my unit! Also my full time ‘paid’ job keeps me crazy busy. Goodness knows where it will all end:)
    Mainy
    #brillblogposts
    mainy recently posted…Honeycomb Bird Decorations GiveawayMy Profile

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh that’s exciting, we would a dog one day too! I’m busy here with a full time job too so if I expand the brood will be leaning on family and might need an au pair or nanny xx

      Reply
  9. Michelle

    Hi Vicki
    Having had a really crap time over the last few months what with the ill health of a family member, my own dodgy health and a seriously toxic person throwing oil onto troubled waters – this post resonated with me.
    Despite the fact that I was stuck on a boat for five weeks with rubbish WIFI and poor phone signal, it was the thought of keeping my blog going that, well kept me going really. I have no idea what I would do if I couldn’t blog. It’s an outlet for my creativity, a way of making sense of this sometimes confusing world and sharing my trials and tribulations with the world. Well, with my readers at least 🙂
    Wishing you the best with your decision. My advice, for what it’s worth – you never regret the things you do, only the things you don’t do in life.
    Michelle xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Michelle, I am so sorry to read this, I hope the toxic person is gone from your life and that your relative’s health improves. Thinking of you. We are so lucky to have our blogs, they really are the best therapy and help so many as we share our own circumstances and thoughts xx

      Reply
  10. Jeremy-Thirstydaddy

    Good for you. There have been times when I wonder if we were too hasty in our decision to be done. If your heart is telling you its time, thats the voice to follow #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
  11. Laurie Girl & Tonic

    A wonderful post, who knows what the future holds? Hope things pick up for you xx #brillblogposts
    Laurie Girl & Tonic recently posted…My (Not) Drinking Diary, Lizzy EdwardsMy Profile

    Reply
  12. Meg

    This is a lovely post. It’s never easy to decide to have another child, and circumstances will never be exactly how you want them to be. I feel confident from reading your blog that you can handle whatever comes your way – including three kids and blogging life! 🙂 good luck with whatever you decide x
    Meg recently posted…Pursuing PeaceMy Profile

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  13. Catherine

    So much of this resonates with me. I’ve been having a terrible year too – for much the same reasons. 🙁 Fingers crossed things start looking up for the both of us. xx

    Reply
  14. Super Busy Mum

    What a really lovely, honest post Vicky. I’m sorry this year has been tough but the prospect of having another baby to add to your brood, is super exciting. x
    Super Busy Mum recently posted…Me & Mine project | March 2017My Profile

    Reply
  15. Hope

    What a lovely honest post. I don’t think there is every a right time for a new baby, it’s so amazing to be able to bring another life into this world and to bring in some more love. I also had a traumatic birth and after various up’s and down’s in life starting my blog last year really helped me stay sane! I’m sorry to hear about your relative – that is tough, I hope they improve and you and your family have a wonderful year whatever it may bring!:) #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Sorry you have suffered too, are you feeling better now? Reaching out to my GP and having therapy, as well as starting this blog, helped me hugely xx

      Reply
  16. Liz Petrone

    This is so huge! I’m jelly, truth be told, we just decided recently that we are very likely done and I’m still grieving the idea of no more babies. Blessings to you and your family as you make this big decision! XOXO

    Reply
  17. Lisa Pomerantz

    Wow! What a mitzvah to realize that is what you both want! Mazel Tov! I wish you all of the best for an easier time with both your friend and your new journey. #honestmum

    Reply
  18. Rebecca

    Awww this is so exciting and definitely a hope for the future (to be honest your looks quite bright anyway…) I am really happy to be trying for baby number two after our honeymoon in June! I would love more than that but I will definitely have to convince my husband first! <3
    Rebecca recently posted…Happy Mama makes for a happy homeMy Profile

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  19. five little doves

    Oh gosh this is SO exciting! Obviously as a Mummy of five I am all for adding to your brood, there is nothing nicer than having a whole gang of children to drive you crazy and destroy your home! Seriously though, it’s hard work, but it’s everything you would imagine it to be. I love seeing them together, the different bonds they share, the way that they interact and play, it’s just amazing to witness. And for me, to have the chance to do it all over again ten years after I had my first, with our fifth, that was pretty special too. I would have ten more babies if time and money had allowed it, but I think for you, you’ll know when you’ve had your last. And clearly you haven’t! Eeeek! #Brilliantblogposts
    five little doves recently posted…10 places to visit in LancashireMy Profile

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  20. Lucy At Home

    Aaaw I think dreaming of the future is a great motivator, and then putting plans in place to make that dream a reality is exciting. It sounds like there are lots of changes on the horizon for you and your family and that things are starting to look up. I hope that your relative continues to improve and that this new chapter can be a fabulous one for you all! #brillblogposts
    Lucy At Home recently posted…Five Incredibly Useful Linky Tips For BloggersMy Profile

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  21. Eb Gargano / easypeasyfoodie.com

    Aw, what a lovely post. I’m so sorry you’ve been through some tough times, lately. It’s funny how it’s so often in the tough times that we get clarity over what’s really important in life. Eb x
    Eb Gargano / easypeasyfoodie.com recently posted…Mini Egg Rocky RoadMy Profile

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  22. Susie / So Happy In Town

    I completely understand your want for a third child and also how scary it is to embark on that journey, but one that if it happens, you will never look back. I knew my family just wasn’t quite complete for me with the two girls, and we were blessed to then have our wee man. And as hard as it has been at time trying to juggle it all, my love just grew and enveloped them all. Having just started my blog in 2 months ago, it’s become like my 4th baby (!) and I’m beginning to understand how it becomes such a part of you and You’ve obviously worked so hard on yours and made it a huge success, inspiring so many, like me! Good luck with it all Vicki – exciting times ahead whatever happens and I really hope your family member is on the mend. Sounds like a very tough time for you all #brillblogposts
    Susie / So Happy In Town recently posted…Telling Signs That I’m Officially All Grown up…And Middle AgedMy Profile

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  23. a positive parent

    I love how honest you are, I know that seems an obvious message considering the title of your blog but I am a new reader these last couple of months and you have a beautifully honest approach which I am enjoying!
    a positive parent recently posted…Growth Mindset: How Parents Can Set Their Kids Up For SuccessMy Profile

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  24. Alexandra

    I completely understand this beautiful lady. Aww another beautiful Broadbent babe. I hope and pray you will be so fortunate. You have been INCREDIBLE this last year. I am so proud of all you’ve achieved and how you’ve stayed so grounded and consistent through the pain. I am excited for everything the world holds for you and your gorgeous clan. Thinking and praying for you always xxx

    Reply
  25. Sam

    I have 3 children. One aged 14, one 10 and one soon to be 6! I work F/T but juggle the hours to fit around school runs etc pick up then back to work when hubby comes in. It’s certainly a busy household and full of after school clubs, parties and mood swings at their various ages but having gone from someone who said I didn’t want any kids to having 3, I wouldn’t change it.

    Reply
  26. Michelle

    I had my third child six months ago. Although we knew we wanted more than two kids, the third came as a surprise. We didn’t expect it to be so soon. Adding one more to the mix (children, blogging, business from home) is a little crazy but completely doable. All the best, Vicky. I love reading about you and your family 🙂
    Michelle recently posted…Singapore for Kids: Esplanade – Theatres on the BayMy Profile

    Reply
  27. Monica Gilbert

    We’re at the point of needing to decide if we try for a second child or just stick with one. No real catalyst beyond my age (will be 39 in a few months). If we are going to do it, it will need to be sooner rather than later. It’s such a personal decision, and it’s difficult because there is no one right answer.

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So true Monica, I think you’ll know if it’s right so go with how you feel. I have friends who had babies in their mid and even late 40s too but I understand wanting to have a baby sooner rather than later. I’m 36 and age is on my mind x

      Reply
  28. Kiri

    We would love to add a third child to our brood – and I’m hoping that if/when that happens it will also allow me to take some time out of the “day job” and pursue a change in career. Its quite daunting imagining going from 2 to 3 children though – I’m mainly worried about needing a bigger car to fit 3 car seats and having to park it on the school run! Luckily we are just about to move to a bigger house though, partly in preparation for a potential third addition. #brillblogposts

    Reply
  29. Jody at Six Little Hearts

    Oooh exciting! As a mum of six, I always say another family member is a wonderful thing! With such a big gap between your kids, your life would take some major turns but the joy of seeing older children love their younger one is a gift that keeps giving. There are 4.5 years between number 5 and 6 and I adore seeing her siblings love and care for her! All the best. X
    Jody at Six Little Hearts recently posted…Bellabox and Bellababy Review – A March Unboxing and Special Reader Discount Offer…My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Aw that’s lovely, my youngest is 4 and I was told today the ideal gap according to Chinese Medicine is 5 years. We’ll see what happens x

      Reply
  30. michelle

    Wow this is so exciting. Me and my husband have been taking about a third child and are pretty made up it will happen, when the time is right. You will never regret a child, but you may regret not having one. You’re a wonderful mother and I’m sure your boys would love to help look after a younger sibling. I’m excited about the possibilities for you x

    Reply
  31. Emma T

    You’re right about things never being the right time, and that with babies it always ends up being that right time after all. Hope you’re able to make some clear decisions
    Emma T recently posted…Kite flying and nest building – kite giveawayMy Profile

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  32. Rebecca Smith

    A lovely, emotional and honest post. It never ceases to amazing me how many bloggers out there started their blogs at a profound turning point in their lives,y story was a type 1 diabetic daughter with coeliac disease, followed by her younger brother being diagnosed with autism and being constantly excluded from school. It all built up over years if I’m honest but in 2015 I snapped and my mental wellbeing hit rock bottom, I could plate spin no longer. Two years on I have my blog which originally began its life as a virtual diary to help me make sense of the chaos and lack of control I felt, now it a huge cuddle with well wishers and fans of our little dramas and free from recipes. I believe blogging has kept me sane and opened my eyes to a world beyond media hype and photoshopped reality, its made me feel ‘normal’ in the best possible way, and given me a sense of belonging in a world I sometimes felt very alone in, the pen really is mightier than the sword. xxx
    Rebecca Smith recently posted…Lotties Bakery Ginger Biscuit Mixes: A ReviewMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      I’m so sorry for what you’ve all been through and I agree that blogs are the most wonderful form of therapy and support, lots of love x

      Reply
  33. Katie

    Oh wow, a new baby on the horizon! How very exciting for you!
    We had a little boy following 6 years of trying and fertility treatment and feel very blessed. We would, however, like more and recently had 2 failed rounds of treatment but I’ve been quite unwell so we are putting things to the side for now.
    I really hope your relative’s health improves. I know to well that these things are sad and exhausting but like you say they somehow make you think about what is important and what you want from life.
    I’ve recently got very fed up with blogging and was close to giving up but reading this has made me think about what I want. I do want to blog and I do want more children!
    Let’s see what the future holds for us both! xx
    Katie recently posted…Book of the week!My Profile

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  34. jodie filogomo

    Your reasons for wanting another child are so pure and happy, Vicki. What a wonderful way to look at life! Besides, life is way too short—enjoy it and bring some more love to the world!
    jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    ps..I love your new profile photo!
    jodie filogomo recently posted…Reasons I Like Attending a FuneralMy Profile

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  35. Lisa

    I only have one child (a four year old boy who is the sun in my universe) and I would have loved to have had more children, but age prevented that! I agree that love only multiplies, so if you do have another one, it will open up a whole new world of love for you. What’s meant for you doesn’t pass you, so if it is meant to happen it will. In hindsight, what I love about having only one is that it is easier to up sticks and move (a la Brexit) if necessary. xx
    Lisa recently posted…Pink and Pucci for SpringMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Oh Lisa what a wonderful comment, my sons are my suns too and I adore your words, ‘What’s meant for you doesn’t pass’, so beautiful and powerful, thank you so much xx

      Reply
  36. Pen

    Good luck Vicki. You are a brilliant mum and a brilliant family. This is really exciting and `i hope all goes well. I know you’ll keep us updated. 😉 Pen x
    Pen recently posted…What does co-parenting success look like?My Profile

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  37. Sarah - Arthurwears

    This is going to sound totally weird, I know – but ever since you posted about your fingers being swollen months ago (and I then went on to have a random dream that you were pregnant and this was why) I have literally been waiting for a post like this on the possibility of you having another….No idea why….just assumed I’ve maybe been a bit ‘baby obsessed’ since I’ve been pregnant with number two. Good luck to you whatever you decide x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Hahah you had a premonition Sarah. They did make me do a pregnancy test in the hospital but said it was water retention due to hormones. Ooh really am broody so who knows. I will let you know if it happens and thank you for your sweet words xx

      Reply
  38. Susanna

    I had 2 beautiful daughters and was then told ( after a few years of poor health) that I was unable to have any more children. I had always wanted 3 children ( I guess I love odd numbers ) and been told at 28 years old that my fertile stage was over was a little shocking. However I counted my blessings and felt unbelievably grateful to have 2 amazing healthy daughters. And then a year later …. I started with that all too familiar morning sickness and tiredness. My doctor told me I had a virus but there was a little part of me that knew better. And yes I found out I was pregnant ! My little miracle. I spent most of the pregnancy in hospital but eventually she arrived safe and sound. My little family was complete. I had 3 daughters. I always knew deep down I would have 3 daughters. It was just something I intensely felt. Going from 2 to 3 children was the most amazing experience ever. My eldest was 7 and my middle daughter was 4 and they were so helpful and were totally engrossed in their younger sister. And even now they are all so close. As for my miracle baby ….. she is now 23 years old, engaged and due to fly the nest. Follow your heart Vicki and believe that things usually turn out well in the end. Lots of love xxx
    Susanna recently posted…My Favourite Beauty Products for MarchMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Aw Susanna that’s just beautiful and your older children were the same age as mine, now. I really do hope it happens as know it would be lovely for my family, lots of love to you xx

      Reply
  39. LUCY HIRD

    Eeeek too exciting! You’re so right, no-one knows what the future holds – but opening yourself up to possibilities can give something positive to think about on darker days. PLUS matching bumps? Oi oi! x
    LUCY HIRD recently posted…Weight Gain DenialMy Profile

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  40. Amancay

    There are things that happen and are way beyond our control, you know you have done everything you can to help so focus on that little family of yours and happy times are just round the corner as this phase shall pass and you deserve peace and happiness xx
    Amancay recently posted…Video: Pregnancy Trimester by TrimesterMy Profile

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  41. Joana Mateus

    Another great post which totally resonates! Having also had a traumatic birth and a pretty shit year I have found cathartic release in my new blog. I love it and would like to take it further to perhaps one day make that my professional focus but hardly have time to post. However I am trying to not get too disillusioned about it and take it for what it is now, a step forward, a therapeutic tool and an enjoyable walk rather than a desperate race. As my baby grows _ he’s 3 now _ I have also entertained thoughts of another even though I almost immediately shut it down because of a number of reasons, chiefly no support whatsoever _ it’s just me and dad _ the fact I am over 40, the crash c-section, the outrageous cost of childcare, the fact that my son still doesn’t sleep, the fact that me and his dad are only now seeing each other again for who we are after 3 challenging years in the relationship department, and the fact that I would simply not be able to afford to be on maternity leave for more than 3 months. However I am a firm believer in listening to your heart, as cheesy as that sounds, and am with you with you on the “right time”. There is never a “right time” and if the thought of having another baby is getting quite prevalent in your mind then it’s clearly time to stop and listen. So far in my case that inner voice is still a hum but if and when it gets too shouty I’m gonna have to invite it in for a cup of tea and mull my options 🙂 Big love to you and here’s to baby Broadbent number 3 which is totally happening 😀 xx
    Joana Mateus recently posted…A Rather Wonderful Mother’s DayMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much Joana and so sorry things haven’t been easy for you. I’m here for you if you want to chat about anything, always OK. I think you’ll know if it’s the right things to explore, you are an amazing lady and deserve every happiness xx

      Reply
      • Joana Mateus

        Thanks, that’s too sweet! You too deserve a proper break from all the difficult times you have been experiencing! All that’s good will come to you xxx
        Joana Mateus recently posted…A Rather Wonderful Mother’s DayMy Profile

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