Those who follow this blog, might know that the last 12 months have not been the easiest for my family and I. A close relative of mine has been quite ill, and is still unwell which has been incredibly tough on us all. Seeing someone you love, struggle, is the worst thing in the world. That helplessness you feel when all you want to do is take away their pain is simply heartbreaking. I’m hopeful things will improve and that normality will resume soon.
The only silver lining to horrid time has been the chance to self-reflect. To re-evaluate. To gain context, and a greater understanding on what, and who matters. It has made me consider my life choices in more depth and reflect on the things I might want to change.
I felt that way when I had my first son, Oliver, now 7.
I suffered a traumatic birth and it was then, during my maternity leave and that break from an unforgiving schedule as a TV Director and Filmmaker that I realised I wanted something different, something more. That,whilst I still needed to be a creative, I craved change, greater freedom, and importantly more control over my life. That having a baby, this person that was bigger than all of us, meant I needed to pursue what made me truly happy. It took me feeling rock bottom to realise what I wanted. It opened my eyes to what I needed to focus on. I’ve read about people facing death-in those moments they promise to do things differently, to change their lives. Sometimes, that darkness shows you the light.
This blog was born when Oliver turned 10 months and became my full time job by the time Alexander came along two years later. It was an unexpected, accidental career I feel so grateful for. It’s continued to evolve as I have, and keeps growing alongside my children, like the third sibling, it is.
I can’t live without my blog, despite how dramatic that might sound. It’s my therapy, my online diary, my job, and frankly my life. Don’t be defined by your job they say but I am because my job is me.
This blog is there for me when I scribble posts in notebooks by my bed at 3 am, some which remain for my eyes only, to simply help me process life, others which might be read by thousands, even millions as mad as it sounds to write that.
As a blogger, I share my world with others, my point of view, mine and my family’s lives which whilst mostly glorious and fulfilling, can make me feel incredibly vulnerable at times, too. It opens me up to judgement and criticism, to being misunderstood and trolls. However, the good: the solitude and refuge it offers me along with the pleasure of the written word and being behind as well as in front of the camera makes up for any malice, tenfold.
I received an email just last night, from a gifted artist Melita of Atilem Designs saying I’d helped inspire her to follow their creative pursuits, to take action on her work. To progress in her career and believe more in herself. Nothing feels more rewarding than that.
This leads me to my own goals and pursuits, my personal dreams and hopes.
The sadness of this last year has made me realise I want another baby, to make memories and add to the sweet Broadbent brood.
I don’t mean tomorrow, and who knows if we’re lucky enough to even have another baby but my husband Peter and I have been chatting more seriously about it recently, and it’s given me some hope, some happiness to think of, when the time is right.
It’s funny to right about the ‘right time’ because I’m not sure it exists or if there’s ever a ‘right time’, but it’s something I want to think about in the future, maybe soon, maybe in a few years.
Doing some research on going from 2-3 kids, the words of one of my closest mates Caroline that, ‘You never regret having a baby’ makes me certain it’s something I hope will happen down the line.
I’m scared, of course I am, I had one crash c-section and another elective, the latter being a positive experience thankfully, and whilst Xander is still very much my baby at 4 (!) #mummy’sboy, Oliver, 7, is my best friend, I know from experience that my love will only multiply, not divide, if we decide to have another child.
Yes my life is busy, boy is it busy, and so full, but there’s always room for more love, right?
Who know what the future holds, no one knows, but it’s good to feel open to possibility and to write it here, in the same way we’re planning to live in different parts of the UK and hopefully LA, one day.
I think if there’s one thing this blog has taught me, it’s to reach out of your comfort zone, embrace the unknown, and importantly and very simply, to trust the timing of your life.
I’d love to hear from you all, from those who’ve added to their brood, or started a blog, or simply anyone who has read this post but doesn’t usually comment because I love to hear from you all.
It literally makes my day.