Vicki Psarias2952

Look, it’s straight up natural to want to be liked. We all do.

It’s pretty much programmed into us from kids that we must follow, without question, certain protocol and sure-fire ways to be accepted (age and culturally-dependant no doubt)- and I understand the need for a great many RULES to some extent, mostly so parents and teachers can retain some kind of control-

Yet everything for the most part, tends to be pinned to the premise that likeability and success comes from conformity.

There’s an emphasis on following the crowd, appearing ‘cool’ and not standing out too much- meaning variants on personality (that’s everyone then)- quirks and individuality are not truly celebrated or encouraged.

It’s refreshing to see things are, and have changed, in education when it comes to our own kids in comparison to my own childhood, but that desire to fit a perceived mould is still a worry for many, children or not.

…Now, aged 35, I simply won’t accept that formulaic conformity or definition of what cool is. I’m my own cool!!!

Not embracing who you are FULLY, is undoubtedly, in my opinion, totally and utterly limiting and doesn’t fit with my own personality nor way of life, and honestly, never did.

No longer 11 years old, I don’t need permission from anyone, to be myself.

I’m me, happy in my life as a mum/ blogger/filmmaker/hustler and I certainly don’t feel the need to explain or justify my choices or the way I roll.

And neither should you.

I’m an artist, baby, positive and open but if I’m not making, writing, painting, shooting or creating in some way, I get pent-up and frustrated.

I know who I am.

And thank goodness for long runs hey!

…Let’s face it, the need for acceptance and the pursuit for popularity is rife, ever more so with social media- and it can become consuming at best (how many followers do I have on twitter today?) and destructive at worst (no one commented on my instagram picture, everyone MUST hate me). See?!

It’s just not healthy.

Yet it’s the world we all live in, blogger or not.

We share to be liked, seeking instant gratification from online approval and find ourselves addicted to being acknowledged and praised.

Most of the time, though, and I blog full time, I HONESTLY don’t value myself or base my self-worth on digital numbers or others’ opinions of me, online on in IRL.

Not in an all-consuming, ‘you will make me hate myself if you don’t like me’ kind of way.

Hell no.

And I’m telling you this because I want you to feel the same because it’s TOTALLY LIBERATING!

If you’re struggling on, or offline, battling to feel accepted by others, banking on people to make you feel good rather than seeking that from within, then it’s time to work on that shiznit and stop that controlling pattern in its tracks. Immediately.

Sadly, I’ve received a lot of emails lately from lots of you whom appear to be consumed with what others think.

It’s making you beat yourselves up or even stop blogging/taking part in social media and hanging out with people in 3D.

I’ve received private messages from mostly bloggers, or those who work (and play) online, stating comments on their blogs along with passive aggressive behaviour, cliquishness and the like, has been eating them up and breaking them down.

I want to help free them, and you, if this is affecting you too, from hinging your confidence on anyone else.

You need to know that seeking others’ approval will never make you happy.

don't let others define you

 

As cheeseball as it sounds (yep it’s the 90’s again and I’m bringing back ‘cheeseball’-we really must strive towards feeling content in our own skin, knowing and liking ourselves and fine-tuning our own judgement.

Without the latter, others’ views will always dominate our own.

They will contribute to making us feel out of whack, confused and directionless.

Without that self-imposed clear judgement, we’ll begin to question things which are not real, we’ll relentlessly second-guess ourselves, and will end up feeling drained and unhappy.

Here’s an example-

For what seems like no reason at all, someone appears to have a problem with you, they try and tear you down and humiliate you on, or offline. (Yep, sadly I write from experience).

You worry or convince yourself, it’s you.

And don’t get me wrong, sometimes it WILL be you.

We all make mistakes.

You just have to get to a position where you can make a fair judgement call and decipher whether you’re at fault or not.

Did you do something wrong?

If so, fix it, apologise, be honest, admit weakness (it’s OK, let it out girl) and PROPERLY work towards not being a douche again.

If not, and the other person/people’s behaviour appears unreasonable or unjust, accept that the issue is theirs.

For whatever reason too.

I was once told I looked like a ‘mean girl’ from a uni friend’s school days so she’d written me off on day one, only to find I was nothing like her-yay!

you are most powerful when you do not seek approval

…And the other thing, once you stop worrying about needing others’ approval, people will naturally gravitate towards you.

Because you appear to be and ARE strong.

You’re not needy, far from it, you’re at your most powerful. That applies even if at the start, you’re feigning that self confidence and strength- which believe me, with practice, becomes REAL.

Try it.

The more you show yourself, and the world you’re A-OK with your imperfect but bad-ass self and your choices-people will want a piece of that, and you.

A bit like the ‘hard to get’ boyfriend whom, once you stopped being so into him and needy, wanted to put a ring on it. Or in my case, I’d moved on by that point and met the someone else worthy of my heart who I’d fallen for. Bye bye now!

You basically need to get to a space where you’re a little bit in love with yourself.

Humble with a hint of Kanye!

Humble with a hint of Kanye

 

See, hand on heart, I know if I met me, I’d want to be my friend. For reals.

It feels pretty good if rather un-British, to type that out people.

I’d totes hang out with myself.

Not in PMT week of course, oh no, definitely not then. I’d stay well clear during the crazy ‘hormonies’ time.

See, I know myself.

So in the words of Pharell, simply get to ‘know who you are’ too.

But how to reach that level of self-acceptance and feeling content (outside of PMT week);) I hear you cry?!

Remind yourself of your fabulosity until you believe in it basically.

Your good points. Not forgetting the bad stuff too, the things you might be hiding from, your fears, downfalls, the behaviour you want and need to improve and work on.

Speak to those you trust and admire for truthful feedback.

Deep seated issues, speak to a professional. There’s no shame in reaching out.

A councillor helped me hugely after a traumatic birth with my first son and helped me rediscover and build myself back together.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, be honest with yourself and others. REALLY HONEST. Yes I’m shouting.

My chilled out and ever wise husband, Peter and I were discussing how to tackle disagreements before Christmas.

His overriding advice is to always be honest and clear about your feelings when trying to resolve issues.

Men find it far easier it seems, to do that (OK I’m only going on the men I know) but why do we women often struggle to be frank about our feelings with one another? I know I do.

I often worry if I do just that, say how I feel, I’ll hurt others’ feelings, so I fail at being entirely honest finding it easier to distance myself and ignore the issues at hand.

I have however, put Peter’s advice into practice more, and now wherever possible, kindly explain why I feel a certain way, try and discuss the situation, and resolve conflict- and Peter was right, life has gotten easier.

be honest

Of course, there’ll always be relationships and friendships that just aren’t worth the fight, that feel too negative and destructive, that might have died a death long ago, as relationships sometimes do, or just no longer make any sense. Then? Then it’s time to walk away.

For the most part, though, speaking up, opening that dialogue and being earnest, creates respect and understanding and can help you all move forward.

And here’s another thing, the more truthful you are to others, the more you’ll value and like yourself.

Don’t be scared to be you.

To tell others how, what and why you feel the way you do.

Communication, however hard, can help mend most problems and create clarity and peace.

be you

I know how tough it can be accepting who you are.

I get it, I’ve been there.

I understand that craving for acknowledgement and endorsement that you’re one kick-ass human being, yet I feel in a space where I know myself, I’m genuine (I can’t do or bear fakery), I accept not everyone will understand who I am, as I won’t, them, heck, some might totally and absolutely misunderstand me, or assume a lot about me that just isn’t based on truth- but there will always be people who ‘get me’ too.

Those who dislike others, particularly without any ground to, most often see characteristics they wish they had in themselves, in you, or tellingly, things they hate about themselves in you, that wind them up.

They hate you because you act as a metaphorical mirror reflecting back at them.

So it’s true what they say-other’s views are ultimately more about themselves, than they are about you.

I love these wise words from my pal, TV Psychologist Emma Kenny and founder of wellbeing site SWITCH who emphasises the importance of being proud of yourself-

‘The truly amazing thing about human beings is how unique each and every one of us is, yet for some reason so many of us feel the need to follow others and to fit in. If you want to feel confident, full of self worth and fabulous, you have to be proud of who you are and un-apologetically so. Don’t look at others to give you approval and self worth, look at your own intrinsic gifts and consider your own dreams and then kiss goodbye to all those self limiting beliefs and fears’.

be proud of who you are

 

Surround yourself with positivity and those who make you happy-

I know I gravitate towards open, smart, kind, creative, outgoing (for the most part), high energy, self-assured, strong and sisterly women (and brotherly men).

Those similar to the blueprints of my closest family, and oldest friends.

This also makes sense culturally (I’m a British Cypriot whom are traditionally family-orientated and larger than life in many respects)- but I have many friends, and indeed a husband who defies some and many, of those characteristics outlined above.

Opposites attract too don’t forget?!

Nothing is black and white.

Peter has a quiet, calm personality, although he can be talkative and outgoing too, he’s on the whole, in Buddha mode. Laid back, relaxed, smart and super-strong.

I’m a high-passion, crazy worrier, ‘idea a minute’, creative, deep-thinking, energetic kind of girl- and a perfectionist (in recovery) too- so we work perfectly well together (!) I fire him up, he calms me down!

We click.

Everything boils down to energy and intuition. And when good people come together, amazing things happen…

when good people come together...amazing things happen

Now let’s rewind.

Let me tell you a bit about my background-

I never felt nor was I a particularly popular girl at high school, a free-thinking, non conformist at a strict all girls’ school meant that truthfully, I never really fitted in.

high school

 

The teachers would, I remember, relentlessly try and change my personality, crush my spirit, quieten me in every way, rather than play to, and encourage my strengths.

It was the traditional mode of education and I was by no means angelic either.

Why though? I didn’t ONCE feel appreciated.

Not from day one, where, hand on heart, I didn’t realise you couldn’t speak in assembly, chatted throughout, and was screamed at by the Assistant Head at the end of it and blacklisted from the beginning. Put on the naughty list. Never really given a real chance.

I was academic but utterly bored in most of my classes bar English and Art- so I rebelled and despite missing most of school, standing in the hallway for ‘bad behaviour’ (oh those school fees-sorry again folks), I gained glowing GCSE results, aced my A’ Levels at a Catholic Sixth Form I loved and felt happy and popular at-before heading off to uni at Goldsmiths’ University of London that was everything and more I’d hoped for in further education.

A uni which thrived at honing creatives who think out of the box (alumni include Oscar winning Steve McQueen, Hollywood director Sam Taylor-Johnson, along with Mary Quant and a great many other renowned filmmakers, artists musicians, psychologists, actors and more, the list is endless) and I fell so in love with the place, that I stayed on after my degree and gained a distinction in my MA aged just 21. Proud- but most importantly- happy, HAPPY times.

It admittedly took years to relearn a lot of the damage high school did to me. It stripped away my confidence for one, so starting the road to self-love as sickly as that sounds, trusting others, feeling valued and emotionally safe, took time- but I’m there, most of the time.

I know my boundaries- I can’t tolerate bitchiness from both men or women, something that was rife at school or any kind of bullyish behaviour, disloyalty or general pettiness.

I’m too old for that shiznit. Truly.

I believe in the power of micro politics. Being fair. Standing up for what I believe in.

I’m certainly not afraid to cut out negative people-

Good vibes only

Kids have made that easier for me, for sure.

Having babies means prioritising time and energy to those who matter and getting ruthless on those who drain, and don’t.

Like me, it’s time to believe how fabulous you are-

being fabulous

YES to that.

I write and run my business in my own style and on my own terms, I don’t worry what others will think because I’m happy with what works for me.

I don’t need to conform to some kind of ideal or definition of what a full time blogger/filmmaker or mum of two is.

This is my life, my rules, my way.

And by doing what we love, we inspire others.

doing what we love inspires others

I will always be kind but I won’t take any s**** either.

Follow your intuition

I don’t want anyone to feel like I did aged 11, desperate to be acknowledged and accepted, asked to change by others, and with the worst eyebrows Leeds has no doubt ever seen (Carpet World samples anyone?) -thank goodness for killer eyebrow game, now hey (another thing that took years to get right).

I love Emma Kenny words that ‘ learning to silence those negative voices from school and your past, is how to move forward’.

So peeps, just go do your thing, surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you, make you feel like you want to punch the air (not yourself) and keep that tribe nurtured and close. Build each other up.

Try not to judge others, but understand.

build each other up

 

Don’t waste time and emotion on people who simply don’t deserve it.

Forgive, be humble (with a bit of Kanye) and worry about your own goals.

Accept yourself.

Once you do, everything will fit into place, I promise.

——————————————————————————————————————–

Thanks to Pinterest for all the ‘Wise Words’ images. If you want to see more where they came from to feel totally kick-ass and inspired, then check out my WONDERFUL WORDS board.

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112 Responses

  1. New Mummy Blog

    What a brilliant blog post, something I needed to read today. I had a big of a disaster yesterday and have been feeling a bit rubbishy and sore as a result, on top of having a sore throat.
    I completely agree, we need to find our comfort area and our confidence, something I most certainly feel has come together only in my 30s, since I became a mummy. Now being a mummy it’s baby H who matters and I’ve squashed the insecurities I had about my work, the shyness and not shouting about my achievements or successes, I want good friends around us and all of us to be happy. Writing is so therapeutic and I can hopefully share useful writing that also helps others and is maybe a bit funny too.

    Positivity is a very powerful emotion, not thinking “if I just…” Thank you for so many inspiring words #brilliantblogposts
    New Mummy Blog recently posted…The SAHM Friday Afternoon CountdownMy Profile

    Reply
  2. Suze The Luxury Columnist

    Whilst I have my moments of worrying about what others think, I mostly try to live by the rule “Don’t Spend Time with People who Don’t Appreciate You”. Not sure where I first read that but I now only make time for those who genuinely like me
    Suze The Luxury Columnist recently posted…A Hidden Pearl on The Dock of The Bay – Les Perles de Monte-CarloMy Profile

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  3. Notmyyearoff

    I think I spent most of my teens worrying and being painfully shy. Something eventually clicked when I went to uni and it was the start of embracing myself. It took a while for my confidence to catch up and I think I’m still learning every day, but now I love who I am and avoid the negative and passive aggressive folk like the plague. There’s no need for me to surround myself with people like that. Great post xxx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Totally agree and relate in so many ways, uni was a place I really discovered you I was and started the road to becoming more confident. Thanks lovely for this fab comment xx

      Reply
  4. Amy Treasure

    Completely brilliant and this is the type of advice I needed today as something has been playing on my mind all day. I also think that young women (and men!) should be encouraged to take this on board. I just showed my daughter, Holly this article, she’s 15 and is at the age where seeking approval can ultimately be quite damaging.

    I am getting better as I get older, but I have still taken a lot away with me from reading this. Thank you, you really are totally kick ass! xx
    Amy Treasure recently posted…Top 5 bright lipsticks (with vlog)My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      So to hear something has been playing on your mind, go with your gut and distance yourself from anything or anyone that feels negative. I am so touched you shared this post with your daughter, I remember being 15 well and it’s such a tough age, you want independence and approval yet are not emotionally ready/ prepared in all respects. Girls are so mature too, far more mature than boys at that age. You are a super mama and all will be well. Thanks for this fab comment x

      Reply
  5. Mirka Moore @Kahanka

    So pleased to read this post hun, a fabulous post, full of wisdom. I have stopped worrying about what people think about me a while back. Love all the quotes too xxx

    Reply
  6. Rosie @Eco-Gites of Lenault

    It was a very important day in my life when I realised that it didn’t actually matter what other people thought about me. I was me and people could think what they want but I will still be me regardeless of their thoughts.

    Reply
  7. becca farrelly

    A great post and something to think about. I was never very confident and struggled socially to make friends until I was probably almost 20! Now at nearly 30 and a mummy, I feel like I have finally found my ‘place’ and I’m happy doing what I’m doing. Thanks to my partner too for making me more confident, I’m the one making conversations at toddler groups and making mummy-friends. I’m also glad my daughter seems to be very confident and I’m hoping she wont have the same problems as me throughout her future school-life! 🙂

    Reply
  8. Helen

    Such a liberating post (as always!) Knowing how we are finally is just the key to letting it all hang out (!!) and ignoring everyone else. I’m too busy working on my own grass to care if theirs is greener. You rock lady xxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply
  9. Debbie

    Hi Vicki, wise words indeed. Children should be encouraged to be the individuals they are rather than blend in for fear of being noticed or ridiculed. I’ve always encouraged my two to not be afraid of being themselves, even if that means being different (personally I believe that different is good, different shows personality and character and nobody should have the right to take that away from someone.

    Peter sounds a gem, I am of the opinion that men don’t know how to be open and honest about their feeling or issues, but then neither do many women or women tend to be more cagey. Honesty really does pay and even if it turns out I did accidentally upset someone, I’d be sorry I upset them, but not sorry I was honest.

    I don’t think there has been a time when I haven’t liked who I am, I may not be the most forward person there is and I do lack confidence in some areas, but I except that is me and I am happy with it. If others don’t like it that’s their problem, not mine.

    I’ve waffled on far too long, but your got my fingers tapping.

    xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh you are so wonderful Debbie, supportive, sisterly, talented, you have touched my life online and I love that you don’t doubt yourself, you shouldn’t and I agree about difference, it is those characteristics that make us unique which should be celebrated xx

      Reply
  10. lizzie ( firstooth )

    This is such an empowering post. It’s upsetting that people get so caught up in being what others expect then to be. It’s frustrating that there’s still this catty thing even among adults. I want my children to see me as strong so they can follow. I love that you’ve covered all angles of confidence in life. Time to go listen to Kanye, laters… lol! #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
  11. Lukeosaurus And Me

    I am SO glad I read this today. I’ve been feeling very nostalgic lately, which comes with some depressing memories and “what ifs” and, even worse, “why don’t those people like me anymore?” and I realised that it was because I was being someone else, for their sake. I was being the person they wanted me to be whether I was happy with it or not – I was happy I had friends and was popular – but that’s not the same as being happy in myself. Loved this post and it’s made me feel a bit warm and fuzzy inside. Also, please totally bring “cheeseball” back! I’d love a 90’s comeback! Ray xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Hahah love the appreciation of ‘cheeseball’ dude. I totally relate to that, once you are yourself and are around those who understand, appreciate and value you, you can truly feel happy and content. Loved this comment xx

      Reply
  12. Stephanie

    What a great post, there are so many people who feel like this. I admire you when you are vlogging out and about. You just carry on, not worrying what anyone around you is thinking. You can see them looking back at you in the vids but you just carry on doing what your doing. Good on you!
    Stephanie recently posted…Lounge Renovation RevealMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Aw thanks so much Stephanie. There are times I feel like a fool, no doubt but I do it anyway. It’s that confidence con really, we all lack confidence but it’s about just GOING for it. Thanks for your lovely comment xx

      Reply
  13. laura dove

    I really need to take note of this. I worry so much about what others think of me, it affects me way more than it should. I suffer with such low self esteem anyway that it only takes one person to look at me the wrong way and I question myself even more! Thank you for sharing this! #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I’m so sorry to read this and have felt the same in periods in my life, particularly after a traumatic birth with my first son where my self-esteem was rock bottom. Please be kind to yourself, surround yourself with positivity and reach out when you need to, step by step things will improve xx

      Reply
  14. Sally

    A truly brilliant blog post (see what I did there!) and something we all need to be mindful of! Thank-you for sharing. x

    Reply
  15. Sarah

    Ah, I needed to read this. I’ve spent a lot of time in the past and sometimes now too worrying about what people think of me and the fact that simply no one must like me and you’re right, it does eat you up. I’m getting to a point where I’m beginning to realise that not everyone will like me but that doesn’t mean everyone dislikes me. It’s a tough one to learn but I’m getting there. Enjoyed reading this very inspirational post! 🙂 #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So important to accept we can’t please everyone and not everyone can understand or like us. So many will though and that’s all that matters x

      Reply
  16. Becky, Cuddle Fairy

    I love all of the quotes here, they are inspiring & fun! I agree, that hard to get vibe is the way to go in life. Not worrying what others thing is easier said than done. Especially with the social media, as you said. It can be hard to wonder why people didn’t like a certain post. This is great advice as always, thank you. #brilliantblogposts x
    Becky, Cuddle Fairy recently posted…Blogger Club UK Linky 1My Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      So important to focus on what matters to you, rely on your own opinion and those you value and trust for guidance and support, that is what I do. The more you do that, the stronger you will feel x

      Reply
  17. Unhinged Mummy (aka Janine Woods)

    In my teens and even my twenties I spent way too much time worrying about what people thought of me bit now that I am in my thirties I am so much more confident and it’s so liberating. This is a great post for those reading who may have lack of self confidence so I hope those readers are able to take on board everything that you have written above 🙂

    #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks very much and I agree, with age comes greater wisdom and confidence x
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  18. Jenny (Midwife and Life)

    Wow, great sentiment and wise words. I went through a tough time at school too and it took me a while to realise I didn’t have to change myself for anyone. Thanks for sharing. #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much, school can be such a tough place, so important we know our worth and don’t change who we are x
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  19. Pamela | Life With Munchers

    I’m standing up and clapping (and fist bumping the air!) Well said. This year I’m defo taking life by the horns and being me. If people don’t like it…they know where the door is x
    Pamela | Life With Munchers recently posted…Home Renovations 2016My Profile

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  20. susankmann

    Love these quotes. It is so true and I find it hard not to let people put me down and it gets to me, especially my mum. You are right and I need to book mark this. Thanks hon x

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      I’m so sorry to read that, I hope you are OK and know how wonderful you are x
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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks lovely, obsessed with these empowering Pinterest quotes x
      Honest Mum recently posted…How To Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of YouMy Profile

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  21. Mrs Tubbs

    That Ab Fab quote is genius! Something we should remember. It’s so easy to focus on our less fab areas, rather than the total fabolousity!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Love it, shared it on NYE and it really resonated, we must be kind to ourselves and realise we’re doing our best, are only human and are totes ab fab! xx
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  22. Tom Briggs

    Wise words and very timely as January seems to be synonymous with people having a downer on themselves. I’ve definitely been guilty of it recently!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      So true, it’s the weather and post slump after the holidays. I hope you feel your kick-ass self soon again, thanks for your comment.
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  23. Katie

    This is actually just a little bit bloody awesome. Made me well up a little. I know I am being very hard on myself at the moment…but thank you for this

    #brilliantblogpost – awesome!
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    • Honest Mum

      Aw hope you are OK hun, we all get like that. Go write a list of all the positives in your life and all your fab attributes and on another page, the things that might be worrying you, you won’t think about 6 months or a year from now. Always gives me greater clarity. Sending love x
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  24. Katy

    Fabulous post! I have really struggled with this over the years but feel I’ve finally reached a good place self-esteem-wise. I’m not sure whether it’s just an age thing, a shift in attitude, or whether having a child has done it, but it’s amazing to see the change that this one thing has had in my life. Having the confidence to start a blog and put myself out there in that way for a start, but really just a general happiness that I didn’t have before. These are such good words, and worth coming back to read when I’m not in that super positive frame of mind (because we all have our off days!)
    Katy recently posted…Playing the Pregnancy CardMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much Katy and well done on all you have achieved, I felt exactly the same, starting my blog, rediscovering my voice (after a tough time with my first son’s birth in my case) was so empowering and liberating. Loved this comment x
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  25. Mummy Fever

    I really enjoyed reading this. I don’t get hung up on what people think so to speak but I get very bothered by injustice. So when someone has had a view that couldn’t be more untrue that really bothers me. I’m not afraid to cut people out who pull me down but I’m also not very good at openly building myself up. I know that I’m a good person, friend, mother and so on though . I think self belief and confidence can be confused with arrogance and people can be very quick to point that finger. Thanks for such a fab article Vicki x #brilliantblogposts
    Mummy Fever recently posted…Dealing with fussy eaters and the food resistantMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      You sound like me, I can’t bear injustice or people treating others badly. The most important thing is to know you are, to note you are a good person, mother etc. I think when people misunderstand self-worth and confidence it is a reflection on them, they wish they too felt as happy in their skin so reject or laugh at others’ position. I feel it’s so crucial to not sweat what others’ think and do your thing xx
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  26. Claire at Life Love and Dirty Dishes

    I have confidence in my mind and my abilities but not in the way that I look. I’m working really hard on that this year. Then I’ll be unstoppable! But you are very right, you shouldn’t let others dictate how you feel. I’m lucky so far to have found the blogging community to be very supportive and generous. #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Oh Claire, you are beautiful, inside and out, please believe that, online support is incredible, lots of love x
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  27. Christine Kenny

    Love love love this post. It’s honest and straight from the heart.Iv’e struggled with this for most of my adult life and I must say, it got better once I had my kiddos. Suddenly I didn’t care so much about what others though, I only cared about how they saw me. Am I setting a good example for them, are they loved and do they hear it enough? That’s all that matters.
    I certainly still have my days where I worry about silly things like my appearance to others, my success in my career when compared to classmates and the way other people look at me, but I think I found a way to be just me, without conforming to others.

    Thanks for sharing with us.
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    • Honest Mum

      I have these days too darling and you are right, being yourself and not feeling you need to confirm or change for others is liberating. Loved your wise words, thank you x
      Honest Mum recently posted…How To Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of YouMy Profile

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  28. Regina L. L. Wells

    Right on, Vicki! I don’t even have anything to add because you covered everything I was thinking as I read along. I never sought to be liked (a problem as an adult as much as it was as a kid sometimes) because, as my mother used to tell me, I am an acquired taste, and my parents always taught me that it was more important that I can sleep well and look at myself in the mirror in the morning. Thank you for sharing, Vicki!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much Regina, I think we are all acquired tastes and life is about hanging out with those who understand us and can make us feel joyful for the most part. You are fabulous and I loved this comment, thank you x
      Honest Mum recently posted…How To Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of YouMy Profile

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  29. Elizabeth (Plant Based Bride)

    Loved this, Vicki. I’ve been struggling for a while now and many of these are much much easier said than done, but I am at least beginning to take the initial baby steps needed to get there. Thank you for a much needed reminder and inspiration!

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Sorry to hear that Elizabeth, really believe and have seen that small steps create huge change, be kind to yourself, keep doing what you love and reminding yourself of your incredible attributes and things will fall into place. You and your blog constantly inspire me x
      Honest Mum recently posted…How To Stop Worrying About What Others Think Of YouMy Profile

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  30. OneDizzyBee

    I loved this post so much. Humble with a hint of Kanye, indeed! This is one of those posts that’s just relatable to absolutely everyone on some level. I see so much of my early self in a lot of this, doing things to be liked by people I didn’t even really like, and disliking myself for doing it! I think one of the reasons I’m so pleased with getting older is that I’m settled into who I am. I know what I want, what I need, how to go about making it happen. I know what I won’t tolerate, as well. Selfish is not such a dirty word as people make it out to be, and yes, I’m more selfish at 50 than I was at 25, and it’s a good thing! Thank you for writing this post in such a brilliant way. I hope this one goes viral for you.
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    • Honest Mum

      Oh thank you lovely and I agree, selfish gets a bad rap because actually being selfish and putting yourself first and your need to being happy and healthy emotionally as much as physically, has a huge knock-on effect on everyone else. Getting older is wonderful, I feel more confident and self-assured with every year-age makes you more aware of your limits, what makes you happy and what you simply don’t have the time and energy for. Loved your words, thank you x

      Reply
  31. jeremy@thirstydaddy

    I think that there is a way for people to “be themselves” without doing it in a way that is disrespectful to others. That seems to be the balance that some *cough Kanye cough* sometimes have a hard time finding

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Kanye aside I agree that respecting yourself and others is key. I think once you love yourself, truly you will have the capacity to understand, respect deeply and be able to forgive more than ever.

      Reply
  32. Random Musings

    This is one of those posts you read and nod along to all the way! I totally agree, everyone should just be themselves and stop worrying about what others might think. It’s not always easy, but the way I see it, your real friends accept the real you and the other people’s opinions on you don’t really matter. Like you said, the way you are judged usually says more about the person judging you than it does about yourself!
    Thanks for hosting #Brilliantblogposts
    Debbie
    Random Musings recently posted…Sisterhood Of The World TagMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      100% Debbie, love your comment, true friends will always accept who you are. I think the key is to accept yourself isn’t it, to know who you are, and to remember you’re human, no one’s perfect but you are pretty damn fabulous. Thanks for this x

      Reply
  33. Silly Mummy

    Love this! Such good and wise advice. I love your attitude. I’ve always been a little odd – I have never felt the need to change my beliefs for others or conform. I have always stood by my own opinions, methods and personality. But I haven’t ever had the confidence or self esteem to go with that. So I don’t conform and try to get approval, but I do tend to assume that people are likely to not like me or want me around, and therefore I keep my distance a lot. I will fight my corner, but nonetheless attacking comments will really bother me, and writing serious posts makes me very stressed for that reason. Being myself, but often making sure I’m doing it on my own: that’s me! #brilliantblogposts

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      See, you assuming people won’t get or like you makes me really sad-I totally relate though, I think we all worry we’ll be misunderstood particularly by those who don’t really know us or in new situations, but often that fear can stop us from making real connections because we’re assuming the worst so people never see the real side to us. Does that make sense? I’ve been there myself before and it can often lead to coming across in a way you hadn’t hoped to, because you’ve recoiled or not allowed others in somehow or given people a chance to see the real you. Once you fully realise how amazing you are and stop worrying or needing others’ approval you’ll be yourself, showing everyone the true reflection of who you are. I bet you are flipping wonderful lady ( I know you are from your blog anyway) and would love to hang out! Mean that.

      Reply
  34. Amanda

    pretty much my fave post of yours ever, and that’s saying something! Brought tears to my eyes,as you well know I’m not the best at self-confidence behind the general life confidence exterior so this post resonates so much. Thanks for always bigging me up too, if Empowerer was a word, it would be next to your pic in the dictionary!xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw darling, now you’re making me well up. Thank you for being awesome, a wonderful friend and confidante. Don’t ever doubt yourself. Hope to see you soon for more fun times xx

      Reply
  35. Mim

    Amen to all of the above 🙂 there are so many areas I want to work on for myself but essentially, I know I’m a good person, I accept my quirks, they make me ‘me’.

    I feel sad reading that some bloggers don’t feel accepted, I want to hug them! I’ve never stayed in cliques either.

    This is lovely and uplifting, thanks lady x x
    Mim recently posted…5 Moving House TipsMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much darling Mim for this, love your comment so much, we must accept our quirks, it’s what makes us amazing right?! I feel the same, breaks my heart to read emails from others who feel like outsiders or they are not being treated fairly. I hope this helps them. I know it’s helped remind me to never let myself feel like that 11 year old girl I once was. Much love to you babe xx

      Reply
  36. Michelle Reeves (The Joy Chaser)

    Heck Vicki this is seven shades of AWESOME! Inspiration and truth shines out of this post and I’m fired up just reading it. I was a ‘people pleaser’ from a young age and I have NO DOUBT that it held me back and stopped me from finding my OWN happiness for years. Trying to be someone I wasn’t, seeking a perfection that frankly doesn’t exist, until I realised I didn’t need to conform to an ideal I’d set myself. I just needed to be true to me, my values and my goals. Love all your fabulous advice – straight from the heart I know – and you continue to shine my darling. Thank you for reminding the rest of us that we do too xx
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    • Honest Mum

      Oh darling, so touched to read your words, you endlessly inspire me with your own blog, wisdom, friendship and journey to joy. I feel very lucky to have you in my life and I’m so glad this resonated. Keep rocking lovely and hope to see your beautiful face soon xx

      Reply
  37. Ebabee

    Love this post – brilliant! You are SO incredibly right. We just need to focus on what we are doing – not worry about what others think and not compare ourselves to others. As I am getting older I am totally feeling the value of being surrounded by friends who get me, who are positive, creative and not judgemental. The rest can go! very wise words Vicki. xx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      YES to that sweetie, so lucky to have you in my life, you are an amazing friend and everything you mention as being important to you in others, shines through brightly in yourself xxx

      Reply
  38. Leigh - Headspace Perspective

    YES YES YES! It’s taken me a long time to realise that I was never made to fit in, and that’s part of what makes me awesome – I’m creative, imaginative, and a dry sense of humour! There are still little voices that will niggle that I am fat and stupid, but they are quieter than they used to be. Hopefully one day they will disappear completely. I love the idea of humble with a hint of Kanye! Agree re negative people too. Fab post lovely Vicki xxx
    Leigh – Headspace Perspective recently posted…An Open Letter to My Fertility ConsultantMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      Leigh you are beautiful and are not fat in the slightest. I know how tough we can be on ourselves but it is so important to remind yourself as Kanye would of our brilliance-focus and surround yourself with all those who make you feel your best, thanks for your friendship sweetpea, always here for you xxx

      Reply
  39. Babes about Town

    Great post V. Love that ‘humble with a hint of Kanye’ quote 😉 You’re so right about focusing on your own strengths and passions and surrounding yourself with a core circle of kick ass friends and family. People are mostly busy worrying about themselves, so it doesn’t make sense to waste your time worrying what others think! Keep striding mama x
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  40. Lizzie Roles

    Fabulous post V! Love how open and honest you are.

    I too felt I never fit in, made to conform, I was never really understood. I think you’re so right that when you’re strong people are attracted to you, I’m stronger now than I have ever been and although i’m still learning I have become stronger the more interested I am and respectful to everyone I meet. I mean everyone, even those who can do nothing for me. I have friends and acquaintances now coming to me for advice, I sometimes look behind me and say ‘who me?’ The confidence is still a work in progress, but caring what other people think? Not so much. Yay! Lizzie xo
    Lizzie Roles recently posted…Why I think kids are customers tooMy Profile

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    • Honest Mum

      LOVE this comment darling Lizzie, I am so glad you are believing in how amazing you are -I loved you the minute we met, you have the most amazing energy and we just clicked. So lucky to count you as a friend. Never doubt yourself lady, you are talented, strong and so very kind too. Thank you for your lovely words here xx

      Reply
  41. Stephanie Siviter

    If I had one wish it would be to not care so much about what people think of me. I’m really working on it …. Thanks for an inspiring post. You go girl. I also appreciate your use of the word “douche” ha.

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Haha glad you appreciated that, hope you reach a place where you don’t care so much, you will, keep working on it and surrounding yourself with positivity and everything will fall into place x

      Reply
  42. Capture by Lucy

    Rich and I were having the exact same conversation last night. He is my Peter to my Vicki! I am a born people pleaser and so often he says, why are you pandering to this person or letting this other person upset you. Just walk away! They are not good for you! I often have that feeling that I give more to a relationship than others and long term that just leads to resentment and cripples your self worth.

    It’s hard to balance that being humble with a hint of Kayne, so often confidence is confused with arrogance and it’s simply not the case. It’s hard not to let the less than positive remarks not get to you but when you learn to ignore them you are so right it’s liberating! I love the quote – Be yourself, everything else is taken.

    Fab post xxx

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Aw love this darling, we are so lucky to have our husbands who speak sense aren’t we. We know who we are and you know what, if someone misunderstands me or misunderstands my confidence for arrogance I honestly don’t sweat it. It’s their issue, not mine. Keep being your kick-ass, talented and wonderful self, never ever let anyone make you feel less than. Love that final quote too, such a wise comment in full but that really resonates, thank you x

      Reply
  43. Wave to Mummy

    Wise words my lady, wise words once again 🙂 I’m pretty good with not giving a damn about what other people think of me. Although, that said, as I work in an office and with all the office politics I do have to be mindful of what others think of me, otherwise my life will get a bit difficult 😀 it can be a bit of a balance!

    I think it comes down to retaining your identity, but also trying to see things from perspectives other than your own so you can truthfully project the type of person you are and want to be.

    Reply
    • Honest Mum

      Thanks for your comment, you are absolutely right, we mustn’t totally discard what others think of us or behave in a carefree way that could be damaging to ourselves or others but I want everyone to feel more liberated and less tied up in what others think of them. Super comment lady x

      Reply
  44. Alexandra | I'm Every Mum

    Thanks so much for writing and posting this Hun. So encouraging, empowering and one I may need to come back and read a few times. Thanks for always building up and not tearing down xxx
    Alexandra | I’m Every Mum recently posted…When I Grow Up I Want to be DaddyMy Profile

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  45. Angela at Daysinbed

    What a great post. I loved it and straight from the heart. You know I’ve been having counselling for one and a half years and it’s really helping. It’s nothing to be ashamed of when it helps! I was previously worrying so much about what others thought about me and as a blogger I cant afford to do that but most importantly I don’t need to! I’m happy with me and where I’m headed and really excited about it. I’m also one who does not conform to the norm and when it comes to blogging i decided from day one to just write about life as it happens and so some weeks I’m writing about health, then travel, then theatre, toys, fashion. I love it being free to write about whatever I like and having no set in stone genre. I say live life to the full the best you can and it’s great to see your doing that with your family 🙂 Angela x
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    • Honest Mum

      Thanks so much for your comment Angela, I agree, so important to reach out and working on your self-confidence and what you want to achieve is incredible and vital. You are doing brilliantly, are hugely inspirational and I love seeing you shine x

      Reply

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